Family, Friends, June's stupid life

I write my everyday post that makes no sense every day

Paula 
You may remember about a month ago, I went to Seattle to visit my friend Paula (that's her on the left) after her breast cancer surgery. We initially thought she wouldn't have to have chemo, but it turns out she does. She starts today.

But before you get all tragic about it, listen to this! She will not lose her hair, nor will she get sick! I like how we're reading this under all of our feet, here. Kind of cracks me up. Anyway, they gave her a choice. She could have four treatments and do the classic losing of the hair and getting sick. Kind of the Chanel of chemo. Or she could go for many weeks and NOT have those side effects. She opted for door number two.

Who even knew they had come up with such a thing? I mean, if you have to have chemo, that is really great. Which is easy for me to say because I am not the one over there having chemo.

So Paula is there right now as I type this. I asked her what she had to do and she said she just sits there and reads magazines and such, and after she can go to work. She doesn't even get to go home and watch The Price is Right. I told her she could get out her iPhone and laugh loudly and say to the room, "When I'm getting my chemo, there's nothing better than reading that Bye Bye, Pie!"

Really, how do I keep any friends?

Paula said maybe I could make a coffee mug that reads "I get my everyday chemo every day."

In other news, another Paula, who comments on my blog every day, the everyday Paula who comments every day, Paula H&B, has sent us a photo.

Paula H&B is in the top 1% of funniest commenters, if you want my opinion. She is hilarious, and I am telling you, I know I say this all the time, but my commenters are redunkulously hilarious. 

Poor Paula H&B has been BANNED from the Internet at work. I mean, not her personally, but her whole workplace has been cut off. So she can see my blog from her phone, but then she has to sit there and think funny thoughts all day long and not WRITE THEM, and sometimes she even emails them to me because she CANNOT STAND IT, and at about 6 p.m. every day (not everyday), my comment section just EXPLODES with Paula H&B fever.

Anyway, Paula H&B is moving, a thing she has mentioned, oh, for the last nine million days in a row. She'll mention it, and then someone else in the comments will say, "Oh, Paula, are you moving?" and someone else will say, "Why haven't you told us?" and anyway, you know it's getting serious because Paula H&B has brought her Bye Bye, Pie mug to the new house.

BBP.TP
Doesn't it look nice, there, with the maple syrup and the bottle of lemoncello or whatever that is, up there?

You, too, can have a Bye Bye, Pie mug if you click on the Buy Buy Pie Stuff button on the right, up there. Yes, it's a button. No, I did not make it myself.

And speaking of book club, which we were not, don't worry, we seemed to get the most votes for A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick, and I just like the name "Goolrick." So let's read that. Since I was an unreliable book club leader, let's push our deadline ahead and say we'll meet May 23 at 7 p.m. Eastern. Be there or be unreliable.

Finally, I have one more Uncle Jim story to tell you, which I learned at his funeral. A policeman spoke, I think he was a police chief or something. I don't know. Many important police people spoke and I could not keep track. Anyway he said he asked around the office and heard many stories about my uncle, a lot of which were inappropriate to tell.

I know what he means. There are a lot of Uncle Jim stories I would like to tell you but I worry about offending everyone.

Anyway, my uncle was at work, and some poor guy came to the police station as a potential vendor, wanting to sell his wares to the policemen. He was nervously giving his spiel, and my Uncle Jim was standing there drinking his coffee, as per usual, listening to the guy.

After a while, Uncle Jim said, "Hey, would you like some coffee?" They guy said he would.

So my uncle hands him his mug. He just hands the guy the mug of coffee he had been drinking from that whole time!

Apparently the poor guy actually drank a few sips before nervously putting the cup on a table.

Oh, my Uncle Jim was evil.

So there you go. There is my Uncle Jim in a nutshell.

I must go proofread everything in the world now. I officially am proofing two books at once. Ack. Which explains why I wrote the world's longest and most disjointed post.

Okay, bye.

91 thoughts on “I write my everyday post that makes no sense every day”

  1. June’s Mother, I am SO glad you are not peeved with me! Also, I don’t have many “before” pictures but I can bore you quite to tears with “after” pictures when we are done!!!

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  2. June’s Mother, I am SO glad you are not peeved with me! Also, I don’t have many “before” pictures but I can bore you quite to tears with “after” pictures when we are done!!!

    Like

  3. June’s Mother, I am SO glad you are not peeved with me! Also, I don’t have many “before” pictures but I can bore you quite to tears with “after” pictures when we are done!!!

    Like

  4. Though this post is quite random, it was an enjoyable read! I couldn’t help but zone in on your comments about your dear friend who is having to undergo chemo treatments. My mother had to do the same thing and is a two-time cancer survivor. The second time around we went a very natural healing route and the healing power of the body is amazing and inspirational! I hope your friends treatments are painless and she recovers quickly!

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  5. Paula, nice to have you here in the morning. Will you show us before and after pictures? In your spare time?

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  6. I’m not movin’ and groovin’ or loadin’ up the truck and movin’ to Beverly Hills (swimmin’ pools, movie stahs…), I’m not even movin’ on up to the East Side to a deeee-luxe apahtment in de skyyyyy…
    Nope.
    ACTUALLY, there IS a story, a LONG one, because we are moving into my parents’ house (they died last year (suddenly and within 12 days of each other, that’s ANOTHER story)); which house we have cleaned out (ANOTHER story, starring many, many Avon decanters, Radio Shack computers, every canceled check since the early 1940s filed in chronological order, and co-starring six dumpsters, and I only wish I was kidding); and we have redone/renovated the main floor (for now, plans remain for the rest) without yet killing anyone/getting divorced/murdering the kids but, OF COURSE everything took longer than expected AND (anyone? anyone? Bueller?) COST MORE than we expected (oh, ho, ho, ho, what FUN) but we are nearly at the end since furniture (for which we paid retail, don’t even talk to me) will be delivered next week and the satellite will be hooked up…
    And I haven’t even had COFFEE yet this morning so maybe it’s a good thing I can’t comment until the end of the day, today anyway, because I am clearly BAZOO since there are only FOUR sentences in this mess, and, coincidentally only four paragraphs, (run on much?), not to even MENTION a record-breaking number of parentheses and other punctuational flotsam and jetsam.
    Mea culpa. Sentence/paragraph number five NOW WITH LATIN!!

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  7. I’m not movin’ and groovin’ or loadin’ up the truck and movin’ to Beverly Hills (swimmin’ pools, movie stahs…), I’m not even movin’ on up to the East Side to a deeee-luxe apahtment in de skyyyyy…
    Nope.
    ACTUALLY, there IS a story, a LONG one, because we are moving into my parents’ house (they died last year (suddenly and within 12 days of each other, that’s ANOTHER story)); which house we have cleaned out (ANOTHER story, starring many, many Avon decanters, Radio Shack computers, every canceled check since the early 1940s filed in chronological order, and co-starring six dumpsters, and I only wish I was kidding); and we have redone/renovated the main floor (for now, plans remain for the rest) without yet killing anyone/getting divorced/murdering the kids but, OF COURSE everything took longer than expected AND (anyone? anyone? Bueller?) COST MORE than we expected (oh, ho, ho, ho, what FUN) but we are nearly at the end since furniture (for which we paid retail, don’t even talk to me) will be delivered next week and the satellite will be hooked up…
    And I haven’t even had COFFEE yet this morning so maybe it’s a good thing I can’t comment until the end of the day, today anyway, because I am clearly BAZOO since there are only FOUR sentences in this mess, and, coincidentally only four paragraphs, (run on much?), not to even MENTION a record-breaking number of parentheses and other punctuational flotsam and jetsam.
    Mea culpa. Sentence/paragraph number five NOW WITH LATIN!!

    Like

  8. I’m not movin’ and groovin’ or loadin’ up the truck and movin’ to Beverly Hills (swimmin’ pools, movie stahs…), I’m not even movin’ on up to the East Side to a deeee-luxe apahtment in de skyyyyy…
    Nope.
    ACTUALLY, there IS a story, a LONG one, because we are moving into my parents’ house (they died last year (suddenly and within 12 days of each other, that’s ANOTHER story)); which house we have cleaned out (ANOTHER story, starring many, many Avon decanters, Radio Shack computers, every canceled check since the early 1940s filed in chronological order, and co-starring six dumpsters, and I only wish I was kidding); and we have redone/renovated the main floor (for now, plans remain for the rest) without yet killing anyone/getting divorced/murdering the kids but, OF COURSE everything took longer than expected AND (anyone? anyone? Bueller?) COST MORE than we expected (oh, ho, ho, ho, what FUN) but we are nearly at the end since furniture (for which we paid retail, don’t even talk to me) will be delivered next week and the satellite will be hooked up…
    And I haven’t even had COFFEE yet this morning so maybe it’s a good thing I can’t comment until the end of the day, today anyway, because I am clearly BAZOO since there are only FOUR sentences in this mess, and, coincidentally only four paragraphs, (run on much?), not to even MENTION a record-breaking number of parentheses and other punctuational flotsam and jetsam.
    Mea culpa. Sentence/paragraph number five NOW WITH LATIN!!

    Like

  9. I have not read all the comments because I am sitting in the corner sulking over the fact A Prayer for Owen Meany is not the BC book. I mean honestly June I blogged about you and everything or is it every thing? Also I didn’t know Paula was moving. Is she movin and groovin or loading up the truck and moving to Beverly…Hills that is…swimming pools….movie stars
    Oh

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  10. I miss Paula H&B so much and am not peeved with her. I’ll have to start reading the blog after 6:00 pm just to get her comments. Is it true she’s moving?

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  11. What? Go longer to chemo and keep hair? This wasn’t presented to me…now I’m scouting around for gold rings in rivers like Gollum. I actually look more like Mr. Filch from Harry Potter but I keep all that crazy under a beautiful wig that looks so much better than my real hair that people can stop talking about it. Then, I give it a little twist just to freak them out a bit after I say “thanks!”. Good luck to you chemo Paula and to you to moving Paula – don’t really know which I’d rather go through!!

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  12. Good thoughts to Seattle Paula. I had two chemos – the first tough one I lost all my hair, during the second my hair actually started growing back. I felt like heck a lot of the time, but never barfed. They’ve greatly improved the nausea meds.
    Paula H&B, I sympathize, we had a boss like that for awhile. She was a single mom and as much as we hated her we didn’t want her child to go hungry, so every day we wished for her to get a better job and it worked! Try that.
    Love the Uncle Jim story!

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  13. I think Shelley asked (on yesterday’s post) what type of music The Persistent Lesbians play … well, ALTERNATIVE, of course!

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  14. I think Shelley asked (on yesterday’s post) what type of music The Persistent Lesbians play … well, ALTERNATIVE, of course!

    Like

  15. I think Shelley asked (on yesterday’s post) what type of music The Persistent Lesbians play … well, ALTERNATIVE, of course!

    Like

  16. Still keeping Seattle Paula in my prayers.
    This might be my favorite Uncle Jim story! (I have a coffee story too, from when I worked for The Loathsome Toad, that I will have to share one day.) And I want to hear all the Uncle Jim stories. It is impossible to offend BBP readers! We want the stories!!
    Maple syrup and lemoncello! Hah! Those are some decorative antique bottles, or “bah-tells” as I call them sometimes since they are both decorative and antique.

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  17. Still keeping Seattle Paula in my prayers.
    This might be my favorite Uncle Jim story! (I have a coffee story too, from when I worked for The Loathsome Toad, that I will have to share one day.) And I want to hear all the Uncle Jim stories. It is impossible to offend BBP readers! We want the stories!!
    Maple syrup and lemoncello! Hah! Those are some decorative antique bottles, or “bah-tells” as I call them sometimes since they are both decorative and antique.

    Like

  18. Still keeping Seattle Paula in my prayers.
    This might be my favorite Uncle Jim story! (I have a coffee story too, from when I worked for The Loathsome Toad, that I will have to share one day.) And I want to hear all the Uncle Jim stories. It is impossible to offend BBP readers! We want the stories!!
    Maple syrup and lemoncello! Hah! Those are some decorative antique bottles, or “bah-tells” as I call them sometimes since they are both decorative and antique.

    Like

  19. Anyway.
    Yes, I read BBP on my wee phone, because I am that desperate. And not only can’t I comment, I can’t really see the other comments so it KILLS ME twice.
    So today, (June knows this, obv, but I have to share it) I sent June a text (from my phone to her email, FTLOG) that said:
    I want a tshirt/mug that says “I missed Boner Day at Bye Bye, Pie.”
    I got back: CALL ME. Which … I sent it to her email, I don’t have her phone number …
    Seems I actually sent it to my parents’ godchild, whose name is JUDY and she was right ahead of JUNE in my contacts.
    I quickly moved June to a lesser-used letter of the alphabet.

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  20. Anyway.
    Yes, I read BBP on my wee phone, because I am that desperate. And not only can’t I comment, I can’t really see the other comments so it KILLS ME twice.
    So today, (June knows this, obv, but I have to share it) I sent June a text (from my phone to her email, FTLOG) that said:
    I want a tshirt/mug that says “I missed Boner Day at Bye Bye, Pie.”
    I got back: CALL ME. Which … I sent it to her email, I don’t have her phone number …
    Seems I actually sent it to my parents’ godchild, whose name is JUDY and she was right ahead of JUNE in my contacts.
    I quickly moved June to a lesser-used letter of the alphabet.

    Like

  21. Anyway.
    Yes, I read BBP on my wee phone, because I am that desperate. And not only can’t I comment, I can’t really see the other comments so it KILLS ME twice.
    So today, (June knows this, obv, but I have to share it) I sent June a text (from my phone to her email, FTLOG) that said:
    I want a tshirt/mug that says “I missed Boner Day at Bye Bye, Pie.”
    I got back: CALL ME. Which … I sent it to her email, I don’t have her phone number …
    Seems I actually sent it to my parents’ godchild, whose name is JUDY and she was right ahead of JUNE in my contacts.
    I quickly moved June to a lesser-used letter of the alphabet.

    Like

  22. Boner. That alone is funny.
    Remember the movie “Meatballs”? When Spaz and Fink crawl under the girl CIT cabin and listen to the romance novel that the one chick is reading? And Spaz gives them away when he yells,”I THINK I’M GETTING A BONER!”
    Kills me every time.
    H&B may be funnier, but I can get a boner. Beat THAT!

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  23. Maybe, if Paula H&B pitches a tent at work and slides on in with her laptop and pretends like she’s a piece of wood acting all stiff, that is if she’s not too chubby which I’m sure she’s not. She’s probably all fit and throbbing with hard muscle, she can give us the full salute and talk to us during the day.

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  24. I will call your friend Paula “Seattle Paula”. Now is it Seattle Paula that is moving or is it Paula H&B who is moving? If Paula H&B wasn’t so shy and retiring we might get a word out of her about moving. : )

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  25. You think you know someone… why didn’t Paula tells us she was moving. Jeez.
    Hugs to Paula. Not chemo Paula. Let’s call her “Kicking Cancer’s Ass Paula”.
    Screw offending people. More Uncle Jim stories. The more offensive the better!

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  26. Gee whiz, come late to the party and (almost) miss all the good stuff. Paula H&B is moving? When? Is there more to her new house than the maple syrup bottle, lemon whatsit bottle, and ittie bittie countertop? When do we get invited to her open house party? Paula, are you there????
    Glad to hear good friend Paula had a “good” choice for chemo. Although being bald would be kinda liberating. Just shine that chrome dome up and blind everyone. The barfing would take some of the fun out though. But imagine the feeling of the wind blowing through your…fuzz?
    Hmmm, seems like everyone liked boner day but no one wants to offend anyone else. Not sure that is a socially correct way to say it nor do we want to lose the guys in our midst. SO: If there are any pinkie-in-the-air ladies out there, please peruse BBP at your own risk.
    Everyone else, please proceed as usual.

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  27. Gee whiz, come late to the party and (almost) miss all the good stuff. Paula H&B is moving? When? Is there more to her new house than the maple syrup bottle, lemon whatsit bottle, and ittie bittie countertop? When do we get invited to her open house party? Paula, are you there????
    Glad to hear good friend Paula had a “good” choice for chemo. Although being bald would be kinda liberating. Just shine that chrome dome up and blind everyone. The barfing would take some of the fun out though. But imagine the feeling of the wind blowing through your…fuzz?
    Hmmm, seems like everyone liked boner day but no one wants to offend anyone else. Not sure that is a socially correct way to say it nor do we want to lose the guys in our midst. SO: If there are any pinkie-in-the-air ladies out there, please peruse BBP at your own risk.
    Everyone else, please proceed as usual.

    Like

  28. Gee whiz, come late to the party and (almost) miss all the good stuff. Paula H&B is moving? When? Is there more to her new house than the maple syrup bottle, lemon whatsit bottle, and ittie bittie countertop? When do we get invited to her open house party? Paula, are you there????
    Glad to hear good friend Paula had a “good” choice for chemo. Although being bald would be kinda liberating. Just shine that chrome dome up and blind everyone. The barfing would take some of the fun out though. But imagine the feeling of the wind blowing through your…fuzz?
    Hmmm, seems like everyone liked boner day but no one wants to offend anyone else. Not sure that is a socially correct way to say it nor do we want to lose the guys in our midst. SO: If there are any pinkie-in-the-air ladies out there, please peruse BBP at your own risk.
    Everyone else, please proceed as usual.

    Like

  29. “I worry about offending everyone”
    Well! Learn something new every day! Making it, of course, an everyday occurrence…
    @TGT Steve – You may have learned a lot of grammAr on this blog, but you didn’t learn how to spell (grammar, that is).
    I would rather throw up than lose my hair (not that anyone gave me those choices, but I just wanted to put it out there).

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  30. I think H&B should find a new job so we can once again be blessed with her comments before 6 PM. I’ve missed her.
    And congratulations to Seattle Paula for keeping her hair.
    Also too, someone should write a book of Uncle Jim stories. It has all the makings of a best seller. Love the coffee story.

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  31. Yay! I read the book AND I’ll be home from my eastward journey by the 23rd of May.
    My husband says you can never have too many boner days. Although, bless his heart, after his prostate surgery, he’d settle for just one.
    Don’t tell my ORMom about the no throwing up and no losing hair chemo. She didn’t get a choice. Lost her hair, her lunch and her boobs. All better now, though! A survivor.

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  32. Yay! I read the book AND I’ll be home from my eastward journey by the 23rd of May.
    My husband says you can never have too many boner days. Although, bless his heart, after his prostate surgery, he’d settle for just one.
    Don’t tell my ORMom about the no throwing up and no losing hair chemo. She didn’t get a choice. Lost her hair, her lunch and her boobs. All better now, though! A survivor.

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  33. Yay! I read the book AND I’ll be home from my eastward journey by the 23rd of May.
    My husband says you can never have too many boner days. Although, bless his heart, after his prostate surgery, he’d settle for just one.
    Don’t tell my ORMom about the no throwing up and no losing hair chemo. She didn’t get a choice. Lost her hair, her lunch and her boobs. All better now, though! A survivor.

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  34. Well, I just put the new book club book on hold at the library and it’s number 36 – ggrrrrr. Maybe Paula can help these people move it along as she is so good at the, you know, moving.

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  35. Today is 420 day, so some people might have a hard time getting it up today, so to speak. Might have to wait until tomorrow.
    Wait, I just checked my calendar. Tomorrow is Administrative Professionals’ Day, formerly known as Secretarys’ Day. Dear June, help me with the apostrophes here. They go after the s, because it’s all secretaries or APs that we’re talking about, right? My calendar has NO apostrophe at all in Administrative Professionals Day. That can’t be right, can it? I mean, it’s THEIR DAY.
    Thursday can’t be boner day either, because it’s Earth Day, so says my Staples desk blotter calendar which is hanging on the wall. (I’ve become my mother). Looks like Friday would be an excellent day for Boner Day.

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  36. Aww, Furry, I was going to crack the 2nd grade boy humor on your hard of hearing line, but June beat me to it.
    I hope that when it’s my time, people will say that very same thing: Too many stories are inappropriate to tell. That’s when you know you’ve had a great life.
    Oh and that coffee story? Absolutely priceless. I am going to so do that to some poor sucker.
    Paula H&B rules, I mean rules! She’s the same hysterical on Facebook, too.
    I don’t worry anymore about punctuation and grammatical errors here. Juney has proofread for me. She knows the true essence of my dismal writing. It’s actually quite liberating now.
    Hearts and prayers to the other Paula. I refuse to call her Chemo Paula. Maybe Hairy Paula since she won’t be losing her hair?
    On second thought, no woman wants to be called Hairy. I’ll stick with the Other Paula, unless someone comes up with something better.
    Oh, and since I am on the slow bus of reading club, I just finished, “The Help” on my non-skiing ski vacation. What a fabulous book.
    Can you tell I’ve been away for far too long? I have SO much to say!
    One more thing. We need another Boner Day!

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  37. Gads, I was just thinking the same thing. Chemo Paula might just think I’m an A-Hole for that one.

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  38. I just sent our friend Chemo Paula a very long email to enjoy with her morning dose. By the way, we took a little mini-vacation with her last week. She looks FAB!
    “When I’m getting my chemo, there’s nothing better than reading that Bye Bye, Pie!”…June, I love how you are always thinking of others! TeeHee

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  39. I just sent our friend Chemo Paula a very long email to enjoy with her morning dose. By the way, we took a little mini-vacation with her last week. She looks FAB!
    “When I’m getting my chemo, there’s nothing better than reading that Bye Bye, Pie!”…June, I love how you are always thinking of others! TeeHee

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  40. I just sent our friend Chemo Paula a very long email to enjoy with her morning dose. By the way, we took a little mini-vacation with her last week. She looks FAB!
    “When I’m getting my chemo, there’s nothing better than reading that Bye Bye, Pie!”…June, I love how you are always thinking of others! TeeHee

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  41. Since I have learned so much grammer through this blog, I am still waiting for the mug with a picture of England in grey on one side, and a picture of America in gray on the other side.
    Oh wait, both grays are the same color.
    However, something would need to be added, perhaps on the bottom of the mug, about George Michael being gey instead of gay. That was one of Hulk’s funniest ever, in my opinion.

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  42. d-lou, between my Blackberry, which auto punctuates then being out of the job market for several months, I used to be scared to death to leave comments. Then I figured June knows I’m not an English major, I’m just leaving a comment on her blog. She probably cringes every time she reads mine, but hopefully she loves me just the same. I try not to end a sentence in a preposition!

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  43. Cyber hugs for Paula! And what a good friend you are keeping her cheersded upped. AND so glad you used everyone up there in your post. Ever since the everyday every day comments, I’ve started getting a wee bit paranoid about everything, everyone, everyetc. I typed everyone the other day and had to think this would be okay: “I didn’t want to offend every one of you” help me………

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  44. Lindy, you know I have the same fear, right? I mean, it is a full-blown phobia. But I now know three people who have had chemo who did not throw up once. I thought chemo=barf. Apparently not any more.

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  45. I love that haircut on you, June! You are so glamorous in that picture. I dread the thought of chemotherapy because of my fear of vomitting. Paula is in my prayers today and I know everything will be a breeze for her.

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  46. Paula H&B is moving? Really?
    Good thoughts being beamed to Seattle Paula right now.

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  47. Love that crazy Paula H & B. Love any Uncle Jim story. And I’m giggling over Chemo Paula saying loudly “Nothing makes Chemo better than a dose of Bye Bye Pie” It’s mountain grown you know.

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