First of all, yay.
Okay, so see how I put this little square up here like I know what I'm doing? And you can all say, "Oh, how nice! Our votes mattered! June is a finalist in that Most Ludicrous Blog contest!"
What you don't know is the part where I sat here trying to download that stupid square 800 thousand five hundred ninety-two times. And every time I'd try to put this on here, my stupid computer would make that "you effed up" noise at me — "wooo!" — and then it'd say, "This file is a mime" or something.
It didn't technically say it was a mime, but it said something with the word "mime" in it. Something about my mime was unsupported. So somewhere out there, thanks to me, some mime is going hungry. He's in some park pretending it's windy and also rubbing his stomach. While trying to get out of a box.
Is there anyone who likes mimes? Anyone?
How did I go from being a finalist to talking about Sheilds and Yarnell?
Why must mimes hold their eyes open like that? This is why I hate everything having to do with the theater.
So what happens next is some secret group out there, like the Academy or the Eastern Stars or the KKK or whatever, are over there reading my blog deciding whether it's funny. And I'm sure the part where I just called them the KKK won me a TON of votes.
Maybe everyone in the secret society is a mime. And they are reading this with really big eyes.
The point is, they will announce if I have won in New York on I think August 5, or maybe it's August 4, at this blog convention that I cannot attend because I have a job and so forth. So I probably won't win because I can't go. Because I am working class. See how things go? The man. Keeping me down. The mime. Not voting for me.
However, I cannot thank you all enough for all the votes. I heart you. And I am in competition with sincerely funny people! So I feel kind of fancy, mingling with the likes of The Bloggess and CakeWrecks and so forth. Did I already say "and so forth" today? Oh, yes, there it is. In the paragraph above. My writing sucks. Hello, voting committee.
In other news, Marvin is currently watching a documentary on Helvetica. No, really. I am not making this up. And no, there is not a band you have never heard of called "Helvetica," although "Hellvetica" would be kind of a good band name. He is watching a documentary on the actual font. I think we can all agree Marvin has reached a new low in his documentary viewing.
I don't know why he's my type.
I am sans humor re the sans serif.
I am a font of funnyness.
Marvin is a prints among men.
Okay, I'll stop.
I must have liked him because he had a lot of good lines.
(That wasn't even remotely a good one, was it?)
If I ever leave him, I am totally going for a new Roman next time.
On that note, I will leave you. Tune in tomorrow because (a) why wouldn't you, with the highlarious font humor you can get over here, and (2), I have to tell you about how Tallulah got kind of chubby and (6a)[14.5](v) one of my coworkers has his art in one of those Art-O-Mat machines of which I am so enamored.
No word on whether he's a new Roman, but yes, I AM sucking up to him so he'll give me some free art. Have you met me?
So you'll have to come back to hear about all that. This is like one of those dramatic serials they used to have at the movies, or like a documentary on Helvetica, isn't it? How will you sleep waiting for tomorrow?
Until then, be bold.