Poppycock

You know what would be fantastic? Is if it didn't hurt to type.

So what hurts on you today, those of you doing this ridiculous 30-day Shrek action? For me it's the tops of my arms and my neck. Because the part where she says we don't involve our necks in the ab work is apparently a bunch of poppycock.

Have you ever had that stuff? Poppycock? With the carmel corn and the peanuts? Doesn't that sound delicious?

You know what else hurts today? My throat. It hurt yesterday, too, and I am irritated. I cannot be getting ANOTHER COLD a week before I start my new job. One of the side effects of my migraine med is sore throat, though, so I could just be dying from my meds. Let's hope so.

Speaking of which, I am having a red-letter day today, whatever that means. I get to go to the headache clinic and have TWO HOURS of medical testing and questioning and so forth, because I am part of a drug test for a new migraine med they are trying.

As part of my hypochondria, I happen to love medical tests and questions. It makes me feel more secure when someone is prodding at me and looking at my insides and such. When I was at the headache clinic six weeks ago, they did all sorts of bloodwork on me, and they called me after to say my suds or my seds or my something reading was up, which could mean I have lupus or cancer but also it could mean I have a cold. Did I have a cold when they took my bloodwork, they wondered?

If you are keeping a huge calender titled, "June's Illnesses," you already recall that in early May I did indeed have a gigantic cold going on and I felt like dung. So I'm trying to ignore the part where I might have lupus or cancer and I'm going with the cold part.

Now today they are probably going to run the same test and guess whose throat hurts. Psychosomatic illness? Me?

Anyway, for six months I am going to take this experimental medication only during my womanly cycle, and by that I mean I have a pink bike with lavender flowers on it. And the best part is, they PAY ME to do this! I get tons of medical testing and prodding every month and THEY pay ME!

It doesn't get any better than this. Unless Barry Gibb got his medical degree and has moved to Greensboro.

I don't know how to ride a bike. Did you know that about me? I learned how and I forgot. Yes, I do know the saying. It is a bunch of poppycock.

Really, Poppycock was just an expensive, prize-inside-free version of Cracker Jack, wasn't it? But it was better. Plus, the prizes in Cracker Jack have gotten decidedly bad over the years. When I was a kid they used to be good.

Okay, I cannot type anymore because it hurts. And I know you wish I'd ramble on needlessly some more.

46 thoughts on “Poppycock

  1. Did you notice that the advanced girl Natalie cheats? She stops half way through and just moves her arms around.

    Like

  2. Totally not on topic…but I had a terrible-horrible-no-good-day and this blog and all the comments make me happy. Thank you amazing hilarious people. I needed a laugh.

    Like

  3. Went to the Y. Don’t think I am ready for shredding and have a trip coming up that will prevent said shredding. Plus the house is being painted so now clear floor space for shredding. I have a few more excuses for not shredding if necessary . . .

    Like

  4. I did not make it to the gym. I tried working out to Turbo Jam, my favorite video, but the darn thing had a hitch in it’s get a long and the voice/music was off of the movements. I could only take 20ish minutes of that.
    But now I’m totally regretting that because I reminded that I do not fit in my wedding dress, either. And, I was 6 months pregnant.
    Frick.

    Like

  5. I have the shred, but I am not doing it yet, because OMG DYING OF A STUPID COLD. Sore throat, hacking up little bits of my lungs, the whole works. But I’m too far away to have given it to you.

    Like

  6. This comment is not about The Shred, but I have to share this story. And that noise you hear is my mother spinning in her grave.
    Anyway. My paternal grandmother always lived very frugally and never spent anything on herself. One time when we were visiting, my mother, probably in an attempt to garner points with the in-laws, stopped to buy a treat for Gram, specifically Poppycock. Oh, she was proud, my mom. She knew Gram would like it.
    So we get there and Mom presents Gram with her gift and says something along the lines of how she knew Gram really enjoyed this but didn’t get to have it anymore. The trouble was that Gram was a widow and all the grandkids called her husband Poppy. And yeah. My father’s siblings NEVER let my poor mother live that down. I think Gram got Poppycock every year after that for her birthday and Christmas (just to further humiliate/tease my mother)!

    Like

  7. This comment is not about The Shred, but I have to share this story. And that noise you hear is my mother spinning in her grave.
    Anyway. My paternal grandmother always lived very frugally and never spent anything on herself. One time when we were visiting, my mother, probably in an attempt to garner points with the in-laws, stopped to buy a treat for Gram, specifically Poppycock. Oh, she was proud, my mom. She knew Gram would like it.
    So we get there and Mom presents Gram with her gift and says something along the lines of how she knew Gram really enjoyed this but didn’t get to have it anymore. The trouble was that Gram was a widow and all the grandkids called her husband Poppy. And yeah. My father’s siblings NEVER let my poor mother live that down. I think Gram got Poppycock every year after that for her birthday and Christmas (just to further humiliate/tease my mother)!

    Like

  8. This comment is not about The Shred, but I have to share this story. And that noise you hear is my mother spinning in her grave.
    Anyway. My paternal grandmother always lived very frugally and never spent anything on herself. One time when we were visiting, my mother, probably in an attempt to garner points with the in-laws, stopped to buy a treat for Gram, specifically Poppycock. Oh, she was proud, my mom. She knew Gram would like it.
    So we get there and Mom presents Gram with her gift and says something along the lines of how she knew Gram really enjoyed this but didn’t get to have it anymore. The trouble was that Gram was a widow and all the grandkids called her husband Poppy. And yeah. My father’s siblings NEVER let my poor mother live that down. I think Gram got Poppycock every year after that for her birthday and Christmas (just to further humiliate/tease my mother)!

    Like

  9. Oh sure. I go away for a few days and come back to you all going rogue with talk of shredding and evilness.
    I am stunned and confused at the sudden changes. Not sure how to react. I believe I will need some time to digest this information. To chew on it.

    Like

  10. Joann, that post you linked us to was awesome. I’m not going to show it to my husband though, because all he will say is “We don’t even have kids and you don’t dress like that for cleaning.” But maybe it’s because I don’t clean. And I wonder how hot wearing a little black dress is while scooping the litter box.
    P.S.
    My goal is to fit back into my wedding dress. The sad thing is, I fit everywhere but the boobs. And my boobs are not usually a force to be reckoned with, so I’m hoping the 30 Day Shrek will help. And I’m going to Comic Con in San Diego exactly a month from now and it would be nice to wear that dress. (And no, the dress is not a big white thing. I might stand out there even in CA wearing that.)

    Like

  11. I started The Dread today and even got my husband to do it with me! Oh! Please, please keep it up. If you don’t keep doing it I just know I will quit. (no pressure or anything…ahem!) I’m gonna have to go check out the chick that actually got some results from this stupid thing. I need more motivation.

    Like

  12. I decided to give ol’ Wonky Eye Jillian a try yesterday when I had a very small window of opportunity (NO WITNESSES). I got about halfway through before the family came home and I had to stop (THANK GOD).
    My ribcage hurts, my legs hurt right above the knee, my pecs hurt, my upper arms hurt, my wrists hurt, my roots hurt, my eyelids hurt and my nostrils hurt from trying to flare them like Jillian.
    There is no way I could do this for 30 days straight unless I want my husband to be able to collect on my life insurance policy because I will be dead.

    Like

  13. And apparently I have a concussion from falling off that wagon and smacking my pretty little head on the pavement and forgot to put my name.

    Like

  14. Day 3 and my ass is killing me because I’ve fallen off the wagon.

    Like

  15. Anita made me snort with the light Progresso soup.
    Beth participates in all kinds of research studies for which she is compensated, but I have drawn the line on being injected with Hepatitis or some other disease. I am glad your study is an attempt to cure something you already have, and I hope it works.
    Is Lupus the disease where you turn into a wolf? Have you read too much Twilight? Can you tell us howl your doing when you get home?

    Like

  16. Anita made me snort with the light Progresso soup.
    Beth participates in all kinds of research studies for which she is compensated, but I have drawn the line on being injected with Hepatitis or some other disease. I am glad your study is an attempt to cure something you already have, and I hope it works.
    Is Lupus the disease where you turn into a wolf? Have you read too much Twilight? Can you tell us howl your doing when you get home?

    Like

  17. Anita made me snort with the light Progresso soup.
    Beth participates in all kinds of research studies for which she is compensated, but I have drawn the line on being injected with Hepatitis or some other disease. I am glad your study is an attempt to cure something you already have, and I hope it works.
    Is Lupus the disease where you turn into a wolf? Have you read too much Twilight? Can you tell us howl your doing when you get home?

    Like

  18. Good one Anita, (need to vacuum) Cracked me up. On Sunday I mowed all my yard with a push mower. Now here in Texas, that will make your nostrils flare and you don’t have to buy the video. BTW I always notice tons of work out videos and equipment at garage sales. June, with your three dollars you could equip and open your own gym.

    Like

  19. p.s. Is it me or does it seem like people who make workout videos all have lazy eye OR haven’t been taught how to identify which camera is on them? I can think of at least 3 different videos where there have been shots where the main person looks like they are looking in the wrong place, evil Jillian included. I don’t know why, but it bugs the crap out of me.

    Like

  20. Honestly, I’m not hurting to omuch, but maybe that is because I’m on day 14? (I think) Still not seeing any improvement, although when I first started, my back would hurt like heck during the jumping jacks & jump rope (which cannot have anything to do with my ample breastfeeding self) and I’m attributing it to my weak ab muscles being pounded into shape. Yeah… that’s it!
    Oh, and want to know what is super fun? Having your 4.5 half year old daughter point out to you every time you aren’t going as fast as the ladies on the veedeo. Or perhaps that you are jogging in place as your form of cardio while they are doing that jumpy twisty thing (level 2) which hurts your knees. Or that the lady in the red pants isn’t doing it right. Fun stuff, lemme tell you.

    Like

  21. June, dahlink, the world’s leading authority on existential angst AND proofreading don’t need no stinking spellcheck. Now gurl up and get on wit da exercism.

    Like

  22. This is what hurts on me. My triceps, (YES), my booty, (OH YEAH), my upper thighs and my delts. I will be working out again today with that evil, evil woman. I hope I don’t die.
    I so love riding my bike. Not like a speed racer in spandex riding my bike, but in a long skirt with a wicker basket stuffed with flowers kind of ride.
    And yes, Cracker Jack prizes suck the big one, nowadays. I used to get big whoppin’ diamond rings. Nowadays, you’re lucky if you get one measly tattoo that never takes. I know, because I can never pass on a temporary tattoo. It makes me feel like a temporary bad ass.

    Like

  23. I haven’t done the Jillian yet. To be perfectly honest, I a dreading it. I shall have to make myself do it tonight. It is also very hard to do with my three dogs. They get very excited, especially when I do jumping jacks and they try to attack me. What did Lula think when you were doing the Jillian veeedeo?

    Like

  24. Is it possible you heard “sed rate” for sedimentation rate? I think that’s something they test blood samples for.

    Like

  25. Maybe the Cracker Jack prizes are still the same as they always were, but as we aged, we changed our value system. Seriously, it’s so easy to make a kid (or dog, for that matter) happy. A cheap toy, a cookie. Those were the days.

    Like

  26. Well, I just now finished my first round with nostril flaring Jillian. I can’t help but stare at her nostrils now, thanks Kristy. I was doing the online version and she froze my computer. Yes, the demon from hell freaked out my computer. So, I got a wee bit of a break while I rebooted. I was also too lazy to hunt down my hand weights so I grabbed a couple of cans of Progresso. The light version of course. She never said how heavy of a weight to use so 18.5 oz will have to do until I can find my real ones. I noticed something as I was flailing on the floor. I need to vacuum.

    Like

  27. Screaming Yellow Zonkers. Boy howdy I could do some damage with those. Nothing hurts over here because Sundays are a day of rest. I did do a gentle mind calming bike ride. Going to the gym today. Putting that out there so I won’t be a liar.
    Shrek on people!

    Like

  28. I think the “suds” “seds” you are talking about are actually the neutrophils, which are also known as “segs.” More than likely the elevation is from what you suggested, a cold.
    Experimental medication…not sure I could subject myself to taking an unknown…yikes.:O)

    Like

  29. June, I forgot to tell you this. A few years ago my daughter started saying poppycock all the time. It became her go-to way to describe any crap or drivel. So I started following up with balderdash. Every time she says poppycock, I say balderdash. We are a fun pair, we are!

    Like

  30. I love the cashew poppycock! I also like Screaming Yellow Zonkers, too.
    And you are so right on Cracker Jack and their cheap ass “prizes”. Hummph. Lame, is what they are.
    Ok, I hate to pull a Hulk here and bring up sports in the middle of absolutely anything, but did anyone else just watch Portugal open the giant Costco-sized can of whoop ass on Kim Jong Il’s team? Whoa, Nelly!!

    Like

Comments are closed.