Marvin woke up this morning and said his throat hurt.
You know what, though? You know how people always say men are worse about their colds, and lie about and moan and so forth? Marvin is actually far less of a drama queen than I am when he is ill. Which, after having witnessed my cold for these past few days, I guess you can see how that would be hard to top.
I had to go to Target yesterday, as there were things I had to get. For example, hair conditioner. I am not one of those people who can go a day without using hair conditioner unless I were attending a Rastafarian festival or something, and yesterday morning I had my pinky way up in that bottle of Bumble+bumble, plus also I was hitting it into my palm and leaving big circles, trying to get the last bits out of that bottle.
And that's the other thing. I cannot use Suave or any cheap stuff. You know that commercial where the woman uses Suave and she looks just as good as the salon-brand hair next to her? Go ahead. Put some Suave on this mess. My hair will look just as good as that woman's down there in the alley, the one shooing away flying goats and chattering to herself.
So that was a must, and also, you guys. I bought something I never thought I would buy. I cannot believe myself.
I bought weed killer. Like, chemical weed killer.
I am not using it in the back yard where it will kill Tallulah, just in the front where the dandelions MOCK ME. I go out there, EVERY DAY. I dig up dandelions. I go inside. The dandelions giggle, and when I come out in the morning, MORE DANDELIONS ARE UP.
I did not want to be this person. I am morally opposed to this sort of a thing. But there it is. I did it. I did not know what else to do.
The dandelions! They mock my pain.
Anyway. My point is, I got myself in the car, got on down to the Target, there, and as soon as I was in the store I was all, oh, this was a mistake.
I was so weak and sweaty and coughy and sniffy and achy and nause-y and regret-y. Plus, I looked good. I was really hoping it was Barry Gibb Comes to Greensboro Target Day. Because, pretty? Mmm!
You know, twice now Marvin has been recognized in public because of this blog. It has never happened to me. I was thinking yesterday, when I was the color of Plaster of Paris, except for my red nose, with my flying-goat-lady hair and my hunched over coughing self, that this would be a perfect day for someone to say, "Are you June of Bye Bye, Pie?"
By the way, I would be THRILLED if that ever happened to me. Why does it always happen to Marvin?
The only good news to come out of yesterday was that I got a gift in the mail from my friend Beige, who I lived near in LA. I used to go walking early in the morning and sometimes I'd see her cat, Gomez, out stalking something. "GOMEZ!" I'd say. "You get home!" He would always start, like, How does this stupid person out here in the wild know my name?
Anyway, here's what she sent me:
Aren't they too cute? I'm going to wear them as soon as I can leave the house again. Oh, what a day that will be.
In the meantime, if any of your Girl Scouts need their shut-in badges…
Do they even give shut-in badges anymore? I remember seeing that one and thinking, "What the Sam Hill is a shut-in?" Little did I know I'd BE one someday.
Since I am lying here draining, I have been reading our book club selection for this month, our Mince Words with June, as it were, and I am hooked. Are you reading it? Oh, it's good. We are reading A Reliable Wife this month.
I guess this reliable wife had better go back to lying on the couch and complaining. I'd hate to shirk my duties.