Elegance is learned, my friend

Fascinating

I accidentally took this photo of myself the other day when I was trying to turn off the camera. Because it is so fascinating, I thought I'd share it with all of you. Do you wonder if I ever leave the computer room? Perhaps Marvin locks me in here all day so I don't chew the furniture.

And speaking of my riveting photography, I took before and after pictures of my not-at-all narcissistic tooth-whitening venture yesterday. Did it occur to anyone how we are broke and I cannot afford this? But, see, it was on sale. So there you go.

Before
Here is my before shot, and also all of Marvin's ties. You know, I used to be someone who bought Chanel eye shadow, or sometimes in a pinch, MAC. This here is Cover Girl, and I once knew a real live model who was a friend of my father's and she said Cover Girl was just as good as those expensive brands but here is where I beg to differ with her. Because, hello, glitter.

The tooth-whitening was kind of fun. You bit into this big mouth guard and stuck your face in this light, which I could not help but think was giving me cancer. Because you know how lighthearted I am. Also, before he began, he asked me if I was allergic to glycerin and of course how would I know, I have never eaten glycerin, and the whole time I kept waiting to go into anaphylactic shock. Did I mention my lighthearted, devil-may-care attitude?

At any rate, after a few minutes went by and I did not die, and after figuring the light wouldn't give me cancer for many years, I relaxed and tried to read a magazine despite the big light in my face. My hairdresser came back and made fun of me for awhile and then it was over.

After
After. Is this the most jarring picture you have ever seen in your life? Or what? First of all, welcome to my nostrils. And apparently I passed the early '90s on my way home, because what happened with my hairline, up there? I have an Elias Brothers Big Boy swoop all of a sudden.

Waxearrnme
Marvin took this less upsetting photo, but really all I can do here is concentrate on Tallulah's yeast infection in her ear, and how her medicine has made her ear part all oily. Really, won't you come over soon? We are all so sexy.

In other news, I may have scored myself a small part-time job. There is an aesthetician in town who owns a salon, and she needs a receptionist/greeter on Fridays. She needs someone on Wednesdays too, but although she had her business out of her home for eight years, has only had her salon two years and cannot afford to pay a Wednesday receptionist, and she said she would pay me in trade if I was interested, meaning I could get free services from her. I told her no but then I went on her website and saw all the peels and waxing and so forth, and oh, I am so tempted to do that now.

Anyway, we have talked on the phone twice and she said she got a ton of applicants but my cover letter was her favorite, and I am going down to meet her today.

You know I will end up working Wednesdays.

I will not wear the frosty Cover Girl to the interview.

That is all my news, except for the part where coffee sounds good. Gonna go look at my teeth now.

53 thoughts on “Elegance is learned, my friend

  1. You look like Ross when he whitened his teeth.

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  2. “Who’s LINDA bummed”??? Holy Freudian slip, Batman! “Kinda” bummed…

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  3. “Who’s LINDA bummed”??? Holy Freudian slip, Batman! “Kinda” bummed…

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  4. “Who’s LINDA bummed”??? Holy Freudian slip, Batman! “Kinda” bummed…

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  5. The teeth look fabulous, June. Does the aesthetician need a receptionist AND a tooth model? If so, she is in LUCK!
    Also, you have eaten glycerin. It’s in EVERYTHING. Seriously. My aunt is allergic, so she just hangs out in her house all day looking frizzy and eating this super-restrictive diet. Wait…a…second….

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  6. Seeing up your nostrils was not what I had planned for my Friday morning. Although I love the Tallulah-with-crud-and-oil-in-her-ear photo.
    Hope you get to flash those pearly whites every Wednesday and Friday for someone!

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  7. Maybe I should go to my hairdresser to get my teeth whitened. After my dentist whitened mine, I couldn’t even breathe they were so sensitive.
    As for yeasty Talu…are your cats licking her gooey ear? Boone used to get infections in one of his ears because our great dane, Myrtle, was always lick, lick, licking it. After she died, no more ear infections. It was a crappy trade-off.

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  8. I’m curious about your stand out cover letter. Care to share? And, OMGG! The “Countess” was anything but elegant with that “song” and wacky producer. My stomach felt funny while watching.

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  9. you had me at the first photo. as usual.
    thank you for whitening your teeth just for me. i hope you can still come?! if you come don’t look at my teeth or my heels.

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  10. Duffylou - looks in the mirror and my sisters are there - but they are more than a decade older!!! says:

    Love that you wore you Bye Bye, Pie shirt to get your teeth whitened.
    I have never been able to afford the expensive makeup. Raising three kids with no child support I was lucky I wasn’t harvesting and rubbing berries on my face.
    Believe it or not I have found as I get older, L’Oreal or Revlon matte eyeshadow work really well. They stay out of crows feet, which I have plenty, and leave a nice smooth finish with no glitter chunks.
    My eye sight is very poor up close so occasionally I make an incorrect selection in the shadow “quad” and I pay dearly. I become princess sparkle pony and every line around my eyes comes out to play.

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  11. I don’t think I can go a day without a Friends reference creeping into conversation, here in June Land and also in my real life. Just last week a friend of mine and I were moving furniture around a corner and I kept yelling “PIVOT!! PIVOT!!”
    Then we fell apart laughing and ran for the bathroom to not be the one left peeing in our pants. Fun times!

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  12. Yea, receptionist job! Just the thing for our cheery Junie, the one who is snarling because of the no coffee thing. Thats ok, June, I’m snarling cause I’m on a diet and can’t eat what I want. Cause I pushed my body to the limit and the genetic thing is the only thing saving me right now. Depression can do terrible things to you. Oh, and my job…glorified receptionist! Yes come right in and I’m so happy to see you and do. not. piss. me. off.

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  13. Am I the only person who had to m-w.com aesthetician? Congratulations on the boffo cover letter, June, and I hope the job works out. What would you botox first in trade for your Wednesday work?

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  14. I really do notice the difference in your teeth! I wasn’t going to comment if I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to fake like they looked nice, but they do. And now that you’re not drinking the coffee, they will stay that way! A small silver lining, perhaps?
    Trading services has become very popular in these tough economic times. Sounds like you have a good deal there – sit and chat with people, doing the receptionist thing that you love, and get beauty services in exchange! I don’t know many women who would pass that up. I hope you get it.

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  15. June, I can’t believe I didn’t say anything! Your teeth really do look noticeably nicer (they looked nice before, don’t get me wrong). I think it was a good reward for having to give up that which we do not speak of.

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  16. I was about to say OMG, but then I remembered…So, I’ll just say TAKE THAT JOB. I’d be working overtime for all those fabulous services.
    The teeth look great. I had mine done at the dentist, but I’m all about the multi tasking. I would love to have my hair and teeth done at the same time.
    Also, that Kelly is the craziest bitch on the planet. Seriously? June, how can you like her. She’s an idiot who is totally wackadoodle. And that Jill, don’t even get me started on what a bitch she’s become this season. A big Woot Woot for Alex telling her off.

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  17. Make lemons with your lemonade…. push her off the boat.

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  18. When Big Boy was franchised across the country, the franchsor was able to title it by their own name. “Big Boy” was the trademark. Made many a burger in 1973, the combo, with the triangle shaped salad bowl, iceberg lettuce, 2 tomato wedges and that great blue cheese dressing.

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  19. That song that the Countess sang? SO atrocious. Makes Tardy for the Party seem like a classic.
    Also that creepy guy that she is dating? He totally skeeves me out. He’s totally a pedophile or something icky like that. When they kissed? I barfed.
    And, YES, Joann. Whackadoodle describes Kelly. And, MAN! Jill is the biggest bee-yach this side of the Mississippi, fo-shizzle.

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  20. Oh how I loved me some Bob’s Big Boy but then I’m from california. The man and i had one of our first dates there. Loved “pivot” die of laughter every time I watch that clip. Now to June seeing as this is her blog and all– love the teeth and i can totally see the difference. Snap up that job girlfriend. Free beauty treatments? That rocks.

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  21. Hey Hulk,
    Eating celery actually increases the pheromone levels in men’s sweat, making them more attractive to women. Androstenone is a steroid that is found in human sweat. It gives off a scent, or sex pheromone, that makes men more attractive. Because the cytoplasm of celery contains androstenone, eating it can actually increase the human levels of the steroid and the pheromone-secretion level.
    The effects of eating celery are almost immediate, but you don’t need to go overboard. A guy needs to work out, have a nice warm shower, chomp on a few sticks of celery, brush his teeth and then head out the door smelling good.
    For an added bonus, if you get the girl, celery also increases sex drive and ups the amount of ejaculatory fluids making climax stronger.
    Ants on a log.

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  22. Uh, Thanks. And no, I do NOT want a milkshake. Nope.

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  23. Uh, Thanks. And no, I do NOT want a milkshake. Nope.

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  24. Uh, Thanks. And no, I do NOT want a milkshake. Nope.

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  25. June, your teeth look great. I would totally go for the services for job trade, also.
    I agree about the eye shadow. I had heard or read that you should skimp on the eye shadow (get drug store brands) and not skimp on the foundation, etc. Well. What a load of hooey that is. But then, I tend to catch a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror on the way to work and wonder what the hell Mimi from The Drew Carey Show is doing in my car, so what do I know.

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  26. June, your teeth look great. I would totally go for the services for job trade, also.
    I agree about the eye shadow. I had heard or read that you should skimp on the eye shadow (get drug store brands) and not skimp on the foundation, etc. Well. What a load of hooey that is. But then, I tend to catch a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror on the way to work and wonder what the hell Mimi from The Drew Carey Show is doing in my car, so what do I know.

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  27. June, your teeth look great. I would totally go for the services for job trade, also.
    I agree about the eye shadow. I had heard or read that you should skimp on the eye shadow (get drug store brands) and not skimp on the foundation, etc. Well. What a load of hooey that is. But then, I tend to catch a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror on the way to work and wonder what the hell Mimi from The Drew Carey Show is doing in my car, so what do I know.

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  28. I was a full-time hairdresser for 10 years. In a college town, that is also the state capitol. Oh my – the stories I heard! You should totally work there – it would be great material for your blog…to add to all the totally great stuff that makes me -snort- with laughter. Snort, I tell you!

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