June’s vacation pictures. …Hey! Where ya going?

Remember when the Jews wandered the desert for 40 years? That was nothing compared to me trying to get home from effing Colorado last night. Holy Katie H. Crap.

I was in FOUR airports. I traveled for FOURTEEN hours. This would make sense if Aunt Mary lived in, say, Amsterdam, but she's like FOUR STATES AWAY.

Who was cranky when she got home with the chickens at dawn's early light this morning? Who had two plane delays, a breakneck run from one airline to another, an airport train that got STUCK IN THE TUNNEL, rendering me UNABLE TO BREATHE I was so panicky being caught in that concrete tube surrounding the train, and NO FOOD ON ANY PLANE WHATSOEVER?

So it was a good trip home. Happy today. Feeling perky. Looking good.

I woke up spooning Tallulah, my chin on her fairly smelly head. I love her so bad.

Anyway, let me spin you a yarn about my trip photos.


Here is a photo of my aunt and me and our identical ventriloquist chin issue. Also, I like how the rectangle of my camera is shading my face. Is my father a photographer? Had he come with us on our walk this day we would not have had this tragedy.


I admired Aunt Mary's purple toenail polish.


Aunt Mary has a convertible, and 28385038533145 visors to protect her from the sun and/or serve to make her look authentic when she deals at the blackjack table. I have decided I want a convertible now. I never wanted one before. My dream car is a Mini Cooper. Now I want a Mini Cooper convertible. I cannot afford a Mini Cooper, and I really can't afford a Mini Cooper convertible.


I liked my father's silver bracelet. Very Crazy Hearts.


My aunt has two cats, who you know I left alone and didn't poke at or kiss or talk in high squeaky voices to or anything. Her cats are old, like 17 or something, so you can imagine how they were hep to my attentions. This is Alfie. Every time he saw me he left the room. I LOB UUUU ALFEEEEEE! kisskissskissskiss!!!


On my last day there, Leon finally swung at me. So sick of me. Why this small-hair bitch kiss Leon? Leon old man. Leon still kill you with claw, you push Leon.

Both my father and aunt like to cook, and they go around talking about recipes like it's interesting. This was a pie with blueberries and nectarines that I ate 478 pieces of.

Oh, and by the way, on last night's hellish airport trip, I had on my Bye Bye Pie tshirt but I forgot, since I was undergoing psychological torture that perhaps Gitmo ought to look into, and anyway some guy at the magazine store said, "You not like pie?" I said "What?" about three times before I figured out he was reading my shirt and wondered why I was saying bye bye to pie. Oh, dear.


We did lots of short day trips, including going to the farmers market in a nearby town. To buy diva-ish peaches with human features.

When I was there, I bought something for my mother-in-law, and remind me, after my mother-in-law's birthday, to tell you how annoying the person was who sold it to me. For those of you selling things at street fairs? Customer service, folks. Customer service.


Dad fell for this magnet bracelet, he was DRAWN to it, even though he already has a bracelet (see above), because this one is supposed to cure all ills.


Apparently it doesn't cure immaturity.

We went to a different town and shopped another day, and I got a necklace that has an Eiffel Tower, a French coin, and a silvery sparkly kind of ball on it. Hello, everything I like. Dad needed a pin cushion and he found this voodoo doll. Hope he doesn't name it June.

Speaking of necklaces, this is the diamond and ruby necklace Aunt Mary got me for my birthday. Are you dying? Are you wondering if I could have more age spots? Do you think I got enough sun in my lifetime? Anyway, love the necklace. Love my aged, leather skin. When I die you can make a couch from me.


Of course, we were there to celebrate Mary's birthday. Here is dad wrapping her gifts in the fish paper he brought. I do not mean it literally wrapped fish first, cause, ew.

When my father handed Mary her gifts and card, we noticed it kind of looks like he wrote, "Happy birthland, Mary" which really makes no sense. I mean, we weren't even in the town where she was born.


My father is always teasing Aunt Mary about her finger injuries. It's true that she seems to frequently cut or break or sprain or catch her fingers in things. On my father's eighth birthday, Aunt Mary stuck her fingers in the lawn mower, which was not one of her more MENSA moves, and his whole birthday was ruined because she got blood everywhere and they had to go to the ER. This is one of the gifts he got her, this glove you wear in the kitchen that you supposedly cannot cut through.

Then Aunt Mary didn't wear it to cut her ice cream cake and almost cut the crap out of her finger.


Here is my Aunt Mary's husband, my nice Uncle Omar, who (a) had to put up with family visiting and (z) gave her the trip to London for her birthday. He is a prince of a man.

Also he likes cats. And he has a rooster on his shoulder, which could be like having a monkey on your back but I'm not sure.

I guess that's all I have to show you. Lucky for you, my father took 11,934 photos that he will send me soon so there COULD BE MORE SHOTS! Tune in tomorrow! I know you'll stampede back for that.

28 thoughts on “June’s vacation pictures. …Hey! Where ya going?

  1. Two things:
    Maybe your dad sports a beard because it camouflages his ventriloquist chin.
    I am so going to get my magnetic bracelet right now and hang it off my nose, your dad is a genius!


  2. Leon may be an oldmancat, but he definitely has manners and charm, what with calling you small-hair.


  3. Great pics! Thanks for sharing.
    I am with Paula H&B… great gift giving in your familia. Mine could take some serious notes.


  4. You necklace is beautiful! So sorry the trip home was such a nightmare. Any time you fly it is difficult, but 14 hours to get home?!


  5. My kids have one of those magnetic bracelets and one of them put one magnet inside her mouth and several others outside. Boy was that gross. I too will be stampeding back for more pictures. Invite me over for a slide show of those 11,234 pictures; I’d stay for all of them. I love vacation pictures.
    I don’t know what big year Aunt Mary could be celebrating – she still looks very young to me. She will LOVE the trip to London – I’m not a big world traveler but had such a fun time in London. Tell them to buy their Britrail pass over here – I understand it’s much cheaper to buy stateside, or at least it was 10 years ago.


  6. Your family appears to be such fun. Can we all come to the next family reunion? We’re fun, too, and would fit right in.
    Kisses for the kitties!! I have a soft spot for old animals.


  7. I’m an esthetician, and I once gave a pedicure to a man who, when he lifted his foot out of the soak asked “Do I qualify for a discount?”. His big toe was completely missing from his foot from a run-in (pun intended) with the lawn mower. Man, that was creepy.


  8. That first yarn picture made me so happy thinking it was a yarn post that I’m embarrassed.
    I JUST literally blogged about the last three of my husband’s birthdays have caused pain.


  9. 1. Aunt Mary’s cats are beautiful. I want to smoosh them.
    B. Sorry your trip home sucked. Air travel isn’t that fun to begin with and mad dashes through the airport only make it worse.
    Also, your photographs are always my favorite. I think they are so much more fun than blogs whose photos are always perfect and artsy and stuff.


  10. Loved the pictures, and the accompanying commentary!
    * I thought the pic of you and Aunt Mary with the camera shadow was great. I thought the shadow was on purpose – you trying to be artsy.
    * Her cats are gorgeous.
    * The birthday card clearly has two “d”s at the end – maybe he wrote Happy Birthdad??
    Glad you made it home safely – sorry it was such an ordeal!


  11. Target Steve – I could use a full-body size one as well.
    June, WOW – fourteen hours and four airports?? That sucks. I’m claustrophobic BIG TIME and definitely would have been freaking out stuck in a tunnel. My first panic attack was on a packed plane … I suddenly couldn’t breathe, broke out in a cold sweat and my knee hurt (WEIRD I know) … I had no idea what was going on and told the guy next to me that I couldn’t breathe. He started talking to me about his wife so he either A. thought I was hitting on him and he wanted to make sure I knew he was taken or B. he realized I was having a panic attack and wanted to get my mind off of it. Thankfully, I calmed down and after I had another one on my next trip, I got some Xanax to take when flying.
    And your necklace – BEAUTIFUL! I need an aunt like that.


  12. I too lost part of a finger to a lawn mower, when I was 13. Any chance I had at joining Mensa was lost. Apparently, one should not change the wheel height when it is still running. Aunt Mary and I are lucky no one calls us Lefty.


  13. Love the necklace! Of course I’ll stampede back for more pictures. But what I would like even more is if you would send your Aunt Mary and your dad my e-mail address so we could all discuss recipes. I read cookbooks. Like they are novels.


  14. Remind me some day to tell you my worst horror airport story, but not today, I will be too traumatized. And I’m having a good hair day, so that’s all that matters.
    Your Aunt Mary is super cool. And your dad? Well, let’s just say apples and how far they fall from the tree– Not too far, in this case.
    Your necklace is stunning and I am jealous of your wrinkle free chest. My snow white skin that I tried to bronze in the 80’s is retaliating now by crinkling up my chest area.
    And I really like that super cute coaster or whatever it is. That is just too darling.
    Loved your vacation pics, June.


  15. June! Welcome home! Your day of travel sounds utterly hellish. 14 hours? That’s totally ridiculous! How awful – that’s longer than it took for us to get home from Spain! Wow!
    Love Aunt Mary’s kitties. The look so soft and pretty!
    Lastly, I have to send you a picture of the sapphire and diamond necklace we bought for me in San Francisco last year! It’s the exact same necklace as yours! How funny! LOVE it!
    I will commence to stampeding, as well.


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