Screen doors, Marvin thwarts, and cupcake floss

You'll notice I'm not at Home Depot, getting my screen door. Oh, did I not tell you I found a screen door I liked? One of you told me they had wooden screen doors there, just like I liked, and they were less then $200 when I looked! I was so excited, and I emailed a photo to Marvin.

"What are you bugging me about now, woman?" was his reply back. He wrote me back from his stressful summer job. Have I told you about Marvin's stressful summer job yet? He is sitting on a private LAKE all summer reading MY Kindle, waiting for poor beleaguered kids who don't actually live around said lake to show up. If they don't belong there (the kids who live there have wrist bands or money clips or something), Marvin kicks them out. That's it. That's what he does all day. Sits on a lake and kicks out the riff-raff.

So you can see how he wouldn't want to be disturbed at that hard job. Anyway, I was so excited that we could get a screen door, and I just had to hold out until today, when he said, "We can't get a screen door. Our doorway is 35-and-a-half inches and those doors are 36 inches."

I just know there is a way to put in the door. I JUST KNOW IT. But Marvin likes to ruin all my fun and make my life hell. I wish I were a huge tomboy type and knew from door-putting-in so I could say, "Nonsense. We just have to bluh-bluh-bluh the bloodey-bloo."

I know we just have to bluh bluh bluh the bloodey bloo. Marvin is keeping the truth from me.

In other news, I am also thinking of getting this rug for the dining room.

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Do you know the only good part about having a full-time job and 87 outstanding freelance projects that you are committed to doing with all your free time? You have scads of money. Who knew that hard work resulted in financial reward? Why didn't anyone ever tell me this?

It's made of recycled plastic bottles and packing materials. The rug, not my hard work. So you can hose it off rather than do whatever fancy things you have to do to clean an Oriental rug in real life. I feel weird saying "Oriental." I feel like not unlike Marvin's grandmother, who used to call all Asian people "Chinamen."

Probably I'll decide to get this and Marvin will say our floors are 35-and-a-half inches.

And my final purchase today is for Faithful Reader and fine artist Mrs. Oh, who made me my nice Bee Gees picture yesterday when I asked everyone to send me photos of Henry with Barry Gibb hair. If you did not read my blog this week you are totally lost.

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I mean, look at the craft that went into this photo. And 'shopping. And she even chose the characters perfectly. Of COURSE Robin would be Francis. And Winston would be easygoing Maurice.

This is why I decided that even though Mrs. Oh did not win the coveted inflatable fruitcake for being the FIRST faithful reader to send me a photo, she is winning an honorable mention gift of cupcake-frosting-flavored dental floss.

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You go, Mrs. Oh.

That is all I have to tell you. Oh, and Dawn in Austin is our commenter of the week. Click This Week's Special. Because I giggled all week at "cluck on a couch."

49 thoughts on “Screen doors, Marvin thwarts, and cupcake floss

  1. Now, see, if that had been my offered prize, I would have been all over sending you my address. So jealous of Mrs. Oh.
    And my husband lies to me all the time about household crap knowing I have no clue and I know he’s fibbing, so I get even more annoyed than my usual annoyed at him.
    I LOVE that rug. Love it. I need a hosing off kind of rug and we all know why. I don’t want to talk about those morons today because I walked into the kitchen earlier and one of them had found a way to get into the trash and all I saw was this giant horse/dog body headfirst into the trash and trash scattered all over the kitchen. I’m not going to talk about it. Hmmmph.

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  2. If you measure the opening of the door yourself (you, not Marvin) and then go to Home Depot, they might be able to get you the door you need. I highly recommend hiring their door installer who is a specialist at this type of thing. Originally I was going to have my two new storm doors installed by the handyman who was doing some other work on the house, but he looked at the directions, got out the parts of the door, and told me he’d need to buy a special drill bit he didn’t already have. Yikes! I immediately decided to trust the HD guy instead with my $200 and $300 doors! If it’s a wooden door, the guy should be able to saw off the extra half inch. Get the pro. It’ll set you back $85 or so for the job. Well worth it. If you mess it up yourself, too bad. The HD guy won’t goof. It’s all he does for a living.
    I hope they have a door to fit your house! good luck.

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  3. They can totally use a planer or a saw and cut 1/2″ off the door. Use a professional installer. I really think Marvin is trying to poo-poo on your parade!

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  4. I’m with Elsie on this. Buy the door and hire the pro. They ARE worth the extra money by what they save in time and stress. Love the door! Love the rug! Treat yourself and get both. You’re worth it!

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  5. Marvin can be forgiven for not letting you get the puppy but he canNOT be forgiven for denying you a screen door. Since you have scads of money now, you should totally hire a screen door installer. It will be done correctly and quickly!

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  6. Oh Yum! Cupcake flavored dental floss. But on the other hand, so not a good idea for me. I have been so ravenously hungry lately I might end up eating it instead. And I do not want to end up like one of June’s cats, stringing her along.

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  7. Every day your writing makes me laugh. Thank you.
    Now, I love that rug. Is it available at Home Depot? Cause maybe I wanna be a June-copycat.

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  8. I have a couple of that kind of rug. I first used them outside as welcome mats. Then my BFF told me she used them indoors so I got larger ones and tried that. LOVE. Other benefits: the cats can’t sharpen their claws on them, my heels don’t get caught and my rug-eating vacuum hasn’t ruined them. Can you tell those three things happened to some of my (also) new “real” rugs?

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  9. I have a couple of that kind of rug. I first used them outside as welcome mats. Then my BFF told me she used them indoors so I got larger ones and tried that. LOVE. Other benefits: the cats can’t sharpen their claws on them, my heels don’t get caught and my rug-eating vacuum hasn’t ruined them. Can you tell those three things happened to some of my (also) new “real” rugs?

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  10. I have a couple of that kind of rug. I first used them outside as welcome mats. Then my BFF told me she used them indoors so I got larger ones and tried that. LOVE. Other benefits: the cats can’t sharpen their claws on them, my heels don’t get caught and my rug-eating vacuum hasn’t ruined them. Can you tell those three things happened to some of my (also) new “real” rugs?

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  11. So, the door you like is made of wood and has the following note in the description:
    “Trimable with wood cutting tools”
    If you are not the handy types, best maybe to call on some handy friends or hire a handyman because that door can fit in a 35.5″ opening. You need a circular saw to trim down each side by .25″. Our interior doors are all weird widths like 29.5″ and crap like that and we’ve had to trim the sides of most of the doors we’ve put in recently using the same method.

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  12. Mary, the rug is from Viva Terra catalog, not to be confused with Terra the commenter. Although I do wish Terra viva. Anyway, the website is vivaterra.com/womens

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  13. Completely non-related: We have adopted a cat. She started coming to our door and meowing so we started feeding her because she was sooo skinny and she looks like shes been through a lot. We think she was someone’s house cat and then they put her out, because she’s not scared of people, she’ll let us pet her, she comes to heeeere kittykittykitty, and she tries to come inside our house. Also, shes very pregnant. So we decided to make her our inside cat, since there are dogs around here, and we also don’t want the kittens to get inside our cars when they are born. Well, today I went and bought a litter box and flea and tick spray, and all that jazz, and we get home and realize some idiot has shot her with a bb gun and she is bleeding and limping. I am soo pissed. I’m not really sure why I decided to tell you guys this, I guess I just assumed you would understand. Poor kitty.

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  14. I don’t even ask the man about my house anything to do handymanish, because he just isn’t. Handymanish, that is.
    I once asked him several times to fix the pantry door. He didn’t. So one stormy day, I dook it off the hinges, drove it to the Depot, put it on a cart and carried it in to the door department and said, “I need one of these. Exactly.” I hung it myself, and yes, I had to learn how to use a planer because apparently, plum limes are different in some areas.
    Oh and look at me go! Commenter of the week! I’m so glad I could make you giggle, because you do the same for me, every day.

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  15. Congrats Dawn! Us Ohioans know the davenport down low too.
    What I didn’t understand was the formal living room and the plastic furniture covers.
    One of my HS friends had a big stone living room with a baby grand piano, a massive piece of artwork and white, plastic covered furniture.
    In my teenage mind if you had enough money for that freaking piano you had enough to get Stanley Steemer out to do your Davenport.

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  16. So first of all, Whitni, I am so sorry about your adopted cat – I hope she heals quickly. Secondly, June, that door can mosty definitely be planed, but I would have a professional do it – that tends to cut down on the cursing!

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  17. I’m pretty sure Home Depot will trim them for you for a stupidly small charge. At least that’s what they do when you want wood cut. They have those huge saws and they just slide it through. No biggie. You just want to cut enough off for a good swing. Okay, that’s my tip of the day. Or you can pay someone a gazillion dollars and they will come and do a half ass job for you.
    Oh and Joann, my moron got into the trash the other day. Coffee grounds and foil everywhere. Someone is going to have a rough time pooping.

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  18. We brought her in and she is kind of looking around and checking everything out. She doesn’t seem to be bleeding anymore but she’s still limping, which has got to be incredibly fun considering her verrry pregnant state. Thanks for all the well wishes, and we are definitely naming her Bebe. She is easily the ugliest cat I have ever seen, her tail was cut to a three inch long stump sometime in her past, but I’m already in love with her and am very much looking forward to her kittens.

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  19. I don’t have anything to comment regarding your post (except cupcake flavored dental floss, yum!), but I do have to say that my good friend gave me a Bye Bye, Pie! tee for my birthday! And tomorrow I’m going to dinner with my Oriental husband. Oh how he hates it when people say “Oriental”.

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  20. My father says “oriental people” all the time and it drives me nuts. It really drives him nuts when I correct him.
    Oriental refers to things, as in “oriental rug” and “oriental vase”. Asian refers to people. That is the difference.
    The Asian woman went to the store to purchase an oriental painting.
    Easy peasy!

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  21. Poor little Bebe…I do hope she’s okay. The vet should be able to remove the bebe from her leg and it will heal quickly…Poor thing.
    And, Junie-pie…Do get the screen door and DO get the professional to install it. You should see or sad-ass bathroom door upstairs that my “handy” husband installed when he was a woeful hack. It’s the most atrocious looking thing you’ve ever seen! Pay the little extra for the Home Depot dude to put the door in! You’ll have no regrets!
    And poop on Marvin for denying you a screen door. What a party pooper he is!

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  22. You know, you can ask at Home Depot if they could make the door fit that opening. If they have someone there who knows how, they usually will. My husband is a contractor and says trimming that door just half an inch is no problem. Take your measurements with you. I’m sure they will help you out at unthwarting Marvin!

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  23. Marvin is just being a poohead. I’ve heard that saws go through wood pretty easily. However, if you don’t want little spaces and un-square corners, I would really hire someone to put the door in.

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  24. Paula, if you’re still here because gee it’s just a day later and a whole different topic, their last name ended in ski. Definitely not Italian.

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  25. In my neck of the woods it costs as much to have the door installed as it does to buy the door; however, I agree with all the folks out there who advise you to hire an installer to do it. What’s the use of having a real job if not to pay for what needs to be done around the house.

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  26. Feel free to send some of that money that’s just lying around your house to me. Don’t you hate when people say stuff like that? I do.
    I am jealous of your screen door. Jealous.
    Whitni, I’m so glad you took in that cat. Bebe will be a nice addition!

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