June's stupid life, My pets, Photo essays

In which June invents the word “juzzes,” which is even stupider than when she invented “sparklefraffle.”

Say! Did you jam out to the part where I posted last night? What I enjoy about me is I'm true to my word. My word is gold.

Okay, shut up. I didn't get home till 7:30, and then I got distracted. And then we had a terrible storm and we lost our Internet connection, which basically rendered me useless. It's like I didn't know what to do with my hands. I mean, I wanted to Google "what to do when there's no Internet."

You all seemed to do okay without me, discussing the chicken McNugget lady and the stewardess guy who jumped out the plane and the guy who grew a pea in his lung. When did my blog turn into the Weekly World News?

By the way, I love the stewardess guy. Who I guess I should probably not call a stewardess. You know how he went home and got in bed with his boyfriend before the cops came? Someone at work said, "The only way this story could get better is if his boyfriend was named Trey and they were on the upright and locked position."

Okay you know that's funny.

So I got distracted because (X[ii]) did I mention the ludicrous storm last night that kept booming the whole house and (12) (a) (subsection 14c), Henry and Tallulah got MORE toys.

Obsessed
This is the elephant Talu got. I'm sure my photographer father is not out there constructing a noose or anything, after seeing all these animal-red-eye pics I am about to show you.

Earsgone
Here is the part where she immediately bit off the elephant's ears. An elephant never forgets, Lu. I'm just sayin'.

Nuttyhen

I was glad she was distracted so that Henry could play with his dangle toy and look at it like a nutty nutbar. It has DETACHABLE dangles so that he can play maniacally with a feather, leather thingies, sparkly metal juzzes, and juzzes is totally a word. It means "cat toy." God. Can I help it you have no vocabulary?

Maniacalhen

Seriously, if he didn't look insane enough in the last shot, his brain has completely snapped in this one. As he plays with his metal juzzes.

Grrrr

Did I mention Talu was obsessed with her elephant, so she left Henry alone? Did I mention she has Pit Bull in her? Nice expression. Nice devil no-pupil eyes.

So anyway that's where I was and what I was doing. Don't hate me.

I'll send Lu over to bite off your ears.

23 thoughts on “In which June invents the word “juzzes,” which is even stupider than when she invented “sparklefraffle.””

  1. Life is short! I hope I can talk to you in the blog life as wonderful and beautiful! This makes sense of my life be flies! I should have left a footprint in this world!

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  2. Trey upright and locked made me laugh out loud. But I still refuse to use that moronic abbreviation.
    Love Talu with the elephant. Chloe has been slowly turning Mr. Quackers into a stuffed blob. First the wings came off. Now the feet are going and she’s also been working on the beak. It’s like she’s slowly taking away every part of Mr. Quackers intrinsic duck-ness. Do you think Chloe might have Nazi tendencies? She seems to be following the playbook and it has me worried.

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  3. The latest reports of the stewardess guy paint him as a little sketchy. No one on the plane agrees with his story. His FB page says he’s battling substance abuse, but he grabbed beers on his way down. The passengers all say he got ON the plane combative and with the goose egg on his head. And the argumentative passenger? Can’t find her. Which should be easy cause, hi, seat assignments.
    I think I’ll love the story like I love the dry erase girl. The pea story freaks me out. As does angry McNugget drunk girl. Why so angry?
    Love the Trey. Skkknnnkk!

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  4. The latest reports of the stewardess guy paint him as a little sketchy. No one on the plane agrees with his story. His FB page says he’s battling substance abuse, but he grabbed beers on his way down. The passengers all say he got ON the plane combative and with the goose egg on his head. And the argumentative passenger? Can’t find her. Which should be easy cause, hi, seat assignments.
    I think I’ll love the story like I love the dry erase girl. The pea story freaks me out. As does angry McNugget drunk girl. Why so angry?
    Love the Trey. Skkknnnkk!

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  5. The latest reports of the stewardess guy paint him as a little sketchy. No one on the plane agrees with his story. His FB page says he’s battling substance abuse, but he grabbed beers on his way down. The passengers all say he got ON the plane combative and with the goose egg on his head. And the argumentative passenger? Can’t find her. Which should be easy cause, hi, seat assignments.
    I think I’ll love the story like I love the dry erase girl. The pea story freaks me out. As does angry McNugget drunk girl. Why so angry?
    Love the Trey. Skkknnnkk!

    Like

  6. Love the photos of the fur babies.
    Now the flight attendant wants his job back. I don’t think that’s going to happen since he is facing felony charges.

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  7. I am totally going into PetSmart tomorrow and asking for juzzes. A candid camera moment for sure.

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  8. I know this is totally inappropriate but “it has DETACHABLE dangles so that he can play maniacally with a feather, leather thingies, sparkly metal juzzes…” just screamed SEX TOY to me. I’m sorry. Cover Hen’s virgin ears and eyes but feathers, leather thingies and sparkly metal juzzes just seems this side of dirty. Was it a gift from Gay Porn Santa?

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  9. Love, love, love the ears off picture. Hilarious! Glad to see this today. I mean GAH! You have a life outside he blog world???

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  10. Wow, Lu looks possessed in that last shot. Did she spin her head around and then vomit pea soup? Scary.
    I only get the animals without the stuffing now. My Henry will destuff an animal in no time and I will forever be picking up fluff around the house. Then all of a sudden you hear him yacking. Like he has a hairball. Only he’s a dog and it’s a fluffball.

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  11. I love how Lu took the elephant’s ears right off. One of my favorite memories of my childhood dog Molly was when I bought her a plush squeaky monkey toy. I didn’t realize that she wasn’t a fan of squeaking toys. As soon as I squeaked it, she lunged and tore its head right off in one motion. It was the fastest I’d ever seen a dog toy destroyed. When we were done laughing, my mom used the opportunity to remove the squeaker and then sewed the head back on.
    Also, the “Trey” comment was hysterical.

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  12. I am so happy your internet is back! And Lu and Henry have new toys. What about the other kitties? No toys for them? I hope your night will be thunderstorm free so you can get a good nights sleep.

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  13. Oh, I’m ever so proud that Lu liked her toy! I didn’t know which one to get but then I remembered that Koty is obsessed with his little AND his big green elephant toys. It’s the trunk, I think… And I do love that last pic of Lu! That’s one entertained doggie! And that was the effect I was hoping for with Hen and the dangly toy. I KNEW he’d love those. The juzzes especially.

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  14. The word is flight attendant and that might just be one of the reasons he had his fantastic breakdown. How many folks over the years said, “Oh, stewardess”? I asked my friends, John and David, stewardesses and life partners, about this guy and they both said they were jealous they hadn’t thought of his grand gesture first. You know I’m not one to plug, June, but might want to go check out the Moron Twins new “toy”.

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