Sunny days and Mondays always make me feel the same as ever

It's Monday morning. Everything is as it should be. My phone has already rung 293772 times, because the phrase "works" from home apparently eludes everyone.

Gooddog

Talu got up from sleeping with me to go rest on her blanket on the couch. It is like she is 147 years old. How much sleep do dogs NEED?

Clawkitty

Henry is busy destroying my favorite chair. Note the scratching post RIGHT NEXT to his ass.

 

Nutty
Francis looks berserk.

I'll bet Winston is being good, though. He always…HEY!

Hey

In the meantime, let me tell you about my exciting vending machine experience. I know! I really know how to set up a story. Make you die for more.

On Saturday, Marvin and I went to Winston-Salem. Exotic! Oh, the foreign lands we traverse. Anyway, there is yet another mansion built from the black lungs of cigarette smokers that we visited, called Reynolda House, which was the house and grounds of R.J. Reynolds and his sort of gold-digger wife. I mean, she was a small-town girl who set out to have a mansion one day, then boom, the next part of the story is she marries R.J. Reynolds. They fail to tell us how she scored him.

At any rate, there is not only a big ol' house, but also gardens, and many many smaller houses which used to house the workers and now are magically ice cream shops and jewelry stores, where ironically no smoking is allowed.

The first thing we did was go to the rose gardens, which were spectacular, and we noted that as per usual, it was us and 470 old people. Marvin and I are always finding things to do that old people similarly like to do. I have no idea where the people our age are. Are they doing dreadful things with their kids, like seeing G-rated movies? Then trying to tell me said G-rated movies are good, they have things for adults, too? My friends with kids are always trying to tell me that when they are attempting to convince me to go see, say, Shrek when I don't have to because I have no kids.

So we're looking at every color rose you can think of, and I am busy deciding which one is my favorite, because I'm exciting that way, and Marvin says, "But where are the guns?"

Get it? Cause…guns…and…roses? Oh. Help me.

Then we go into the mansion itself, which cost 10 dollars per person, except they had teacher and AAA discounts, so when all was said and done they owed Marvin, and oh, there was lots to see in that mansion and I tried not to think of my Uncle Jim and his lung cancer. Or my grandmother. Or my grandfather. Or all my various great aunts and so forth who had esophageal cancer and mouth cancer, who all smoked. Because you know what I am? Fun.

We got to tour the master bedroom and master bath, and for some reason old-timey bathrooms fascinate me. I love the old tiles and porcelain and this one had a big old scale. I look over, and who is unbuttoning his pants at the toilet, thinking he's hilarious? While OTHER TOURISTS were about?

Also too, we were admiring the various paintings and furniture and doo-dads, and Marvin gasped and said, "Ohhh! Look at this!"

He was admiring the fire extinguisher.

Who loves himself?

Anyway. In the basement of said mansion, where there is a swimming pool, a shooting gallery, a bowling alley, a bar, and all kinds of stuff you don't have because you didn't invent cigarettes, there is also a gallery that has different exhibits. Because did I mention Reynolda house is technically a museum?

In said gallery is a vending machine that used to be a cigarette machine, but now instead of a picture of cigarettes there is an image of the guy from Operation, do not ask me why. It was called an Artomat.

Artomat1

Here is a similar one I found online, except this one doesn't have the guy from Operation. I was never allowed to have the game Operation because my mother said I would get the pieces everywhere. In case you are keeping track, there is a lot of stuff I was not allowed to have because my mother was obsessed with me getting pieces everywhere. For a loosey sit-on-the-floor-and-discuss-our-feelings hippie, she was awfully tidy.

At any rate, could YOU have been able to resist this vending machine? For five dollars, you got a small piece of original art. HOW COOL!

Naturally I put Mr. Abraham Lincoln right in there.

Wheeler

This was the one I chose. An original piece by Nikki Wheeler. Yes, I do already have her blog address. The box was the size of a cigarette package, except I think the one package of cigarettes I ever smoked in my life, Virginia Slims in 9th grade, was larger.

Art

When I opened it up, I got this. It is sort of a quilty material and I love the colors. I hope celebrated artist Nikki Wheeler comes over here and sees how nicely I cropped these photos.

So I want to hang up my art. Where should I put it? Also, I wish to go back to the machine and buy 75,000 more. Marvin said there's a bar in Winston-Salem called The Garage that also has an art vending machine. I am so hittin' the bar. With my big-drinking self. Hi, just here to buy some $5 art.

Note

Inside the box was also a note, from the artist formerly and currently known as Nikki Wheeler. The whole thing is so cool! Who got the biggest thrill of her weekend for five dollars? No holla!

Anyway, that is all. I must go proofread something. And answer the phone.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

60 thoughts on “Sunny days and Mondays always make me feel the same as ever”

  1. Oooooh, I get to be lucky first poster today! I so was not here refreshing every 5 seconds to see when a new post came up! Love your piece of art. I know what you mean about being interested in things that 90+ year olds are. Every time that we go somewhere that I want to go I get told it by my hubby. He seems to think it is a great day to throw up on a ride that scares the living crap out of you.

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  2. How funny it is that you can’t find time to answer the phone because you are working, and yet I have seen 28463783476457834837764 different critter pictures on here…

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  3. How funny it is that you can’t find time to answer the phone because you are working, and yet I have seen 28463783476457834837764 different critter pictures on here…

    Like

  4. How funny it is that you can’t find time to answer the phone because you are working, and yet I have seen 28463783476457834837764 different critter pictures on here…

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  5. Those people, with the kids, that tell you that kid movies are good and there’s stuff for adults in there too? They’re retarded.(sorry, Sarah Palin) (not really) I loathe kid movies. Especially now that Disney has decided that every. freaking. animated. movie. must. be. in. 3D. Thank goodness I have teenagers to take the 7 year-old to the kid movies. At least teenagers are good for something. When the teens were young, I used to take a book and a small penlight and I would read during the stupid kid movies.
    Back in the late 80s when I was in college I worked at a bowling alley, and there was a cigarette machine that looked just like that in there! Except it actually dispensed cigarettes. And it was always broken. So I got to deal with pissed off customers having nicotine fits. Good times.

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  6. I just love picture day at June’s house! Will that be next month’s cover of Taluprah?
    And your Artomat cig art is very cool!

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  7. What an exciting trip! At least you guys aren’t 23 and 27 like my husband and I, always going to the same place as old people.
    Especially liked the line “where ironically no smoking is allowed.”

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  8. I am really loving on the picture of Winston on top of the cabinets….my cat Henry does the same thing. I think they like to be up high so they can feel powerful! Oh, and did you see the movie UP? It’s a kids movie but so adorable…plus there is a talking dog…and you will fall in love with that dog, I promise!

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  9. I recently admired these teacups in the Vermont Country Store catalog. They have your birth flower on them. I told my mother, and she said, I saw those and thought of getting you one, and then I thought, June isnt an old lady. Why am I thinking of getting her these? To which I say, ?????? I have been an old lady all my life.

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  10. I can’t imagine a more fun afternoon, except if you had known about the Artomat and had come loaded with fivers, like you were at a strip club stuffing them into crevases (or is it crevi?).
    When we moved to Minnesota the first thing I did was to hang out at the Senior Center with the quilting ladies so I could learn. The second and equally exciting thing I did was to join a Spinners Guild so I could lust after the gorgeous spinning wheels.
    Oh, one quick Old-People-out-having-fun story before I go. We were in a really cute small town in central Mexico and the biggest herd of blue-haired American folks showed up. They were a traveling bull fight groupie fan club or some such thing. Anyway, they each had a really cute ceramic tequila cup hanging on a ribbon around their necks and were dancing and singing in the streets with the mariachis and following one lone Mexican dude who had the giant tequila bottle. Rather Pied Piper of him! We were welcomed with open arms and given our very own tequila cups.
    I still have mine hanging in my kitchen. Just in case.

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  11. I can’t imagine a more fun afternoon, except if you had known about the Artomat and had come loaded with fivers, like you were at a strip club stuffing them into crevases (or is it crevi?).
    When we moved to Minnesota the first thing I did was to hang out at the Senior Center with the quilting ladies so I could learn. The second and equally exciting thing I did was to join a Spinners Guild so I could lust after the gorgeous spinning wheels.
    Oh, one quick Old-People-out-having-fun story before I go. We were in a really cute small town in central Mexico and the biggest herd of blue-haired American folks showed up. They were a traveling bull fight groupie fan club or some such thing. Anyway, they each had a really cute ceramic tequila cup hanging on a ribbon around their necks and were dancing and singing in the streets with the mariachis and following one lone Mexican dude who had the giant tequila bottle. Rather Pied Piper of him! We were welcomed with open arms and given our very own tequila cups.
    I still have mine hanging in my kitchen. Just in case.

    Like

  12. I can’t imagine a more fun afternoon, except if you had known about the Artomat and had come loaded with fivers, like you were at a strip club stuffing them into crevases (or is it crevi?).
    When we moved to Minnesota the first thing I did was to hang out at the Senior Center with the quilting ladies so I could learn. The second and equally exciting thing I did was to join a Spinners Guild so I could lust after the gorgeous spinning wheels.
    Oh, one quick Old-People-out-having-fun story before I go. We were in a really cute small town in central Mexico and the biggest herd of blue-haired American folks showed up. They were a traveling bull fight groupie fan club or some such thing. Anyway, they each had a really cute ceramic tequila cup hanging on a ribbon around their necks and were dancing and singing in the streets with the mariachis and following one lone Mexican dude who had the giant tequila bottle. Rather Pied Piper of him! We were welcomed with open arms and given our very own tequila cups.
    I still have mine hanging in my kitchen. Just in case.

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  13. Our friend that lives in W-S took us to those gardens. Love it! Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to get through the house. Next trip we will take the tour.
    Get you a spray bottle a squirt Henry right in the butt when he starts to scratch on your fav chair! Loved the photo of Winnie on top of the cabinets. How I miss my kitty!

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  14. Oh, Tee. Go get you a kitty. There are plenty of happy indoor kitties. I swear there are. I lived in big cities where they had to stay in and they were content as pie. Honest!

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  15. Our ultimate failing as parents is that we hate all those family movies. Long, long ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, Larry and I were in a video store where we saw the movie “The Brave Little Toaster.” And we both looked at each other and said, “No.” We just weren’t going to go there, you know? Sometimes you’ve just got to draw a line.
    Now here it is, 6 kids later, and we’ve maintained our principles. Well, except VeggieTales. Those crack me up.

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  16. Ew, Veggie Tales. I remember being pregnant with my daughter, sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office and seeing that on the screen. I was horrified. Why do these vegetables have faces? Why are they talking?
    I’m pretty sure that the creators of most children’s shows are on crack. Just look at things like Yo Gabba Gabba, Veggie Tales and Tele-Tubbies for proof!

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  17. Oh, and June! I think you should put your art somewhere that you can see from where the phone sits. That way you have something to entertain and calm you when people won’t let you, you know, work?

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  18. June, it is my biggest pet peeve. I am WORKING, people! And even when they say, “What’s going on?” And I say, “I’m working.” They just keep a-prattling on. Drives me crazy.
    I also find children’s movies and children’s programming in general to be quite painful. Same goes for children’s music. And I have 3 of those children.
    My mom wouldn’t let us have Play Doh because of the mess. I thought she was so mean and it was the first thing I bought for my own kids. As soon as that crap was opened, I understood. I never bought it again.
    I love the idea of art in a vending machine.
    And I love that Marvin was unbuttoning his pants at the toilet. Hysterical.
    And Lisa Pie, your story was the most charming thing, ever.

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  19. My friend Renees kid was terrified of Play-Doh. Do not ask me why. She was phobic of it. I think she has grown out of it but for a long time you could not even think about Play-Doh around that kid. Not to mention try to whip out that Fuzzy Bumper Barber set.

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  20. Don’t know how I came upon your blog last week, June, but have been hooked ever since! I, too, work from home and have spent far too many hours reading your archives instead of doing my work. If I weren’t my only employee, I’d have fired myself.
    Anyway, I have thoroughly enjoyed your writing and look forward to keeping up with your new posts.

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  21. I can’t identify with those of you not liking the artistic, entertaining Disney or Pixar movies. Aladdin is one of my favorite movies. I bought the anniversary addition for myself. Robin Williams is hysterically funny and his humor is lost on children.
    June, I think your awesome piece of art would look great in a shadow box. Something three dimensional to give it depth.

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  22. Hulk, are you serious? Are you calling my mobile? Because if you are I am not even going to have this conversation with you again about how I NEVER HAVE IT ON.

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  23. Ohmygod! Tell me they are not gonna make it actually nice. And you are so taking me dancing, do you hear? We are jamming out. We are crashing a wedding. Or something. As soon as it opens.

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  24. I hate ‘Shrek’ and all kids’ movies. I never watch them. But I’ve been known to use them like they’re going out of style. Best darn babysitters E.VER.
    Then, one day, my then 5 year old son started saying, “Has anyone seen my nuts?”, I had to start (actually) watching the kids more closely to see who their perverted 5 year old friends were.
    Turns out? It was the babysitter by the name of “Over the Hedge”.

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  25. Ok, so I’ve been in and read this a few times and read the comments and just now, the third time I read it did I finally read this line right: “It is sort of a quilty material and I love…” I kept reading” It is the sort of quality material that I love…”
    I will not try to sway you on kids movies. But I love them. On one of our first dates my hubby and I rented a movie (Hey! We were young and brrr-ooo–ke.) I made him watch Beauty and the Beast with me. Oh, how I love it. Why he still dated and then married me, I’m not sure.

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  26. Love the Artomats. And? I want one. NOt just the mini art. I want the machine.
    Ahhhh, cigarettes! How do I miss thee? let me count the ways… ‘Cause they will not let you into your painting labs in art school if you do not smoke. It’s in the instruction manual. Makes sense right? All those lighters and smoke around the combustible thinners? If you only knew how many times somebody set the trash on fire.
    FTLOG (That was for you, June.)

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  27. Love the Artomats. And? I want one. NOt just the mini art. I want the machine.
    Ahhhh, cigarettes! How do I miss thee? let me count the ways… ‘Cause they will not let you into your painting labs in art school if you do not smoke. It’s in the instruction manual. Makes sense right? All those lighters and smoke around the combustible thinners? If you only knew how many times somebody set the trash on fire.
    FTLOG (That was for you, June.)

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  28. Love the Artomats. And? I want one. NOt just the mini art. I want the machine.
    Ahhhh, cigarettes! How do I miss thee? let me count the ways… ‘Cause they will not let you into your painting labs in art school if you do not smoke. It’s in the instruction manual. Makes sense right? All those lighters and smoke around the combustible thinners? If you only knew how many times somebody set the trash on fire.
    FTLOG (That was for you, June.)

    Like

  29. Marvin would love Shrek – great soundtrack! And gardens are full of old people because visiting gardens with kids is a nightmare. I am so glad that we have just about got the stage with mine that when they say they don’t want to go, I can say, “That’s fine, you can stay home”.

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  30. Thank you for the smile! I’m so happy that you like your little piece of art!
    I’m stuck with the kids movies for a few more years. I do my best to only listen to them, but I wouldn’t be able to write this if it weren’t for one of them. I just need to get better at tuning out the annoying chatter.
    I would love to go to “old people” places for dates. At this point, I’m stuck with Hope Depot and Barnes and Noble. At least I’m starting to have hope now that our oldest will be turning 11 soon. Another year or so and we should be able to leave the house.

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  31. I think you should color photocopy your little art piece about 1000 times and wallpaper your dining room with it.

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  32. yes standard 8 1/2 x 11, elbow, ear, nostril (left one), eyebrow, cheek (you decide which one and I’ll turn the other), I’m tall enough to easily fit for other parts but that bright flashy light thingy is kinda scary and I was still seeing dots from the eyebrow pic.

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  33. Your mother was a tidy hippie. How hilarious is that? I also wasn’t allowed Operation or Lite Brite or Mouse Trap. I am still bitter. So I got them for my kids. No problem with small parts for those toys but let me tell you about Fucking Legos and Fucking Polly Pockets. Yes, those are their official names. Those fuckers hide on the floor and wait to get you right in the arch of your foot. Damn things. My kids are 21 and 19 and I still hate Fucking Legos and Fucking Polly Pockets even though I haven’t been attacked by them in years now.
    And I always resist watching the kid movies and then I end up loving them. A lot of the jokes are aimed at adults and they are really fun. Well, wait a minute. Pocahontas sucked. Which my daughter called Hocapontas at the time.

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  34. Your mother was a tidy hippie. How hilarious is that? I also wasn’t allowed Operation or Lite Brite or Mouse Trap. I am still bitter. So I got them for my kids. No problem with small parts for those toys but let me tell you about Fucking Legos and Fucking Polly Pockets. Yes, those are their official names. Those fuckers hide on the floor and wait to get you right in the arch of your foot. Damn things. My kids are 21 and 19 and I still hate Fucking Legos and Fucking Polly Pockets even though I haven’t been attacked by them in years now.
    And I always resist watching the kid movies and then I end up loving them. A lot of the jokes are aimed at adults and they are really fun. Well, wait a minute. Pocahontas sucked. Which my daughter called Hocapontas at the time.

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  35. Your mother was a tidy hippie. How hilarious is that? I also wasn’t allowed Operation or Lite Brite or Mouse Trap. I am still bitter. So I got them for my kids. No problem with small parts for those toys but let me tell you about Fucking Legos and Fucking Polly Pockets. Yes, those are their official names. Those fuckers hide on the floor and wait to get you right in the arch of your foot. Damn things. My kids are 21 and 19 and I still hate Fucking Legos and Fucking Polly Pockets even though I haven’t been attacked by them in years now.
    And I always resist watching the kid movies and then I end up loving them. A lot of the jokes are aimed at adults and they are really fun. Well, wait a minute. Pocahontas sucked. Which my daughter called Hocapontas at the time.

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  36. If you continue to call your cell phone your mobil, you will deserve to hang out at places for old people.
    As for kids’ movies, if you have children and want to be able to use random quotes at inappropriate times (as my son and I do), then you have to watch some kids’ movies. When Beth is acting goofy, CJ and I like to tell her, “it’s a cow farm, there’s goin to be cows outside!”

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  37. I totally dig kids movies. The husband wasn’t so sure about them until Madagascar 2. He then decided that they weren’t totally evil. The penguins brought him around.
    I love your art piece and am jealous because the closest one to me is 3 hours away. Boo. Please post pictures (like you wouldn’t anyway) of where and how you decide to display it.

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  38. Paula h/b breathe deep..once more..breathe deep….. lets not talk about dog toys, just yesterday I stepped on Santa without a face..

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  39. Wow! Are you like 83 with the term “mobile”? Are you still pulling up the antennae on that thing?
    Love the art!
    When my youngest turned 10 I laid down the law about animated movies…I will see them no more. She better hitch a ride with a friend..
    Paula-Tell us how you really feel about the Legos and Polly Pockets!

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  40. We call our dog Polly Pocket – ’cause her name is Polly and once, for a very short time, she was pocket-sized. I took her to the kennel as a growing pup and the owner heard me call her Polly Pocket and said “more like Polly Pillowcase” so we call her that, too. And P, PP, Pocket, Polly P Pocket, Pooper, Polly Poop, she is a dog of many nicknames.

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  41. Good luck with the scratching post. My daughter had a cat that after being outside all day would come in and used the couch and two chairs as a scratching post. And yes, we did have a scratching post inside too. Right next to the couch and chairs. The cat just seemed to prefer the furniture. Sad to say that the couch and two chairs ended up being totally shredded on the arms and sides by the cat. Nothing we did seemed to change the cats habit. Ended up getting rid of the couch and chairs. We kept the cat. Lucky cat.

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  42. I’m willingly admitting that I love Shrek & Shrek 2 (#3 stunk) and am looking forward to seeing the newest installment. I don’t care if that makes me assy.
    I’m totally jazzed about getting some art and am checking out my closest Artomat. I’m envisioning inviting over the neighbors to see my art and swill glasses of Two Buck Chuck.

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  43. June, I think you’re just an old soul… ya know, “wise beyond your years” hence the fact that you like to do what elder folks like to do. 43… going on 86.
    And? I think kids’ movies are made to appeal to the adult crowd so that parents will not remove their own eyeballs while having to watch them 749 times with their children. NO need for people not attending with a 5 year-old to ever EVER see Shrek.

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