Francis thanks you all for yesterday's birthday wishes and says now you can all go away again. Usually I get Fran a bag of Baked Lay's for his birthday, but he has gotten so fat I could not bring myself to enable him. If he were a person, he'd be one of those crane-to-get-him-out-of-his-home people.… Continue reading BR-549
Remember when Henry was just a little bitty bite of a kitten and he and Tallulah were the best of friends? They still are. Henry also seems to feel it's his job to ensure Tallulah's cleanliness, and some day Talu is gonna snap that cat's head clean off. I mean, he really gets in there… Continue reading This is bull shi tzu
There is a reason this nonaward-winning blog is so valuable. You can learn from my mistakes.For example. If you were thinking, "Hey! Maybe a bag of wasabi peanuts for dinner would be good!" I can tell you from the adventures in my bathroom last night that it in fact is not a stellar plan.I went… Continue reading Wasabi afraid. Wasabi very afraid.
I was pleased that so many of you felt the same way I do about Julia Roberts. I figured everyone else thought she was just lovely and I was the only Crabby Appleton.Here are other celebrities who make my nethers pucker up and twitch. First of all, how many TEETH does she have? It's like… Continue reading Celebrities who bug
Goodness, you all certainly like to indulge yourselves. And I am glad of it. Nothing's worse than some I-have-no-time-for-myself martyrdom. Cut it out. Is what I say. Maybe I could take over Dr. Laura's soon-to-be-vacant position with my fine advice. "Hello, Dr. June? I find myself increasingly sad. I can't sleep, can't eat, I enjoy… Continue reading Treat?!? Treat!? Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday
I have had three--three!--female friends get divorced and then become obsessed with horses. What gives? One of my friends says her paychecks should just be automatically deposited to the kennel or whatever it's called. STABLE. It's called a stable, isn't it. I wonder if Marvin and I got divorced if I would get way into… Continue reading Wedges of Pieces of Wisdom
Why do I always think it's gonna be okay to stay up late and watch MadMen? I understand that it is totally worth it, but you should see my bloated self. I look like I slept on a subway grid. Or maybe like I ate 15 Subway sandwiches. Stupid Jerrod. Anyway I have no time,… Continue reading June bats her lashes at you. Not that you could tell.
I finished my freelance work!!! Yesterday, I worked from 9:15 a.m. till 7:00. P RIDICULOUS P.M.! Happy Saturday!Then I had to stampede to Target because I am out of my meds--can you tell?--and guess what closes at 6:00 on weekends? Is it the stupid stupid stupid Target pharmacy? Don't I have an in, what with… Continue reading I’m free! To do what I want! Any old tiiiime. So I’ll do drudgery.
This is one of my favorite scenes from a movie. It's Almost Famous. Marvin worked on this movie. I got to go to the wrap party. He told me people got all dressed up for wrap parties, so I wore a taffeta skirt and patent-leather wedges. Everyone had on jeans and tank tops. I looked… Continue reading Just put your lips together and blow
Hello, young whippersnapper. I am trying to type you with my #$&&$@ new bifocals. Would you like a bottle of sassafras? Say, isn't that the calliope I hear? Let me get my big hearing tube. The circus must be a-comin'!Okay, I do not know why I am an old folky type lady. All I know… Continue reading June goes bi
I am blogging at you on Wednesday night because I have to be at the headache clinic at 7:30 a.m. on Thursday.That sounds like a hoot, doesn't it?I get to get my blood drawn so they can make sure this trial drug they have me on is not killing me. Oh, it's a PLACEEEEEBO, I'm… Continue reading Elephant woman
So, how many weeks do you give me before I forget to do Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday? Do you think it'll be next week? That's pretty much what I'm thinking.In case you didn't tune in yesterday----oh, and let me interrupt myself to tell you about a new thing that bugs me. You know how I'll… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday
I have a brillllllliant idea. Brilllllliant. And yes I AM trilling my Ls in my head when I say that, like I'm Julia Child or something. Am I the most annoying person you have ever met?Okay, wait. I just have to bust in and tell you that every morning this poor hunched-over woman power-walks by… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom Wednesdays. Because who loves herself and her big ideas?
I was trying to copy edit something yesterday, and Marvin was all next to me, giggling. "Giggle," he would say, shaking the whole couch. He knew he was irking me, and he kept trying to do it quietly. "Pfffff," he would say, unable to contain himself. "WHAT," I said, hating Marvin. "It's this guy. His… Continue reading Hide your wife, hide your kids, hide your husband
I took this with my iPone. Maybe I should twist it right. Does your neck hurt? Eeeeeexcellent, Smithers. Who's my pretty cat? Is it Winston? Does he care deeply about being the subject of my iPone play? Am I ever gonna stop calling it an iPone, do you think? Who loves her phone? Who can do… Continue reading iPone Preoccupied
Oh, I hate EVERYTHING. I just spent half an hour writing you about my whole stupid stupid stupid idiotic 24 hours and then I LOST THE $#&%@@*& post! Have I mentioned I hate everything? Okay, so let me REITERATE. Sigh. First of all, I wish everyone would get these Tibetan prayer flags out my head,… Continue reading Mansion in the skyyyyy
My father took this while we were in Colorado. Did I mention he's a better photographer than me?
Say! Did you jam out to the part where I posted last night? What I enjoy about me is I'm true to my word. My word is gold. Okay, shut up. I didn't get home till 7:30, and then I got distracted. And then we had a terrible storm and we lost our Internet connection,… Continue reading In which June invents the word “juzzes,” which is even stupider than when she invented “sparklefraffle.”
I have to go to work early today so I can't post till tonight. Whatdaya want me to talk about when I get home?
You know those phony posts where I have eight million topics? Yeah. Okay, first of all, I was having a deeply intellectual evening recently, wherein I was smelling the perfume samples that came in a magazine. I said to Marvin, "Does this one smell like someone put bug spray on a Sweet Tart?" Marvin, who… Continue reading A hodge and a podge. Hey, at least we all get to stop looking at my arse. Actually, that isn’t true.