I’m free! To do what I want! Any old tiiiime. So I’ll do drudgery.

I finished my freelance work!!! Yesterday, I worked from 9:15 a.m. till 7:00. P RIDICULOUS P.M.! Happy Saturday!

Then I had to stampede to Target because I am out of my meds–can you tell?–and guess what closes at 6:00 on weekends? Is it the stupid stupid stupid Target pharmacy? Don't I have an in, what with Target Steve reading this blog and all? Target Steve! Fix the hours at Target! And clear up that whole gay controversy, because I really don't want to have to not go to Target.

Thanks.

I have picked on Target Steve a lot this weekend. Oh, but you all need to go over to his blog, because he has a clip of LUKE AND LUDICROUS LAURA over there. Oh, I got nostalgic. I thought Laura was the bomb, although if I were her I'd have been doing that Robert Scorpio, which is what Luke's next woman, Holly, did. Does anyone remember this or am I being weird elephant memory girl again?

But none of this deep talk is why I dragged you over here today. The REASON you are here is we are going to have an exciting blog today. Which is a first.

I have been at my full-time job since June, and I have been working pretty much 30 hours a week on top of that at my freelance assignments. You can imagine, therefore, how tidy and pretty and not at all Laura-Ingalls-when-she-lived-in-the-house-with-the-literal-dirt-floor my house is.

So I thought I'd take a picture of each room as I clean it today. Because with my new freedom, my first goal is getting a clean house. Not spending time with Marvin (who is going to school today anyway) or going to a movie or romping in the woods with the dog. No. I is gonna clean.

So I'll take a before picture of each room right before I clean it, then come back and show you the after picture. Won't this be exciting? Are you a-tingle? So I'll be updating all day.

Let's clean this stupid computer room first. Shall we? Oh, how I wish you were all here helping. We'd have more fun and I could pretend to be supervising while you all actually did the work.

Computerblue

Hello, espadrilles that I wore five days ago. Hello, bathroom rug that Marvin inexplicably put in here. And hi, clean sanitary floor! And oh, can of cashews. You certainly belong in here. Love lifts us up where we belong.

See you in a while!

Computerclean
Hoorah. I know that floor NEVER LOOKS CLEAN. It is because it is concrete, because this used to be a screened-in porch, and when we moved in it had a 1990s beige carpet that the former-dweller-who-never-paid-her-bills-and-is-still-getting-collection-letters-and-phone-calls-and-repo-men-here-two-and-a-half-years-later-and-if-I-ever-meet her-I have-a-few-choice-words-for-her's little dog peed on.

Was that sentence hard to understand?

At any rate, we RIPPED up the pee carpet and I had the brilliant idea that we'd paint it Willow, which is a fancy word for green, and it is also a fancy word for "scrapes all the time and never looks clean."

Blechh
But here is the dirt my beloved Shark got up off this floor. Sometimes I understand those people with white couches who make you take your shoes off when you come in, who would never have a pet in a million years.

Oh. And for the people who already commented, yes, that wood chair in the computer room is way uncomfy and I really want kind of a 1940s rolly office wooden chair with arms, that I can put a cushion in. Also too, yes, it does occur to me I am going to get a lot of unsolicited comments/suggestions today.

Kitchen
On to the kitchen! I know it doesn't look that bad, because (a) when you don't cook and just live on peaches and coffee (shut up), how dirty can your kitchen get, and (4) I kind of clean the kitchen as I go, since I am obsessed with food poisoning.

Ick
But Marvin cooks, and here is what I have to tell you. Often I hear women talk about their husbands, and I think, geez. I am pretty lucky. Marvin does not do any of the jerky things many of my friends' husbands do. But would it KILL him to be a little tidier?

Okay, be back after the kitchen.

You know what I am getting? Tired. Also? Sweaty. Are you turned on?

Cleanfinally
You will be when you see my sparkling kitchen.

Kitchen
I even washed Tallulah's little bowls, which happens like once a quarter. Hey, she eats cat barf. You really think she's clamoring for a pristine bowl?

Stove
You know what would have gotten this stove even cleaner? The Magic Eraser. Am obsessed with the cleansing power of whatever carcinogenic chemicals are in the Magic Eraser. Love love love it! However, we don't have one. This was the result of Soft Scrub. Go ahead, yell at me about using Soft Scrub here.

Now on to the dining room.

Roomwherenoonedines
Oh, dining room table. Where little dining is done because we are forever throwing things there, such as that honking box that contains the freelance work I have to mail back. No, I did not copy edit a small child. But I am mailing one back. What?

Oh, and I just noticed this post keeps reposting instead of just getting longer, so I had to delete the last two, thereby deleting the last seven or so comments, but when I'm done EFFING CLEANING I have a way I can put your comments back on. Fret not.

Diningwfran
TAA-DAAA! And careful viewers will see a hint of Francis, with his svelte self.

There was a brief, disproportionately exciting moment when I thought I might be out of Pledge and not have to dust, but I found it. Lurking under a rag by the sink pipes.

Juneandtheregularsizepeach
I took a break to eat a peach, which looks here like some odd shiny other-planet fruit, doesn't it? Like one of those bouffant eyeliner women from another planet has given it to Captain Kirk. Why couldn't they have ever thought, "Gee, it's another planet. Maybe the women here won't dress in their '60s Planet Earth finery" when they were doing the costumes and makeup for those women?

Livingmessy
On to the living room! Not that it needs it. You can see it's straight as a pin. Note the orange feather in the bowl. Did we have a burlesque dancer over that I did not know about? Plus also, won't you enjoy my purse, which gets a place of honor between the smushy pillows?

Silverheels
Some nights I like to kick off my heels and do some picking and a-grinning.

Careful viewers will note I have left not one but TWO pairs of silver shoes in the living room, as opposed to the espadrilles I left in the computer room. Am I a centipede?

Have I mentioned I am getting tired? And sweaty?

Livinglarge
Clean. I do not even want to DISCUSS the amount of animal fur found in this room. All of our pets are short-haired. Imagine if we had a yak.

Also, no one tell Marvin the part where I dropped his guitar while I was putting it away.

I know I have the bathroom and bedrooms left to do, but you know what? I am tired. And hot. And I kind of want to take a shower and go see Eat/Act a Lot More Smug than You Should Cause You Ain't All That, Horse Face/Love this afternoon. Marvin is still at school and when I suggested it he vomited. So I guess I'll go alone. And enjoy the love-myselfness that is Julia Roberts. Who bugs. In case you hadn't figured it out.

There is just one more thing I'm gonna clean today, and I will spare you the after shot, because you really need scratch and sniff to appreciate it.

Washdoggie

Why you look at Lu? This not funny.

59 thoughts on “I’m free! To do what I want! Any old tiiiime. So I’ll do drudgery.

  1. I also love both the Shark and the Magic Eraser and if some enterprising person could combine the two and make a Shark Magic Eraser I would weep.
    Plus also too, I asked my husband to pick up a larger cat pan. I just went to clean the thing, knowing he apparently thinks we house ocelots from the size of it, and it doesn’t fit in the service sink or whatever that crappy square sink in the laundry room is called. SLOP sink, that’s it. Fits not. BAH.

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  2. I also love both the Shark and the Magic Eraser and if some enterprising person could combine the two and make a Shark Magic Eraser I would weep.
    Plus also too, I asked my husband to pick up a larger cat pan. I just went to clean the thing, knowing he apparently thinks we house ocelots from the size of it, and it doesn’t fit in the service sink or whatever that crappy square sink in the laundry room is called. SLOP sink, that’s it. Fits not. BAH.

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  3. I also love both the Shark and the Magic Eraser and if some enterprising person could combine the two and make a Shark Magic Eraser I would weep.
    Plus also too, I asked my husband to pick up a larger cat pan. I just went to clean the thing, knowing he apparently thinks we house ocelots from the size of it, and it doesn’t fit in the service sink or whatever that crappy square sink in the laundry room is called. SLOP sink, that’s it. Fits not. BAH.

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  4. You have inspired me. I am going to start cleaning now and check back in awhile. I also just told the hubster that owning an older house is on my bucket list (aren’t you getting tired of that phrase??) because new houses have no character. They do have a lot of dirt though…and mounds of dog hair. I could make a snuggie with all the dog hair.

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  5. I was wondering what the heck was going on with your blog as I could not pull it up. I thought, June is off the grid, she’s in hiding.
    Your kitchen is sparkling. Mine looks like dookie. You are going to go make me clean it now. You have the powers of persuasion.
    I would like to see a picture of this steam mop in action. Are they really great, should I get one? Can you use it on wood floors? You have no idea how many floor cleaning gadgets I have fallen for.

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  6. Anita, I think it was back at the beginning of this year that I wax (so to speak) poetic about the Shark. YES, you can TOTALLY use it on wood floors!!! It is the bomb! Not literally.

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  7. Hulk (Who will cut the grass later today...when the EFFING HUMIDITY IN THIS STUPID STUPID STATE is lower...) says:

    Know what I did today?
    Watched a Rush documentary.
    Swear.

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  8. Hmmmm…. I thought the spoon rest on the stove was a slice of burned pizza.
    And the new sofa will look way cool…

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  9. Hmmmm…. I thought the spoon rest on the stove was a slice of burned pizza.
    And the new sofa will look way cool…

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  10. Hmmmm…. I thought the spoon rest on the stove was a slice of burned pizza.
    And the new sofa will look way cool…

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  11. My hubby does most of the cooking as well and my stove looks just like your stove and I would never get it clean if it weren’t for Magic Eraser. I cut the eraser up in small pieces (another frugal habit) so I don’t use it up with one cleaning. I thought the spoon rest was a dried piece of pizza.
    What are you going to do with your free time now? Yeah! Free time!

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  12. I am very sorry to do this June on your special cleaning day and all, but I need to rant to my best blog friends.
    I stopped by because I am seething with anger and I needed a June moment to calm me. I have not had a moment to myself in forever and I announced to my family that today was me day, I would be writing all day. Evidently no one on this planet ever wants me to have a life of my own. My husband’s 85 year old uncle just showed up, uninvited. He didn’t even knock, he just peeked in my back windows! Which means only one thing, he wants to talk to me about his love life. He calls me his confidante. And of course, my kids told him I’d be right out. Now, I have to put on a bra. I was looking forward to going braless all day and just writing and perhaps Googling Mark Ruffalo every once and awhile and now I have to go out there and listen to who this man is dating in his hotbed senior citizen community this week. Argh.
    Thanks. I feel better now.
    Sorry about the hijacking.
    Target Steve you will never see my laundry room because it is mean and messy.
    Anita, the Shark makes me weep, it is such a beautiful cleaning machine. I have wood and stone floors and it does a gorgeous job on everything.
    June, your house sparkles. Once again, my apologies.

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  13. I similarly cleaned cleaned cleaned today. Mostly concentrated on the kitchen. It was ick.
    Have I gotten that special comment award yet?!! hee hee!
    Your house looks really nice!
    And congratulations on completing your freelance work! Woo HOO!

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  14. I’m cleaning my house (but not documenting it for posterity) while waiting to hear from my menfolk who are off racing motorcycles today. Although I probably should take photos because my family never believes me when I say that I’m doing or have done housework. Just because I was a slob for the first 20+ years of my life doesn’t mean I’m still a slob but they too have elephant memories about my days as a slob.

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  15. THIS IS MY FAVORITE POST EVER!!!!!!!!! Possibly because I am an OCD cleaning freak and love, love, love before and after, dirty-to-clean house pictures! Thank you for making my day!

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  16. The house looks great. I have a thought about the new sofa: how about putting it in the family room which you never use? That is a bigger room than your living room and so the print won’t be so overwhelming. If you had two rooms for sitting, Marvin could watch his docs and you could read a book and not be annoyed with him. Maybe you need two couches or one couch and one davenport.

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  17. Don’t get me started on that smug & self loving Julia Roberts. GRRRR.
    Wow, June, you are so disciplined to clean on your first day off — IN MONTHS. I’m not sure we can still be friends. However, you did connect me to Mad Men Youself, so I’ll have to make an exception.
    Picking and a-grinning. Somehow I can’t get that visual out of my head, you and your blacked-out tooth.

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  18. Love before and afters!! Re: Luke & Laura – I loved them so. In fact, they may be the couple that caused the formation of my unrealistic expectations of love! Holly – wasn’t she played by Sheena Easton?

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  19. Oh I was a gh fan. Does anyone remember that Luke r@ped Laura? (see what I did there so you won’t get weird search engine stuff?) That stove.

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  20. Good job on the office cleaning. I just cleaned my windows so you would not be the only one cleaning today. I should probably scrub my stove too. We shall see.

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  21. Cosmo's Dad has a family room with a purple velvet sofa, has an old sheet on it, no dog fur...or not alot says:

    Your Mom is right…. and as we both cover our sofas with towels, blankets etc…(she obviously does not like the sofa pattern, but I do) for the pets… since when do you have an extra room?

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  22. Holly was played by Emma Samms – who went on to be Fallon Carrington in Dynasty/The Colbys. When Robert Scorpio was first introduced, that was The Time of The Tan Leisure Suit. He cleaned up pretty nice when they gave me real clothes to wear (or not wear, if we were lucky!). It was also The Time of The Big Hair, which Tony Geary was stuck with, along with the great disco suits (since he owned the disco where he r*ped Laura… I mean, where Luke and Laura totally fell in love and the ratings went through the roof).
    I remember running off the bus at 2:55 each day to get inside before the credits started. Now I get to watch on it almost any time I want – on the regular time, on SoapNet 3 or 4 times a day, and on ABC.com. Ain’t technology grand?
    PS – I hate housework and only do it under protest (like when the dog hair piles up to my ankles).

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  23. Ok, I looked and looked and could not find your raves on the shark mop thing. I did however find some other interesting things. Like tiny pigs, and a picture of you and Raymond Burr.
    Before I add to my collection I’d like to see this thing in action. I already have a vacuum, a Bissel rug cleaner, floormate, a clorox mop thingy, a swiffer and most recently one of those micro fabric mops and some special cleaner in a spray bottle. I think I just need a maid.

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  24. I just saw one of those office chairs today on Hickory craigslist for $25, if you want to check it out. I was thinking that’s the kind of chair I would like too.

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  25. Your house looks great, good job! Does Marvin wear the aprons when he cooks? I would love a picture of that. Let us know how the movie was, I am interested in seeing in. I might wait until it comes out on DVD, I will be staying out of movie theaters for a while, some people just really ticked me off and it is too much money to have to sit there wanting to kill someone that cannot shut up. Anyways, hope the rest of your sunday was nice and relaxing.

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  26. This was a totally fun post. I loved the before and afters. It might even inspire me to do a little scrubbing. I have been hoping to get to the”nesting” part of pregnancy where you supposedly want to deep clean and organize. Instead, (when I’m not resting on the couch) I want to bake and do laundry. Weird, huh? One more week to go until baby, according to my due date, and no cleaning urges yet.
    About the Magic Eraser – I love, love, love the Magic Eraser. Do you really think there are chemicals in it? Have I been kidding myself that it is just its texture that makes it so incredibly effective?
    Lastly, June, your house looks lovely but friendly at the same time. It seems like I could walk in and not feel awkward like you do in some people’s houses that are stuffy and formal. I wouldn’t worry about where to put my purse or if I could sit on the furniture.

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  27. Laurie, those towels are great for wiping finger prints off the stainless. I just use them slightly damp. Do you mean the stinkiness of say sour milk? I had that with only one out of the 3 pack. Strange.

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  28. I TOTALLY hearted GH back in the day. CUT CLASS to watch Luke and Laura get married, with Scotty jumping in to ruin everything. Ah, good times.
    Luckily, I’m reading this so late in the day, I have absolutely no desire to emulate your cleaning frenzy. Glad you had “fun”, though!

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  29. I was about ready to blow off E/P/L when I heard JR was starring. I’ve just never gotten over her botoxed lips. I used to say that she’d be so pretty if it weren’t for that mouth, then I found out she did it on purpose! But the movie has gotten good reviews, I liked the book (and LOVED Comitted, which I just finished), so will break down and rent the movie when it comes to my local Redbox.
    I’ve been busy cleaning today too, for my 10-year-old’s birthday party, family only invited but I still don’t want them to see the sty I usually live in. I can now see the top of my dining room table and swear I will keep it that way, but admit I am only kidding myself. By next week it will be a dim memory.
    Congratulations! Your house looks great.

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  30. From what I understand about magic erasers, it is just the texture.. it’s designed to be abrasive, but only to a point, and then it crumbles and dissolves away. The only thing is that it’s made of melamine, which is the same thing fun summertime unbreakable plates are made out of (not the clear acrylic ones, but the opaque ones with fun designs) and it’s also the same thing that got in the chinese dog food a couple years back, so it’s not good for eating, but it’s not really a chemical in the sense that soft scrub would be, with fumes and such. Just, like they say on the package, if you use it on anything you eat off of, be sure to re-wash it with soap and water to get the crumbled sponge residue off of it.
    Also, if you’re cleaning spills that pets might find tasty, make sure they can’t find and eat the sponge.
    They make magic eraser heads for sponge mops, so that’s kind of getting in the direction of a magic/shark hybrid. It just needs the steam…
    I just moved from a carpeted apartment to an all wood floor one, and damn, do I need a shark.
    Normally I’d think I got too sciencey-cleany-nerdy, but I think that was kind of the theme for the day, so I don’t feel so bad about rambling about melamine. Then again, this is probably too late for anyone to read anyway..

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  31. Oh, and also, the only way I’m getting my boyfriend to see eat/horseface/love is because I declared it part of my birthday plan last week, but we couldn’t go see it cause were camping in the middle of nowhere in Michigan with a dog, and you can’t leave a dog at the campground to go to the movies and there’s no more drive-ins anymore.. So I’m going to have to make it happen this week or he’s going to “forget.” Or somehow I’m going to miss my birthday statue of limitations or something.

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  32. Okay. I know I am commenting a day late, and I don’t have a dollar, so there it is. I just have to say that I have been singing that Stones song for all day yesterday and that all I have been thinking of is Luke, Laura, Robert Scorpio and Holly. So, of course I knew what you were talking about and no the elephant thing isn’t happening. At least not when it comes to General Hospital back when it was worth remembering.
    Not to mention, I should clean my house too.

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  33. Wish my house was clean…it will never be as long as there are boys who live in it.
    I bought that Shark mop about two weeks ago…and it’s still waiting to be used. I equate cleaning with the actual buying of cleaning products which would explain why the house looks like boys live in it. Oh. They do.
    It’s good to know that the Shark mop is a keeper. I guess now I have to try it since it’s getting rave reviews on ByeByePie. Because that is the final word on everything!

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  34. And General Hospital! Just when I think you’ve covered everything from my teenage years, you bring up another memory. I always thought Luke was disgusting. That curly perm. I wonder what he looks like now. Do I really want to know?!

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  35. Okay, the line about dropping Marvin’s guitar was PERFECT. I play the guitar, and it never bothered me when people dropped mine. Then again, it was $200 so no big deal if something happened to it. But my husband’s (which was given to him, which he also DOESN’T PLAY) has a big ole dent in it and is scraped up and all I get to hear about is how it’s a $3500 guitar. “That’s a 3500 dollar guitar” times ONE MILLION.
    Also, if those are real pictures of your house dirty, you can never come to my place. Dirty. I scoff at your attempt at dirtiness.

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