Last night, Marvin forced friends of ours to come over and watch a Rush documentary.
I am not making this up.
We took Tallulah to PetSmart and walked her up and down the aisles so she could pick out something chewy to keep her amused while guests were here. In truth, in the spirit of full disclosure, to be honest, etc., this was not the original choice. The thing she picked out was the size of that bone that tipped Fred Flintstone's car over. It was bigger than she is. And frankly, when she gets one of these bones? She is a jerk to the cats. They walk by, minding their own cat business, and she TAKES OFF after them to attack them for wanting her stupid spitty disgusting pig-parts bone.
It'd be like me flying to Hollywood right now and kicking Megan Fox's ass for wanting Marvin. She does not want his spitty pig-parts self. Okay, he's not made of pig parts. But he likes him some bacon. Hi, Marvin's Jewish mom.
Do you like how our calendar above reflects the correct date like a champ?
Anyway, not only did we force them to watch Rush, but we fed them take-out food. My mother is rolling over in her…well, she's alive, so she's merely rolling over. She's sitting in front of the computer, seeing this image of me feeding people takeout salad, falling to the floor of her den, and rolling over like one of her dogs. Maybe she's even making groany sounds like dogs do. "Roooarwwwwwww raooooarrwwwwwooooo…."
Do you like our skeleton hands we used for ice tongs? Need ice tongs, anyone who wonders what to get me for my birthday. I also need more Muget de Bois, found in Vermont Country Store catalog. And yes, I know Aunt Mary and mom have already sent me my birthday gifts three weeks before my birthday. But other, non-Rain Man relatives.
Finally I was ready too so I just hung in the window like a giant loser and waited. Note I let my hair air dry in the humidity and yet it is smooth. SMOOTH! Who is happy with her chemical straightening process? So bad, I am.
You know what else I did while I sat in the window like a giant loser who had smooth hair? I admired our white bookshelves and blue walls. Happy with our changes.
Wait, that food on table? Why everyone in here when there food on table?
Yes, definitely food. You going to eat? You not going to eat, Lu help out.
Neither animal got to help with food problem, but you know what else they were unable to help with? Time problem. As in, they could not make it move faster than usual in order to speed that hideous documentary along.
I mean, no one in Rush has sex addiction, or nearly died of a drug overdose, or anything. They just sing in that screechy voice and try to cram too many words into each line of their songs. And that documentary was TWO HOURS LONG.
Our guests left before it was over. What does that tell you?
Marvin is making me go to a Rush concert in September.
Someone is watching ALL OF SEASON FOUR of Sex and the City with me today.