The new June Gardens

I didn't even get dressed yet and I stampeded to the computer to show you my hair. Who's a good blogger?

I was there for FIVE HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES. Seriously. I mean, I should have been coming out of that salon with new hips and the ability to speak Latin and maybe an entire race change in that amount of time. Because you want to go to a hair salon for your hip replacements. And your race changes. For that matter.

Okay, without further ado–get it? A DO? Here is my before picture:

6a00e54f9367fb88340133f119bf73970b-800wi

God, I'm funny every time I do the before pic, aren't I? I mean, this IS before. Forty-four years before, but still.

Here is today:

Flathair

TAA-DAAA! I had leaves stuck to the sides of my head so I look vaguely like a moose. What do you think?

Really, why do I have such a bulbous nose? Now I have to get that changed. At the hairdresser. Put this nose next to my old hips.

Anyway, the crap they put on my head is still there, and I have to wait 72 hours before I can put an elastic in it, or get it wet, or remotely bend it in any way. Otherwise it'll stay that way. Apparently if I make a face it'll stay that way in my hair, too.

This means I cannot do Jillian Michaels till Friday! Woo-hoo! No flaring nostrils for three days! Come on, Buddy! Fight for it! We're all in the same boat!

If you're not doing 30-Day Shrek with me, the above paragraph means nothing to you.

I am excited to wash it and see what it looks like after. I don't know if it'll be stick straight or just kind of really not frizzy. Supposedly it reduces frizz my 90% or something. Which means I should have no hair left.

This is such a deep blog.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

75 thoughts on “The new June Gardens”

  1. Wow – it looks great! It looks so much longer, too. How long is it supposed to last?
    Yeah, still psyching myself up to start the shred thing. My excuse du jour is that I have to find the perfect time to do it (i.e. when my hubby is not around) so he won’t laugh at me.

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  2. You look “mahvelous”! Can you believe the length you gained once those lovely locks unwound?!? This early in the morning with lip gloss, I’m impressed.

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  3. Oh June! It’s beautiful!!! I hope you love it because it really does look fab!! Can’t wait to see how long it lasts. Years ago I had a roommate that spent so much time and money straightening her hair. Once this type of straightening treatment came out, she was thrilled. It lasted almost 6 months in her case. Anyway, yeaa!!! You look like a million bucks!

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  4. I’m so jealous of your shiny straight locks, but 5 hours is a long time! Did they at least feed you? And I also noticed the June Cleavage. I guess you needed a new identity now that June Carter No-Cash is not as applicable, what with your fancy new job and all.
    Anyway, you look lovely.

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  5. It looks very nice, but, how are you going to sleep without bending, crimping or messing your hair? Hmmmmmmm……?
    That must be a story in itself.

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  6. Who are you? Does Talu recognize you? Now you have to post a picture after the first washing. By the way-looks great. Hershberger would agree.

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  7. Wow! I went away for a vacation and came back to find June has straight hair. I liked your original hair (misery loves company I guess), but you look wonderful! Very nice, indeed.
    I’m off to read the archives and see what else I missed.

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  8. It’s beautiful, June. What I would give for that kind of hair. Heck, what I would give for more than my 30 hairs.
    And it is so not FAIR that you’re not going to be able to do Jillian! I had my video all set up yesterday and I was seriously dreading it. After 3 days of this nonsense, I was walking like a wooden soldier, because I could not bend my legs. Seriously. I’ve been thinking of installing one of those handicapped rails next to my toilet because of that nostril flaring bitch. But, anyway, I was setting up and my husband had just gotten home from work and he lured me away with wine and sunset watching.
    So, I did miss one day of Jillian and her stupid buddy BS. What girl calls another girl, buddy? It’s ridiculous. I hate her so much.
    Today, all my daughters and my nieces are going to do it with me which will be really great being surrounded by a bunch of teenagers in extra-small short shorts and workout bras, showing off their perfect abs and perfect everythings. What a motivator.

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  9. It looks very pretty! I, too, am curious what Marvin thinks.
    Speaking of Marvin, I totally dreamed about him last night. He lost something of yours and I came over to help him find it. I’m actually really good at finding things. So anyway, I found it, he put it back and you never knew it was missing. And I left.
    I know, my dreams are so jealousy inducing.

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  10. Very glam. Also? The most creative way to get out of exercise ever. Kudos. As soon as I no longer have the plague, I mean strep, I will be joining the Jillian hating Shred working out group. I’ve done it before and I loathe Jillian. I’ve never watched the Biggest Loser, but just based on the Shred video I want to smack her. I love that you now have better hair than Jillian.

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  11. Wow! Your hair is beautiful! I don’t know if I could go three days without messing up my hair. I can’t sleep if my hair isnt pulled back.
    The first day I “did” Jillian I used cans of green beans for weights. Yesterday I bought pathetic 2lb weights. I feel pathetic today because I am incredibly sore.
    Also, I’m doing Weight Watchers. I’ve lost anywhere between 17-22.2 lbs. It’s hard to tell because my weight keeps fluctuating this week. I know I am only supposed to weigh myself once a week, but why in the heck is my body fluctuating like this? Can anyone tell me? This makes me want rip Jillian’s eyes out!

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  12. othermama, I had the same thought — what was Talu’s reaction to No Big Hair??
    June, it looks fantastic!If my hair wasn’t already stick straight I would go out and get that done just to gain the extra three inches. Do they have a magical lengthening treatment for straight hair, do you think?

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  13. I am so glad you are suffering with me. Here is a tip, you can blow dry it, it will make it look a little better on day 2 and 3.

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  14. Did you have a Brazilian Blowout on your hair? It’s a smoothing treatment and I did it a few weeks ago and, while pricey, worth every penny during this humid summer!! Enjoy your new hair!

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  15. It looks beautiful! And you look so happy! I did not shred last night, but dug up flowers out of my flowerbeds to replant them after shoveling in more dirt, so I think that was at least some sort of exercise. I heard her new show started last night, lose it with Jilian or whatever, and my radio guy said that it shows her in a different light, more nice and friendly. We will see how long she can keep that sham up.

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  16. Your hair looks great! Did you get it colored too? I see no more gray. I don’t know if I hate you more because of your beautiful new hair or because you get out of doing the video.
    Speaking of El Diablo, I skipped her yesterday. I had to make blueberry pancakes for my visiting son. Oh, and then I had to make key lime pie before we went to see Toy Story 3. I try to feed him well before he goes back home. And I noticed that almost exactly 24hrs after doing this shredding crap that my stomach and chest tightened up. They were in shock.

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  17. Anita- I skipped it yesterday too… my excuse was that I kept thinking of too many things I needed to get done in the morning b/c my dad & stepmom were coming for dinner last night. Of course, this morning I made time to do it b/c ALL DAY YESTERDAY I was so TIRED. I figured that doing the video has somehow changed my metabolism and I now depend on that insane amount of activity just to be able to function. Which sucks.
    Someone say a prayer or send a good thought my way… I have a job interview this morning. I’m hoping that they will want to throw gobs and gobs of money at me for doing a pretty simple job. Wouldn’t that be great?
    Also, I stand corrected. I did like your curly hair, June, but I like it straight too!

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  18. Your hair is GORGEOUS and so long! Who knew? I would like a photo essay on how you keep it dry and unmussed for the next 72 hours.
    I have to go get the damned Shred video now. The level of rage all of you have toward Jillian is cracking me up and making me a little curious.
    Prayers and good wishes being sent up for Cristy.

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  19. You look gorgeous, cleaverage and all!
    The closest I have come to the Shredding veedeo is watching Jillian’s new show. She’s pretty much the same as she is on Biggest Loser. When she is not ripping you to shreds she is trying to psychoanalize why you A. have no self-esteem or B. why you are fat. My guess is that A = B.

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  20. Movie star hair! The color…the shine…the unfrizzy perfection of its straightness! I really love that color. Very fetching!

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  21. Lindy, your weight fluctuation . It all depends on if you are holding the veggie cans or the weights of gold when you weigh. You must have been switching out one for the other and then none also. B. Good luck Cristy.

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  22. Hey Lindy – way to go on the WW … I’m down about 14 on that plan too…a long way to go though. Not sure about the fluctuating thing – I think it’s just some dumb thing the body does. Hang in there!
    June – BEE-U-TI-FUL hair! Although I liked the curly too but this is so glamorous! Pretty soon you won’t be able to blog things like hair and cats and, you know, normal people stuff. Cause you’ll have money and straight hair and you’ll be blogging about things only the rich and famous know anything about!
    Oh stay with us common people June……

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  23. Wow! I thought it was Heidi Klum there for a minute. Love it! But I love your curly hair, too. And it’s not just because I don’t have any hair at the moment.

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  24. June it looks all long and silky! Are you allowed to continually run your fingers through it? Because I so could not resist that temptation if I had those lovely locks. You’re joining the ranks of African American women who spend hours and hours at the beauty salon. Several times a week. Apparently many are up in arms over Chris Rock’s docudrama about the whole hair thing.
    I worked out at the gym yesterday and tried a new machine. Some fancy one that is a hybrid between elliptical running and stair climbing. I lasted 18 minutes. Then I moved over to the tread mill which seemed like a piece of cake after that monstrosity. And let’s just say my hind side is talking to me today.
    Joann. Are you nuts? Those girls not only have young beautiful bodies but will do that work out like it’s a walk in the park. I worry for their safety. hee.

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  25. It still slays me that people are willing to spend megabucks to make their hair look the way mine does with no help at all. And that I would pay big bucks myself to have natural-looking curls in my hair (NOT the kind that come with perms that make me look like a poodle).
    I guess the grass is always greener…
    Your hair looks fabulous, btw.

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  26. Oh, and Lindy?
    My body fluctuates 5 lbs every month when it’s that time. The scale goes up a day or two before and hangs out there til it’s all said and done. I’m used to it now and don’t freak out – and yeah, i weigh myself every day now.
    stats say that people actually are better at working with their weight if the do two things – weigh themselves every day and keep a food journal.
    i’m okay with weighing every day – just not the food journal. food journals totally trip my obsessive behavior.

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  27. I think you look younger with Smooth Hair. But what will Talu, Fran, Winston and Henry now call you, now that you are no longer Big Hair? Has Marvin made his move on his sexy Smooth Haired wife?
    After much contemplation (pain), I’ve decided to do the Jillian Michaels 60 to 90 Day Shred. There’s no effin’ way I’m doing this veeedeo every. single. day. for 30 days. Someone will die, probably me. Every other day will suffice because I’m, well, lazy. And Jillian bugs me, what with her wonky eye and the way she always looks like she’s sneering at my dismal attempts at shredding.

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  28. Woah,sexy hair you got going on there! I am going to sound pathetic when I say this but I have literally been on hair watch all day. See, I am in Okinawa(Konnichiwa!!) and it’s 12am my time. I could not, I mean could not, sleep without seeing June No Big Hair. I loved your hair before but this is awesome too! So, tomorrow when I am kicking myself for no sleep I will just remember your loverly locks!

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  29. Talu not know what is going on. Big Hair goes out and Flat Hair comes back. Maybe can make some static electricity to bring back Big Hair. (Flat Hair kinda nice tho, she really happy.)

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  30. I like both hair dos, too. But this is excellent. I’m so tickled for you. Yes, please tell us what the pets think.
    If y’all keep shredding or shreking or whatever, I’m gonna be forced to open my DVD, too, and we don’t want that. In fairness, I rode my bike 24 km today and then went to the pool with the kids and swam a km. 1.6 km = 1 mile . . . you’ll have to do the math yourself. I’m too tired now.

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  31. Wow…lookin’ good girl!! (But I like the “other” also!…wishy washy I know.!) Did Talu go “woof” as in “I’m not sure who you are or did you let her hear your voice so she would recognize you? And I gotta admit, my hair is as straight as a stick…I liked it that way waaaaaaaaaay back when I was a young lass esp.. during the campus days, but, now….my hair needs some “character” and I’ve discovered that character indeed DOES cost $$$.

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  32. WOW WOW WOW!!! June, you look SPECTACULAR. Seriously. I swear you look 10 years younger, hip and sexy. GORGEOUS!!!

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  33. I feel like I’m in a lower caste now, because I still have wavy hair and you have supermodel straight hair. how can I connect with that?
    You don’t even have a pointy nose. My nose prevents me from joining the sexy straight hair club. Now I feel hopeless and rejected. The things jealousy does to a person.
    I’m going to go eat some cake.
    p.s. the point is: it looks awesome. Congratulations on being able to do whatever you want with your hair. I’ll be over here, air drying as usual.

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  34. Your hair turned out great – so straight, wow!
    I can’t say wow about my blonding, it is still not very blonde and my stylist has severe time management/scheduling issues. I like her but might have to make a change because it should not take 2 1/2 hours for color!

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  35. Your hair looks great! I hate to say it but the one time I had my hair straightened I felt everyone could see my scalp and that I had shrank 5″ in height and 3″ in head girth. (yes I have a pointed head) Anyway what I’m saying is your straight hair looks great and not at all thinning or baldy looking like mine did.

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  36. To Lindy, weight fluctuations are completely normal. That’s why they want you to only weigh in once a week. I found it helpful to put my weight loss on a chart so I could see the downhill trend in black and white. I am a lifetime member of weight watchers, but need to get back very soon.

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  37. Wow. It looks great but I also loved it curly and big.
    And what’s with all the Brazilian references? Do the hot Brazilians mamas have the kind of hair we are all supposed to aspire to? To which we are supposed to aspire? Whatev?

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  38. Wow. It looks great but I also loved it curly and big.
    And what’s with all the Brazilian references? Do the hot Brazilians mamas have the kind of hair we are all supposed to aspire to? To which we are supposed to aspire? Whatev?

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  39. Wow. It looks great but I also loved it curly and big.
    And what’s with all the Brazilian references? Do the hot Brazilians mamas have the kind of hair we are all supposed to aspire to? To which we are supposed to aspire? Whatev?

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  40. The first thing I thought was, “She looks like a twenty year old!” …and you have very pretty eyes…I noticed that now for some reason…maybe the tamed down hair takes less attention away from the eyes?…anyway…excellente!

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  41. Gorgeous, June, just gorgeous! I liked the curly hair, too, but this is also equally awesome. Just sayin’.

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  42. Looks gorgeous!! What is it called?
    Although… If your hair was red you would look a bit like our (Australia’s) new Prime Minister. Just a smidge! And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

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  43. Oh and also, our new PM’s boyfriend is a hairdresser. So that’s definitely a compliment towards your new hair!

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  44. Cristy, Good luck with the job. I wish you tons of money.
    About to do day two with She Devil now that the house is empty and I have no witnesses. Now where did I put those cans of Progresso?

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