Employed

Who had a giant piece of bruschetta in her pie hole when the call came to offer me that job, the place where they have Donkey Kong on the breakroom? Was it your gluttonous pal June?

I had to spit it out onto a paper towel so I wouldn't sound like an idiot.

"Hello?" I said smoothly, like I was sitting around writing a paper on Proust instead of sitting in front of the computer reading my blog comments, a giant loaf of bread on my lap balanced on top of a bowl of chopped tomatoes. Thank goodness that whole video phone thing from the Jetsons never really took off.

"Hello, June, it's Mr. X, your new boss from the really cool company with a giant picture of a fire hydrant on the wall at the restroom area."

Okay, he didn't say all that, but his name really is Mr. X. Okay, it isn't, but guess who has a new name on my blog without knowing it?

"So, we all loved you," he said. "What do you think, come in tomorrow? That reasonable?"

"Or how about now?" I said. It was 5:10 and there was a monsoon outside.

"Yeah! Get in the car! Good night for driving!"

Okay, I love Mr. X. Anyway, it'll be good to be employed, seeing as we currently have eleven dollars. No, really. Eleven. Drinks on me! As long as they're drinks from the puddle in my driveway.

"Do you have any questions, by the way?" he wondered. "Well, I noticed people dressed in a variety of ways," I said. "What're the rules?"

"No bare midriffs, no torn clothes. Other than that, anything is fine."

Darn. I was so gonna wear my torn Metallica tshirt that exposed my firm midriff on day one.

When you first walk into the lobby of my NEW JOB, on the wall is everyone's childhood photo. They aren't framed photos, they have somehow made it, like, part of the wall. Naturally I chose my childhood photo days ago in case they called.

Mered

I particularly enjoy my nice jacket/pants combination and the part where apparently some of my intestine is coming out, there, on the right. This is a slide, but I am hoping it'll work for however they make it part of the wall.

Do you like how I am concentrating on this and not, say, the part where they use AP Style at this job and I haven't used AP Style since we were all laughing at that funny Alf? And having to literally write "login" to get on our computers? Do you like how I'm not, say, brushing up on that? No. Instead I gotta get my picture ready.

Lemon

I was also wildly tempted to use this nice shot, where apparently my parents gave me a Lemonhead or something. But I figure they'll have plenty of time to figure out my hair has always been a mystery. Why lead with it with a baby pic?

Oh, and by the way, I used the category "proofreading" for this post, but I am officially a copy editor at this job. Thank you. I know the difference means a lot to all of you. Perhaps we should all go look at my baby hairdo again. Probably makes more sense than knowing the difference between a proofreader and a copy editor.

Anyway, yay!!

 
 

107 thoughts on “Employed

  1. Congratulations, June. Sounds like it will be an exciting and fun place to work.
    Love both of the pictures.

    Like

  2. Congratulations, June. Sounds like it will be an exciting and fun place to work.
    Love both of the pictures.

    Like

  3. Last Friday, was mentioned a second interview, I hope that is true, rather than just a thanks for coming in.
    I hope we all get jobs! Wouldn’t that be great.

    Like

  4. Can you wear your prego outfit? Or your cross-dresser outfit? Yeehaw! They may want to rethink the dress code now that you are part of their team. I don’t think they know what they are in for! Just don’t fart, okay?

    Like

  5. It will be a hub of actvity at lunch or in the evening….
    Cocktails with June
    A tasty cheesey cracker and June
    June, a just desert
    Capping the night, June
    Anytime is the right time for June

    Like

  6. You wouldn’t be the first, June. I stole that from a kid I taught once in grad school for my T.A. His name was Thor. Really. Thor. Only he was the farthest thing from a Thor your could imagine. He was a tall, skinny, goth, sweetheart who was quite talented. One day he came to class all excited. On his chest? Over the entire left side? Bugs Bunny holding the hand of the baby penguin crying ice cubes.
    And he didn’t want to marry his girlfriend because it was too much of a commitment.

    Like

  7. You wouldn’t be the first, June. I stole that from a kid I taught once in grad school for my T.A. His name was Thor. Really. Thor. Only he was the farthest thing from a Thor your could imagine. He was a tall, skinny, goth, sweetheart who was quite talented. One day he came to class all excited. On his chest? Over the entire left side? Bugs Bunny holding the hand of the baby penguin crying ice cubes.
    And he didn’t want to marry his girlfriend because it was too much of a commitment.

    Like

  8. You wouldn’t be the first, June. I stole that from a kid I taught once in grad school for my T.A. His name was Thor. Really. Thor. Only he was the farthest thing from a Thor your could imagine. He was a tall, skinny, goth, sweetheart who was quite talented. One day he came to class all excited. On his chest? Over the entire left side? Bugs Bunny holding the hand of the baby penguin crying ice cubes.
    And he didn’t want to marry his girlfriend because it was too much of a commitment.

    Like

  9. Yay! Congratulations – love that kiddie pic idea for the entry.

    Like

  10. June truly is a cheesy cracker….
    June, every time I ever bid a job and the client pounced on it without haggling, I always thought, “Damn. I didn’t ask for enough.” However, as Furry always says, “Careful what you wish for.” It can’t be bad when you get everything you want.
    You should get the penguin tattoo, for real. Just not on a visible location.

    Like

  11. YAYYY!!! I am so happy for you! You guys get to eat again, and you can get your hair colored by someone PROFESSIONAL and not with a do-it-yourself sex toy! Couldn’t be more pleased for you!
    I hope this will not affect your blog posting frequency, in which case I will withdraw ALL cheering and commence to booing.
    Do you plan to tell your new co-workers about the drag show? They seem like an open-minded bunch, what with the Donkey Kong machine and all.

    Like

  12. I’m going to guess that I’m not the only one who thought “I wonder WHEN she’ll get the Donkey Kong job?” instead of “I HOPE she’ll get the Donkey Kong job!”
    Congratulations!!!

    Like

  13. Yay for you, June! Sounds wonderful!
    Also – I used to love Alf too…remember how he referred to Mr. Ochmonek as “Mr. Ouch-My-Neck”? When I was twelve, it was very, very funny. Now it’s just ridiculous.
    Bev

    Like

  14. Congratulations! You totally used “The Secret” to get this job; you acted as if you already had it before you knew for sure. It sounds like a really fun place to work and that you are a perfect fit.

    Like

  15. Yes, I loved Alf too. I watched it in Germany, dubbed in German, so maybe I should watch it in English, it will be a whole new experiment. Let me get on Netflix…

    Like

  16. Well I’m an author so I know the difference between a proofreader and copy editor. Proofreaders are QA, brainless robots who tell me my protagonist should be 40 in 2011, rather than 38, and copy editors have talent and know how to spell McDonald’s, and that water spiders are green. You’re stepping up in the world!!!!
    Congrats!!!!

    Like

  17. Wow, congratulations, June! It sounds like a really great place to work and I think you will fit right in! Can’t wait to hear more!

    Like

  18. Oh, I heart Mother for the bangs and for apologizing for the bangs.
    Congrats, June. I think you should wait a few weeks before you fart in the hallway, though. I mean, they sound relaxed and everything, but just in case….

    Like

  19. Oh, I heart Mother for the bangs and for apologizing for the bangs.
    Congrats, June. I think you should wait a few weeks before you fart in the hallway, though. I mean, they sound relaxed and everything, but just in case….

    Like

  20. Oh, I heart Mother for the bangs and for apologizing for the bangs.
    Congrats, June. I think you should wait a few weeks before you fart in the hallway, though. I mean, they sound relaxed and everything, but just in case….

    Like

  21. Do they know you blog?????????????????
    By the way..all of you fellow commentators..
    two 9, 10, 11 year old children were walking near me during our afternoon walk… one child said to another “you are such a monkey butt”….
    goodness gracious… whats up with that?

    Like

  22. YEAH! I just knew that you would get the job and it sounds like that is a great place to work. I mean who doesn’t want to go to use the fire hydrant everyday. I would make an excuse to say. Excuse me, I must go use the fire hydrant. Love that!

    Like

  23. Junie…make sure you make an obnoxious amount of noise and wake Marvin and Talu every morning when you get up first! Mucho congratso to you!!

    Like

  24. Oh yes D-Lou!!!! Make lots of noise June! Oh my goodness I’m over the moon happy for you! Also heart mom for apologizing about the bangs.

    Like

  25. I’ve been trying for a couple of days to add a comment and nothing is happenin’ boo hoo
    Congrats, Junie, not that I’m surprised or anything that you got the job. And getting the salary you asked for….wahooo!
    And speaking as a mom who didn’t cut perfect bangs, sometimes the end result is due to the wiggliness of the child. I’m betting Junie was all dramatic, and as the scissors descended, she whipped her head around and whoopsie, bangs that took a left turn. Maybe that is why my daughter grew her bangs out when she was old enough to veto me.

    Like

  26. Overcoming my first-time-comment self-consciousness to add my congratulations. (I’ve only been reading for a few months but I have to say I’ve really been drawn in by your writing, and this recent suspense has sealed the deal. It’s been a long time since I’ve asked my husband to read a blog excerpt, but the way you describe Marvin’s quirks had us laughing. My husband is a totally good guy too but he has a sometimes maddeningly passive way of controlling an outcome.

    Like

  27. Congrats on the JOB!!! Whoo, hoo!!! Here’s hoping they give you every single penny you deserve! (And I love the baby pics! So cute!)

    Like

  28. Congratulations on the new job AND getting the salary you wanted. You must a very good negotiator. Does this mean Tulu is going back to day care? That will mean the cats will be home alone. I bet Fran HATES that.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s