Lula gets humbled. A photo essay, thanks to Cosmo’s Dad.

Yesterday I told you what I thought was a perfectly scintillating story about the heat and my lawn edger and the dog and my father's pot pie in 1974 and Twilight, and then I was the victim, the VICTIM, of criticism from a commenter.

Faithful Reader and super, super, extra-annoying commenter Cosmo's Dad left a comment, a super, super, extra-annoying comment, asking me why I didn't take PICTURES of my lawn edger, and of the heat, and of my perspiration, and of the extension cords, and of my father and his pot pie back in 1974, and of the author of Twilight, and of someone actually transitioning into a werewolf from a person.

Faithful Reader and super extra-annoying Cosmo's Dad said he was under-stimulated by my post because he didn't have anything to look at yesterday. Do you know what I would like to stimulate Cosmo's Dad with? How about my fist?

Wait. That came out wrong.

Anyway, COSMO'S DAD, I am SORRY that I was out LIVING MY LIFE on Sunday and not DOCUMENTING IT for your edifiCATION.

So I had planned to tell ANOTHER story about SOMETHING ELSE that happened to me on Sunday. Well, really, it happened more to Tallulah, but now that Cosmo's Dad is going to be all under-stimulated, I felt self-conscious about having no photographs from my story. So you know what I did? I took reenactment shots. Just for annoying Cosmo's Dad.

That's what I did.

It is 11 o'clock at night on Monday, and I have set this to post on Tuesday morning, and I have been wandering around my house like a banshee, reenacting the stupid tale of Tallulah's brush with geese from Sunday. It was going to be a simple tale, and now it has become a whole thing.

Cosmo's DAD.

Okay. So on Sunday, I said to Marvin:

Marvin

(there's Marvin. Are you stimulated yet, Cosmo's Dad?) "Let's take Tallulah to the Bog Gardens!"

Lookedbetterearlier

Here's me. Okay, look. It's 11 p.m. How hagged out do YOU look by 11 p.m.? You should have checked in with me at, like, 7:00. I was still relatively cute. And I know that Bonnie Raitt called and wants her white streak back. WE WERE BROKE, remember? I had to wait for this one check to come in. I have a hair appointment on Wednesday. Cinco de Mayo. It looks like I have de mayo in my hair.

I have, however, no excuse for the smudgy eye makeup. Am I entering an Alice Cooper lookalike contest later? Because no one told me.

Anyway, Marvin Gardens said yes to the Bog Gardens, and we got Lu's leash and took her to the park.

Bestpictureever

How mean am I that I just reenacted the getting-of-the-leash part? See what you did, Cosmo's Dad? She is totally down for a walk, even though she has never gone for a walk at 11 p.m. in her life. She is now out there trying to walk herself.

I have to say this is my favorite picture of Tallulah, ever. It is redunkulous.

So we all get in the car and Marvin immediately heads the wrong way. I mean, the Bog Gardens are not far from our house, at all. It is kind of a straight shot, if you want to know the truth and/or stalk us.

But my grandmother, the one I am becoming, used to nag my grandfather endlessly when they were in the car. As soon as they got in, she would grab the dashboard with all her might, and press her espadrilled foot to the floor, like she was pressing her own brake. 

Grab

Brake (Honest to God, Cosmo's Dad, you better poop yourself after this.)

And I drove with my grandfather 750 times. He was a fine driver, not remotely scary. But the whole time she'd be gasping and "CHUCK!"ing and I swore I would never do that. So when Marvin went completely the wrong way, I said nothing.

So we got a nice tour of Greensboro, and after a 40-minute drive, we finally pulled into the park that is six minutes from our house.

Well. Do you know what didn't occur to me?

It is baby season. It is baby duck season, and it is baby goose season.

Swanee

I had not one thing in my house that was duck or goose related. Or even duck, duck, goose-related. Finally I found these swans that, coincidentally, belonged to the grabbing-the-dashboard grandmother. Just pretend they're ducks and geese. In a bog garden and not a china cabinet.

Aren't you glad I took pictures of my Sunday walk with Tallulah? COSMO'S DAD?

Mytailpointsatswans

I also took the swans out of the china cabinet, and I like how Winston is pointing them out for us.

Anyway. I am obsessed with baby geese. And also baby ducks. I mean, I guess that comes as no surprise. If you have read this ludicrous blog for awhile, you already know this fact, because there were baby geese at my old workplace, and my obsession for the baby geese was probably part of why they had such incredible respect for me; hence the part where I am working there today.

Naturally when we saw said babies I had to stop and obsess over them, as I do, forgetting in fact that WE HAD THE DOG. THE RIDICULOUS, HUNTY, BEAGLE-MIX DOG. Who has never met a baby goose before, it turns out.

If I think I am obsessed? I had yet to meet the so-needing-meds-for-her-obsession-Tallulah.

And you know what? Tallulah is not cool. She in no way can act like she does not care. If she were a person, she would be a used-car saleswoman. "What do I have to do to get you into my mouth TODAY!?"

Oh, she was obnoxious, with the tugging and the wagging and the whining and the wanting to go over there closer and the not being at all subtle about it. She would never be the type of person wearing a beret and writing poetry in a coffee shop. I'm telling you.

So, the thing is, you find a baby goose? Not far from it is a mom goose. And guess who is bitchy?

Oh, there is nothing scarier than a mom goose. Could they have blanker eyeballs, those adult geese? When do they go from being the cutest, pookiest things to the blankest, most soulless-eyed beings, ever?

When that goose saw Talu all up in her baby's business? Here is what she did.

Hssssss!

Yes, the mom goose showed her bra strap.

And do you know what Tallulah did?

Sitpretty

She sat right down. That thing hissed at her and she was all, "Yes, ma'am. I sorry." People around us saw it all and laughed. You have never seen someone humbled so fast.

I am thinking I should just dress up like a big goose when we go on our walks, and when she acts up, I can just hiss. Because that was the best she ever acted, was when that thing showed her the business end of its hiss.

Gooses are scary. I have to respect them.

I hope this entire post receives the Cosmo's Dad Seal of Stimulation. (You know I love you more than my luggage, Cosmo's Dad.)

93 thoughts on “Lula gets humbled. A photo essay, thanks to Cosmo’s Dad.

  1. Oh. My. Gawd! Funny!
    Favorite pic: “Mother Goose”
    Favorite line: Do you know what I would like to stimulate Cosmo’s Dad with? How about my fist?
    Wait. That came out wrong.
    I think I peed in my pants at that one, I was laughing so hard.
    Love ya, June! So glad you are (obviously) feeling better!

    Like

  2. You know what would be fantastic? If June would have her blog, with comments, published in book form. It would be HUGE, but a great read! 🙂

    Like

  3. Jan~ Ouiser, you sound almost chipper, What happened today? You run over a small child or something? says:

    As funny as this post is/was, Cosmo’s Dad’s response rivaled it in the funny. I heartily second the motion to have Cosmo’s Dad do a guest post. Complete with pictures, of course, lest we become understimulated. Maybe June should do random reader/commenter guest posts. Paula H&B, Cosmo’s Dad, Marvin, Mother, Duffy Lou, Joanne. It would be hilarious!

    Like

  4. Jan~ Ouiser, you sound almost chipper, What happened today? You run over a small child or something? says:

    As funny as this post is/was, Cosmo’s Dad’s response rivaled it in the funny. I heartily second the motion to have Cosmo’s Dad do a guest post. Complete with pictures, of course, lest we become understimulated. Maybe June should do random reader/commenter guest posts. Paula H&B, Cosmo’s Dad, Marvin, Mother, Duffy Lou, Joanne. It would be hilarious!

    Like

  5. Jan~ Ouiser, you sound almost chipper, What happened today? You run over a small child or something? says:

    As funny as this post is/was, Cosmo’s Dad’s response rivaled it in the funny. I heartily second the motion to have Cosmo’s Dad do a guest post. Complete with pictures, of course, lest we become understimulated. Maybe June should do random reader/commenter guest posts. Paula H&B, Cosmo’s Dad, Marvin, Mother, Duffy Lou, Joanne. It would be hilarious!

    Like

  6. Jan you’re funny, and I’m glad you got the Ouiser. The first time I tried to translate the name I came up Oye-e-user. Then the light bulb went on.
    June is my stimulating Goddess. She alone is entertaining enough for all of us. Without her our days would be rather dim. With or without fisting.
    And Hulk, that Kelly McGillis is now a lesbian, who da thunk. She is still a lot purdier than that Bruce Jenner.

    Like

  7. Great great post, Junie! Love Marvin, love your shoe, love Lu, love your goose impression! Say, does photography run in your family or something?
    To second someone’s comment, what can we do to help your commenters that recently got hit with Mother Nature’s wrath?

    Like

  8. Great great post, Junie! Love Marvin, love your shoe, love Lu, love your goose impression! Say, does photography run in your family or something?
    To second someone’s comment, what can we do to help your commenters that recently got hit with Mother Nature’s wrath?

    Like

  9. Great great post, Junie! Love Marvin, love your shoe, love Lu, love your goose impression! Say, does photography run in your family or something?
    To second someone’s comment, what can we do to help your commenters that recently got hit with Mother Nature’s wrath?

    Like

  10. By the way… the song “Take my Breath Away” was the song my ex-wifey and I danced to at our wedding in 1988.

    Like

  11. This post is only second to the one about Tallulah getting away from you and tearing through the neighborhood with you and Marvin chasing after her. You need to repost that one!
    When you don’t read all the comments you miss half the fun.

    Like

  12. Hulk (Who is celebrating by drinking a beer in the living room and leaving the toilet seat up.) says:

    And the song “Love Stinks” was playing on the radio when my ex and I got to our reception. Happy One-Year Anniversary Of Being Divorced to me!

    Like

  13. The Red Cross text for a $10 donation for flood victims is “90999” if anyone is interested. Still not hearing about a lot of other opportunities yet. I think I did hear something about a telethon – imagine the talent right here in Nashville – awesome!

    Like

  14. My gosh … laughing so hard over here. I was totally stressed about the crappy offer we received for our house today … and then I read this … thank you. I will now go to bed laughing and eating Tums rather than crying and eating Tums. :o)
    And Cosmos Dad? Thanks for complaining. I think June should reenact her day in pictures every day now. :o))))

    Like

  15. Ok, I hate to do it but I have to complain.
    I am appalled by the sheer volume of photos. You broke my internet. This is too many pictures. I hope you never post an entry with this many damn photos ever again. TOO MUCH!
    Bwahahahahaha. Yeah, I’m lame. 😉

    Like

  16. Truth be told June, you brought this on yourself. You raise the bar of expectation for your readers each time you post!! I know I can always stop by, read your post and be entertained. Can’t beat that with a stick!

    Like

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