Comic Sans

First of all, yay.

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Okay, so see how I put this little square up here like I know what I'm doing? And you can all say, "Oh, how nice! Our votes mattered! June is a finalist in that Most Ludicrous Blog contest!"

What you don't know is the part where I sat here trying to download that stupid square 800 thousand five hundred ninety-two times. And every time I'd try to put this on here, my stupid computer would make that "you effed up" noise at me — "wooo!" — and then it'd say, "This file is a mime" or something.

It didn't technically say it was a mime, but it said something with the word "mime" in it. Something about my mime was unsupported. So somewhere out there, thanks to me, some mime is going hungry. He's in some park pretending it's windy and also rubbing his stomach. While trying to get out of a box.

Is there anyone who likes mimes? Anyone?

How did I go from being a finalist to talking about Sheilds and Yarnell?

Sy-2

Why must mimes hold their eyes open like that? This is why I hate everything having to do with the theater.

So what happens next is some secret group out there, like the Academy or the Eastern Stars or the KKK or whatever, are over there reading my blog deciding whether it's funny. And I'm sure the part where I just called them the KKK won me a TON of votes.

Maybe everyone in the secret society is a mime. And they are reading this with really big eyes.

The point is, they will announce if I have won in New York on I think August 5, or maybe it's August 4, at this blog convention that I cannot attend because I have a job and so forth. So I probably won't win because I can't go. Because I am working class. See how things go? The man. Keeping me down. The mime. Not voting for me.

However, I cannot thank you all enough for all the votes. I heart you. And I am in competition with sincerely funny people! So I feel kind of fancy, mingling with the likes of The Bloggess and CakeWrecks and so forth. Did I already say "and so forth" today? Oh, yes, there it is. In the paragraph above. My writing sucks. Hello, voting committee.

In other news, Marvin is currently watching a documentary on Helvetica. No, really. I am not making this up. And no, there is not a band you have never heard of called "Helvetica," although "Hellvetica" would be kind of a good band name. He is watching a documentary on the actual font. I think we can all agree Marvin has reached a new low in his documentary viewing.

I don't know why he's my type.

Get it?

I am sans humor re the sans serif.

I am a font of funnyness.

Marvin is a prints among men.

Okay, I'll stop.

I must have liked him because he had a lot of good lines.

(That wasn't even remotely a good one, was it?)

If I ever leave him, I am totally going for a new Roman next time.

Sigh.

On that note, I will leave you. Tune in tomorrow because (a) why wouldn't you, with the highlarious font humor you can get over here, and (2), I have to tell you about how Tallulah got kind of chubby and (6a)[14.5](v) one of my coworkers has his art in one of those Art-O-Mat machines of which I am so enamored.

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No word on whether he's a new Roman, but yes, I AM sucking up to him so he'll give me some free art. Have you met me?

So you'll have to come back to hear about all that. This is like one of those dramatic serials they used to have at the movies, or like a documentary on Helvetica, isn't it? How will you sleep waiting for tomorrow?

Until then, be bold.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

51 thoughts on “Comic Sans”

  1. PAT (Plus also too), I think the font “Arial” is head and shoulders above the rest.
    ***
    ? nothing ?
    Arial … aerial?
    Ok, I’m reaching here. I missed all the fun yesterday.

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  2. PAT (Plus also too), I think the font “Arial” is head and shoulders above the rest.
    ***
    ? nothing ?
    Arial … aerial?
    Ok, I’m reaching here. I missed all the fun yesterday.

    Like

  3. PAT (Plus also too), I think the font “Arial” is head and shoulders above the rest.
    ***
    ? nothing ?
    Arial … aerial?
    Ok, I’m reaching here. I missed all the fun yesterday.

    Like

  4. Yes, Paula, but what about the part where I wrote this whole post in Helvetica? Who loves herself?

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  5. Did you ever see Shakes the Clown? Excellent movie. First scene is him waking up from a one-night stand with Shirley Partridge. Anyway, all the clowns in the movie spend a lot of time beating up mimes and calling them silent motherfuckers.
    I like how everyone will wake up and you and I will have left eleventy thousand comments already.

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  6. Finalist congratulations!! And I helped! (Surely 45 is old enough [or perhaps not] to remember the ancient Shake ‘n Bake commercials?…) Anyway, woo-hoooooo!!!!!!!

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  7. I loved Shake n Bake. And of course I remember that commercial. I do not think my mother actually served that product, as it would not have fallen under the hippie granola healthy category, so it must have been one of the products I got at grammas, along with Kaboom.

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  8. “Silent motherfuckers.” DYING.
    Ok, what I want to know, is how badly one has to score on that career aptitude test in order to choose mime as a career. Does the guidance counselor review it and say, “Yeah, um, you were this close to actuarian, but you biffed that last section, so I have to same it’s mime for you.” Also does the boss mime have to mime the performance reviews?
    Bah.
    And mime conventions! Hey, could you keep it down over there?
    Ok, I have GOT to go to work before Mr. Tudball/Drysdale has an apoplectic fit.

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  9. “Silent motherfuckers.” DYING.
    Ok, what I want to know, is how badly one has to score on that career aptitude test in order to choose mime as a career. Does the guidance counselor review it and say, “Yeah, um, you were this close to actuarian, but you biffed that last section, so I have to same it’s mime for you.” Also does the boss mime have to mime the performance reviews?
    Bah.
    And mime conventions! Hey, could you keep it down over there?
    Ok, I have GOT to go to work before Mr. Tudball/Drysdale has an apoplectic fit.

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  10. “Silent motherfuckers.” DYING.
    Ok, what I want to know, is how badly one has to score on that career aptitude test in order to choose mime as a career. Does the guidance counselor review it and say, “Yeah, um, you were this close to actuarian, but you biffed that last section, so I have to same it’s mime for you.” Also does the boss mime have to mime the performance reviews?
    Bah.
    And mime conventions! Hey, could you keep it down over there?
    Ok, I have GOT to go to work before Mr. Tudball/Drysdale has an apoplectic fit.

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  11. You are killing me this morning.
    Does Marvin have trouble sleeping? Is that why he watches such drivel?
    Mimes suck. I remember shortly after moving to Germany, my German tutor had some lesson on “buskers” and I learned the word for mime (which happens to be mime, plural is mimen). I was so irritated. I work for a large international company, don’t you think they should be teaching me some business German that could help me in the work place? No, I learned about f’ing mimes. I made my tutor teach me how to tell a mime to go away.
    Geh weg Mime! Ich mag dich nicht.
    Congrats on becoming a finalist!

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  12. Congrats! You must still have a smile on your typeface since you received the news.
    BTW, the mimes are also embarrassed by what they do. Did you ever wonder why they wear so much make up? They don’t want to be recognized by their friends.

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  13. Silent Motherfuckers. Dying. I want to watch the movie for that reason alone.
    Congratulations! What do you get if you win? Obviously not a paid vacation to New York to attend the awards.
    I realized while reading today that you haven’t shared with us how you have decorated your cubicle at work. I know we have to be all iet-quay on your new ork-way so they don’t know about your og-blay but I want to know about the decorations. CAN’T WE EVEN DISCUSS THE DECORATIONS??? Do you have a Mirror, Mirror on the Wall in your cubicle?

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  14. Awww June, don’t you think it is at all just as precious as can be that ole Manly Marv is watching movies about typeface and you are in the reading of said typeface profession?
    I do.
    And at least it was Helvetica and not that giant gothic Old English stuff that everyone here uses (in all CAPS no less!!!) to stick their last name up on their rear windshield. Try reading Gutierrez in all caps Old English as you are toodling down the road.

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  15. Congrats on the finalist thing June. The funny pays off. Well maybe. But you won’t know cause you won’t be in NY. Wouldn’t that be a nice late anniversary gift? A trip to NY? And then you can pick up a puppy on the way back.
    Also too – what did you ever decide to take photos of last weekend?

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  16. The fact that you can pull a reference to Shields and Yarnell out of your ass at the drop of the hat makes you a winner in my book.

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  17. A documentary on Helvetica??? A new low if it is true. I have had trouble sleeping lately… should I seek this out as a sleep aid?
    Congrats! You are one of my addictions for sure!

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  18. My ex liked mimes and theater and all that crap. And in my younger, make-myself-into what-a-man-wants days, I pretended to like it. Truth is, I don’t like it. Theater always looks like people dressed up and pretending to do something. With too much make-up.
    We saw Marcel Marceau once. Boring and creepy and WAY too quiet.

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  19. Shields and freakin’ Yarnell? How the heck did you remember those two freaks? Oy.
    Congrats on being a finalist. Are you going to give one of those wanky acceptance speeches about how great it is *just* to be nominated? Or are you going to do a Kathy Griffin and scream, “FU, bitches, Jesus had nothing to do with my winning this award!”?
    Ohhhh, oh! You could MIME the speech. Marv could hold up captions written in Helvetica. Yeah. Do that.

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  20. Shields and freakin’ Yarnell? How the heck did you remember those two freaks? Oy.
    Congrats on being a finalist. Are you going to give one of those wanky acceptance speeches about how great it is *just* to be nominated? Or are you going to do a Kathy Griffin and scream, “FU, bitches, Jesus had nothing to do with my winning this award!”?
    Ohhhh, oh! You could MIME the speech. Marv could hold up captions written in Helvetica. Yeah. Do that.

    Like

  21. Shields and freakin’ Yarnell? How the heck did you remember those two freaks? Oy.
    Congrats on being a finalist. Are you going to give one of those wanky acceptance speeches about how great it is *just* to be nominated? Or are you going to do a Kathy Griffin and scream, “FU, bitches, Jesus had nothing to do with my winning this award!”?
    Ohhhh, oh! You could MIME the speech. Marv could hold up captions written in Helvetica. Yeah. Do that.

    Like

  22. All my ads on the side are for fonts. Not one for a Shields and Yarnell documentary.
    Congratulations on being a finalist. If the judges have any sense of humor at all, you will win. Maybe you should practice up your webcam acceptance speech.

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  23. Oh, and speaking of Shake and Bake, did you know there are a ton of homemade shake and bake recipes on the internet? ‘Cause for me, nothing says cooking like shaking a piece of meat in a bag full of floury stuff and throwing it in the oven for an hour. I shake because I care.
    I too remember the commercial, have been known to say “and I helped” out loud with his cute little accent. I am easily amused.

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  24. Yeah, congrat! All that click of the mouse paid off.
    I find myself getting sucked into watching stupid shows late at night. Nothing quite as boring as a font documentary but stupid none the less. Like last night it was Ice Road Truckers. Why could I not just turn the damn tv off? I could not wake up this morning.
    I had never heard of this Art-o-mat. But I do remember getting cigarettes out of those machines.

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  25. Wondering what a mime’s blog would look like.
    I was probably five when I last saw Shields and Yarnell. Thanks for reawakening that part of my childhood.

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  26. Ok, seriously, I would love to watch that documentary (send the details, plz!). I’m a printer by trade and have tons of old lead/wood type & a tabletop letterpress and all the fixins to run it. I’ve met font designers, had custom made lettering done, gone to font lectures… I’m a printing geek and LOVE it! Print/paper/color… ahhh! Used to work in print production and want to get back there.
    Really enjoyed your font-astic humor today! 🙂

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  27. Well done on being voted funny 🙂 Hope you remember us little people when you’re being told about the fancy New York party.
    Don’t get a New Roman, they have too much Rage Italic. An Informal Roman will make more of an Impact. Ha!

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