June's stupid life · Marvin

Am I blue

Marvin and I are painting the living room today. How long do you give us before we file for divorce?

We do not do projects together well. I am very by the book. I like to follow the rules. Marvin? Is kind of loosey-goosey. "Good enough," he'll say.

See. I'm German. Is the thing. Good enough is not good enough for me. I'm a PROOFREADER, for God's sake. I like things to be all perfect.

I say one of us is flying to Reno by 6 p.m.

Anyway, yesterday we went to Lowe's — no, wait — Home Depot to buy paint. And why don't those stores just merge? They are exactly the same. Here in Greensboro, they're even on the same street, and you know what's disturbing? They are set up exactly opposite from each other. So at Lowe's, the gardening stuff is at the far left, and at Home Depot it's at the far right. And of course once you're inside those stupid places you forget which one you're in, then you get all screwed up when the gardening stuff isn't on the left.

So, I had a paint color in mind. Remember when I asked all y'all all all about what colors we should paint the living room, and so many of you wrote in with suggestions? I think one person said, "How about blue?" and then everyone else shot her down because our couch is blue.

I went with blue.

I didn't even intend to, but I went to the Nester's a few weeks ago, and her blue wall was so pretty I had to Single White Female her.

Nest

So I emailed her, and I said, "What is the paint color you used in that room with the plates?" and of course she knew. It was a Sherwin-Williams color.

"We have to go to Home Depot," Marvin said. "They're having a sale on paint." The Home Depot is way farther than stupid identical Lowe's, but okay. We went.

"Ooooo! Grills!" Marvin said when we got there. I steered him toward the paint. There were 870,432 kinds of paint, but guess what. GUESS WHAT. No Sherwin-Williams. Oh, I was sad. I had thought this was gonna be so easy. Now we had to look at paint samples and try to match the Nester's color. Crap. Because you know Marvin was not gonna go find not-on-sale Sherwin-Williams.

I am happy to report, however, that I quickly found a brand by someone called Behr that was pretty:

Blue

"I like this one," I told Marvin. "Okay," he said, not caring as long as the walls weren't pink. Which I also suggested. (As an aside, Marvin is taping off the doorbell right now and it keeps ringing and the dog's head is spinning backwards. Poor Talu.)

Then we went back to get the grizzly Behr paint, and it cost nine thousand dollars a can. "This kind is really expensive," he said. "I thought paint was on sale!" I moaned. "Not this kind, apparently," said Marvin, who owns 72 guitars that all cost a fortune.

So then I had to go back and look at stupid Martha Stewart colors, and Glidden colors, and I'm telling you, nothing compared to that paint sample above. It's been seven hours and sixteen days. Nothing compares to you. Behr paint.

Finally I said, "Let's go, then, and try to find Sherwin-Williams paint and see how much that is. Because now I am hooked on that Behr color and I don't want a second-choice color on my wall for the rest of my life."

As we were leaving the paint section of wherever the hell we were, Home Lowe's, there was a big display of Behr paint "REBATE ON BEHR! GRRR!" Okay, I added the "GRRR" part.

"Marvin. Which paint is on sale?"

"I have no idea," he said.

"You mean you dragged me all the way out here and wouldn't let me get the paint I wanted and you didn't even know THE PAINT I LIKED WAS THE SALE PAINT?"

So we schlepped back and got the Behr, and it would have been funny had we gotten brown paint, cause see, I could have said the brown Behr, and have you ever had them mix up color for you at the paint department at Lowe's Depot? Oh, it's so cool! They go up to the computer and scan your color and then put a bucket of white paint under a gun and colors just shoot out!

I spent an hour and a half discussing this process with the paint guy, and Marvin was so completely done with both of us he could have barfed. He was picking up paint stirrers and can openers and even looking at the Disney paints, he was so over us. I thought it was fascinating! They can color match any color at all. You bring in a color, and the computer shines pure white light on the color and picks up all the pigment and gets the color correct to like 24 thousandths or something.

I have fun wherever I go.

By the time we got home, Marvin said, "Could we start painting in the morning?" I said okay, and when I got up today here is what I found so far.

Tapey door

Stuff's gettin' taped up.

  Henrywindow

The curtains are down.

And Marvin is crank-crank-cranky. Think of a swear and I have already heard it today. And don't forget we have to take down three enormous bookshelves. Who enjoys me and my plans? Is it Marv?

I may be advertising for a roommate tomorrow. Must love half-painted blue walls.

54 thoughts on “Am I blue

  1. I missed out on the paint sale! We just moved into our house in January and i’ve been dying to paint! Wasn’t able to get to Home Depot though. 😦 Did you know they’ll color match Sherwin Williams paint in any brand? They have the codes in their computer. What was the Nester’s color? Do you know the name of it? I love it!

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  2. Happy birthday Pal from Ma. You were always a trendsetter. BTW, if something happens at 45, I have forgotten it. Maybe June will tell me about it in July.

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  3. I finished A Reliable Wife last night and I love love loved it.. I was disappointed that I couldn’t see comment from “Mince word w/ June”… and I would have read it sooner, but wasn’t available at the library till last Wednesday…. I would really love to see comments from last “mince”…..

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  4. Oh, June- I love you.
    You do not make me jealous. You do not show off your Maui vacation pictures or your brand new appliances to replace last year’s model or this grand prize that you won and oh where will you put it because you have no room in your fabulous house cuz said house is already cram packed with fabulous stuff.
    You tell me about purple bird poo on your dog, ‘Lalulah’ and you make me howl with laughter.
    Thanks, June.

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  5. I’m just wondering why June did not check back in today and say how the painting was going. I hope this doesn’t mean she had to kill Marvin and she’s already in jail.

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  6. As much as I love painting and repainting the rooms in our house…after this last paint job, my husband said that the next time I decide to paint that he is going to make sure that he has to work that day! Yea right!

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  7. Wait. a. minute. Back up. Rewind. Did my eyes deceive me or did I really read where Paula H&B says she was moving? That just can’t be, she would have said something earlier.
    Oh, Furry, my straight husband’s “vision” usually involves major structural changes that are completely impractical from my POV. An example: he wants to remove the wall between the dining room and the laundry room/pantry to “open things up!” We’d lose not only the pantry if we did that but also our appetites from seeing piles of dirty laundry while we eat.

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  8. Don’t want to be a party pooper, but every (painting) party needs one.
    If you’ve got the name of a paint color, they can type it up in their computer and can match it in ANY BRAND. Sherwin Williams colors, Benjamin Moores colors, Cyndi Lauper (true) colors.

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  9. Pal from MA, I was in Salem today and thought of you..on your birthday! (I think that’s where you’re from, right? If not, I was also in Swampscott and all over Cape Ann, so I probably hit it somewhere in there…)
    Happy Your Day!

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  10. Happy B-day to June’s Mother’s friend. It is good that you are no longer dyslexically 44. However, My dyslexia was cured at 45, too.
    In five years you get to be 40-ten.
    Eat lots of cake and wear a hat.

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  11. Happy birthday Pal from MA!!!
    And I envy all of you who love to paint. I’ll do it because I’m too cheap to pay the big bucks for someone else to do it, but things have to be pretty grody before I will get around to doing it.
    I have a blue kitchen that I painted many years ago and have disliked ever since, because somehow the little patch I painted looked green and I wanted a green kitchen. Maybe this summer I’ll get the energy to paint it the yellow I truly want it to be. I lurv me a yellow room. But I can’t do that until I repaint the bathroom that we bought the paint (Behr) for months ago and have had it sitting in the bathroom ever since.

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  12. Oh, and that blue is really pretty! Hope it’s all going well and you and Marvelous Marvin don’t kill each other! You know, on my birthday. Because I would be sad. On my birthday.
    Love ya, Junie!

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  13. Yo yo yo, Junie!
    Have I mentioned that it is my BIRTHDAY TODAY? Did you know that? Do you also realize that I am ALWAYS going to be older than you and therefore, much, much wiser and smarter?
    Man, I’d hate to be you and still be 44. I’m really glad I’m 45 today. Just wait until you get to be 45. It’s SO much better than 44. You’ll see…really! In fact, there is a secret thing that happens when you turn 45, but I can’t tell you or I’d have to kill you. Man, it’s SOOOOO much cooler being 45 than 44. Sorry, June!
    hee hee heeeee! I’m seriously loving myself right now! : )
    LOL! WTF? TTYL! IDK, IMHO, LKDOIXJKHS! You know?

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  14. The door taping is frightening. Don’t paint the door. Consult the Nester first!
    I have a question. If that ding dang computer at Lowe’s (in our case, because we don’t shop at Home Depot any longer) is so accurate, then why in the world are all those cans of paint returned that you can buy for $1/gal.?
    Home projects are a testing ground for marriages.

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  15. I painted the ENTIRE inside of our house. By myself. I did the ‘computer room’ first. Then my daughter’s bedroom. Then my bedroom. Then I tackled the rest of the house. Oh, and did I mention that I had to remove wallpaper in the dining room, foyer and kitchen before I could prime and paint? All of this (not including the bedrooms) took about 4 months. But it is gorgeous. Only, now, I want to repaint the main living areas a different color. How stupid am I? A glutton for punishment, yes?
    I will say that my husband helped with wallpaper removal….he actually enjoyed it!

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  16. I’ve learned after 21 years of marriage, when it comes to Home Improvement projects, once we’ve decided on something, I make myself scarce and just let him do the work. Since he is a General Contractor and I am Not, it seems to work best that way.
    Of course, the difficult part is agreeing on something. He tells me I have “no vision” and I tell him he’s way too straight to be making decorating decisions and to just stick to the installation/construction part of the deal.

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  17. I understand your German complusive disorder for perfection. I am of that breed as well. Maybe all the Germans were in Michigan at one time.
    I like your blue. It looks like it will be a fab color with your blue couch. Can’t wait to see it finished. Hope none of the cats become blue.

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  18. My house that I’m moving out of is ALL color. Jewel tones. It is lovely and I love it but it is also exhausting. So for the new house we painted everything a coffee-ice-cream color with white trim. My kids say it is boring. (They can go to hell.)
    That is a beautiful blue, June, and blue is my favorite color. Also I forgot to say yesterday how gorgeous Fran is and how much I love him.
    Now back to packing, taping, driving to new house, untaping, unpacking …. bah.

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  19. My house that I’m moving out of is ALL color. Jewel tones. It is lovely and I love it but it is also exhausting. So for the new house we painted everything a coffee-ice-cream color with white trim. My kids say it is boring. (They can go to hell.)
    That is a beautiful blue, June, and blue is my favorite color. Also I forgot to say yesterday how gorgeous Fran is and how much I love him.
    Now back to packing, taping, driving to new house, untaping, unpacking …. bah.

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  20. My house that I’m moving out of is ALL color. Jewel tones. It is lovely and I love it but it is also exhausting. So for the new house we painted everything a coffee-ice-cream color with white trim. My kids say it is boring. (They can go to hell.)
    That is a beautiful blue, June, and blue is my favorite color. Also I forgot to say yesterday how gorgeous Fran is and how much I love him.
    Now back to packing, taping, driving to new house, untaping, unpacking …. bah.

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  21. Okay, so stop me if I’m wrong, which is entirely possible with the crazy ass night I had, but shouldn’t it be “everyday every day reader”?
    And June, I’m sorry, but your blue looks gray to me. Maybe I need to adjust the colors on my monitor.

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  22. I am sorry to have to jump in here with this, but I hate, despise and LOATHE the Home Depot. When we moved into this house 5 years ago I found that we were almost halfway between the HD and the Lowe’s. I went to HD for some things and Lowe’s for others. No particular reason, just whichever one had the item that I preferred. Home Depot got my big order or carpet and Lowe’s got the lights and toilets.
    As things went along I kept finding much better customer service at Lowe’s while HD kept dicking me around on arrival times, installation times, etc. They pissed me off so badly that I kept moving up the food chain every time I called until I finally just told them they were making a loyal Lowe’s customer out of me and that was that. I have never darkened their doors again.
    But Lowe’s? They have always been good to me. You give me a good product at a fair price and throw in a little courtesy and respect, and you have got me for life. Or until you cross me.
    But back to you and your painting project. I wish you all the best. And if it comes down to it, I bet Miss Tallulah will help you dig a big hole in the backyard for Marvin’s remains.
    I am like Furry G, I have to have color. The only white walls in my home are in my pantry. And that is one of my next projects, to rectify that situation.

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  23. Bwhahahahaha! Taping? Oh, you two are so cute. Sweet, actually. Sknnnk.
    I just finished painting my office last week. The ceiling fell in after an ice dam on the flat part of the roof. Painted the ceiling, trim AND walls. Blue.A dark cerulean blue. But the colors I choose are a little more assertive than yours. I dig color. The more the better.
    I love to paint. I did it for a couple of movies, even. And I love the consistency of S-W paint. The Behr can be a little runny.
    Wow. That sounded kind of icky.

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  24. Bwhahahahaha! Taping? Oh, you two are so cute. Sweet, actually. Sknnnk.
    I just finished painting my office last week. The ceiling fell in after an ice dam on the flat part of the roof. Painted the ceiling, trim AND walls. Blue.A dark cerulean blue. But the colors I choose are a little more assertive than yours. I dig color. The more the better.
    I love to paint. I did it for a couple of movies, even. And I love the consistency of S-W paint. The Behr can be a little runny.
    Wow. That sounded kind of icky.

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  25. Bwhahahahaha! Taping? Oh, you two are so cute. Sweet, actually. Sknnnk.
    I just finished painting my office last week. The ceiling fell in after an ice dam on the flat part of the roof. Painted the ceiling, trim AND walls. Blue.A dark cerulean blue. But the colors I choose are a little more assertive than yours. I dig color. The more the better.
    I love to paint. I did it for a couple of movies, even. And I love the consistency of S-W paint. The Behr can be a little runny.
    Wow. That sounded kind of icky.

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  26. The last time I shopped for paint, the salesperson told me that the designer paints were the best. (I think it was Ralph Lauren paint, believe it or not.) Anyway, he said the paint has so many pigments in it that it looks different in different lights.
    In the morning light it would have one hue and in the afternoon it would have a different hue. I thought this would be the worst thing for a paint to do since my couches won’t change color when the paint does.
    I bought the store brand and it is still just fine. I don’t want much from paint.

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  27. Accckkk!! We need to finish painting our only guest bedroom that we started FOUR YEARS AGO and both of us just “upped and quit.” Either that, or it was a Reno trip as you said. Apparently I have no shame. I just keep that door closed.

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  28. Number One: Never let your husband anywhere near the paint. He will make such a mess that you never let him near the paint ever, ever again.
    Number Two: Pick out paint based on the name of the color. I just painted my dining room Beach House (something from Lowe’s) because I wanted blue and that was a pretty name.

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  29. Pretty blue.
    But, um why is the door being taped? I really hope your not painting the middles blue or something. Did you check with Nester about this?

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  30. Marvin, who owns 72 guitars that all cost a fortune! You crack me up.
    Good luck. I am currently waiting to pay for parking at six flags. It’s 2000 degrees today and humid. Oh joy. I might be puking later.

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  31. Painting is expensive! We had to repaint every room in our house. We just finished two weekends ago. I feel your painting pain. Too bad there isn’t a True Value on the street with Lowes Depot. They have their buy one, get one free gallon of paint sale this weekend.

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  32. Oh I couldn’t be more in love with myself because IT WAS ME!!! Remember I even sent you a bazillion photos of examples of blue? Ding and dang this will be an awesome day!
    Today will be spent putting my house back to order. Still having to “take it easy” as they say because my head still doesn’t like me after that wild Friday night which included wondering why toilet paper smelled like mint.
    Can’t wait to see the new room!

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  33. Douche Bag. Those words seems to be thrown around a lot around here lately from college son. Just wondering if you have heard that one today, while not particularly a swear word, it’s not a term I care for so it is a swear word (two words) here.
    Wondering why there is tape on your door but I’m afraid to ask. But I just did.
    Oh and you could have just given Home Lowes guys the name Nesters color and he could have looked it up. They can do that sometimes. I know, where was I yesterday? Well, I was out and about with two kids and a husband and listening to the term douche bag a lot.

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  34. I’m the loosey-goosey one in the marriage. Some rules are stupid.
    Good luck! You’re house will look SO GOOD. And I love pictures of people working on their house, be sure to take lots.

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  35. Like Marvin, my husband gets frustrated halfway through a home improvement project. So instead of repainting the whole wall he just touched it up. That way he wouldn’t have to tape and take down curtains, etc.
    Buuuuut, the paint-mixers are not always as accurate as one would hope… hence the splotches all over the walls in every room of the house! We can’t decide if the new batch of paint is the wrong color, or if the old paint on the walls is just that dirty.
    Anyway, when you’re done in G’boro you can slip slide on down to Charlotte and fix my splotches. Thanks!

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  36. My husband is the same way with painting, and it drives me absolutely crazy. I love the color, and you can tell Marvin that Behr paint is rated better than the others by Consumer Reports. I found THAT out when we painted OUR living room a couple of years ago, because my hubby is all about researching everything with Consumer Reports first to get the “best buy” and then slapping it on so it looks like crap.
    *Sigh*

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