And yet another tale about this ludicrous dog and my fine pack leader skills

Does it seem like I am constantly telling you stories about Tallulah escaping? Like, here? And also too here?

I know. Well, guess what.

So, Marvin calls me last night at 6:00, because have I mentioned the ridiculous hours he puts in as an elementary school teacher? He is out the door by 7:00 a.m., and often gets home after 6:00 p.m. Then on weekends he is at the dining-room table, grading papers.

It's all worth it, though, because he makes SCADS of money.

Heh.

At any rate, I asked him last night if he wanted me to wait until he got home before Tallulah and I went on our constitutional, but he said no, he was exhausted from all that teaching or the torrid affair he is having from 3:00 to 6:00 every day.

Unfortunately for me, Tallulah knows the word "constitutional" at this point, so I do not know why I try to use it in place of "walk." As soon has she heard me say it, she got up on her hind legs and started applying lipstick in the vanity mirror, and tying on her babushka and so forth. So really there was no way I could have waited for Marvin anyway.

BANG!

Attached please find a photo of Tallulah, in her "BANG!" position, which trust me, at this point I wish my finger were really a gun. But I digress. And yes, that is a dead squished fly next to her, which I assume fell off her body, as she just came in from outside. Owning animals is nothing but a treat.

So I put this creature's leash on her and off we go, on our evening stroll. If by "stroll" you mean she has shot out in front of me as far as possible, choking herself to death on her collar, pulling my arm out of its socket, and charging at every Pug, bunny, and cat that we see.

It's relaxing.

Here is the thing about my dog. She is two different people: inside dog and outdoor dog. When we are outdoors? My love for her disintegrates by about 3,000 percent.

If we walk up and down each side street in my neighborhood and curve around the cul-de-sac, which people here pronounce "cul-deeeeee-sac," the walk takes about half an hour, which is about as much as my arm can take. By the time I have gotten home, it is 50 feet longer than the other arm, and is dragging uselessly next to me, completely removed from any bones or joints from which it used to be attached.

Right at the last block before the cul-deeeee-sac there is a house on the corner, where three little towheaded girls live, who I have told you about before. They are often playing in their back yard, which I find refreshing because for some reason children do not seem to play anymore.

"HI, LALULAH!" they all scream at once, as we approach. I am bad with kids' ages, because of the whole lack of having kids thing, but I would estimate they are all under the age of seven. One still has a sippy cup, which "Lalulah" has removed from her grip more than once. They all climb their fence to lean over and pet my dog, and they often have a toy or whatever with them, and Lu always thinks it is a gift for her.

I have no idea why they like Lalulah.

In December, these girls got a puppy, Snowflake, and it is the cutest, cutest, CUTEST puppy ever. My guess would be that she is a Samoyed/German shepherd mix, or maybe a Samoyed/Golden retriever. She is cream-colored and fluffy and her ears stick straight up like a shepherd, and when she started out she was just a big ball of fluff.

Tallulah hated her on sight.

And here is the thing about my dog. She has been going to the dog park and to dog day care since she was a pup. So she is sociable with other dogs. But when she is on her LEASH and another dog approaches? She is a dink. Our trainer–and yes we have had a trainer, and yes I have watched Ceasar and read both his books and wept and prayed and gnashed my teeth over this dog–said Tallulah feels she has to protect me when she's on the leash, and that's why she acts like Kim Jong-il when she's attached to me by a strap of leather.

At any rate, Snowflake is probably six months old now, and has gotten HUGE, and Tallulah's barks have gotten less evil because I think she understands this sweet puppy is now larger than her bully-ass self. But in case you didn't read my links up at the top, just a month ago, Tallulah was so busy lunging at Snowflake that she broke her entire collar completely off. And then of course because she was off leash, she was sweet as you please.

This must be how Ted Bundy's parents feel. Or the parents of that annoying "I want it now" girl from Willie Wonka.

And I KNOW I should just not walk past Snowflake, but it is the highlight of my day, visiting that beautiful puppy and those cute girls, who show me tricks on their swingset and tell me stories that make no sense and so forth.

Could this story be taking longer?

Last night I get down there. "HI, LALULAH!" Everything was as it always is. Snowflake started bowing and wagging at Lu, because she continues to want to befriend my dog, sort of like how I am Facebook friends with one of the Real Housewives, and keep leaving suck-up messages to her in hopes she writes me and says, "Let's have lunch soon!"

"What did you buy at Target?" one of the towheads asks me.

"Oh, that's Tallulah's poop. I pick it up after she poops in a yard," I explained.

"Why?"

I was getting all into dog-owner etiquette with these poor girls, and not noticing that my dog was conspicuously quiet, and that Snowflake was no longer at the fence. Do you know why Snowflake was no longer at the fence? Do you?

It was because she was at the door of the gate, SQUEEZING THROUGH. Apparently she had just figured out she could do this. And next thing you know old Jed's a millionaire, and also, THERE IS EVIL SNOWFLAKE, ON MY SIDE OF THE FENCE! And she's HEADED OUR WAY! BECAUSE SHE LOVES MY DOG AND MY DOG HATES HER SWEET SWEET PUPPY SELF!

Here is what the girls did:

"SCREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!"

Seriously, every human being in Guilford County has broken eardrums today, because you have never heard three people scream louder or in a more shrill manner. And their outward scream matched my inward one, because here comes that loping, sweet puppy and I KNOW my dog is gonna get out her machete and spin her head around and grow long fangs and speak Latin and learn Karate and build a nuclear weapon in the next eight seconds, once she realizes Snowflake is COMING OVER HERE.

I have no idea why speaking Latin would be harmful.

So I dropped the leash. I didn't know what else to do. I knew that would make her become undinklike. And guess what?

It worked.

The two of them became best friends immediately. Oh, how they jumped on their hind stupid legs and pawed playfully, how they wrestled and smiled and bowed and ran ran ran through the neighborhood like a couple of idiots.

In the meantime, the three girls were still mentioning, "SCREEEEEAAAAAAAMMMMM!" They may have also occasionally screeched: "SNOWWWWFLAAAAAAKE!"

It seemed to take a while for their mom to come out, as she was probably inside doing shots and also immune to the screeching, but finally she realized this was more urgent screeching than usual. She came out, said, "Snowflake! Come home!"

And I will be a monkey's red swollen hind end if that dog didn't turn right around and come home. She just TURNED HER SIX-MONTH-OLD PUPPY SELF HOME.

What do you think my two-and-a-half year old demon dog did? "Oh. Snowflake done? K. Smell ya, Big Hair!" And as per usual, there went the back of my dog's blonde butt, screaming through the neighborhood. And there was me, a Target bag of poop in my hand, knowing that jerk would not return until she felt like it.

The trainer we had, who we paid 8 million dollars to, had me go out and purchase liver, for WEEKS, and cook it in a pan, and take Talu in the back yard and say, "Tallulah come!" and I'll tell you what. If I have some fresh-cooked liver on me? She comes when she's called.

Who stood there next to the cul-deee-sac and contemplated reaching up and yanking out her own liver to get that dog to come? Was it me?

In the meantime, a man was on his front porch with his son, because it's the South, and I heard him say, "That the same dog who was loose awhile back?" and the son said, "Yeah."

Okay, great. So now I am famous. The man got up off his porch, and his perfect yellow Lab galumphed next to him, OFF LEASH. "Hi, I'm Bill. This here's Shady," he said. "Can we hep ya get yer dog?"

"What I want to know is how do you get Shady to just stand next to you like that?" I asked.

Bill shrugged. That's what people with perfect dogs are always doing. They always shrug like having a dog who STANDS NEXT TO YOU OFF LEASH is just easy. It's just what naturally happens.

"You can come live with Snowflake and us!" one of the little girls shouted to us, as I see Tallulah run through her neighbor's yard. Bill's son, who was a teenager, took off running after Tallulah.

FIFTY MINUTES LATER, Bill's son has given up on running and is now on his bike. "Yer dog sure has energy," the kid says, sweaty and red. In the meantime, the three girls are now completely fabricating stories. "I just saw her again!" they'd say. "She ran up a tree!"

As I stood in the road, hoarsely calling "Tallulah," I see Marvin's car come down the road.

Because meanwhile? Back at the ranch-style house? Marvin came home from work, and as he pulled up? He wondered why I had tied Tallulah to the front porch. Then when he got up there, he realized she was just hanging out up there. It did not take him long to put two and two together. He has met Talu. She had run herself out and just came home. Five blocks from where I was with Shady and the half-dead exhausted teenager.

So just as I am trying to come up with a good reason why I have Tallulah's poop but not Tallulah, I realize Marvin has her punk ass in the passenger seat, and she is smiling. The three girls, the mom, Shady, Shady's dad, and particularly the teenage kid, all say, "YAY!"

"Thank you all so much!" I said, and I realize all I ever do is thank my neighbors for helping me with this creature.

Tallulah and I sat next to each other in the passenger seat on the drive home, and I told Marvin the whole story. Marvin said I am no longer allowed to visit Snowflake if I have Tallulah. It always ends in tragedy.

I wonder if we'd be allowed to visit Shady, though?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

76 thoughts on “And yet another tale about this ludicrous dog and my fine pack leader skills”

  1. June, you are HI.LARY.OUS!!
    Next time you sneak over to visit Snowflake (is that his real name?), tell the girls you bought a bag of poop at Target. I think we are going to start selling it soon. If someone can take a bunch of rubber bands, form them into shapes and sell them for $5 a bag, I gotta believe there is a way to form poop into shapes and sell it too. Poo Pets, we’ll call it.

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  2. Yes, if someone has the answer to making dogs come back by whatever means except cooking up liver, could they please share it? Furry probably knows the answer and she probably has a great recipe for liver, too.
    And June, little girls ask two million questions per day in between screaming. At least, my three did.
    And I’m not sure which housewife you befriended, but if it is Jill I will be very upset. The same kind of upset as if you told me you listened to Miley Cyrus music.
    When I was in Vail a month ago, all those snowboarders and skiers just strolled through the town with their dogs not on leashes and those dogs did the most amazing thing. They followed them! there’s got to be a secret somewhere.

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  3. I love this story. Particularly your description of the neighborhood’s reactions. Classic Lalulah.

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  4. Pinch collar.
    My arms are now the same length again.
    Just do it.
    The schnauzer down the street wrote me a thank you note when I got it.
    We used to call him schnauzer schnacks.

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  5. Oh my. At least the Wink Martindale collar didn’t snap! I’m sorry that it isn’t working out better. My youngest asshat, Pickle, likes to attack her leash as you walk her. You would think that the leash was Snowflake. My dogs don’t do well off leash either. If you find out the secret to perfect off leash behavior, let me know, I’ll pay you for it!

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  6. New best post ever! “K. Smell ya, Big Hair”…DYING!!
    The girls & I have taken to calling a cul-de-sac a coo-de-sah. Because we gots class.
    And June…in Bethany’s honor, I will be “re-newing my buzz” whilst I watch the Real Housewives tonight. It should be a humdinger!

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  7. I nearly asphixiated from laughing so ding dang hard. This was a side splitter. Bowing down to you and that goofy pranxter girl.

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  8. We spell the w-a-l-k word, and the c-a-r word, don’t forget d-i-n-n-e-r. However, take a nap is encouraged.
    I think this all stems from your doggie day care.
    Its like kindergarden where we were all taught things we already knew. Like, don’t lick the electrical outlets, the stove is hot, (for catholics) if you touch yourself, you’re going to hell.
    Talu learned humping is a 50/50 gamble, feels good or you might get kicked, sniffing is fun and the microwave is evil (remember the lady who thought she could dry off her poodle after the bath) zap.
    So, there you go, run away like a banshee and show up at the front porch… 50/50, she still got d-i-n-n-e-r.

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  9. In fact, Dad of Cosmo, I said, she should be sent to bed without dinner. Marvin, who only saw his cute girl waiting for him on the porch, wanted no part of that punishment, which would have meant nothing to her anyway. She got her dinner AND her swirl of olive oil over top.

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  10. Did you know that the plural of cul-de-sac can be either culs-de-sac, or cul-de-sacs. Share that with lu when she gets home.

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  11. I almost never laugh out loud but I did. Your Tallulah is just one of those dogs that doesn’t obey so much. Cesar would tell you that he had to take her back to the ranch or whatever he has and take a cattle prod to her and do a lobotomy and probably just find a dog that looks the same that did behave and train her to answer to Tallulah before giving her back to you. You would swear he’d turned Tallulah into a different dog because he did.
    My son’s dog escapes forever too. Never ever comes back. My dog runs off but stops and runs back. He will NOT walk beside me. Has to be way out front pulling as though the leash will stretch or break or disappear. It would be easier to let him off leash but it’s against the law and he would likely run in front of a car and die.

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  12. I think it just varies by dog, June. One of my dogs will do anything I tell him to do, the second I tell him to do it.
    My other dog looks at me like I’m off my rocker and then zooms around like a… Well I was going to say Banshee, but banshees don’t zoom, do they? Oh well.

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  13. I’m with Jill Munroe..,
    Demon dog. K. Smell ya, Big Hair. Too funny!
    My dogs are the exact opposite. They attack the window when anyone or any dog is in sight. It’s such an endearing quality. Heh.
    But when we take our walks they are well behaved. They pay no attention to other dogs or people. If anything my rottie mix whines because he wants to go play.

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  14. I tried to do the off leash thing with Tina. It worked about 3 times, until the time she saw something she just had to check out, took off and ran around the entire apartment complex until my ex could catch her. Tina doesn’t get to go outside without a leash now unless it’s a fenced in yard.

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  15. I once called my dog as she was chasing a deer and she stopped and returned to me. I am still shocked, and it’s been years. She was already trained when I got her, so I have no hints about how to get such behavior to happen. I think her gratitude for getting to move out of a trailer park and onto the 60 acres I shared with her had something to do with it. And she probably chased deer all day long while I was at work. But what do I know?

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  16. I loved the “When we are outdoors? My love for her disintegrates by about 3,000 percent.” So true with animals! How can you love them so much at one point and then have no affectionate feelings the next? Maybe if the stupid cat would just let me pet him in front of the neighbors every once in a while. Is that too much to ask?

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  17. Funny post. I laughed out loud when you mentioned using your own liver to bring Talu back. And my co-worker is looking at me like I’m a loon! But, too funny! Which housewife is your friend? I want a housewife friend too! But, not a runaway dog

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  18. OH, my God…this is the funniest thing you have ever written. I have actual tears in my eyes and my co-workers officially think I’m insane. Well done!!
    Oh, I want to meet Lalulah!!!!

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  19. I have about split my sides laughing at this post. This one ranks right up there with the first incident of Lula escaping into the neighborhood. Well, you did get to meet a couple more neighbors, right?

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  20. Best post ever. I mean it. I don’t know which part I loved more; the girls fabricating stories and screaming, their mom in the house doing shots, ‘Smell ya, Big Hair’. Oh June, will you go steady with me? Wait. What???
    And… my dog does what I tell her to do and goes outside of the fence with me while I’m gardening, all off leash. I tell people I don’t know how or why she does, and I shrug. It’s the truth. I’m not sure why she’s trained so well, I’m not smug. I’m just as mystified as anyone else.

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  21. Oh and Target Steve??? I just learned of crazy bandz last night. I had NO idea. None. The sad thing is my husband’s aunt sent them to my girls. So, a grandmother from Nebraska knew more about the new hip pre-teen thing than I did. A mom of two pre-teen, hip girls. Now the evil things are in my house and the girls want MORE.
    A plus for me though… apparently the princess bandz are in high demand. One of the packages sent is the princess bandz. At softball last night I was beseiged by 10 moms wanting to know where I found the princess bands and how much did I pay for them and WERE THERE ANY LEFT. And to think, until yesterday at 4:30pm, I never knew any of it existed.

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  22. Even though I am laughing my ass off right now, you have my deepest sympathy. My husband decided that our lives were so perfect and this 3,000 year old delapidated farmhouse so huge that we needed a dog to spread the love to. Not just any dog either, a 120 lb Great Dane. I think she is a pony in a dog costume. She has been to obedience school 3 times. Flunked out 3 times. The last time they told us not to bring her back under ANY circumstance. I also have 2 girls. Forget nuclear weapons, their screams will render a 400 lb man helpless. So even though I have tears streaming down my face, I feel for ya. It’s still funnier than all get out though!
    Would love for you to come and visit. Or do I have to be a stalker?

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  23. Great post! “Oh. Snowflake done? K. Smell ya, Big Hair!” Hilarious!
    Sorry I can’t help with the making your dog stand next to you without a leash bit, my dogs would take off in a heartbeat as well. BUT I would recommend the gentle leader to stop most of the pulling:
    http://www.buygentleleader.com/View.aspx?page=dogs/products/behavior/gentleleader/description
    We walk our two (60+lb) dogs together on a spilt leash, so they still pull a little with their headcollars on, but my right arm no longer suffers from being transformed into Stretch Armstrong. 🙂 Maybe it could work for Lu as well??

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  24. Oh my goodness…that was the funniest story!! Reminds me of our golden, Brinkley. Dumb as a box of rocks…but sweet as sugar. Couldn’t train that dog to save my life, but couldn’t help but love him.
    I say visit Snowflake on the sly…dogs need friends too!

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  25. Thanks for the laugh. I was in a funk and after reading you post I feel better. I have a bipolar dog myself. He will listen fine one day and then the next he gets a wild hair and becomes the dog from Funny Farm and just runs and runs.
    He has allergy issue right now and his scratching is driving me nuts. I’ve been throwing my flip flops at him to get him to stop, no worries I have bad aim. But now every time I reach down toward my feet he jumps. I think I’m making him neurotic. Better get to the vet for a steroid shot soon before he needs some prozac.
    Got to go wipe off my monitor as I spewed a little coffee when I read the part about ripping out your liver. Thanks.

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  26. Oh, why would I EVER tell you how to train Lalula when it would deprive me of such postings?
    We’ve taught all the dogs but Simone, “Stop!”. Best phrase ever on a dog. But Simone? Cannot hear you when she is barking like a four year old girl squeals.
    Joann? I hate it, but the mistake was getting two dogs from the same litter at once. They only pay attention to each other. You need to separate them to train them. See, sister dog is FUN and you? Are a buzz kill with the commands. You’re Rodney Dangerfield over there is what you are.

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  27. Oh, why would I EVER tell you how to train Lalula when it would deprive me of such postings?
    We’ve taught all the dogs but Simone, “Stop!”. Best phrase ever on a dog. But Simone? Cannot hear you when she is barking like a four year old girl squeals.
    Joann? I hate it, but the mistake was getting two dogs from the same litter at once. They only pay attention to each other. You need to separate them to train them. See, sister dog is FUN and you? Are a buzz kill with the commands. You’re Rodney Dangerfield over there is what you are.

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  28. Oh, why would I EVER tell you how to train Lalula when it would deprive me of such postings?
    We’ve taught all the dogs but Simone, “Stop!”. Best phrase ever on a dog. But Simone? Cannot hear you when she is barking like a four year old girl squeals.
    Joann? I hate it, but the mistake was getting two dogs from the same litter at once. They only pay attention to each other. You need to separate them to train them. See, sister dog is FUN and you? Are a buzz kill with the commands. You’re Rodney Dangerfield over there is what you are.

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  29. arlene whose home is about to be invaded by 3 year old grandson that we last saw when he was 4 month says:

    F.U.N.N.Y. post. I do not have a dog so can laugh at this without the sympathy pangs. If we had a dog, it would probably be the neighborhood wonder. Everyone would be wondering what the eff is wrong with that creature.
    On another note: Lindy you cannot leave it like that. You brought it up, so you GOTTA tell! I want to know about that wasp nest in your bra!!!!!!! Inquiring minds have to know!

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  30. I have had both types of dogs, Junie…The kind that runs away the minute the door is open and then I have the dogs I have now that love to be by us off -leash. I don’t know how it happened! Even Lady who was the biggest jerk could walk off-leash very nicely. I don’t know why?
    Also, Koty does that thing on-leash like Lu. He is very growly and mean when he’s on, sweet and wonderful to other dogs off-leash! I’ve heard that is very common.
    And, generally, I’d be laughing and enjoying this post as much as the others, but I’ve had a hell of a day, as you know. Everyone out there think good thoughts for our doggie Sadie who had an emergency splenectomy today.

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  31. Why will the stupid cat of Bjork jump up into my lap and then five seconds later, after being petted, run away from me like I was Spike the Bulldog from those old Tom and Jerry cartoons…

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  32. I had to re-read this post, it was so funny. Good thing I did because the first time through I thought Shady was Bill the porch man’s son. Cause I’m sharp like that.

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  33. I work in commercial property management and my maintenance staff is at another site working on some projects, so I have to man up and do some stuff around here. I sprayed the nest and waited a few minutes and then knocked it down with a stick. I couldn’t find the nest anywhere. Looked down and it was in my bra. There were people around and I was trying really hard not to freak out or let on that I found it in my bra. No one really wants wasp larvae and pesticide between their girls.

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  34. My dogs are like Dufflylou’s dogs. Angels outside and evil inside. They make me so proud, walking alonside me, not pulling my arm out of it’s socket – off leash, too. Yes, I’m bragging.
    But then, then a leaf will blow across the lawn, another dog will stroll past the house on a leash or a squirrel will sit in the tree with his binoculars, looking in the window and it will set both of them to a decible breaking barking frenzy. No amount of commands, persuasion or treats will call them away from the window until whatever it is is properly scared out of it’s wits.
    I can’t figure it out. Oh, and they NEVER do it when the trainers are here.
    Hey Teri, do you want to be friends with a famous housewife, or will any ole housewife do? Hello!

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  35. Who said you would not be funny anymore. Thank you for making me laugh in the middle of this long work day.
    Pinch collar. Our puppy Vada blasted through every collar. After coming back from a run with a swollen finger that I could not bend I resorted to the pc. It works. We have nice runs and walks now. And, my arms are back to the normal length.

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  36. I love love love your Lalulah loose in the neighborhood posts. They always make me laugh and my coworkers look at me funny.
    My Cecilia was an angel dog and valedictorian of her dog training class. B-+ut she is gone now and I’m getting a new dog TOMORROW. From Tennessee. And I have not met her. So she may be demon spawn and I just don’t know it.
    Also too? I don’t know what to name her. So if anyone is feeling creative please check out her pics on my blog and make a suggestion. Thanks!

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  37. This is my first day reading your blog. I think it replaced my yoga for today. It’s an aerobic workout really. I’m trying to read quietly while my husband takes a business call but I am having no success. Every now and then, I burst out laughing the ugly laugh (it’s like the ugly cry but it’s a laugh) and he tries to ignore me.
    My abs thank you.

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  38. Wow — you hit another home run with this post!! LOVE it and I laughed out loud — that’s to keep from saying LOL. 🙂

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  39. And do you need one more person telling you how happy I am I discovered your blog? Today I was thrice-blessed, because I checked out the links to other Talullah Escape stories. Keep doing what you’re doing–you bring great joy and laughter.

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  40. Pal from MA, I am sending lots of good doggie thoughts for your Sadie. I hope she feels better soon.
    Dawn, I never claimed I can walk my dogs off leash. In fact I think my larger dog would be gone like a streak.
    Maybe he and Talu can hook up. They both have that naughty Pitt side to them.

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  41. Hilarious!!!
    Pal from MA, sending good thoughts.

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  42. Hilarious!!!
    Pal from MA, sending good thoughts.

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  43. Hilarious!!!
    Pal from MA, sending good thoughts.

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  44. This was the most excellent post ever. My steroids are making me stupid. I can’t give anything more than that.

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  45. OMG, my dog is so the same! Bad on a leash, mean on a leash, would never come when called. I have never had a dog who would come when called.
    I highly, highly recommend a SPORN brand harness for Tallulah. I converted Polly about a year ago when I was having a lot of trouble with my knee and I realized it was from our yank-fest walks. I will say, though, that I have had 2 harnesses and both have broken – one while in use, one when the tightening-up piece (plastic) got smooshed.
    I’m glad Tallulah got home safely.

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  46. Pal from MA, I am sorry about your doggy. Sending healing thoughts from Polly and me.

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  47. Wow I can so relate – well almost. I rarely take Leia for a walk cause I don’t like to move. Anymore than I have to. And she’s not a good walker either. But her electronic collar works wonders. Put that baby on her and she be-haves I tell ya what. A little low voltage never hurt anyone.
    Seriously, if it a great training tool and we keep the level really super low and rarely have to use it. She just knows when the collar is on she better behave. Like the fear of God. I’m ok with that.
    Great post!

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  48. I was cracking up laughing at the Latin bit, and then cheering you at the end. You used “you all” in a sentence without sarcasm. I think you’ve gone native.

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  49. Lula was probably thinking “Where you been, Big Hair? I’ve been waiting for you.” because by the time Marvin brought her to you, she had totally forgotten anything about carousing with Snowflake.

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  50. I seriously love Bill’s son. What a sweetheart! This whole story was wonderful and hilarious and it made my day, but reading about how hard he tried to find Tallulah… that really warmed my heart.

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  51. Oh my gosh, why can’t I witness one of these episodes, can we get a camera crew to follow you? At least you will never have a boring life.

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  52. Am. Dying. Laughing!!!
    I have a Border Collie who does the exact same thing! He cannot be taken for walks anymore. We used to take him for walks with 2 separate collars and leashes–the second one was for backup. We even tried that halti thing that goes around his muzzle. He was not having any of that and would walk on his hind legs, while using his front paws to pull that halti off. We just take him out of town now to “run free” and chase tennis balls. Don’t even ask me what happens when the mailman comes to the door and my dog turns to Cujo.

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