There is a reason this nonaward-winning blog is so valuable. You can learn from my mistakes.
For example. If you were thinking, "Hey! Maybe a bag of wasabi peanuts for dinner would be good!" I can tell you from the adventures in my bathroom last night that it in fact is not a stellar plan.
I went to the movies after work last night. There is this cute, pretentious movie theater in my work neighborhood that shows cute, pretentious art films. It is where I saw that Coco Chanel/Igor Stravinsky movie a few weeks back and wanted to cut my hair like Coco Chanel, remember?
Last night they were showing a documentary on Joan Rivers, which I know sounds redunkulous, but it was all about how she wants to stay relevant, and how she keeps working even though she's 75, and it was sort of fascinating.
When I walked in, the ticket girl totally had a black curly bob. "Did you cut your hair like that after the Coco movie?" I asked her. "Yes," she said. Then she told me where she got it cut and they style they used to cut it, and she looked at my hair and said, "But my hair is really thick."
Does my hair not LOOK thick? How could you think this hair is anything other than thick? I spent half of the Joan Rivers movie worrying that my hair isn't thick enough, which trust me, is a first.
The point is, I opted for Wahhabi peanuts and a bottle of water instead of popcorn or wine or giant bags of M&Ms. I thought I was being sort of healthy.
Man, that wasabi was hot. I had to keep pausing while it cleared out my whole face parts. My tongue hurts today like it's burned.
It wasn't till I got home that I started feeling not so fresh. I continued that not-so-fresh feeling until 5 o'clock this morning. Not pretty.
So that's my sexy story.
Oh, and hey! Speaking of stories, what book are we gonna read for book club? I was thinking maybe we could read something from our childhood, like Charlotte's Web or James and the Giant Peach or something. What say you?
Before I go walk around gingerly, cursing the inventor of wasabi, Hulk wanted me to get everyone's opinion even though I have given him him mine and I know I'm right.
The other day he told me his cat, who he doesn't even want but his old girlfriend gave it to him and his daughter got attached so what are you gonna do, started getting bumps on its chin. I know when cats eat and drink out of plastic bowls, they can get a bacteria buildup that results in these bumps.
Hulk poo-pooed my theory. I told him to get ceramic bowls. Or stainless steel. Again, "poo-poo," said Hulk.
So yesterday he calls me to say, speaking of poo-poo, that now the cat is POO-POOing on his throw rug. My theory is the cat doesn't feel well because of his chin and he's trying to say, "GET ME NEW BOWLS, DAD!"
Quoth Hulk, "Poo-poo."
He wants me to ask all of you so that you give him an answer he likes better. Let us know. Thank you.
Maybe his cat ate wasabi peanuts for dinner.