June's stupid life · Marvin · Photo essays

Old paint

We had to leave the windows open last night, so we wouldn't die of paint asphyxiation. Thanks, world, for not coming in and murdering us.However, the windows being open gave Tallulah's super extra hear-y ears extra super powers, and was she obsessed all night?"BOW-WOW-WRR-WOW-RRR!"That was when she heard a squirrel flossing a mile and a… Continue reading Old paint

June's stupid life · Marvin

Am I blue

Marvin and I are painting the living room today. How long do you give us before we file for divorce? We do not do projects together well. I am very by the book. I like to follow the rules. Marvin? Is kind of loosey-goosey. "Good enough," he'll say. See. I'm German. Is the thing. Good… Continue reading Am I blue

Gardening · June's stupid life · Photo essays

June Gardens’ almost-June garden

Here it is. Memorial Day weekend. Are you barbecuing out? Are you beer bonging? Are you hitting that beach? Me neither. I told Marvin we could (a) paint the living room, (b) clean up the back yard foliage, or (12) adopt the puppy I saw yesterday at the shelter. Yes, I do just go to… Continue reading June Gardens’ almost-June garden

I am berserk · June's stupid life

A Midsummer’s Nightmare

My next-door neighbor, Peg, and I are throwing a party next month. We are calling it a Midsummer's Nightmare, and you have to come dressed as your biggest fear. It can be your current fear or whatever you were afraid of in your childhood. Well. You know I am afraid of everything. I don't know… Continue reading A Midsummer’s Nightmare

Film · June's stupid life

Sleep in the city

I have the most exciting possible news. I have ALREADY SEEN the Sex and the City movie! I know! Could I be more of my demographic right now? For months, MONTHS, I have been waiting for today so I could see this ding ding ding and also dang movie. I could not wait. I wanted… Continue reading Sleep in the city

Family · June's stupid life · Uncle Jim

This time will be the last time

Francis is up here, paying me a cheerful visit. It took him an hour and 45 minutes to waddle into the room, and then another seven years to crawl up to the desk. I really wish I'd have paid attention, actually, to how he got up here, because usually I have to lift him. Now… Continue reading This time will be the last time

Beauty products · Books · June's stupid life · Weblogs

A hodgepodge. A cornucopia. A crazy quilt. And other annoying phrases to indicate that I have 80 topics today.

I have had many odds and ends, or odds 'n' ends, because you know how I like that, to tell you. This time to mark them all off I will use background-singer noises. Mmmmmmm! Yesterday I threw caution to the wind and spent eight dollars on Jergens Natural Glow Express tanning lotion. It is supposed… Continue reading A hodgepodge. A cornucopia. A crazy quilt. And other annoying phrases to indicate that I have 80 topics today.

June's stupid life · Marvin · My pets · Photo essays

Sunny days and Mondays always make me feel the same as ever

It's Monday morning. Everything is as it should be. My phone has already rung 293772 times, because the phrase "works" from home apparently eludes everyone. Talu got up from sleeping with me to go rest on her blanket on the couch. It is like she is 147 years old. How much sleep do dogs NEED?… Continue reading Sunny days and Mondays always make me feel the same as ever

Books · June's stupid life

Mince Words with June–A Reliable Wife. I mean, I am a reliable wife, but that is the title of the book

This month's book choice, A Reliable Wife, is my favorite Mince Words with June selection thus far. Don't you agree? Weren't you constantly dying during this book? Weren't you going, "No, she di-ent!" and "He did NOT!" every 48 seconds? I loved how everyone in this book was despicable in their own way, and yet… Continue reading Mince Words with June–A Reliable Wife. I mean, I am a reliable wife, but that is the title of the book

June's stupid life · Marvin · My pets

Taluprah

"Does Oprah have to have her $%#@& picture on every $%#&% cover of her magazine?" Marvin asked me. "Yes," I said. I had just spent the entire day with Marvin, and had just sat down to read a book. Was totally over Marvin. "I don't know why she thinks we all want to look at… Continue reading Taluprah

Books · June's stupid life · Television

Elegance is learned, but crazy comes naturally

Henry is the type of cat who begins purring the second you pet him. I scored with Henry, and I am lucky, considering I picked him based on the part where I just kind of wanted an orange kitten. Also, he's an excellent watch cat.Anyway, I have much to do today so I will be… Continue reading Elegance is learned, but crazy comes naturally

June's stupid life · My pets

And yet another tale about this ludicrous dog and my fine pack leader skills

Does it seem like I am constantly telling you stories about Tallulah escaping? Like, here? And also too here? I know. Well, guess what. So, Marvin calls me last night at 6:00, because have I mentioned the ridiculous hours he puts in as an elementary school teacher? He is out the door by 7:00 a.m.,… Continue reading And yet another tale about this ludicrous dog and my fine pack leader skills

June's stupid life · Marvin

Into this house we’re born. Into this world we’re thrown. With Marvin.

It's been very rainy here lately. The other night we had one of those storms that seemed fake. You know on TV shows, how they make it seem like it's storming outside, and there is lightning every six seconds, and you think, When is it ever like that in real life? It was really like… Continue reading Into this house we’re born. Into this world we’re thrown. With Marvin.

June's stupid life · Photo essays

June’s dumb morning

There is really not much to report over here at House of June. Once I edited a brochure that began with a huge headline: "There's really not much to say..." and then it went on for three pages. Annoying. At any rate, here's what I've been up to so far. I had breakfast. I went… Continue reading June’s dumb morning

Friends · June's stupid life

Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree

Before I begin today's riveting post, someone got himself caught.in.the.rain this morning. And he did not like it. Look at his little wet head. Really all of him was wet but he refused to let me capture his humiliation on film. Henry must have gone outside when Marvin left for work, and Tallulah and Winston… Continue reading Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree

Friends · June's stupid life

Freebird

Marvin wrote a song using lines from songs from 1983. Who loves himself? Anyway, this is what he did all afternoon while I was at the Nester's. The Nester is my friend from blogging. When I was a new blogger, way back in 2007, I noticed I had 294757283003 hits from this blog one day,… Continue reading Freebird

Friends · June's stupid life · My pets

Jumping through hoops

Who is my little circus performer? Is it Lu? And how do I fix that stupid grass? It is so shady back there that it doesn't grow. Plus Tallulah runs after vermin on it all day.Yesterday she went tearing through the yard and about 14 bunnies went running every which way. If she had caught… Continue reading Jumping through hoops

Beauty products · June's stupid life · Photo essays

Elegance is learned, my friend

I accidentally took this photo of myself the other day when I was trying to turn off the camera. Because it is so fascinating, I thought I'd share it with all of you. Do you wonder if I ever leave the computer room? Perhaps Marvin locks me in here all day so I don't chew… Continue reading Elegance is learned, my friend

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Greetings from my lack of personality

Decaf June is here.Maybe I'll have to become one of those people who puts "LOL" after everything they say so you know it was supposed to be funny. LOL.I would like to find the person who invented LOL. And I would like to beat him or her about the head and shove toothpaste up his… Continue reading Greetings from my lack of personality

Health · June's stupid life

Hello. I’m in hell. Fortunately, there’s Internet access.

What if my entire personality is based on the part where I have been high on caffeine this whole time? My whole life, since I'm 13, I have been caffeinated. What if it turns out I am really quiet and reserved, like Adrian in Rocky or the other backup singer in Tony Orlando and Dawn… Continue reading Hello. I’m in hell. Fortunately, there’s Internet access.