It rain.

It rain here all weekend, and yes, I said "it rain" on purpose. Tallulah has her own Facebook page (if you want to friend her, she's Tallulah Gardens. She hearts friends. Especially friends who have chicken), and one of my favorite status updates of hers was one where she kept asking to go outside, and asking and asking, and begging and asking, and when she finally got to the door she said, "Oh. It rain. Forget."

Which is totally what she does. She hates rain. Almost in direct proportion to how much she loves chicken. And yes, I do realize that I am the one who writes her status updates, and that I am hearting my own update in reality and that makes me an arsehole.

At any rate, when it rain, all she wants to do is lie around.

Tiredlu
Do your dogs do this when it rain? She has the energy of Anna Nicole Smith. (RIP)

Who took SugarPie? We all got so up in arms about the baby who could not have looked more like Larry Whomever in drag, and no one said, Who gets SugarPie. What is that guy's last name?

Although that dog should have been taken from her for the part where she named it SugarPie.

And look, I seem to have gotten off onto a tangent.

Anyway, the point of it raining and Lu lying around like she's on the meth–

–meth doesn't make you lie around, does it? It makes you tweak, whatever that means. Crap. I really have to get cooler.

The POINT of Lu lying around like she's on the 'ludes (hah!) (1979 called. Wants its drug back) is that she is supposed to be dieting and exercising because remember the vet said she was still acceptable but no longer ideal. Which is the story of my life.

Gettinherswoop

So as soon as it was remotely not raining I made her go in the back yard with me, and as you can see, she is getting her swoop back in her waist parts. Go, sexy Lu. Work it. And yes, I see those weeds. Shut up. It rain.

So speaking of being acceptable and no longer ideal, when I was in Colorado, where it dry, I mentioned that for the first time in my life, my skin felt, you know, dry. I am 45 and still break out. I have always had let's call it dewy skin. I thought this would keep me looking youthful but Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies called. She's suing me for doing impersonations.

Anyway, after I mentioned about my skin my Aunt Mary asked what kind of moisturizer I use. "I have never used a moisturizer," I told her.

She looked at me like I had poisoned a family of ten, chopped them into little bits and stir fried them up for her birthday dinner. And the shocking part of that story would be the part where I cooked.

"June, you HAVE to use moisturizer," she said solemnly.

So this weekend I made my way through the rain–

I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN! I KEPT MYSELF PROTECTED! I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN! I KEPT MY POINT OF VIEW! I MADE IT THROOOOOUGH THE RAIN! AND FOUND MYSELF RESPECTED BY THE OTHERS WHOOO, GOT RAINED ON TOOOOO…

I'll bet you had forgotten that particular Barry Manilow song. I'll bet you're delighted I reminded you. I'm not even sure I sang you the right words.

Oh dear God. Everything is on YouTube.

ANYWAY, I DID make it through the rain and found myself at Ulta. With the others whooo like makeup too.

Someone pounced on me right away and I told her I really wanted to do that Dermalogica face-mapping thing. You'll be shocked to hear that I was sort of familiar with all the skin-care products Ulta had to offer, and I had gandered at this face-mapping this many times. Someone looks at you under a giant magnifying mirror then gives you a map of your face that looks not unlike one of those maps of a pig when they're dividing it up for loins and shoulders and such.

Face_mapping2
Pork-Chart_Article

I had no idea when we were eating ham we were eating pig butt, by the way.

And why is "Boston Butt" not a butt at all? Those crazy Boston people. With their baked beans that aren't baked beans and their butts that are shoulders.

So the woman at Ulta said the face-mapping woman wasn't there that day, which, hi. IT'S THE WEEKEND. Don't you think that'd be the ultimate time, forgive the pun, to be there? Nevertheless, this young chippy said she used to be the aesthetician at the salon and she used to do the face-mapping and she could see by looking at me which product I needed.

And she stampeded right over to the anti-aging products.

!!

Okay, I understand I came in there with my walker with tennis balls on the bottom and my pale-green elastic-waist pants and bone-colored tennis shoes and my Depends and my tight perm and my "I Heart Being a Grandmammy" sweatshirt, but anti-aging? Really?

How depressing.

I bought the whole kit. Cosmetics saleswomen make a fortune off me. I told her the next time we see each other I want to resemble a fetus.

Derm
So that was my weekend. Oh! And don't forget this Sunday is book club! Or Book Club, as Paula H&B would call it, with her need to capitalize things that don't need capitalizing. We are reading Breakfast with Buddha, and I love love loved it, I can tell you now. I think I said we're meeting at 7 p.m. my time, but if I'm wrong one of you can tell me. I am old and I get addled.

Who are all of you?

99 thoughts on “It rain.

  1. My darling Duffylou, try some Retin A. I was having teenage pimples and dry skin around the edges and it was just awful. My dermatologist hooked me up and my skin just glows now. Perfect for that kind of skin.
    I think Carin is still watching us and plotting her revenge. We need to be ready, folks. We’ll have to sick Furry on her when she returns.

    Like

  2. June, you look like a 19-year old with no need for moisturizer.
    But, in case you feel the need, that Dermalogica stuff is the shiz…I highly recommend the daily microfoliant which is only about $670,974.

    Like

  3. June, you are what every ‘hostile’ person needs on a bad day. Yes, a customer SERVICE representative told ME I was hostile. So I headed on over to Bye Bye Pie to break the ‘hostile mood.’ THANK YOU. (the capital letters are not meant to be hostile in any way.)
    And my dog Noah also writes a blog post once in a while, and I have to admit, I heart Noah’s blog entries. He has some pretty good one-liners.

    Like

  4. The readers here have the best memory for all thing June. Kelly, I am June’s longest reader (circa 1910) and she is still my favorite blogger in the world. Welcome to the circus. Glad you have joined us.
    By the way June, I have used Dermalogica for 10+ years and it is the bombdigity. I swear by it.

    Like

  5. Loving this blog today! Hulk married his mom will have me smirking the rest of the day. Which makes me wonder, does anyone ever hear anymore of a husband calling his wife mother. I get the “go ask your mother.” When the kids aren’t around and a husband calls his wife mother it just gives me the heebie-jeebies!

    Like

  6. Okie dokie Joann. Retin A. I will look into this. Does it reverse the aging thing? I don’t mind growing older, cough, but I do mind looking older than my age.
    June honey, I didn’t know I had to tell you how good you looked. You look in that mirror every day. You know you rock it!

    Like

  7. 32 and sporting a nice cyst on my chin. “30s with acne” is my perpetual tag-line. I think my acne is why I always get carded. “How can she be over 21 – look at that zit!”
    I also never moisturize because of this. Apparently, you are supposed to start this anti-aging skin care crap in your 30s but I have no desire to make my face break out any more than it does now. When I went to the dermatologist it was never even brought up, so, I am not sweating the over-priced anti-aging stuff.

    Like

  8. Well! That explains A LOT! I was sitting here at 7:00 LAST NIGHT ready to discuss ole Buddha.
    Harrumph.
    Anywho. I was oily-skinned for far too long and finally went the Accutane route. Which was EFFING MIRACULOUS but remember, I had thrown out my whore of a uterus (Accutane causes birth defects) and not a teenager (also causes teen depression/suicide) and a host of other things, so I’m not really recommending it. But it worked for me.
    And yes, even with the oily skin, you have to moisturize even if it sounds counterproductive.
    And since I used Accutane, now my skin, she is dry dry dry. So I have a variety of lotions that I slather on after showering, depending on my mood. A current fave is CeraVe. (I use other stuff on my face because sometimes I feel like treating my sun damage, too.)
    My mother SWORE by Estee Lauder’s Swiss Performing Extract. She used that faithfully for years and had the most beautiful dewy skin. Of course, then she dropped dead of a stroke, but girlfriend looked good!!

    Like

  9. Well! That explains A LOT! I was sitting here at 7:00 LAST NIGHT ready to discuss ole Buddha.
    Harrumph.
    Anywho. I was oily-skinned for far too long and finally went the Accutane route. Which was EFFING MIRACULOUS but remember, I had thrown out my whore of a uterus (Accutane causes birth defects) and not a teenager (also causes teen depression/suicide) and a host of other things, so I’m not really recommending it. But it worked for me.
    And yes, even with the oily skin, you have to moisturize even if it sounds counterproductive.
    And since I used Accutane, now my skin, she is dry dry dry. So I have a variety of lotions that I slather on after showering, depending on my mood. A current fave is CeraVe. (I use other stuff on my face because sometimes I feel like treating my sun damage, too.)
    My mother SWORE by Estee Lauder’s Swiss Performing Extract. She used that faithfully for years and had the most beautiful dewy skin. Of course, then she dropped dead of a stroke, but girlfriend looked good!!

    Like

  10. Well! That explains A LOT! I was sitting here at 7:00 LAST NIGHT ready to discuss ole Buddha.
    Harrumph.
    Anywho. I was oily-skinned for far too long and finally went the Accutane route. Which was EFFING MIRACULOUS but remember, I had thrown out my whore of a uterus (Accutane causes birth defects) and not a teenager (also causes teen depression/suicide) and a host of other things, so I’m not really recommending it. But it worked for me.
    And yes, even with the oily skin, you have to moisturize even if it sounds counterproductive.
    And since I used Accutane, now my skin, she is dry dry dry. So I have a variety of lotions that I slather on after showering, depending on my mood. A current fave is CeraVe. (I use other stuff on my face because sometimes I feel like treating my sun damage, too.)
    My mother SWORE by Estee Lauder’s Swiss Performing Extract. She used that faithfully for years and had the most beautiful dewy skin. Of course, then she dropped dead of a stroke, but girlfriend looked good!!

    Like

  11. Thanks, June. I couldn’t make it thru the entire Barry Manilow clip, but I now have “Oh, Mandy, you came and you gave without taking” (or something like that) trapped in my brain.
    I don’t know if it was the same Carin or not, but several months ago (long after the original dustup) there was a comment from a Carin on your blog. I wondered if she was still a silent reader.

    Like

  12. Thanks, June. I couldn’t make it thru the entire Barry Manilow clip, but I now have “Oh, Mandy, you came and you gave without taking” (or something like that) trapped in my brain.
    I don’t know if it was the same Carin or not, but several months ago (long after the original dustup) there was a comment from a Carin on your blog. I wondered if she was still a silent reader.

    Like

  13. Thanks, June. I couldn’t make it thru the entire Barry Manilow clip, but I now have “Oh, Mandy, you came and you gave without taking” (or something like that) trapped in my brain.
    I don’t know if it was the same Carin or not, but several months ago (long after the original dustup) there was a comment from a Carin on your blog. I wondered if she was still a silent reader.

    Like

  14. If I were Carin I would never show my face again on this blog. It’s just too risky.
    My good friend and former co-worker told me you could use Preparation H on your face for wrinkles. I told her that would be fine, just don’t lick your lips.

    Like

  15. I think I need to get back on Retin A, used it years ago. Then used differin. That was good too. I definitely need something as FL does not agree with my skin. Or my hair. Why are my ends suddenly so frizzy? Someone tell me of a miracle product for that?
    And I have heard oily skin is your skin over compensating and making too much oil. So, moisturize and you will make less. Oh some sort of bs like that.

    Like

  16. My sister told me about the Miracle Whip facial. Just spread MW on your face and leave it for 20 minutes, then wash off. She says that your face will be red for awhile afterward and that she had to sit outside because of the smell, but the results are wonderful. I told her that if I put Miracle Whip on my face, I would need some lunch meat and chips to go with it. Anybody else tried this “redunkulous” treatment? Apparently you just google it and the directions are there, ladies. Oh and um, Hulk….

    Like

  17. BTW…I live in California and whenever I go to my place of birth (northern Illinois) in the summertime, sheesh, I end up with a whole crop of zits that I never experience in So. Cal. Just sayin’…

    Like

  18. Look what happens when I step away from the computer for a few hours…now I have a list of chemicals and food products to try on my face…can’t wait! A few adult acne scars and many age spots will soon be history, right?! Please!
    I’ve been saying for years if I get enough of these age spots, I’ll have a permanent tan…

    Like

  19. June, congratulations on the photos! They both have Talu in the centre and they’re all focused! It’s like your photographer genes have been kicked into action.
    Also, I am 23 and was told I should have started an anti-aging routine two years ago. So think of the money you’ve saved by not getting conned into this stuff in your 20s.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s