Barry Gibb comes to Target

Marvin woke up this morning and said his throat hurt.

You know what, though? You know how people always say men are worse about their colds, and lie about and moan and so forth? Marvin is actually far less of a drama queen than I am when he is ill. Which, after having witnessed my cold for these past few days, I guess you can see how that would be hard to top.

I had to go to Target yesterday, as there were things I had to get. For example, hair conditioner. I am not one of those people who can go a day without using hair conditioner unless I were attending a Rastafarian festival or something, and yesterday morning I had my pinky way up in that bottle of Bumble+bumble, plus also I was hitting it into my palm and leaving big circles, trying to get the last bits out of that bottle.

And that's the other thing. I cannot use Suave or any cheap stuff. You know that commercial where the woman uses Suave and she looks just as good as the salon-brand hair next to her? Go ahead. Put some Suave on this mess. My hair will look just as good as that woman's down there in the alley, the one shooing away flying goats and chattering to herself.

So that was a must, and also, you guys. I bought something I never thought I would buy. I cannot believe myself.

I bought weed killer. Like, chemical weed killer.

I know!

I am not using it in the back yard where it will kill Tallulah, just in the front where the dandelions MOCK ME. I go out there, EVERY DAY. I dig up dandelions. I go inside. The dandelions giggle, and when I come out in the morning, MORE DANDELIONS ARE UP.

I did not want to be this person. I am morally opposed to this sort of a thing. But there it is. I did it. I did not know what else to do.

The dandelions! They mock my pain.

Anyway. My point is, I got myself in the car, got on down to the Target, there, and as soon as I was in the store I was all, oh, this was a mistake.

I was so weak and sweaty and coughy and sniffy and achy and nause-y and regret-y. Plus, I looked good. I was really hoping it was Barry Gibb Comes to Greensboro Target Day. Because, pretty? Mmm!

You know, twice now Marvin has been recognized in public because of this blog. It has never happened to me. I was thinking yesterday, when I was the color of Plaster of Paris, except for my red nose, with my flying-goat-lady hair and my hunched over coughing self, that this would be a perfect day for someone to say, "Are you June of Bye Bye, Pie?"

By the way, I would be THRILLED if that ever happened to me. Why does it always happen to Marvin?

The only good news to come out of yesterday was that I got a gift in the mail from my friend Beige, who I lived near in LA. I used to go walking early in the morning and sometimes I'd see her cat, Gomez, out stalking something. "GOMEZ!" I'd say. "You get home!" He would always start, like, How does this stupid person out here in the wild know my name?

Anyway, here's what she sent me:

Earrings

Aren't they too cute? I'm going to wear them as soon as I can leave the house again. Oh, what a day that will be.

In the meantime, if any of your Girl Scouts need their shut-in badges…

Do they even give shut-in badges anymore? I remember seeing that one and thinking, "What the Sam Hill is a shut-in?" Little did I know I'd BE one someday.

Since I am lying here draining, I have been reading our book club selection for this month, our Mince Words with June, as it were, and I am hooked. Are you reading it? Oh, it's good. We are reading A Reliable Wife this month.

I guess this reliable wife had better go back to lying on the couch and complaining. I'd hate to shirk my duties.

51 thoughts on “Barry Gibb comes to Target

  1. Reliable wife, June, did you remember to pick up some arsenic at Target?
    My mother got so mad at my dad once when they were both sick. My sister called and mom heard daddy say, “Your mother has a cold and I have a REALLY BAD one.”

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  2. I live here in Greensboro and I am always on the lookout for June. However, I think we frequent different Targets. Our paths may never cross.

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  3. Eat the greens, they actually sell those in farmers markets.
    Try boiling water. Heat it up and pour it on them. Believe it or not, this actually sometimes works and what have you got to lose?

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  4. I heard of A Reliable Wife. I looked at it and thought, “eh,” and didn’t get it. Then Initial Cap Book Club chose it so I looked at it again. I again thought “eh,” but gave it a try, and also gave myself plenty of time to slog through it. Three days later I finished it. It was gooooooooooood.

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  5. I heard of A Reliable Wife. I looked at it and thought, “eh,” and didn’t get it. Then Initial Cap Book Club chose it so I looked at it again. I again thought “eh,” but gave it a try, and also gave myself plenty of time to slog through it. Three days later I finished it. It was gooooooooooood.

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  6. I heard of A Reliable Wife. I looked at it and thought, “eh,” and didn’t get it. Then Initial Cap Book Club chose it so I looked at it again. I again thought “eh,” but gave it a try, and also gave myself plenty of time to slog through it. Three days later I finished it. It was gooooooooooood.

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  7. When I was growing up in my thriving metropolis of 6,500 people, my next door neighbors were very old world. (My brother’s name is Keith, they called him Peter for 20 years). They never wasted anything in their yard. They weeded and made tea from the dandelions. I tried it once. ONCE. Carp. I still can’t get that taste out of my mouth!

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  8. Sorry you are still sickly, June. Listen to your elder friend (my birthday is in a mere 28 days, everyone!) and DON’T OVERDO it any more…Not until you are feeling very, very, VERY much better. I powered through my day last Wednesday, and this bug KICKED MY arse. I got SOOOO much sicker by ignoring my icky symptoms.
    I am finally feeling a little bit better today, but was told by the DOCTOR to rest rest rest and drink plenty of fluids. Take ‘er easy, June bug.
    And I just loved the flying-goat-lady hair. Made me thing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Love the FSM!!

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  9. Day Two of FloodZilla 2010 began with me creeping cautiously down to the basement to see if there was another 1000 gallons of water in my future. Thankfully, there is not. The happy news is that while we no longer have a working water heater in the basement, we are lucky to have one in Furry’s studio, along with an actual shower. ‘Course, first I had to remove 348,257,136 dead cave crickets from said shower, which was enough to gross out my poo-eating dog. The day has been all downhill since then.

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  10. For dandelions – the greens are good when ripped and mixed in with regular salad greens, they provide a little bitterness and perk up the salad. My kids love them. Then, for the blossoms, you could make dandelion wine. I noticed that for several years after I first made dandelion wine we had significantly less dandelions in the yard – it may have something to do with picking all of those blossoms.

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  11. Your kids do NOT love dandilion greens. Unless they are horses.
    Geez.

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  12. Your kids do NOT love dandilion greens. Unless they are horses.
    Geez.

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  13. Your kids do NOT love dandilion greens. Unless they are horses.
    Geez.

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  14. I totally know what you mean about the conditioner. I can’t live a day without it. If I only shampooed my hair, I would look like the “before” picture of a makeover, all wild and wiry. I have found Neutrogena Daily Deep Conditioner to be reliable, and I can get it pretty much anywhere.
    I have no advice about the dandelions. Wouldn’t it be nice if boiling them created a crazy-hair-taming tonic? Then they’d actually be useful.

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  15. Who is Drew Lachey?? Is he one of those kids being forced to eat dandilions by his mom?

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  16. Who is Drew Lachey?? Is he one of those kids being forced to eat dandilions by his mom?

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  17. Who is Drew Lachey?? Is he one of those kids being forced to eat dandilions by his mom?

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  18. What did Drew buy? Boy Band members, like the brothers Gibb. Back in the day.

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  19. How do you draw graduates and undergraduates? Is that like one of those “draw a pirate” things?

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  20. Hey all, back from packing up my college girl and bringing her home. Furry and Terra have floods? Oh, no!
    June, you need to rest, rest, rest. I mean what IF Barry Gibb had been in that Target? You would have kicked yourself.
    I am certain Drew Lachey was buying hair gel by the bulk.
    I also have a conditioner shortage, because my 3 teenage girls think they need a gallon of it plopped on their head every time they take a shower. They run out and come down and swipe mine and I don’t notice this until I’m in the shower, fumbling around for my conditioner.
    My husband and I can also never find any hairbrushes. This is the drawback of living with 3 girls.

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  21. June you can make dandelion wine. That is much tastier thand dandelion tea blech. Also and too, did Barry show up to drink dandelion wine with you?
    No one ever recognizes me in Greensboro either but that could be because I live 3 bazillion miles from there.
    Gotta go it’s crab eating time.

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  22. June you can make dandelion wine. That is much tastier thand dandelion tea blech. Also and too, did Barry show up to drink dandelion wine with you?
    No one ever recognizes me in Greensboro either but that could be because I live 3 bazillion miles from there.
    Gotta go it’s crab eating time.

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  23. June you can make dandelion wine. That is much tastier thand dandelion tea blech. Also and too, did Barry show up to drink dandelion wine with you?
    No one ever recognizes me in Greensboro either but that could be because I live 3 bazillion miles from there.
    Gotta go it’s crab eating time.

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  24. Your funny when your sick and full of snot! Not that I want you to stay that way…. for very long anway. I would try dandelion wine if someone made it for me….. I would probably try any wine for that matter…. hmmm maybe I have a problem.

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  25. Terra and Furry sorry you have all the water inside. Saw the floods on the news. That weather is headed to GA tonight.
    Add a little water to the conditioner bottle and shake well to get every blasted drop of that stuff out of the bottle. Hope you fell better really soon! Oh, I spray those giggling dandelions in my yard and between the bricks of the sidewalk with water and bleach mixed half and half. They don’t like it at all.

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  26. Okay Hulk, Mr. Unbeliever, my kids, 10 and 4, do too eat and like dandelion greens. They also really enjoy creeping wood sorrel, another common weed. That’s more sour than bitter. Both of those things are great to remember when you have guests show up unexpectedly, and not enough lettuce in the fridge or garden for salad. Just make sure to wash all of the ants out! And I guess that if my children complain about being hungry I can just turn them out on the lawn to graze! 🙂
    And dandelion wine, at least to me, tastes much better about five years down the road than it does the first year. The first year the recipe I use makes a really sweet wine, but if you forget about it, as I did, and re-find some bottles five to six years later, it becomes almost like a brandy. Plus it’ll really knock your socks off and as an added bonus there are no preservatives or artificial ingredients to give you a hangover!

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  27. Anyone think we oughta call Child Services on Dottie for making her kids eat weeds?
    😉

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  28. ok, you dandelion and other weed eating people, listen up! It is great to eat them (if you really do like them) but please make sure they haven’t been sprayed with chemicals. I am not an organic anything, but some of those chemicals could cause some funky things to happen to your insides. So, in your yard, which hasn’t been sprayed…go ahead and graze with my blessings.

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  29. just started reading your blog – love it.. wanted to join in on the book chat, but damn thing is checked out forever…
    My library search:
    A reliable wife : a novel / by Robert Goolrick
    Goolrick, Robert, 1948-
    6 holds on first copy returned of 9 copies
    DUE 05-06-10 – Central Book – FIC
    If everyone recommends it, I’ll read it, in a about a month (perhaps).

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  30. Poor June – as you’re lying there in your misery, reading A Reliable Wife, does it ever cross your mind that Marvin might be slipping you the arsenic?
    Perhaps he’s planning to run off with Barry Gibb.
    I’m just sayin’.

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  31. plea from a bee keeper.. Bees collect nectar and pollen from plants for food. They make honey from the nectar. Pollen is their sole protein source (honey bees are vegetarians) and they use it to make food for their young. Probably the single most valuable early spring wildflower is the dandelion. If a bee hive survives the winter, beekeepers know the bees will be safe from starvation if they can stay alive until dandelions bloom.
    Dandelion pollen is moderately nutritious and the nectar is abundant. It doesn’t normally produce what we call a ‘surplus’, i.e. enough nectar to produce honey above and beyond what the bees will use for themselves, so you won’t generally see dandelion honey for sale, but it gives the bees a huge boost and adds to the health and wellbeing of the hive.
    So a very simple, easy way to help honey bees is to refrain from killing the dandelions in your lawn.

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  32. Note to Kirby and to all who would read A Reliable Wife. You can buy it on Amazon and have it shipped to you for less than $10.
    And also echoing Furry’s shout out to Laurie S. and all our brothers and sistern in Nashville. I hope you get dry and electrified real soon.

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  33. June, every time we go to Positano, Maxie B’s, Harris Teeter, Target, etc we always wonder if we will run into you! Of course, we never do.

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