Smart. Or, you know, not.

Yesterday I talked about how I took a proofreading test and apparently failed it. This morning when I woke up, I remembered something.

Well, this morning when I woke up, I heard poor Henry, who somehow got outside, and HOW did he get outside? These animals get outside through osmosis overnight. Everyone was in when I went to bed last night. Then this morning I wake up to thunder and lightning and I hear "MOW! MOW! MOW!" and poor Henry is out there panicked. HOW did he get out there?

HenrygoodAnyway, he's home. He's good. It wouldn't be a day if he didn't sit on Marvin's clean laundry. Maybe if someone put away his clean laundry, someone wouldn't always be wearing Henry cashmere all the time.

Is what I'm saying.

What I REMEMBERED when I woke up was that back in January, I wrote this stupid company that I used to proofread for. For whom I used to proofread. Whatever. I said hey, y'all, remember me? Do you still need freelancers? And they said yeah. Just retake this test you passed before and I was all oh for the love of God. So I took it, and I remember I had just started Topamax, and it was a huge 12-page test, and I sent it to them and didn't hear back and forgot all about them because frankly I hated working for them but I was desperate but then I got busy.

I remembered about them this morning, so I looked at that test?

It was riddled with errors. Riddled. Like, two periods next to each other riddled.

Riddled.

Okay.

So Topamax has clearly made me stupid. I mean, either that or I have a tumor or something. And Marvin said, "But your current clients aren't complaining." Yeah, you know why? Because they already know and trust me, and because normal stuff doesn't have errors like a proofreading test, so I'm sure my NORMAL work is probably fine. And no one is checking my normal work that closely. Plus, even if I AM missing two periods, the seven other proofreaders who are reading the same textbook are catching it.

Oh, Lord.

So here are my choices. I go off Topamax and go back to having nine or ten migraines a month, or I stay on Topamax and stop trying to find more proofreading work. I mean, I just no longer have the brain for it.

I said to Marvin, you know, I do not think about my migraines a lot. I mean, when one comes, I think, Well this sucks. But they really affect my life, don't they?

Marvin said, "Are you kidding? They are so debilitating. I feel horrible for you."

I think I have kind of been in denial about how bad these things are. I mean, they are seriously making a difference in my life.

So today I applied for a part-time job as a receptionist. I remember having to think hard, though, when I receptioned. Yes, I know receptioned is not a word. Topamax.

Anyway, we'll see if I get a call. To tell you the truth, I loved being a receptionist. I was younger and cuter then, and I got to flirt with the

FEDEX

men, and the plant caretaker guys, and the clients, and my coworkers.

Basically I was a giant tramp.

Do I have to learn PowerPoint if I am a receptionist? Because what is that? Is that just pointing really hard? I can do that.

And by the way, I went to the library yesterday to do what I am certain was a stellar job of proofreading the work I DO have, and again EVERYONE WAS TALKING in there. I really thought this was the one oasis of quiet. No.

You know what I did? I sat in my car. In the parking lot of the library. One person pulled up next to me and said, "Oh, your car is so cute. I love VW Bugs! And look!  A vase!" But other than that it was pretty quiet.

For the record? And I don't know why people can't figure this out? All VW Bugs come with a vase. That is why people with VW Bugs always seem to have a flower in their car. You see. Einstein.

Like I'm one to talk, with the two periods in a proofreading test.

Oy.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

45 thoughts on “Smart. Or, you know, not.”

  1. All I know is that before my hysterectomy, if I’d missed two periods? I’d’ve shot myself.
    You would be an awesome receptionist! No one rocks the reception like you! In both my prior job (law firm) and my current job (no-internet-allowed finance) all the receptionists did was answer the phone and be nice to people. (Which is why I was never the receptionist. I hate the phone and being nice is a stretch for me.) No PowerPoint. Oh, at the law firm, the receptionist was also in charge of the postage meter. Woooo.
    Not to even mention the BBP material you would have from recepting…

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  2. All I know is that before my hysterectomy, if I’d missed two periods? I’d’ve shot myself.
    You would be an awesome receptionist! No one rocks the reception like you! In both my prior job (law firm) and my current job (no-internet-allowed finance) all the receptionists did was answer the phone and be nice to people. (Which is why I was never the receptionist. I hate the phone and being nice is a stretch for me.) No PowerPoint. Oh, at the law firm, the receptionist was also in charge of the postage meter. Woooo.
    Not to even mention the BBP material you would have from recepting…

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  3. All I know is that before my hysterectomy, if I’d missed two periods? I’d’ve shot myself.
    You would be an awesome receptionist! No one rocks the reception like you! In both my prior job (law firm) and my current job (no-internet-allowed finance) all the receptionists did was answer the phone and be nice to people. (Which is why I was never the receptionist. I hate the phone and being nice is a stretch for me.) No PowerPoint. Oh, at the law firm, the receptionist was also in charge of the postage meter. Woooo.
    Not to even mention the BBP material you would have from recepting…

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  4. June, I feel so bad for you, but it is great that you have options and and a very understanding husband. While you would have great receptionist stories,I would miss the comments throughout the day, but hell, me and my broken ankle are going back to work tomorrow. Stay on the T. The migraines are not worth it and you like your skinny self.
    OMG! Poor Hen! I’m so glad you heard his little voice and brought him to safety.

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  5. Have you tried magnesium for you migraines? Probably you have, but my sister mentioned it to me recently. She has trouble with migraines too, has been on birth control pills for years primarily because of them, but she has started with the magnesium and says the results are encourgaing so far.

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  6. Not one word about Marv and the garage/yard sale. Hmmm?
    Lots of people act like receptionist is a job where you start out and then move up, much like the mailroom. But my small and very humble opinion is that the receptionist is the very first chance a company has to make a first impression, be it in person (with you smiling at them and welcoming them to XYZ Co.) or over the phone where all they get is your happy voice.
    You are a total people person and would make a stellar receptionist.
    And I will now zip my lips (and typing fingers) from offering unsolicited advice.
    Love Hen!!

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  7. Not one word about Marv and the garage/yard sale. Hmmm?
    Lots of people act like receptionist is a job where you start out and then move up, much like the mailroom. But my small and very humble opinion is that the receptionist is the very first chance a company has to make a first impression, be it in person (with you smiling at them and welcoming them to XYZ Co.) or over the phone where all they get is your happy voice.
    You are a total people person and would make a stellar receptionist.
    And I will now zip my lips (and typing fingers) from offering unsolicited advice.
    Love Hen!!

    Like

  8. Not one word about Marv and the garage/yard sale. Hmmm?
    Lots of people act like receptionist is a job where you start out and then move up, much like the mailroom. But my small and very humble opinion is that the receptionist is the very first chance a company has to make a first impression, be it in person (with you smiling at them and welcoming them to XYZ Co.) or over the phone where all they get is your happy voice.
    You are a total people person and would make a stellar receptionist.
    And I will now zip my lips (and typing fingers) from offering unsolicited advice.
    Love Hen!!

    Like

  9. Thank God you inventoried THE pads the other day…you with all your periods.

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  10. June, I think this sounds like a good move. And will you continue proofing for your current clients? Cos then you could be making some nice coin!
    Also, just sent you a long-overdue photo of my beloved BBP mug!
    Lastly, made myself a poached egg, a la Furry’s recipe this morning! So thrilled! I am battling a flu bug, and a poached egg was just the right thing! Thanks Furry G!

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  11. The most obvious solution here is that you remain on the Tope and Marvin gets a second job, nights and weekends, to provide a lifestyle befitting a lady of leisure and then, voila, you become a perfect housewife and pursue many homemakery and crafty pursuits, plus blog away the live long day.

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  12. Isn’t it obvious? Francis lured Henry into the dark and stormy night while the rest of you were sound asleep.

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  13. I think you have made a very wise decision. I know nothing about migraines and Topamax, but I just have this wily suspicion that all that intense proofing doesn’t help the migraine situation.
    Perhaps you could find some Loni Anderson outfits to reception in. She seemed to be very good at receptioning and I think it had everything to do with the clothes.
    I used to be a little trampy receptionist, too. It was great fun, especially since I worked for a large securities firm stocked to the brim with handsome, young brokers. *Sigh*. Those were the days.

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  14. *Warning* Unsolicited advice about to be given. June do NOT give up the Topamax. The migraines will tie you to a chair in direct sunlight and hold you prisoner.
    Be your witty, charming self and go for it. Just remember, it is not a career so the pay will not commensurate with experience. Brace for it.
    Good luck.

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  15. Tieing yourself to a chair does sound kind of fun…. have you tried tied up to the bed post?

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  16. I vote staying on the Topamax and keep doing the proofreading until no one will hire you to do anymore work. Best of both worlds – til you have to hit the street corner anyway. 😉
    The hourly rate for a proof reader will be hard one to give up.

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  17. I’m guessing that Henri is a reincarnated being and is astral projecting his bad self outside. He may also be a time traveler.
    Lighten up on yourself. You have enough work and I don’t suggest you get a full-time job. You probably will make more as a freelance proofer.

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  18. Don’t you hate it when you remember something like that and it kinda bums you out?? It’s the worst.
    Marvin should totally get a second job…perhaps Starbucks since he knows the value of a good cup of coffee??

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  19. You’re welcome, Pal from MA! I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well, but it makes me feel better knowing that I helped. 😀
    Like Terra, I don’t know how they do the petmosis thing. I used to think that TeeTee LeRoux could astralproject. I would turn around and she would magically appear on a previously vacant pile of laundry as if she had been there for hours.
    I see you as more of a Mrs. Ha-Wiggins than a Lonnie. See Topamax side effects…
    Have you considered that maybe you blew the tests off sort of because you passed them so easily before? Maybe until this side effect wears on you a bit, you just need to be more attentive to them. I wouldn’t give either up. Just be more careful for a while.

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  20. You’re welcome, Pal from MA! I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well, but it makes me feel better knowing that I helped. 😀
    Like Terra, I don’t know how they do the petmosis thing. I used to think that TeeTee LeRoux could astralproject. I would turn around and she would magically appear on a previously vacant pile of laundry as if she had been there for hours.
    I see you as more of a Mrs. Ha-Wiggins than a Lonnie. See Topamax side effects…
    Have you considered that maybe you blew the tests off sort of because you passed them so easily before? Maybe until this side effect wears on you a bit, you just need to be more attentive to them. I wouldn’t give either up. Just be more careful for a while.

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  21. You’re welcome, Pal from MA! I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well, but it makes me feel better knowing that I helped. 😀
    Like Terra, I don’t know how they do the petmosis thing. I used to think that TeeTee LeRoux could astralproject. I would turn around and she would magically appear on a previously vacant pile of laundry as if she had been there for hours.
    I see you as more of a Mrs. Ha-Wiggins than a Lonnie. See Topamax side effects…
    Have you considered that maybe you blew the tests off sort of because you passed them so easily before? Maybe until this side effect wears on you a bit, you just need to be more attentive to them. I wouldn’t give either up. Just be more careful for a while.

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  22. Yes same sister. She went off the birth control pills for awhile after the whole cancer thing, but went back on them eventually because of the migraines. She had a little bit of a scare on her recent mammogram with her other breast, but it was nothing. I think it has her thinking about trying to stop the b.c. again though.

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  23. Chief, I wondered if it was the same sister because there was a study that said people with migraines were 30% less likely to get breast cancer. I guess your sister was not one of the lucky ones there. They attribute it to a lack of estrogen, migraines, I mean.

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  24. When I was 22 I had a TIA. Because of the risk of blood clots, I was never allowed to have a birth control pill cross my lips again.
    Now that I’m in my forties, I brace myself for the week before my double period. As I get older and dry up like a raisin, ooo pretty, so do my hormones so migraines just like me more than ever. I’m not suggesting you are drying up like a raisin, but hormones may be playing into your migraine scenario. I believe you are probably partaking in a T dose similar to mine of 600-800 mgs a day. And yes while I feel this does level off which you know because you’ve taken it before, it can still play hell with your head. But I do think Furry does have a point. A positive attitude might help. Thinking the Topamax is running your life is gonna screw with your head worse than the migraines. Ooops. Stuffing a sock in it now. Junie’s gotta do what’s right for Junie. Whew! I’m done, promise.

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  25. I could so go back to being a receptionist if I was getting a hankering to go back to working outside the house. I’m not getting that hankering but I was a darn good receptionist and I enjoyed it. Today it’s rare to call a business and actually have the receptionist direct your call. Everything is automated these days. Just enter your party’s extension and press the pound key.
    I can count the number of migraines I’ve had in my life on one hand but they were horrible enough. June, I hope someday soon you find something that not only works but doesn’t have weird side affects.

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  26. Not that recepting is bad or anything like that, but the pay would not be anything like your $39 per paragraph.
    This is probably old news and not relevant, and I know you love dentists, but I read recently that nightly teeth grinding can cause migraines. And not many know they are grinding their teeth at night.
    How DID Marvin’s long-awaited yard (or was it garage?) sale turn out?

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  27. 2 hrs later, I’m still hysterically laughing/crying over Paula missing 2 periods. DY-ING.

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  28. That’s interesting about the study. I wonder if it includes people who take bc for their migraines though, because taking birth control pills is linked to breast cancer, and my sister had been on them pretty much continuously since she was 16.

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  29. Was there a sticker on Henry’s back… like he was being sold at the yard sale. Is It written in Talu’s pawwriting.
    4 sal putty tcat…bye bye now cheeep…fuzzy hed wontt misss

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  30. June,
    I took a job as a receptionist then I missed two periods and was a full time mom.
    Oh and on that note, that same receptionist job promoted me the second week I was there to Office Manager so I guess I really wasn’t a receptionist when I missed those periods. Perhaps if I had stayed a receptionist I would have been better as a proof reader.

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  31. A friend of mine with chronic migraines found out that she had celiac (was a celiac?) and cut out gluten and a lot of the migraines went away.
    But you probably don’t want to hear that. Let’s just pretend you didn’t read this.

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  32. “4 sal putty tcat…bye bye now cheeep…fuzzy hed wontt misss”
    ohhh that was hilarious. June, you are so right, the comments here are not to be missed.
    I think you’d make a wonderful receptionist …I’m looking for that type of a job myself. That type of job would work well with your Proof Reading gigs…give your eyes and brain a rest. I know that when I have to write a college paper, I do better when I can leave it alone for a day at least in between editing.

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  33. Ok..
    Oh, June, Aunt Kathy really did have an authoritarian tone when she corrected Aunt Sue! We laughed for, well, we’re still laughing about it. “Those are tire tracks Sue!”

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  34. I’m morbidly curious to learn whether Marvin cleared more than $7 in his manly last minute garage sale. Do tell!
    So sorry about the migraine blues. I’ve only had migraines once (During sorority rush. I think it was from too much smiling. Go figure.) but the few I had were not fun. I hope you can find a workable solution.
    Just think, if the work dries up you can always help Paula move. You did hear she’s moving, right?

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  35. You’re okay on Power Point. You’ll pick it up in no time. But I’ve been a receptionist the past 3 years (back and forth from accounts payable) and haven’t used Power Point since high school.
    Everything will be okay. You’ll be fine!

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