I have been missing a day of posting here or there, and I don't know if you've noticed or not. The reason is because something sort of major was happening, over here, and being funny was just not happening so much.
Marvin and I were making plans to separate. Not egg whites from their yolks. From each other.
It is hard to shop for apartments and then come home and be all, HEY! Funny ornaments! Comment of the week! I have General Custer hair! Woooo!
And yet, I pulled it off, didn't I? See what a phony baloney I can be?
In October, Marvin and I will have been dating for 14 years. I mean, obviously at some point we stopped dating and got married, but you know what I mean.
And I knew Marvin before that, too. Yes, we started dating in 1996, but we ALSO dated in college, in 1986, too, and stayed friends after. So what I am saying to you is Marvin has been around a long time. Most of my adult life.
And lately, things have not been pretty, over here. Do you remember that couple on All in the Family, those Italian neighbors who would burst in to Archie and Edith's place, and be so crazy about each other, and they kind of made Archie sick? Let's just say if we were neighbors of Archie, we would not be making him sick.
I do not want to go into details, because it's Marvin's life too, and it's bad enough he gets recognized at Target and the gym due to this blog. I am sure he doesn't want his personal bidness all spread out all over everywhere.
But things have not been good, and I have spent the last two weeks looking for apartments, and deciding who gets what pets, and how are we gonna divide three bookshelves?
You want to lose weight? Start planning to leave your husband. Suddenly food does not look so good. If only they could tweak that part of your brain to make it always kind of feel that way. Zero would be the new size 10.
Today at lunch I found a house to rent. It is cute. It was built in 1942. It has a fenced-in yard for Talu, because of COURSE I'm taking Talu. Have you met me? It was bad enough I was leaving Marvin behind.
So I applied for it. I applied for an apartment. I thought those days were behind me. Credit checks and pet deposits and pay stubs and all that crap. For heaven's sake.
As the day wore on, it was like this dark cloud was forming over my head and it was getting larger and darker. By the time I got home, it was like 50 black wet towels were resting on my noggin, all of them depressing. Marvin and I started discussing who got what tables, when all of a sudden we started talking about how awful this was. And how yes, things are not pretty right now, but do we scream at each other? No. Is there nothing left between us? Of course there's still something left between us.
"Well," I said. "Maybe we should see another therapist." We saw one a few years back, in LA. "I mean, we made a vow, you know."
"To whom," said Marvin, "the judge who married us?"
Now, see. This is why Marvin bugs me. "To each other," I said.
So that's what's gonna happen. I am not moving out after all. We are going to give this one more try. Because I had 39288505283294 boyfriends in my life, and not one of them were right for me. Then I met Marvin and it was like, click. He was exactly right.
Maybe we're not right for each other anymore. But I think we should fight to the death to figure that out.
Right after I blog about it. Because I have my priorities.