Fortunately, I have nothing to tell you today that's gonna piss anybody off. Unless me flying across the country to spend time with family angers anyone. Ooo, what if environmentalists are reading this? Did I mention I'm flying a private plane?
Yes, my family name is American Airlines. Everybody off this thing! It's my plane!
My Aunt Mary, the one who likes to shop, turns…a certain age this weekend, and my father and I are flying to Colorado to help her celebrate said age.
My Aunt Mary was lying in bed a few months ago, probably under sheets she had shopped for recently, and she was thinking about how I'd be 45 this year. And how that was, you know, old. Then all of a sudden she thought, "OH MY GOD, I'M GONNA BE [insert certain age here]!"
So we're making the best of it. My father is cooking a special dinner. I think my Aunt Mary is cooking special things too. I will be, you know, eating them.
Also, Aunt Mary wants to take me shopping at her favorite store downtown, and my father thought he'd …check out the bar nearby.
So it should be a good trip. Tallulah saw my pink suitcase and is refusing to speak to me. She just huffed out the door to daycare with nary a goodbye. I had to hug her from the back, like I was Heimliching her.
I am unsure of Aunt Mary's computer sitch, but will try to blog when I can. In the meantime, argue amongst yourselves.
Oh! But I did want to show you a photo of cheerful Francis before I go. Ever since my birthday last week, this happy bear and balloon combo that Marvin put on my breakfast-in-bed tray has been on Franny's window sill.
Look at Fran arse, effin' bear.
I love seeing his hateful self next to this message of cheer.
But look! It's made him nice to Winston. Perhaps Bear of Joy has special powers. I'm gonna leave it up there. Maybe by the time I get back Francis will be the friendliest cat on earth. And my butthole will be speaking Ugandan. Is Ugandan even a language?