Health, June's stupid life

So, I did Jillian Michaels. So to speak.

Oh. My shattered arse.

Jm

First of all, I take issue with the box. Who works out with a huge medallion like that? Is she Barry Gibb? She's gonna bean herself in the head. Plus, if you read the back of the box, it reads "own personal" at one point, which is a phrase I hate. If it's your own, of course it's personal. And if it's personal, of course it's your own.

Also, I think there's an extra space before the word "a" at one point, and it seems like sometimes there's only one space after the period back there and sometimes two. But this could be just me and my hangups. You think?

Anyway, I got out my hand weights and my mat, like this taskmaster told me to.

(My wrists are sweating on the keyboard, by the way, while I tell this to you.)

Luworkouttoo

Of course, as soon as I did that, Tallulah assumed it was some kind of pink carpet laid out for her.

Leilu

So naturally I took the opportunity to torment her with a lei…

Before

…and engage her chesty self in a dance. Who is over me? Look at her expression.

Anyway, she left. Which was the whole point.

Then I was able to get started on this Nazi's workout plan.

Mother of God. Did everyone else follow Anita or whoever she was, the "easy" person in the back? Because I like how she was supposed to be a beginner but she had 12-pack abs. Yes, they found her in some 7-Eleven parking lot, chomping on a corn dog. "Hey, beginner, would you be in our workout veedeo?"

Nevertheless, I was able to do everything, although my knee arthritis hurt like a mo' sometimes. I think I'm supposed to just keep working out, though, and it'll go away. That's what they told me at the doctor. So, okay. When I need that knee replacement surgery I'll let you know if that's true or not.

Did anyone else pee themselves a little during the jumping jacks? Or was that just me?

So how many days a week are we supposed to do this ridiculous workout? Did anyone watch the rest of the DVD to find out?

Pretty

Oh, and I forgot to include my pretty after shot. Mmmm! Am attracted to self.

You know what I might do? Shower.

I think I hate Jillian Michaels.

58 thoughts on “So, I did Jillian Michaels. So to speak.”

  1. so I watched the video last night, did not actually do it, because I’m going to a conference and won’t be able to do it while I’m there. I can’t glisten in front of roommates, it’s embarassing!
    I, too, was a little afraid Jillian would be herself, but here’s what I like best: once you know the routine, you can turn her off and just have the music, no talking! I hate when you do something enough where you know the whole script. Annoying. And that it contains like 9 different workouts! That’s some bang for your buck right there!
    I’ll be doing level one tonight, the first exercise, and I’ll take a look at workout number two to do tomorrow. 20 minutes of exercise bliss! We’ll see if I agree tomorrow. Thanks for the motivation, June!

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  2. Have you ever been so grateful for the opportunity to get on the floor and do ab work? Those agonizing side lunges just about did me in every time. And all the jumping. My god.

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  3. I feel your pain with the own personal stuff. In Memphis we have an attorney who only represents men in divorce cases. Dude says that he knows that “divorce is the hardest thing in your whole life that you have ever been through.” Hyperbole, anyone? Kill me now.

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  4. No Shred here cause I know that me and Jillian would NOT get along. But I just wanted to say that Lu looks great in the pink lei and for heavens sake, why are you shredding anyhow June? You could dance with Lu and lose that extra pound or two. Good gosh lady, you do not look like you need to be shredding!

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  5. Hi everyone, I’ve been lurking for quite awhile. LOVE this blog. I’ve been shredding on and off (mostly off) for several months now, and I wanted to share the fact that you can shut Jillian up. If you go to audio options on the menu, you can turn her talking off and just hear the music. It can be slightly creepy with her talking and no sound coming out, but I had reached the point where every time she flared her nostrils and told me to “fight for this” the only person I wanted to fight was her.

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  6. ha, ha! that’s great!! Perhaps I shall try this Shred program … 30 days won’t kill me right? I tried P90X and it turns out that 90 days WOULD kill me so I stopped at day 23 … Will you be doing “The Shred” again tomorrow?

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  7. Jillian is a piece o work. She is so full of herself.
    I’m a Biggest Loser addict tho, so that must say something about my personality that I keep tuning in even tho I despise her.
    You needtomustwatch Biggest Loser this fall!!
    And don’t be looking at me to join in this 30 shred dealio…no sirreeeee..

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  8. Just wait until day 3 and you know all the annoying things that Jillian is going to say. You will hate her even more.
    Agree with someone else that old school Firm videos are more effective. Didn’t have knee issues until I did the Shred for a week.

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  9. Your mother in law made me do level 3 with her, and then we did level 1 right after. It was not fun.
    I always think the ‘easy girl’ is laughing at me. I know it is ridiculously easy for her.

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  10. I downloaded it from Amazon and just did it. It is pretty hard, but I like how nothing lasts for a very long time, I like the switching between different exercises. But Jillian, man, she is so annoying. “We are all in this together, we are all in the same boat” Bulls..t. In my boat of lardass I can only dream about being on the abs boat. These people really don’t sweat, they glisten. Only 29 days to go until I am shredded. Can’t wait.

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  11. I have never watched The Biggest Loser. Is that where this bitch is from, that show? I did not know. I heard her arrogant, I HOPE you know who I am at the beginning of the DVD and I was all, well, actually I DONT. MEDALLION HEAD.

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  12. Way to go June! My first day will be tomorrow morning. Tomorrow when you do it watch the “advanced” lady. Part of the way through the routine she just stops. She must have thought the camera wouldn’t catch it.

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  13. Oh, June, I’m laughing my ass off over here. I, too, noticed the ridiculously rocking bod on the “beginner” (how could I not?) when I first did this workout. She’s definitely new to the world of exercise, what with her muscle on top of muscle that could cut glass.
    Maybe I’ll take the DVD out tonight and give it another go….

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  14. First of all I love Jillian and her all getting up in your face self. That being said I lie on the couch and watch her yell at people for being couch potatoes and having no exercise routine. I love that she is in THEIR face and not mine. Second of all why would I want to shred myself? I mean honestly I wouldn’t mind being a little more fit but shredded? I have accidently almost put my finger in the brush shredder and it was a bloody mess. Why would I want to do a work out where my whole body becomes a bloody mess? That is my own personal opinion as opposed to my own public opinion.

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  15. The good news is that I still have some muscles I thought I lost, for the pain tells me so! The bad news is that this is one of those non-instant gratification programs. I have the patience of a gnat when it comes to wanting to see results.

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  16. I just finished. I’m having trouble typing my hands are shaking so bad. If I had been on that Biggest Loser show, I would have sat my 400 pound ass right on top of that Jillian bitch. She is satan.
    I thought 20 minutes, how hard can this be?
    My entire head looks like a candy apple.
    I do have to say, I like a higher weight intensity, maybe that will rev up a bit on a higher level, but the not stopping aerobic part of things kicked my ass.
    And Tiffaney, I swear by the firm videos. They’re so intense, but II do like the 20 minute workout, even if it kills me before I go down a size.

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  17. Yeah, I tried the Shred on Friday night because I was itching to get started. Did I mention I’m GREAT at starting things? Hey Jillian: level 1? B-O-R-I-N-G. I seriously cannot imagine doing this routine for a few days/weeks in a row. I might have to give Level 2 a try tomorrow just for variety and so that everyone can mock me. I was already so uninspired by Jillian yesterday that I went back to my ’89 Firm Volume 3 workout, because it kicks my butt and delivers guaranteed results. Best.Veedeo.Ever. But Jillian? The jury is out until tomorrow.

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  18. In the interest of cooperation/full disclosure, I am back from my shopping trip and did, indeed, purchase an exercise mat. In navy blue. Because dark colors are slimming. It is on the deck right now becaue PPEEEE YEEWW new plastic smells.

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  19. In the interest of cooperation/full disclosure, I am back from my shopping trip and did, indeed, purchase an exercise mat. In navy blue. Because dark colors are slimming. It is on the deck right now becaue PPEEEE YEEWW new plastic smells.

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  20. In the interest of cooperation/full disclosure, I am back from my shopping trip and did, indeed, purchase an exercise mat. In navy blue. Because dark colors are slimming. It is on the deck right now becaue PPEEEE YEEWW new plastic smells.

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  21. I tried to do it yesterday;I think the dvd is defective! I couldn’t get it past the snazzy music. The remote won’t scroll down to the right section, or at all. I’m embarrassed to go try to exchange or return it, I am sure I will be the talk of the Border’s breakroom. Other dvds are working (watched Leap Year right after). What is the universe telling me?

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  22. Love Lu and her pink lei! My dogs do the same thing when I roll out the yoga mat! Yaaay! A soft place to lie down next to momma!
    Will be interested how you feel tomorrow after your first shredding!

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  23. Took Cosmo and Lucy out for a Father’s Day walk. They on their leashes, I was wearing soap on a rope around my neck. Oh what fun.
    After your workout June you will of course talk Talu out for a 3 mile run just to cool down…

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  24. Hey, June, I’m a lurker and I’m doing Jillian with you. Is it wrong that I take breaks between circuits (like right now typing this)? Isn’t that the interval training that’s all the rage right now despite what Jillian says about not stopping? Anyway, if you do it this way, it isn’t so bad.

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  25. The first workout is always the worst, because you haven’t used those muscles that way before. Don’t let the pain stop you! Once you get over that first time, you’ll be fine. Way to go June!

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  26. I thought Tallulah had on a hot pink sweatband when I saw the picture. Hello Tallulah Newton-John. Is Marvin doing Jillian with you? B.

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  27. Oh, my favorite part was where the Nazi says “when you are ready, you can move to the next level.”
    RIGHT! As if I will ever be ready for the next level. I tried level two once. My 15-year-old son came in to check on me. He thought I had hurt myself…okay, he thought I dying. He was almost right. I did survive, but went back to level one. I’m afraid of level three.

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  28. Jan Jillian Michaels might have a killer bod, but did she just eat bacon and think that it was thisclose to heaven????? says:

    I’m feeling motivated, maybe even enough to go purchase the Shred veedeo. It might have a little (lot) to do with the huge breakfast we just consumed in honor of father’s day. Bacon, biscuits, sausage gravy, fried potatoes, eggs and watermelon. Topped off with some chocolate milk. What 20 lb weight gain?
    I also have reunion to attend this summer. It’s my husband’s 20th and I also feel the need to get my ass down to a non-gossipy size.
    If I can roll my ass out to my vehicle and waddle into Target to buy the veedeo, I’ll report back.

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  29. Yeah not “doing” Jillian. However I am kicking up my gym visits and such for the next 30 days or u till I can wear the size I want to wear. Or die. Whichever comes first.

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  30. I’m not buying it! I refuse! I protest! I will not be a sheep! Baaaa! More like oink, truth be told.
    However, I do agree to exercise every day for the next thirty days, FAITHFULLY, to the point of producing sweat/perspiration/glow. I am even going out later to buy my own purty mat.
    Pictures? As if.
    Btw, love “Leilu.”

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  31. I’m not buying it! I refuse! I protest! I will not be a sheep! Baaaa! More like oink, truth be told.
    However, I do agree to exercise every day for the next thirty days, FAITHFULLY, to the point of producing sweat/perspiration/glow. I am even going out later to buy my own purty mat.
    Pictures? As if.
    Btw, love “Leilu.”

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  32. I’m not buying it! I refuse! I protest! I will not be a sheep! Baaaa! More like oink, truth be told.
    However, I do agree to exercise every day for the next thirty days, FAITHFULLY, to the point of producing sweat/perspiration/glow. I am even going out later to buy my own purty mat.
    Pictures? As if.
    Btw, love “Leilu.”

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  33. Ha! Yes, in a row! That’s what the name implies, don’t you think? That’s the whole idea. 🙂 You’ll do great!

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  34. Gulp. I haven’t started, yet and now that I’ve read your narrative, I’m reeeally apprehensive but (raises fist to the sky) I WILL do this. Tomorrow. No, wait. Tuesday. This is something I will have to do without any witnesses which means in the morning before the kids are awake and I have to be at the County Clerk’s office when they open and by the time I get back the offspring will be up so Tuesday is when I’ll start. I promise. And I’ll blog about it. With pictures. Well, maybe not pictures since my camera seems to be haunted by some hag who manages to appear in every picture I’m in. It’s both spooky and frightening. I think I need to have an exorcism for my camera.
    Thanks for the warning about peeing during jumping jacks. I’ll be sure to wear a Poise pad (TMI?)
    The expression on Talu’s face during your dance is so, “Kill me now.”

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  35. OK, I bought it….but….
    yeah, it’s still wrapped in it’s little plastic wrap. I am psyching myself up for it. Maybe tomorrow. Although, after reading about your experience – I’m not too sure about it!!
    Ugh.
    Ugh.
    UGH.

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  36. Yeah I saw that Anita chick, not to be confused with me. Well you can if you want to. Um yeah, I look just like her, abs and all. I saw her beginning self doing her modified moves while watching the preview on Amazon. No, I haven’t downloaded yet. I thought I’d see how many of you survived after the first day. Glad to see you’re still alive June.

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