Celebrities who bug

I was pleased that so many of you felt the same way I do about Julia Roberts. I figured everyone else thought she was just lovely and I was the only Crabby Appleton.

Here are other celebrities who make my nethers pucker up and twitch.

Hil

First of all, how many TEETH does she have? It's like she's wearing wax teeth to be funny or something. Plus also, I get annoyed at tomboys. Have never been a tomboy. Can never understand tomboys, with their naturally good bodies and their scratchy voices and their disdain for pink, sparkly things. And I didn't like how she got famous and dumped her weepy husband.

Renee_zellweger_miss_potter_9

For the love of God, stop sucking a lemon.

Why must she always have this look on her face? Why did she have to play Yosemite Sam in Cold Mountain and take the camera off my personal boyfriend Jude Law for even a second? Why must she be skinny then not, then skinny, then not?

Irks.

Audrey-hep

I know. Blaspheme. Everybody fricking loves her, and I have never gotten it. She looks like a gerbil to me, first of all, and she always seemed so affected. I mean, look at that ridiculous cigarette holder. She was no Jackie Kennedy, whose elegance was natural. You didn't see Jackie Kennedy with Frost 'n' Tip in her hair.

The moment that tipped me over the edge is when she's singing Moon River in Breakfast at Tiffany's, and she has that stupid bandanna. Oh, I just happen to have my hair in a bohemian bandanna right now while I sing this song.  

Audrey-hepburn-tiffanys_moonriver

Go back to Tiffany's. Get a job. And be nicer to your cat.

 
Slug

Ehhhhhh. I'm in the most popular series of vampire movies, ever. I am dating Robert Pattinson. Everything is awful. Ehhhhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhh. I can never ever smile. Have I mentioned ehhhhhhhh? Life is hard.

Gwyneth-paltrow-picture-1

Nobody. In the world. Bugs me more than Gwyneth Paltrow. BUGS.ME. She looks like an egg. And she thinks she is so, so cool. And she isn't cool, because she is an egg. She never wears anything that flatters herself, mostly because how do you flatter an egg, and she ALWAYS HAS THAT SIMPERING LOOK ON HER FACE. She and Kirsten Stewart should get together and have an "ehhhh" off.

Of course, you know who I like. Grace Kelly, Jackie Kennedy, Sarah Jessica, Elizabeth Taylor. They all have an elegance. Well, Elizabeth Taylor isn't elegant so much as she is just inhumanly beautiful. And none of them get that egg, affected, lemon-sucking, tomboyish, ehhhh thing.

I'm glad we could all have this deep talk today.

111 thoughts on “Celebrities who bug

  1. OH! Just thought of another on: Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Not for her political views, I personally couldn’t care less, but for her communication style. Stop talking over everyone else and being so disrespectful. GAH!

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  2. You know what else? One time I was watching Regis, which I have watched maybe five times in my life, and Kelly Ripa was saying how Mark Consuelos would stop their TiVo and point out her figure flaws. Like Kelly Ripa has figure flaws.

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  3. Joann, thank you! I’ve always suspected something was just a little off with Mark C’s “niceness.” If you ever watch Regis & Kelly Lee (teehee, that was on purpose), you’ll notice that between fawning shamelessly over the guests, Kelly’s constantly checking herself out in the monitors. Gotta love a narcissist.
    hmm, what was that we were recently discussing, about hating those who remind us most of ourselves?

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  4. I agree on the Kristen Stewart thing. She just always looks unhappy. I have heard that she’s shy, as someone mentioned above, but she’s an actress – isn’t she paid to fake emotions and stuff? She should be able to walk down a red carpet without looking like she’s being dragged to the guillotine.

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  5. Furry, do you mean LA Story? Heard it was funny. Need to see it.
    I had no idea Mark Consuelos had been on Oprah. Guess it’s been awhile since I’ve seen it.

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  6. I just looked at my sitemeter and I hit a million page views today! Darn! Wish I had been paying attention earlier so I could have given the millionth viewer a washer/dryer or something.

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  7. Celebrities who bug me:
    Everyone on scripted “reality” shows including Gosselins, Kardashians, Hiltons, Montag-Pratts, and all the “Real Housewives of Wherever”
    Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Over-inflated sense of importance.
    Miley Cyrus.
    Justin Bieber and his coiffure.
    Lindsay Lohan and her dysfunctional family.
    Madonna. I totally respect her as a businesswoman but she’s so frickin’ pretentious and fake. And a HORRIBLE actress, if you can call that “acting.”
    Sarah Palin and her fame-whore offspring (like Mother like Daughter).
    I loved Nicole Kidman in “To Die For” but man, she’s getting scarier looking every day.
    A celebrity I do love? Victoria Beckham. I didn’t use to until I watched her “Coming to America” show a couple of years ago and discovered that she is HILARIOUS and her whole “I’m so unsmiling and miserable” persona is totally tongue-in-cheek. I think she’s fabulous.

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  8. Celebrities who bug me:
    Everyone on scripted “reality” shows including Gosselins, Kardashians, Hiltons, Montag-Pratts, and all the “Real Housewives of Wherever”
    Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Over-inflated sense of importance.
    Miley Cyrus.
    Justin Bieber and his coiffure.
    Lindsay Lohan and her dysfunctional family.
    Madonna. I totally respect her as a businesswoman but she’s so frickin’ pretentious and fake. And a HORRIBLE actress, if you can call that “acting.”
    Sarah Palin and her fame-whore offspring (like Mother like Daughter).
    I loved Nicole Kidman in “To Die For” but man, she’s getting scarier looking every day.
    A celebrity I do love? Victoria Beckham. I didn’t use to until I watched her “Coming to America” show a couple of years ago and discovered that she is HILARIOUS and her whole “I’m so unsmiling and miserable” persona is totally tongue-in-cheek. I think she’s fabulous.

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  9. Celebrities who bug me:
    Everyone on scripted “reality” shows including Gosselins, Kardashians, Hiltons, Montag-Pratts, and all the “Real Housewives of Wherever”
    Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. Over-inflated sense of importance.
    Miley Cyrus.
    Justin Bieber and his coiffure.
    Lindsay Lohan and her dysfunctional family.
    Madonna. I totally respect her as a businesswoman but she’s so frickin’ pretentious and fake. And a HORRIBLE actress, if you can call that “acting.”
    Sarah Palin and her fame-whore offspring (like Mother like Daughter).
    I loved Nicole Kidman in “To Die For” but man, she’s getting scarier looking every day.
    A celebrity I do love? Victoria Beckham. I didn’t use to until I watched her “Coming to America” show a couple of years ago and discovered that she is HILARIOUS and her whole “I’m so unsmiling and miserable” persona is totally tongue-in-cheek. I think she’s fabulous.

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  10. Hulk (Who once mumbled at an umpire who made a bad call on him, then when the umpire asked me what I said I repeated it louder and then added, "What? Are you blind AND deaf??" and was promptly and rightfully ejected...) says:

    “Even the tranny one.” Oh that kills.
    Remember my story about the Boston Celtic crowd taunting her Laker husband when he was at the free throw line?
    “UG-LY SIS-TER! (clap clap clapclapclap) UG-LY SIS-TER!”
    Probably my all-time favorite sports insult.

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  11. Hulk (Who once mumbled at an umpire who made a bad call on him, then when the umpire asked me what I said I repeated it louder and then added, "What? Are you blind AND deaf??" and was promptly and rightfully ejected...) says:

    “Even the tranny one.” Oh that kills.
    Remember my story about the Boston Celtic crowd taunting her Laker husband when he was at the free throw line?
    “UG-LY SIS-TER! (clap clap clapclapclap) UG-LY SIS-TER!”
    Probably my all-time favorite sports insult.

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  12. Hulk (Who once mumbled at an umpire who made a bad call on him, then when the umpire asked me what I said I repeated it louder and then added, "What? Are you blind AND deaf??" and was promptly and rightfully ejected...) says:

    “Even the tranny one.” Oh that kills.
    Remember my story about the Boston Celtic crowd taunting her Laker husband when he was at the free throw line?
    “UG-LY SIS-TER! (clap clap clapclapclap) UG-LY SIS-TER!”
    Probably my all-time favorite sports insult.

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  13. Dang. Missed the washer and dryer. Much better than the inflatable fruitcake. Guess that’s what working a bazillion hours will get ya.
    Isn’t Kate off of tv now? Oh hated.

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  14. Congratulations, June. At Disney World, the millionth gets a stay at the Cinderella castle for the night. I’ve never hit it, no matter how hard I’ve tried. I want to be Cinderella…the princess, not the abused stepdaughter and slave.
    Kelly, I feel the exact same way towards Victoria Beckham. Hated her until I saw that show. She is one dang funny lady and anyone who is funny in my book is pretty cool.

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  15. Celebutards I can’t stand:
    Lisa Marie Presley…cannot stand her…spoiled rich brat who cannot sing and is riding off her father’s name. She is the meanest looking, sourest(is that a word?) person I’ve ever seen. She has attitude and no one cares. She only thinks they care.
    Kate Gosselin…useles person whose only claim to fame is that stupid hairstyle and fertility drugs.
    Kathy Lee Gifford…cotton candy headed bimbo!
    I’ve got more but that’s enough.

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  16. Giada Big Head = Praying Mantis. Therefore, after she had her child…she ate her husband. The only thing she’s eaten in years!

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  17. Kelly Ripa does seem really vested in her appearance, but I like her anyway. Plus it makes me think she’s worried her fabulous figure and flawless hair might all go to pot at any second, and she just has to make sure it hasn’t happened yet, which is what I’d constantly be thinking if I looked like her.

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  18. I have so many that bug the bajeezus out of me but I’m right up there with you on old Gwynnie Girl. Did you see where she did that cooking show from Italy and weighed like 4000 pounds then a week later she is on the cover of some tabloid in a string bikini weighing 4 lbs? Yeah, I think that there was some photochopping going on or something. Maybe a body double. I mean i have double the body but she has some skinny broad stand in for her.

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  19. Kelly – Thank you for mentioning Bristol Palin – seriously, why is she considered a “celebrity?” For getting knocked up? Ugh. Did you hear that she (supposedly) is going to be on Dancing with The Stars? They are really scraping the bottom of the barrell now.
    And Joann – Was your sister on Oprah? Does she work there? Mark C. sounds like a jerk.
    And can we add Mario Lopez to the list? For cheating on his wife…on their honeymoon!

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  20. I agree with most of the above, with the exception of Audrey Hepburn. She was a beautiful human being, inside and out. I can not stand Giada and often watch just to mock her. Ina is too much for me (“my mailman just left my mail; I’m making him a five-course prime rib dinner”). Yes, please let Gwyneth know she is NOT British.

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  21. Congrats, Junie on the millionth visitor! Wowie!
    And Duffylou – you’re killing me over here with the praying mantis reference! heee heee!!
    Lastly? I didn’t know that Bristol Palin was considered a celebrity. The world is strange, my friends.

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  22. One millionth? Wow! Just to let you know, I was pregnant with June when Elizabeth Montgomery was pregnant with Tabitha (I know it was really her own child and not Tabitha, but you know what I mean.) I always admired her maternity clothes. I agree with June’s list except for Audry Hepburn. I think she really was elegant. Breakfast at Tiffany’s was not a great movie. See her in anything else and you will see why she was so loved. I suppose she was really playing Tuman Capote when she played Holly Golightly. That was not a likeable person.

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  23. Oh, and SJP wears clothes well, but she looks stringy and hard and her face SO looks like a witch. She even has a wart on her chin. Why doesn’t she get that removed?

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  24. Mother you are cracking me up. I have wondered the same about the wart. With all her money it would be the first thing to go. I loved Elizabeth Montgomery, and always tried to wiggle my nose. But the 2 Derwoods was confusing. Or was there 3?
    Queen Stella, “my mailman just left my mail; I’m making him a five-course prime rib dinner”, I can so imagine her saying that!

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  25. NOT that anyone cares what I think at this point, but SJP is AWFUL. Me thinks you must only be in love with her clothes. AWFUL!
    Joann, P.S. I LOVE YOU! ACK, Hilary RUINED that movie. Her teeth were too big, they looked like they were eating her lips. What was with the suspenders in that film? Who wears suspenders?
    Also, why does the other Joann have all these celebrity connections? Here I am, with nothing to offer except once someone mistook me for Kate Hudson, because of my last name (which is different now and I will not state because I have an irrational fear of hackers who want to steal my identity) (Hide your kids! Hide your wife!)
    Okay Audrey Hepburn is great, but that movie was terrible. Annnnnnd….I guess that’s it.

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  26. Regis Philbin is losing his mind and he has no idea how he insults the guests and the co-hosts. He gives me the creeps and yet I tune in everyday while I clean the kitchen after breakfast. It is like watching a disaster daily. Why can’t I stop watching?

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  27. Paula H&B : Hulk, my daughter was catcher (softball) and regularly got ejected for calling the umpire Mr. Magoo. says:

    Hilary Swank is clearly the love child of Carly Simon and Mr. Ed.

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  28. Paula H&B : Hulk, my daughter was catcher (softball) and regularly got ejected for calling the umpire Mr. Magoo. says:

    Hilary Swank is clearly the love child of Carly Simon and Mr. Ed.

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  29. Paula H&B : Hulk, my daughter was catcher (softball) and regularly got ejected for calling the umpire Mr. Magoo. says:

    Hilary Swank is clearly the love child of Carly Simon and Mr. Ed.

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  30. You gotta give it to Paula H&B. She just comes in at the end of the day and wallops it in.
    And pshaw, my JoAnn sister. I know nothin’. I know nobody. Mark Consuelos is a big assbag nobody. My sister knows people, but I don’t.
    And I like Sarah Jessica. Her wart doesn’t bother me nor does her witchy face. I like that she’s totally imperfect. And I want her clothes.

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  31. Could we add Lisa Marie Presley and Kelly Ripa to the list of the hated. And while we’re at it Brooke Burke…nobody has had that many kids and looked like that…there is some surrogate action going on there. Best post EVER!!

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  32. Right on with your list!! My biggest celebrity dislike right now is Kristen Stewart. If she doesn’t like fame and fans, perhaps she chose the wrong profession??
    Hulk, girly girls can still like sports!! I watch more football than my hubby does (Goooo Gators!) and enjoy beer and whisky more than wine. (Still drink the wine, of course!! Alcohol is alcohol!)

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  33. What about Elisabeth Shue? Or Jamie Lee Curtis. Those two are annoying and hid-e-o. Seriously, what about Rachel Ray she makes my ass pucker and the topper, she can’t cook. She’s a cook. And she can’t.

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  34. Hulk, yeah, I remember you mentioned that about “UG-LY SIS-TER.” Heeeee!! F*CK YEAH!
    Maple Leaf, I’m with you: Regis really needs to just retire already. He thinks he’s Don-Rickles-funny, but he isn’t. His senility is really starting to show and it only makes me uncomfortable now. And yet I continue to watch every day. uuggh.

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  35. I could be mistaken, but I can’t believe noone has mentioned Tom Cruise yet. His creepy serial killer grin and those crazy eyes. Gives me the shivers every time I see him!!
    I had a client once who worked at a swanky hotel and regularly came in contact with celebs. She said the worst one was Julia Roberts b/c she was the snottiest person she has ever met. Also, a friend of mine was an assistant on some movies and she said the celeb with the worst attitude she met was Jessica Alba. The one she liked best? Anthony Hopkins. She said he was nice to every person he encountered on that set, workers and fans alike.

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  36. Except for Audrey Hepburn, I agree with you completely. I wish I didn’t so totally despise Paltrow, because I’ve always loved her mother and I feel a little bad about her producing such a hideous, self-centered, egotistical jerk.

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  37. I know this is late but I feel like my annoyance with Nicholas Cage can’t be contained just because nobody will read this. His face! His voice! What’s wrong with him?

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  38. OMG, I never got Audrey Hepburn. What is everyones fascination with her? She is just BLAH!
    Elizabeth Taylor however, I think I’ve watched most of her movies and I’m always struck with how casually gorgeous she is and she’s an awesome actress!
    And Renee just looks like a Bulimiac, with the puffy face but skinny ass ugly body. She wasn’t even fat in the Bridget Jones movies!
    And the rest, I just so totally agree… and I’m gonna add Grace Kelly. Cause I just didn’t get it. She hardly did any movies and the ones she did she wasn’t much more than a pretty face. But I do get the style icon.

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  39. Sarah Jessica??!!?? Have you no standards? Concocted by make up mavens, and what they can’t hide,they drape with hair. Never saw Sex/City so, hey, maybe you’re flying on her acting?

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