June tells you a bunch of stupid things using Korean numerals 1-10 instead of bullet points

Ha Na. For about a year, I took a Korean yoga class in Los Angeles. I absolutely loved it. It was called Dahn yoga. If you have Dahn yoga in your town, I highly recommend it. Among other things, you will learn to count to ten in Korean, and you never know when this will come in handy.

On Friday nights at Korean yoga class, they played African drum music. We had to close our eyes and dance any way we wanted to, paying attention to any parts that were stiff or sore. Then afterward we did this really challenging tiger pose that liked to kill you. Sometimes people cried during tiger pose. Oh, I loved Friday nights at Korean yoga.

After each session, we drank tea and sat in a circle and the leader would tell us something deep. My friend Renee told me the whole time I went there, my skin had a glow.

Dul. I read everyone’s recommendations on what colors to paint my living room and dining room. I plan to drag Marvin to look at paint colors soon. But also, remember how I said I was a huge gaudy wallpaper person? It occurred to me, why not wallpaper in the dining room? Why not wallpaper huge retro 1950s wallpaper where the stripes are? I know you all said you like the stripes:

Stripes
Here are the stripes, for anyone who got amnesia since last week, or whatever.

But I am starting to feel like I live inside Farrel’s olde tyme ice cream parlor or something. And I know my next-door neighbor painted those for the last person who lived here, but it turns out SHE doesn’t like them, either.

Anyway, I started going on retro wallpaper sites and I am beside myself.

Floral

Yes, I am a gay man from 1978.

And I have totally roped my Aunt Mary into helping me wallpaper. I asked her to come visit me. Told her we would bond, like we haven’t already bonded in the last 44 years. This will probably be the first time my Aunt Mary has ever bitch slapped me, over a tub of wallpaper paste. What a lovely family memory!

Anyway, the wallpaper above is not my final decision, I am just saying. Something retro. Something Bette Midler. Something like that.

Set. Somebody found my blog the other day by Googling “If your grandma join Eastern Star do that mean she going to hell.”

Net. I turned on the TV–or the tivvy, as my cousin Katie used to say when she was two–in order to amuse myself when I was de-furring the couch the other day. I do not turn on the tivvy at all in the daytime because you know why? I will watch TV all day if I turn it on. That is why. But I turned it on so that I would not think about what an arduous task de-furring the couch is, although I have to tell you that the Scotch Fur Fighter is the best new invention for just such a task. And no, no one is paying me to say that.

You can get them at Target, where you can get anything worthwhile.

Da Seot. The POINT of my story above is that the show I turned on was Bewitched, which I will always watch if given the choice. Remember Nick at Night? What happened to Nick at Night? They would have Bewitched Bewednesdays. I loved that.

Anyway, as I was watching the other day, it occurred to me for the first time, Endora was right. We were supposed to think Endora was ridiculous and that Samantha and Darren were the sane ones, but what was up with Darren? He was so threatened by Samantha’s powers! In this episode, Sam was cooking an elaborate dinner, and Endora put a ball and chain around Sam’s leg. She said, “If you’re going to be a slave, you might as well look the part.”

I was all, no kidding. I mean, why couldn’t she go on being who she was? Stupid Darren.

Ya Soet. The one thing you cannot get at Target that is worthwhile is the Hermes Kelly bag. I think if I ever had money to burn, I would be torn between buying myself a real Chanel suit or a Hermes Kelly bag. And I would probably go with the Kelly, because if I got fat, I could still wear the Kelly.

Hermes-Kelly-bag

Il Goep. Yesterday I got up and made myself TWO POACHED EGGS. All by myself! I knew how because Faithful Reader and Commenter Furry Godmother told me how in the comments the other day. It’s easy. Did you know that? It was so exciting that I called my mother and told her.

I don’t cook a lot.

Yeo Deol. When I woke up THIS morning, Tallulah and I had formed a perfect circle. Her chin was on my hips, and my head was on her dog buttocks. I think it’s because we were freezing to death. It rained overnight, I think. And you know I am not allowed to turn on the heat in April. Oh, yes, Marvin WOULD know if I turned on the heat, somehow. He would be over there at school and he would feel it. And he would call me and yell at me. Marvin is mean.

A Hop. I am rethinking my taste in friends. Recently I was drawn to a person who was really charismatic, and made you feel like you were the only person in the room, and then when I called her she did not call me back. I am forever friends with people who do not call me back.

I used to be friends with this big group of women, and we all still keep in touch, but the one who has remained the truest friend is the one who called the least attention to herself back then. She always returned my calls, she always showed up when she said she would, she was always on time.

I am thinking I should pay less attention to the outside parts and pay more attention to stuff like, are they reliable?

I am 44 and a half. No. I am 44 and three-quarters. I am just learning this.

Yeol. I have NOT.EVEN.STARTED. my statistics textbook yet, as I am still working on the OTHER textbook. And yesterday I took a giant quiz for another academic proofreading company. And yet we are still broke. How is that possible? I guess that Hermes handbag continues to elude me.

And there you have the Korean numbers one through ten, and a lot of crap you really did not need to know. Well. You totally needed to know I made poached eggs all by myself. That is news.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

121 thoughts on “June tells you a bunch of stupid things using Korean numerals 1-10 instead of bullet points”

  1. Paula H&B, who loves that purse! All of mine are black except the one I'm using now which is brown, woooo, what a stretch. says:

    I LOVE that wallpaper. I really should send you a picture of the wallpaper in my current dining room. VERY Eye-talian, 1980s. Marie and Ray Barone would love it. Ugh. In the ‘new’ house we made all the walls coffee ice cream colored with white trim. We did actually have to wallpaper one area because when we removed the existing wallpaper it was just a disaster and … never mind, but I picked out a very neutral texture. Because I am nothing if not neutral.

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  2. Paula H&B, who loves that purse! All of mine are black except the one I'm using now which is brown, woooo, what a stretch. says:

    I LOVE that wallpaper. I really should send you a picture of the wallpaper in my current dining room. VERY Eye-talian, 1980s. Marie and Ray Barone would love it. Ugh. In the ‘new’ house we made all the walls coffee ice cream colored with white trim. We did actually have to wallpaper one area because when we removed the existing wallpaper it was just a disaster and … never mind, but I picked out a very neutral texture. Because I am nothing if not neutral.

    Like

  3. Paula H&B, who loves that purse! All of mine are black except the one I'm using now which is brown, woooo, what a stretch. says:

    I LOVE that wallpaper. I really should send you a picture of the wallpaper in my current dining room. VERY Eye-talian, 1980s. Marie and Ray Barone would love it. Ugh. In the ‘new’ house we made all the walls coffee ice cream colored with white trim. We did actually have to wallpaper one area because when we removed the existing wallpaper it was just a disaster and … never mind, but I picked out a very neutral texture. Because I am nothing if not neutral.

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  4. And June no more migraines… As Phyllis Stephens would say “Oh dear, I have a ‘sick headache’, (Endora just appeared in her giant martini glass) Samatha is there somewhere I can lie down?”.

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  5. Coincidentally, Aunt Clara and Cousin Esmerelda appeared side by side in a hotel scene of Mike Nichols’ film The Graduate in 1967.

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  6. Paula H/B… I rented an apartment in Venice CA, that had black flocked, on gold wall paper. We tried every technique known to man, everyday, to remove this bordello like wallpaper, we finally used a sander to sand off the flocking (get your gas mask), 3 coats of primer later and some paint, there was still a faint baroque acanthus pattern.
    June is kinda Samantha like isn’t she?

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  7. I can’t count in any language other than Spanglish so
    Uno: I used to take yoga and the yoga instructor had the most dreamy, relaxing voice. I would have listened to him read the phone book.
    Two-o: I love that vintage wallpaper. Although I would never, EVER have wallpaper in my house again because I’ve spent countless hours removing wallpaper and I am SO done with that.
    3. Yes, Darren was a total dillhole. Samantha could have done so much better.
    Quatro: Manly men always get their panties in a twist when they find out how much Quality Accessories cost but they will spend the same amount on electronics or tools or automotive type stuff with nary a blink. TheManTheMyth threw a fit over the cost of my Louis Vuitton purse but shut up right quick when I found the receipt for his new dirtbike refueling thingamajig.
    5-O: Book ’em Dano! Sorry, I couldn’t resist!

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  8. June, as the Great Mistress of the Obvious, i feel the need to point out that you may never have the bag what with being vegetarian and all. It is made of cow and no matter the price, I highly doubt that the hide was removed with plastic surgery because Flossy had some unsightly excess skin due to her recent gastric bypass.
    Just sayin’…

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  9. June, as the Great Mistress of the Obvious, i feel the need to point out that you may never have the bag what with being vegetarian and all. It is made of cow and no matter the price, I highly doubt that the hide was removed with plastic surgery because Flossy had some unsightly excess skin due to her recent gastric bypass.
    Just sayin’…

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  10. June, as the Great Mistress of the Obvious, i feel the need to point out that you may never have the bag what with being vegetarian and all. It is made of cow and no matter the price, I highly doubt that the hide was removed with plastic surgery because Flossy had some unsightly excess skin due to her recent gastric bypass.
    Just sayin’…

    Like

  11. I can remember every single visit to Farrel’s when I was growing up. Remember that huge dessert they had “The Zoo” and when someone ordered it the whole wait staff came running out with it singing and going crazy? At least that’s how I remember it in my 4th grade mind.

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  12. All through college I kept the plastic orange giraffes from Farrells…then in the early 90’s I went to a restaurant in NYC, The Quilted Giraffe… and they had the same plastic orange giraffes… that was when I knew I hit the big time….hear the siren roar… love me some Farrel’s

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  13. I am way late to the party here because my sister is visiting and we have been busy bonding. But there are a couple of things I would like to add:
    1) Nick at Night!! I still have the magnet on my fridge with the lineup on it, and while I enjoyed Bewitched Bewednesdays, my favorite night was Sargent Joe Fridays. Don’t know if you have cable, but WGN shows Jeannie, Bewitched and the Beverly Hillbillies every day. I have 30 episodes of the Clampetts on my DVR right now!
    2) Wallpaper is scary. I think people who wallpaper rooms are brave. What I would do is find a retro oilcloth tablecloth in a similar pattern and live with that for a little while before taking the leap to my walls. That being said, love that pattern!
    3) My sister, who is a whirlwind of domesticity, showed me how to make scrambled eggs in the microwave yesterday. This will revolutionize my breakfast forever. She also got the rusty hard water ring out of my toilet with pumice and CLR. I heart her like nobody’s business.

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  14. I’m even later to the party than Karla. That’s because I was at Nickelodeon Story Time Live last night. Love those Wonder Pets.
    You know I love that wallpaper. I’ll figure out how to send you a picture of the princess’ room – BIG bouquets tied up in blue ribbon. I think it’s you.

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  15. Wow, $6,679 is a bargain. I googled and could only find the fuschia one for about $11,500. How can you afford not to buy one given that you’d be saving almost five grand?
    And Furry, I don’t believe any cows were harmed in the making of that bag… it’s crocodile. Of the rare fuschia crocodiles.

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  16. My favourite thing ever is poaching an egg in noodle soup. Soooo tasty.
    As for charismastic but forgetful friends…I have had one of them since I was 11. She was always very hippyish and different and didn’t care about being different and everyone who didn’t care about being cool wanted to be her friend. She’s difficult to get hold of and unreliable BUT when I do catch up with her she is so happy and loving and full of the hugs and the unloading of her deepest thoughts. I accepted long ago that she’s not best friend material but that’s okay, it’s good to have lots of different sorts of friends, right?

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