Pet bull

I'm just sitting here in my white cotton nightgown waiting for them to call me to tell me I have the job. Is hoping they'll call me at 10 a.m. the day after an interview a little too hopeful? Is sitting around in a white cotton nightgown at 10 a.m. a little too sad?

In the meantime, I had a dream about my Uncle Jim last night. I was at a family gathering and there he was! He was all healthy-looking and joking around and I felt like it'd be rude to say, "You're supposed to be dead! Why are you here?" so instead I just went with the flow and enjoyed his company.

Wouldn't that be nice? If people who had died could show up for things every once in awhile? Unless you're someone who hates family gatherings. Then imagine how irked you'd be to be all dead and relaxed then have to get up to go to some christening or something.

Anyway.

Am going to continuing proofing my FIVE TEXTBOOKS under the assumption that I'm going to get this job, and so I had better be off.

Oh! But I wanted to tell you that last night we were walking Tallulah, and this little boy was riding his bike in circles in front of his house. "What kind of dog is that?" he asked.

"She's a Beagle and a Pit Bull," I told him.

"WOW!" he said, impressed. I have to tell you that since the day I got this dog's DNA done, this is the first time I have ever told anyone what terrible breeds she is that anyone has ever said "wow" in a good way. Granted, my audience was five years old, but I'm taking it where I can get it.

"I have a dog that looks just like your dog," he said, which was interesting because I walk by his house every day and have seen cats but never a hint of a dog.

"She's all blonde, though, not blue and blonde," he continued. I did not want to tell him about the part where Tallulah is not blue most of the time; the whole mulberry-tree-berries-in-my-yard-the-dog-likes-to-roll-in-them story seemed too complicated. So I let a five-year-old think there are dogs who are blue and blonde. This is why it's good I never had kids.

"What kind of dog is your dog?" I asked instead of educating him.

"Oh, she's a pet bull and a Beagle," he said.

This is why I like kids. They lie like rugs. Also, the term "pet bull" is kind of perfect for Tallulah. It is like I have a pet bull. She charges around uncontrollably and she's stubborn and don't even try to wear red around her.

You know, technically she isn't a Pit Bull. She's an American Staffordshire terrier. But who are we kidding? It counts.

PIT-BULL

Here is a Pit Bull. And I enjoy whomever titled this photo in the first place, who felt the need to hyphenate "Pit Bull." Also, is this dog on 'roids?

American-staffordshire-terrier-0037

Here is an American Staffordshire terrier. I mean, they're not that different. Also, I see so much Talu in this dog that I just want to kiss it up.

Blueye

Here is a Tallulah. Maybe you can't see the Am Staff in her. But when she gets really excited her forehead wrinkles up and she looks all Am Staffy. Trust me.

Wrinkle

See what I mean? She needs Botox.

Do you know what irks me? Is when people don't know from in-office plastic surgery procedures and they say, "And she has so much Botox in her lips she looks like she's wearing those wax lips!" Okay, you don't have BOTOX in your LIPS. You have collagen or some similar plumping device. Geez. I wish people would get their shallow needless cosmeceuticals straight.

Didn't I say I was leaving like seven hours ago? What I like about myself is my ability to dive right into my work. Because it's not like I have five books to proofread or anything.

Okay, bye.

 
 
 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

35 thoughts on “Pet bull”

  1. You ARE going to get right on here and let us know when you get that job offer, right? Because I’m sure we are ALL sitting around in our white cotton nightgowns waiting for the news!
    A blonde and blue Pet Bull…very cute.
    Good luck!

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  2. You just listed my entire family’s worst nightmare to come back from the dead. Not for like “come back to go to Universal Studios!” or “come back to go to France!” It’s COME BACK TO HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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  3. I didn’t know it was improper to be sitting around in your nightie at 10 am. It’s 11 and now I feel like I should change or something.
    Here’s hoping that you get the job!

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  4. When I dream about someone that’s died, they always are whole and healthy. I often dream about my friend Joyce who died when we were 23. She had Cystic Fibrosis. We weren’t that close when she passed, but we spent every summer together at sleep away camp from about 4th grade to 8th. She also went on family vacations.
    She sometimes comes back as a preteen. Occasionally high school age. Very rarely what I would picture her to be at the time she died.
    I also dream about my Grandma. She was born in 1900 and died in 1975. She comes back healthy too.
    I wonder what all these funky dreams mean? Maybe someday I’ll find out.

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  5. Talu is so adorable. I love the term “pet bull” and I think I am going to start using it on a regular basis.
    You are like Bill Cosby interviewing on Kids Say the Darndest Things. I think it should be a regular feature.

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  6. I find it hard to believe that the Pit Bull is not photoshopped. Man, if not, the owner must have that dog on steroids AND in the gym about a half day each day…which is 12 hours, or 84 hours in dog time.
    Now, get on those daisy dukes and get to proofing.

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  7. No, no, no. I’m telling you, the shape of her head is the same as Garp the Beagle Boy’s. And his forehead wrinkles at times too.

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  8. Maybe she needs collagen. To look more like the pit-bull pet.
    Is cosmeceuticals a word?

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  9. My friend from childhood, who was the biggest jokester in the world, died in a car accident when we were both twenty. I dreamed about her months later and actually told her in the dream that she was dead and I saw her in her coffin. In my dream, she laughed and laughed, saying, “Oh, you fell for that?”
    I love to pretend that the dream was real and she is out there living a wonderful life, but we just lost touch over the years.

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  10. My puppy Ernest T. Bass is also a Pet Bull. The vet says he is Am. Staff, and a prime example of that breed. Which is interesting since some jackass person just dumped him off in front of my house 2 1/2 years ago. (Ernest T. just had his 3rd birthday and I don’t know why I persist in calling my dogs “puppies” when they are grown ups in the dog world). Anyhoo, he looks very much like both of those pics you posted. He is extremely buff and muscled almost like the guy in your top photo, but his personality and white toes are more like the one below. Plus and also too, he has tons of wrinkles. I swear he has enough extra skin to make another dog. He is the smartest dog I have ever known. His only fault seems to be that he persists in wanting to kill the cats. So it is a balancing act every day as to who is in the house, who is in the front yard and who is in the backyard.
    If you go to my poor little blog and click on Ernest T. Bass you can see a few pics of him through his puppyhood to now teenager-hood. He is a looker, that’s for sure. He and Tallulah would make a fine pair.

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  11. Lisa Pie– lovin’ that name, Ernest T. Bass (plus he’s my friend on fb !).
    I dreamed about my dad last night and I NEVER do that. He died the first yr I got out of school in 1971. He would have loved the internet and the 24 hr news channels –(shhh, but not Fox but that’s all people around here watch). I’ve wondered what would he think if he came back and saw everyone walking out of stores with a phone stuck to their ear. Betcha he would think that there was a bad earache virusy thing going around.

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  12. Dee, I named him Ernest T. Bass after the character on Andy Griffith. That Ernest T. was so darn funny with his arms and legs just a flapping and flopping everywhere. And this puppy was like that, like he had no control over his limbs. Pretty cute! And my Ernest T. also has a fb page.
    I had to go update my Ernest T. photos on my blog with his newest photo session pics, so if all 2 or 3 of my readers come stampeding over here, say hey to them! : )

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  13. Dreaming about loved ones happens to me all the time. Well, not ALL the time, usually in the days, weeks and months proceeding their deaths. And/or I’ll see them, usually when I get up in the middle of the night for something. I’ll see them standing in the kitchen doorway.
    On the flip side, when my fiance died, I had many nightmares about him coming back like the dead people in Pet Sematary. It was awful.
    That Pet Bull has a better physique than Matthew McConnaughey (or however you spell his name). But is nowhere near as cute as Tallulah with her shiner.
    Lisa Pie, I’ll pay you and Ernest T. Bass a visit.

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  14. We had DNA testing done on our dog too hoping to find out why he’s so assy. (love that word!) Turns out he’s mostly Tibetan Mastiff with bits of Akita and Chow thrown in. No mention at all of the chocolate lab/golden Retriever he was passed off as when we rescued him.
    I can’t believe the muscles on that pit bull! He looks like a Mr. Universe competitor.
    You know what’s worse than a dog rolling in mulberries? A dog who rolls in something dead! The other day it was a turtle who lost the race with a lawnmower. Yuck!
    Here’s hoping you get the good news on your job soon!

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  15. Hope you don’t have to wait too much longer for what HAS to be good news! However, I’m expecting to still start my day off with your blog, so your contract better have a daily start time of AFTER your blog posts!!

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  16. I dream about dead people and blog writers and celebrities. You do not want to know, trust.
    Also I would never want to come back after I had died to attend family things. Shit, I can hardly drag myself to attend them NOW.
    I heard after the Chernobyl incident (I am old), there were a lot of blue-haired, blonde-eyed people, so Talu isn’t alone.

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  17. I dream about dead people and blog writers and celebrities. You do not want to know, trust.
    Also I would never want to come back after I had died to attend family things. Shit, I can hardly drag myself to attend them NOW.
    I heard after the Chernobyl incident (I am old), there were a lot of blue-haired, blonde-eyed people, so Talu isn’t alone.

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  18. I dream about dead people and blog writers and celebrities. You do not want to know, trust.
    Also I would never want to come back after I had died to attend family things. Shit, I can hardly drag myself to attend them NOW.
    I heard after the Chernobyl incident (I am old), there were a lot of blue-haired, blonde-eyed people, so Talu isn’t alone.

    Like

  19. Don’t you love staying in your gown? My favorite thing is to just lounge around in my gown until noon or so.
    “They (kids) lie like rugs.” That just cracked me up. My husband wanted to know what was so funny. It’s hard to explain, unless you are a faithful reader.
    Hope you get the job.

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  20. Oh my lawd…you’ve got my dog! My Harley looks exactly like your Talu…except the vet says Harley is a chow/pit mix. Either way…he’s still a weenie dog!

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  21. NPR’s “All Things Considered” ran a two-part story yesterday and today about a couple whose dog was sold to them as a particular breed and grew into something entirely different, so they had 3 DNA tests. The story was presented as a “mystery” with the results of the tests on today’s program, and pictures of the dog online yesterday for people to submit their speculation. Cute story, check it out at NPR.org.

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  22. True, it doesn’t plump… just makes them not move at all. I always find it hilarious to see someone on TV who has just had it done. I think most invasive procedures like that to be ridiculous… but I guess maybe I’m just too young to appreciate it. Not for long I’m sure.

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  23. Oh, and by the way.. Is anyone else having a hard time opening your blog? I can’t access it from my google page anymore, and it wouldn’t load for me at all yesterday.
    This has been going on for about a week or so, intermittantly.

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