Yesterday I talked about how I took a proofreading test and apparently failed it. This morning when I woke up, I remembered something.
Well, this morning when I woke up, I heard poor Henry, who somehow got outside, and HOW did he get outside? These animals get outside through osmosis overnight. Everyone was in when I went to bed last night. Then this morning I wake up to thunder and lightning and I hear "MOW! MOW! MOW!" and poor Henry is out there panicked. HOW did he get out there?
Anyway, he's home. He's good. It wouldn't be a day if he didn't sit on Marvin's clean laundry. Maybe if someone put away his clean laundry, someone wouldn't always be wearing Henry cashmere all the time.
Is what I'm saying.
What I REMEMBERED when I woke up was that back in January, I wrote this stupid company that I used to proofread for. For whom I used to proofread. Whatever. I said hey, y'all, remember me? Do you still need freelancers? And they said yeah. Just retake this test you passed before and I was all oh for the love of God. So I took it, and I remember I had just started Topamax, and it was a huge 12-page test, and I sent it to them and didn't hear back and forgot all about them because frankly I hated working for them but I was desperate but then I got busy.
I remembered about them this morning, so I looked at that test?
It was riddled with errors. Riddled. Like, two periods next to each other riddled.
So Topamax has clearly made me stupid. I mean, either that or I have a tumor or something. And Marvin said, "But your current clients aren't complaining." Yeah, you know why? Because they already know and trust me, and because normal stuff doesn't have errors like a proofreading test, so I'm sure my NORMAL work is probably fine. And no one is checking my normal work that closely. Plus, even if I AM missing two periods, the seven other proofreaders who are reading the same textbook are catching it.
So here are my choices. I go off Topamax and go back to having nine or ten migraines a month, or I stay on Topamax and stop trying to find more proofreading work. I mean, I just no longer have the brain for it.
I said to Marvin, you know, I do not think about my migraines a lot. I mean, when one comes, I think, Well this sucks. But they really affect my life, don't they?
Marvin said, "Are you kidding? They are so debilitating. I feel horrible for you."
I think I have kind of been in denial about how bad these things are. I mean, they are seriously making a difference in my life.
So today I applied for a part-time job as a receptionist. I remember having to think hard, though, when I receptioned. Yes, I know receptioned is not a word. Topamax.
Anyway, we'll see if I get a call. To tell you the truth, I loved being a receptionist. I was younger and cuter then, and I got to flirt with the
men, and the plant caretaker guys, and the clients, and my coworkers.
Basically I was a giant tramp.
Do I have to learn PowerPoint if I am a receptionist? Because what is that? Is that just pointing really hard? I can do that.
And by the way, I went to the library yesterday to do what I am certain was a stellar job of proofreading the work I DO have, and again EVERYONE WAS TALKING in there. I really thought this was the one oasis of quiet. No.
You know what I did? I sat in my car. In the parking lot of the library. One person pulled up next to me and said, "Oh, your car is so cute. I love VW Bugs! And look! A vase!" But other than that it was pretty quiet.
For the record? And I don't know why people can't figure this out? All VW Bugs come with a vase. That is why people with VW Bugs always seem to have a flower in their car. You see. Einstein.
Like I'm one to talk, with the two periods in a proofreading test.