Dooce envy · June's stupid life · Photo essays

’80s shoes

I cannot believe how many people participated in a conversation about ranch dressing yesterday. It just goes to show you you have NO IDEA what will make people comment.

Take, for example, my new shoes, a riveting topic. Today I will probably get zero comments. Nevertheless, I am showing them to you.

Now, I hope you are sitting down. Because those of you who have read this blog for awhile? Are going to be stunned when you hear what kind of shoes I got. Yes. Yes, I did. I got more silver metallic shoes. Yes, I am C3Po.

Although wasn't C3Po gold? Okay, yes, I am Jiffy Pop.

And speaking of '70s icons, apparently the '80s are back, so get your curling iron and your frosty Wet 'n Wild lipstick, because I purchased Dr. Scholl's and Sperry Top Siders. I am not making this up.

Sperry
See?

When I was in high school, everybody HAD to have ridiculous Sperry Top Sider boat shoes, which really are not that pretty. But we wore them, with NO SOCKS, in Michigan, when it snowed 80 feet and it was 900 below.

However, these are flip-flops. For my new job. How many people say that, really? Who aren't lifeguards?

Newshoes

Aren't they preppy? Plus I figured pink would go with my entire wardrobe. And life.

Scholl

For my more glamorous days, I got the silver metallic Dr. Scholl's. They were marked down from $70 (SEVENTY DOLLARS!) to $14. Apparently I am the only person who wanted silver metallic Dr. Scholl's.

Schollbutt

I thought it'd make a more interesting picture to pose on Tallulah, but as you can see, she was having none of it. Won't you enjoy her buttockal arena? Chuck from Dooce she is not. This is why I don't make $40,000 a month, Tallulah.

Winniescholl

Then I thought I'd stick poor Winston's foot in the shoe, and this was the only blurred image from that fiasco. I don't know why no one wants to help a sister out.

So that was it on my new shoes. I don't know which ones I am wearing today. It's an exciting mystery. I live on the edge.

Do you want to go back to talking about ranch dressing?

64 thoughts on “’80s shoes

  1. Go to Amazon to see what is available in Dr Scholls. Can middle aged women get away with wearing Barbie Dr. Scholls, or the pairs with hearts and shamrocks without looking like a Lucky Charms ad? I think we can!! Oh, June, they have them in pink!!!

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  2. I get to wear flip flops, shorts, tanks, jeans, yadda yadda. But then I work in the corporate office for a clothing store so we *have* to wear their clothes. And the clothes are designed for teens to 20-somethings, and not so much my style at almost-40. Sounds kinda good until that’s all you’re allowed to wear.
    I miss my advertising days!!! Enjoy the freedom!

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  3. Reading some of these comments reminds me of stepping backward out of my old Dr. Scholl’s. Ouch.

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  4. I was just gonna say ” get your Dr. Scholls at the drugstore girls! I think they are still like $5!”. And then I was too late.
    But I did make a follow up appointment for a melanoma recheck, thanks to our cheerful discussion from yesterday!

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  5. I just walked across the living room in the “Mizzzusss UhViggins” walk, just to be sure I remembered how…. then the doggers started to bark at me…. oh well…

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  6. Heeeeeee!!! My bff likens me and my boss to Mrs. Wiggins and Mr. Tudball. But Lisa Pie isn’t far off with Mr. Drysdale, either!!

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  7. Heeeeeee!!! My bff likens me and my boss to Mrs. Wiggins and Mr. Tudball. But Lisa Pie isn’t far off with Mr. Drysdale, either!!

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  8. Heeeeeee!!! My bff likens me and my boss to Mrs. Wiggins and Mr. Tudball. But Lisa Pie isn’t far off with Mr. Drysdale, either!!

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  9. You do have a way of bringing back the memories…$70 for Dr. Scholls? I used to pay maybe $5.00 for them from the drugstore. My favorite pair were faux denim ones. Too cool along with my feathered hairstyle and unfortunate uni-brow |:)

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  10. Love the shoes, LOVE the nail polish, what is the color? I have one similar, my mother likes it because it’s called “Call your mother”.
    $25,000 on shoes for a lifetime. *Bleep* *bleep* I’m way behind in my shoes spending, I had better update my husband on this figure.

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  11. I can make your Dr. Scholls for you. Give ma chance to find a 2×4, scrap pieces of leather, a few screws, and by bedazzler. I swear, they’ll look just like the orginal at a fraction of the cost.

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  12. Of course you know that I will always comment on the topic of shoes. I’m loving them both, but I missed this part about a new job. I’m in Maine on vacation, whaddya want from me? So is this good news or bad news, the job?

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  13. Pretzel M&M’s? I have got to get me some of those!
    And Dr. Scholl’s are now 70 bucks? That is effin’ crazy.
    I live in Florida where everyone wears flip flops. I think it’s a rule here. I, though, am a rule breaker. I wear heels just about every ding dang place I go, even onto the soccer fields. I do not, however, wear them at the beach. That would just be wrong and stupid.
    Your shoes are super cute, June. And as soon as I saw the first pair I knew the, “Hey, they don’t match!” comments would be flying. They are not supposed to match. Duh. It’s madras. Besides, matchy matchy is out, even in bathing suits. It’s kinda crazy to see, but down here, this season, no one’s bikini tops and bottoms match.

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  14. Paula- ri-damn-diculous is what I say. Friggin hose? I would die. Although, there are some ladies here at my work who get after me for not wearing hose w/my skirts, but I am 30 and reserve the right to not wear them if they are not required. We have no ‘written’ dress clode so we have some people claim their doctors tell them to wear rubber flip flops (the $1 kind from walmart) or crocs. Blech. Then there are others who will wear hose w/their open toed sandals, which I hate too.

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  15. Of course the shoes don’t match, one is for the left foot and one is for the right. Geez… what are you guys a bunch of righties?
    Now one of the bridesmaids at my wedding didn’t look at the custom dyed shoes until the wedding day and did indeed wear two left shoes, but they were the same color.

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  16. You know, I did feel very passionate about the whole ranch discussion yesterday, but I didn’t have a moment to comment. Now that you’re saying everyone was at an uproar because of ranch talk, I’m thinking, “What is it about ranch that gets me going?”
    Funny.
    I love your new shoes especially those plaid ones. Super cute.
    And. Your toenail color is delicious and nutritious. 😉

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  17. Too lazy to comment on ranch dressing, hopefully someone enlightened the kids about the Hidden Valley mix that you can make homemade.
    Paula, you might work at a hospital? We have the same hose-bag dress code, hosiery, no exposed shoulders or bare arms, no flip flops, no acrylic nails, I could go on and on. We even had a staff meeting to define the color khaki. “Not stone. Khaki.”
    I’m not kidding.

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  18. Kelly! did we go to the same school? I swear every single girl there wore those Dr. Scholl’s. But me. Nope, not me.
    I was (and still am) an earth shoes kinda girl. It’s like they took a picture of my wide-ass foot with a high instep and short fat toes and said “Hey, let’s make shoes like THAT!” HOORAY for earth shoes!
    Is anyone else picturing Paula H&B working for Mr. Drysdale along side Miss Jane?

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  19. Kelly! did we go to the same school? I swear every single girl there wore those Dr. Scholl’s. But me. Nope, not me.
    I was (and still am) an earth shoes kinda girl. It’s like they took a picture of my wide-ass foot with a high instep and short fat toes and said “Hey, let’s make shoes like THAT!” HOORAY for earth shoes!
    Is anyone else picturing Paula H&B working for Mr. Drysdale along side Miss Jane?

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  20. Kelly! did we go to the same school? I swear every single girl there wore those Dr. Scholl’s. But me. Nope, not me.
    I was (and still am) an earth shoes kinda girl. It’s like they took a picture of my wide-ass foot with a high instep and short fat toes and said “Hey, let’s make shoes like THAT!” HOORAY for earth shoes!
    Is anyone else picturing Paula H&B working for Mr. Drysdale along side Miss Jane?

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  21. Dear everybody,
    My husband and I were at 7-Eleven and found pretzel M&Ms. Apparently, Mars’ machine broke down to make them, and the 7-Eleven we’re near lucked out and got one of the first orders. That’s why you can’t find them anywhere yet.
    I didn’t care for them. The texture was too much like Whoppers, which I don’t like.
    This service announcement was brought to you courtesy of Bye Bye, Pie.

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  22. June, did you mention that Marvin hates pictures of people’s feet/toes? Winston’s foot cracked.me.up.

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  23. Oh Paula, all I can say is I hope they pay you BEAUCOUP bucks for putting up with their midievil cloister-like rules. I assume you’ve gotten used to the daily floggings?
    And speaking of Mad Men (oh wait, that’s me, I haven’t stopped in over 48 hours), I’m lusting after the upcoming Talbots fall catalog: short gloves, cloche hats, layers of pearls, swing coats, pencil skirts, heels. DIVINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  24. We have similar taste in shoes – I bought the same flip-flops in the blue plaid because I am not a wearer of much pink. I also looked at the silver Dr. Scholl’s, which were not remotely $70 at Belk’s or anywhere else I have seen them (Marshalls, Stein Mart). I am still thinking of buying them. My favorite Dr. Scholl’s are my see-through ones because they truly do go with everything, great for walking, great for the beach, really good shoes for a beach vaca. They have traveled to northern MI, NOLA, Palm Beach, Erie, PA, Vegas, Atlantis and are prepping for another trip to northern MI. I wish I could find another pair.

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  25. Madras plaid has a lot of variations, guys. It’s all part of the same preppy plaid cloth. I think they’re cute, but I’m not OCD about patterns.
    And speaking of matching, Paula forgot to mention that she has to wear gloves with her stockings, pumps, hat and bag. But the worst is probably the apron when somebody asks her for coffee.
    At least she gets to smoke like a chimney and doll up in cat’s eye glasses. Wait… Paula? Don’t you work for Mad Men?

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  26. Madras plaid has a lot of variations, guys. It’s all part of the same preppy plaid cloth. I think they’re cute, but I’m not OCD about patterns.
    And speaking of matching, Paula forgot to mention that she has to wear gloves with her stockings, pumps, hat and bag. But the worst is probably the apron when somebody asks her for coffee.
    At least she gets to smoke like a chimney and doll up in cat’s eye glasses. Wait… Paula? Don’t you work for Mad Men?

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  27. Madras plaid has a lot of variations, guys. It’s all part of the same preppy plaid cloth. I think they’re cute, but I’m not OCD about patterns.
    And speaking of matching, Paula forgot to mention that she has to wear gloves with her stockings, pumps, hat and bag. But the worst is probably the apron when somebody asks her for coffee.
    At least she gets to smoke like a chimney and doll up in cat’s eye glasses. Wait… Paula? Don’t you work for Mad Men?

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  28. YES, mother-loving HOSE every ding dang day!
    They haven’t issued a fatwa on shoes matching the purse. YET.
    Also? NO CROPPED PANTS. Which, considering you’d have to wear them with HOSE, is actually a blessing.
    And no internet, don’t forget.

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  29. YES, mother-loving HOSE every ding dang day!
    They haven’t issued a fatwa on shoes matching the purse. YET.
    Also? NO CROPPED PANTS. Which, considering you’d have to wear them with HOSE, is actually a blessing.
    And no internet, don’t forget.

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  30. YES, mother-loving HOSE every ding dang day!
    They haven’t issued a fatwa on shoes matching the purse. YET.
    Also? NO CROPPED PANTS. Which, considering you’d have to wear them with HOSE, is actually a blessing.
    And no internet, don’t forget.

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  31. The shoes are very cute! And you do have nice feet, too. I can understand wanting to wear sandals, but some people just shouldn’t. That’s a fact of which I am reminded daily now that sandal weather is here. I work in scrubs and sneakers everyday, so at least I am comfy even though my feet get hot. When I’m off, it’s flip-flops all the way! In fact, so far this summer I have purchased eight new pair, three of which are silver!
    Last week I saw an article online which stated women spend an average of $25,000 on shoes in their lifetimes. I assume this was for regular women, not Paris Hilton or those Kardashian bitches.

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  32. I have plaid sandals just like that, they don’t match. I love them! But I got mine at Target. Because I’ve upgraded from Old Navy and I’ve FINALLY gotten rid of those calluses from those stupid flip flops. Why did I torture myself for so long? Oh, and p.s., I had to search for TEN MINUTES last week how to spell torture. I just kept typing torchure and couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

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  33. Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard at Winston’s foot that I scared my cubemate. We both read your blog and can tell when the other person is reading it by the giggling.

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  34. Love, love, love the silver metallic shoe. I live in mine.
    I have flip flops (Yellow Box— get them if you don’t already own them!), dressier shoes, and heels and the they are all silver! I am now having shoe envy over your new ones! And $14!!!! Wow.
    Poor Paula H&B… hose?? Is this 1982? Good choice with pumps. Always a classic.

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  35. I am glad I am not the only one that thinks the shoes don’t match.
    I agree on the pedicure, very pretty color on the toes. You also have nicely shaped toe nails. Mine are kinda ugly and misshapen, so I am so envious of your pretty nails.
    How about a toe ring?

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  36. Love the new shoes. I am envious of anyone that has great feet. Your feet are awesome. I have the feet of a Troll.
    The only thing I remember about my Dr. Scholl’s was using them as a weapon. Those wooden soles could do some damage against even the hardest of heads. They left quite a lump after contact. Of course you had to have good aim if you didn’t want to get too close.
    Good times.

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  37. LOVE love love the nail polish color! And actually, I really like the silver shoes, and I’m adamantly not a silver shoe kind of person. Do you remember the Dr. Scholl’s with the wooden sole? I’ve been looking for those, I don’t think they make them anymore. And little Winston’s foot is hysterical. My Penny accidently and hysterically wore my mom’s flip flops on her hind paws one day. Oh, you’ve never seen such tears and scrambling for a video camera.

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  38. Do you have another lovely pair like the first pair? If not, I think you’ll have also increased the conversation at the water cooler.:)

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  39. Add me to the burgeoning list of those who are effing JEALOUS of the flip flopping to work thing. From 5 to 7 this morning we had, oh I don’t know, 3 inches of rain, so I wore my extremely fashionable boots and put my office shoes in my briefcase. Good thing, too, as there were several cars flooded out in the underpasses. Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day.

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  40. You don’t know how envious I am of your footal career freedom. Where I work, it is so ass-backwards that hose is REQUIRED even when wearing open-toed/strappy shoes. I am surrounded by people whose eyes should be blacked out because they are in Glamour’s DON’T section. Because of this Beyond Ridiculous Edict, I have rebelled and will only wear pumps. Even during the doggiest days of August.
    HOSE! With SANDALS! F.T.L.O.G.
    I love all of your new shoes.
    Point the second: Howard Stern once made a Jiffy Pop reference and so that is all I can associate with THAT anymore.

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  41. You don’t know how envious I am of your footal career freedom. Where I work, it is so ass-backwards that hose is REQUIRED even when wearing open-toed/strappy shoes. I am surrounded by people whose eyes should be blacked out because they are in Glamour’s DON’T section. Because of this Beyond Ridiculous Edict, I have rebelled and will only wear pumps. Even during the doggiest days of August.
    HOSE! With SANDALS! F.T.L.O.G.
    I love all of your new shoes.
    Point the second: Howard Stern once made a Jiffy Pop reference and so that is all I can associate with THAT anymore.

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  42. You don’t know how envious I am of your footal career freedom. Where I work, it is so ass-backwards that hose is REQUIRED even when wearing open-toed/strappy shoes. I am surrounded by people whose eyes should be blacked out because they are in Glamour’s DON’T section. Because of this Beyond Ridiculous Edict, I have rebelled and will only wear pumps. Even during the doggiest days of August.
    HOSE! With SANDALS! F.T.L.O.G.
    I love all of your new shoes.
    Point the second: Howard Stern once made a Jiffy Pop reference and so that is all I can associate with THAT anymore.

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  43. That first pair doesn’t match…
    Geez, someone kill me now.

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  44. Just waiting for you to come back and check your comments and see that 2 people have mentioned that the plaid on the Sperrys (Sperry’s? Sperries?) looks different. You all had to go and ruin it for her didn’t you?
    For what its worth, I’m totally jealous and I’m pretty sure the plaid isn’t supposed to look exactly the same.

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  45. Nope! Done talking about the ranch. So now I want to talk about how your pedicure is all nice and shiny to match your new Dr. Scholls. Very pretty!

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  46. Good morning June. I think I need to drink some coffee and look at the pictures again, but for my not caffeinated eyes ist looks like the pattern on the left and the right flip flop don’t match. But maybe they are not supposed to. Maybe I need coffee.
    I like the silver ones, and really enjoyed the kitty paw shot.
    I hope you have a good day today, and will now get coffee.
    Oh, thank you for posting in the morning!

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