I was pleased that so many of you felt the same way I do about Julia Roberts. I figured everyone else thought she was just lovely and I was the only Crabby Appleton.

Here are other celebrities who make my nethers pucker up and twitch.


First of all, how many TEETH does she have? It's like she's wearing wax teeth to be funny or something. Plus also, I get annoyed at tomboys. Have never been a tomboy. Can never understand tomboys, with their naturally good bodies and their scratchy voices and their disdain for pink, sparkly things. And I didn't like how she got famous and dumped her weepy husband.


For the love of God, stop sucking a lemon.

Why must she always have this look on her face? Why did she have to play Yosemite Sam in Cold Mountain and take the camera off my personal boyfriend Jude Law for even a second? Why must she be skinny then not, then skinny, then not?



I know. Blaspheme. Everybody fricking loves her, and I have never gotten it. She looks like a gerbil to me, first of all, and she always seemed so affected. I mean, look at that ridiculous cigarette holder. She was no Jackie Kennedy, whose elegance was natural. You didn't see Jackie Kennedy with Frost 'n' Tip in her hair.

The moment that tipped me over the edge is when she's singing Moon River in Breakfast at Tiffany's, and she has that stupid bandanna. Oh, I just happen to have my hair in a bohemian bandanna right now while I sing this song.  


Go back to Tiffany's. Get a job. And be nicer to your cat.


Ehhhhhh. I'm in the most popular series of vampire movies, ever. I am dating Robert Pattinson. Everything is awful. Ehhhhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhhhh. I can never ever smile. Have I mentioned ehhhhhhhh? Life is hard.


Nobody. In the world. Bugs me more than Gwyneth Paltrow. BUGS.ME. She looks like an egg. And she thinks she is so, so cool. And she isn't cool, because she is an egg. She never wears anything that flatters herself, mostly because how do you flatter an egg, and she ALWAYS HAS THAT SIMPERING LOOK ON HER FACE. She and Kirsten Stewart should get together and have an "ehhhh" off.

Of course, you know who I like. Grace Kelly, Jackie Kennedy, Sarah Jessica, Elizabeth Taylor. They all have an elegance. Well, Elizabeth Taylor isn't elegant so much as she is just inhumanly beautiful. And none of them get that egg, affected, lemon-sucking, tomboyish, ehhhh thing.

I'm glad we could all have this deep talk today.

111 thoughts on “Celebrities who bug

  1. Kathleen S. says:

    Sarah Jessica??!!?? Have you no standards? Concocted by make up mavens, and what they can’t hide,they drape with hair. Never saw Sex/City so, hey, maybe you’re flying on her acting?


  2. Mrs T says:

    Oh Breakfast at Tiffany’s bugs me so much. I always feel like I have to make myself like it to appease everyone else.


  3. Lexi says:

    OMG, I never got Audrey Hepburn. What is everyones fascination with her? She is just BLAH!
    Elizabeth Taylor however, I think I’ve watched most of her movies and I’m always struck with how casually gorgeous she is and she’s an awesome actress!
    And Renee just looks like a Bulimiac, with the puffy face but skinny ass ugly body. She wasn’t even fat in the Bridget Jones movies!
    And the rest, I just so totally agree… and I’m gonna add Grace Kelly. Cause I just didn’t get it. She hardly did any movies and the ones she did she wasn’t much more than a pretty face. But I do get the style icon.


  4. Nithya says:

    I know this is late but I feel like my annoyance with Nicholas Cage can’t be contained just because nobody will read this. His face! His voice! What’s wrong with him?


  5. Tammy says:

    Except for Audrey Hepburn, I agree with you completely. I wish I didn’t so totally despise Paltrow, because I’ve always loved her mother and I feel a little bad about her producing such a hideous, self-centered, egotistical jerk.


  6. Kari says:

    I could be mistaken, but I can’t believe noone has mentioned Tom Cruise yet. His creepy serial killer grin and those crazy eyes. Gives me the shivers every time I see him!!
    I had a client once who worked at a swanky hotel and regularly came in contact with celebs. She said the worst one was Julia Roberts b/c she was the snottiest person she has ever met. Also, a friend of mine was an assistant on some movies and she said the celeb with the worst attitude she met was Jessica Alba. The one she liked best? Anthony Hopkins. She said he was nice to every person he encountered on that set, workers and fans alike.


  7. Tiffaney who can be such a fickle celebrity watcher says:

    Hulk, yeah, I remember you mentioned that about “UG-LY SIS-TER.” Heeeee!! F*CK YEAH!
    Maple Leaf, I’m with you: Regis really needs to just retire already. He thinks he’s Don-Rickles-funny, but he isn’t. His senility is really starting to show and it only makes me uncomfortable now. And yet I continue to watch every day. uuggh.


  8. Saginawman! says:

    What about Elisabeth Shue? Or Jamie Lee Curtis. Those two are annoying and hid-e-o. Seriously, what about Rachel Ray she makes my ass pucker and the topper, she can’t cook. She’s a cook. And she can’t.


  9. Chrissy says:

    Right on with your list!! My biggest celebrity dislike right now is Kristen Stewart. If she doesn’t like fame and fans, perhaps she chose the wrong profession??
    Hulk, girly girls can still like sports!! I watch more football than my hubby does (Goooo Gators!) and enjoy beer and whisky more than wine. (Still drink the wine, of course!! Alcohol is alcohol!)


  10. Teresa says:

    Could we add Lisa Marie Presley and Kelly Ripa to the list of the hated. And while we’re at it Brooke Burke…nobody has had that many kids and looked like that…there is some surrogate action going on there. Best post EVER!!


Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: