Six ridiculous thirty

I have to start working at six ridiculous thirty in the ludicrous a.m. tomorrow, so I am blogging at you tonight and will set this to post at some early-in-the-morning time. So while you are leisurely-ly (it is certainly a word) enjoying this post, just remember that I am over here copy editing like a fiend.

I do not embrace the morning. At all. I do not understand why our society operates at such ungodly hours. Why don't we all get started about 2 p.m. and have dinner at 10:00? That would work for me.

So I really have nothing to talk about. Oooo, except that I emailed the statistics textbook company for whom I freelance and said, "Why haven't you sent me anything since July?" which had been great, given how busy I was with other freelance work, but now that I have no extra work it blows, because I am addicted to the extra money. And anyway they told me they are sending me the nursing book to proof!

!!!!

Since 2002 I have worked for this statistics company, and I have proofread revisions of nearly all their books, and they keep NOT UPDATING their nursing book. You know this hypochondriac wants to read that thing. Finally, FINALLY they are updating it this fall. Oh! I am excited to read about new horrid diseases that I will get.

This evening at the end of the workday at my regularly scheduled job, the one that is making me work at 6:30 insane a.m. tomorrow, I asked, "Where was Charlie today?" Charlie is my favorite new coworker. "Oh, he called in sick today. He's been throwing up."

Three seconds later I felt barfy. THREE SECONDS. I was on my way down the elevator and I had consciously forgotten poor Charlie's plight, yet I thought, "Geez, I feel like I'm gonna blow." And then I remembered about Charlie.

I am a nutbar. I have been gagging all night.

Oh, and also? I have been freelancing for that statistics textbook company since 2002, which I know I just said, but hang on, will you? And since 2002? I have charged them the same hourly rate. Now, I KNOW I can get more out of them. I mean, I can get more out of them because who works somewhere for eight years with no raise, (A), and (14), I got another proofreader a job at the statistics place and told him to charge $10 more an hour than I charge and they agreed to it. Also, (xiii), they are based in Los Angeles, so my measly rate means NOTHING to them. Come on. My hourly rate wouldn't buy a gluten-free lunch there.

But guess who is too scared to bring it up? Why am I scared to bring it up? What are they gonna do, FIRE me? Not like me anymore? They probably have no respect for me because I am willing to work for them for 48 cents an hour. I think when they send me the nursing book, I am gonna get up all my courage and write back and say, "By the way, I have increased my rates to forty-NINE cents an hour."

That'll show 'em.

Other than that, I thought I would show you all the stupid pictures I have been taking with my iPhone. Because I heart my iPhone. I need my iPhone. Like the winter needs the spring you know I need you. I need you. I need you. 

Importantjuiceshot
For example, who doesn't require a shot of their smoothie? Thank heavens I could immortalize this on film.

Feets
We had a fire drill at work, so I captured everyone's shoes. Not literally.

Crumb
Here are my own shoes, and also the point of the picture, which was to show how many crumbs there are on the floor of my work space. Snack at my desk much?

Waitingforrmom
I came home from work to find Talu waiting in the window.

Alsowaiting
And Henry waiting in the other window.

Me
Took this one of myself at work. I am certain my bosses would be pleased.

Youhasfud
And here's Talu in the dining room, hoping we forget she's on a diet.

Chas
Oh, and here's me and poor barfing Charlie. As soon as I wrote that I felt barfy again. I think Charlie looks precisely like Curious George, here. I need a yellow coat and we're all set. Or did he have a yellow hat? Crap.

Polite
Bugging Marvin while he tries to read a magazine. Marvin will keep magazines for 15 years or more and read them over and over again. I am not kidding you. He has old music magazines with articles about Kurt Cobain and I'm all, dude is DEAD. Stop reading about him already. Geez.

I guess that's all I have to show you. I guess I had better start heading to the land of nod so that I can attempt to be sharp when I'm up and functioning at SIX RIDICULOUS THIRTY tomorrow. They should just change the name of that time. Any time before 9:30 a.m. should have "ridiculous" in it somewhere.

"We start work here at eight ridiculous a.m."

"The contractions started at about two ridiculous thirty-five in the morning."

When I die? I am going to be sure to do so at some ungodly hour, so you can all wake each other up (yes, you will) to say "June just died at four ridiculous forty a.m." And then I want my funeral held at the same time, so that the very formal program will read:

Celebrating the life of June Gardens

Saturday, March 12 at 4:ridiculous40 a.m.

Okay. I am going to go celebrate my REM stage. Talk at you.

49 thoughts on “Six ridiculous thirty

  1. Curious George was never a favorite here, (no offense barfy co-worker) but I think his person had the yellow hat. CG might have had a red shirt? Oh! Red shirt! Isn’t that some educational term now?
    Anywho, my favorite CG reference is from Family Guy (yes, I’m 12) when Peter says his favorite bible story is when Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
    I agree with ridiculous o’clocks.

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  2. Curious George was never a favorite here, (no offense barfy co-worker) but I think his person had the yellow hat. CG might have had a red shirt? Oh! Red shirt! Isn’t that some educational term now?
    Anywho, my favorite CG reference is from Family Guy (yes, I’m 12) when Peter says his favorite bible story is when Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
    I agree with ridiculous o’clocks.

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  3. Curious George was never a favorite here, (no offense barfy co-worker) but I think his person had the yellow hat. CG might have had a red shirt? Oh! Red shirt! Isn’t that some educational term now?
    Anywho, my favorite CG reference is from Family Guy (yes, I’m 12) when Peter says his favorite bible story is when Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.
    I agree with ridiculous o’clocks.

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  4. So, okay, I thought you were going to edit a ‘nursing’ book, like, you know moms and babies. Took me awhile since I’ve been awake since 3:45 am. For no good reason. Hate. hate.
    Other than that I love the Iphone photos, most especially your shoes! They are fab. Oh. and YOU! you and your new do. Totally kicked your image up several notches there Juney. That right there is totally worth the .49

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  5. So what ridiculous time did you have to get up to actually BE at work at 6:ridiculous30?
    What kind of lipstick/gloss is that in the picture of you? I like it.
    I agree that poor barfy looks like Curious George. And for the record, I do the same thing when I hear that someone I’ve been in contact with has the stomach flu.

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  6. As a nurse practitioner, I think it would be so cool to proof a nursing text. And yes, they do bring out the hypochondria in us. I had every rare disease known to man when I was in school. Mornings are for coffee and facebook, not working! duh (I can’t get my bosses to believe that either).

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  7. Is that the Hipstamatic app you’re using? I love my iPhone. Mine is all cracked and ugly because I’ve dropped it 493 times, but the thing keeps on working. Genius!
    I like the ShakeIt app for photos. Sort of like Hipstamatic, but I think it renders nicer skin tones.
    I like your lipstick and peep-to flats. Or are they wedges? You make me want new shoes. I need new shoes like I Carter needs liver pills.
    I’m a morning person. I woke up today, voluntarily, at 5:10 a.m. I wish I could send some of my morning-ness your way.

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  8. If it makes you feel any better, I was at work at 6:30 this morning, too. And I have to do it every M, W, F for the next couple of months.
    I get up at the last possible second. No time for breakfast or coffee before I leave the house. No time for email. Sometimes if I have hit snooze one too many times, I’m lucky if I have time for makeup.

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  9. That first pic of Talu? I thought for a second that it was a picture of her wearing a black turban, like a doggy version of Carnac the Magnificent. Couldn’t figure out how you got her to sit still for that.
    Helps to read the captions.

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  10. What time do you get to leave work since you have to be there at 6ridiculous30?
    Yes, Charlie looks like Curious George. But also someone else and I can’t figure out who. It’s going to drive me nuts all day.

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  11. I am tired too because I had to get up at 6 ridiculous a.m. to take a kid to school for some ungodly before school meeting and I’m still on Pacific Coast Time which means I couldn’t fall asleep until well into a marathon of Jersey Housewives. Wow, that Danielle makes Kelly MethHead look like the most sane person on the planet.
    I like how the Europeans do it. Not only do they base their lives around eating, their day begins at a much more reasonable hour and they take at least 6 weeks of vacation every year. What is wrong with us Americans?
    I, too, love my iPhone. After turning my nose up at one for years, I finally succumbed. My family makes fun of me because I’m so addicted.

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  12. Both my girls and I had the pukes this week. Not fun I know, but funny cos I thought of you June and how much you would hate that!Hope your Marvin hasn’t been barfing, cos someone mentioned the 3 A’s that kill relationships, but maybe for you the B’s are even worse!

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  13. There was bound to be a price to pay for all those wonderful perks you have at your new job. I hope you get to leave early since you started at the arse-crack of dawn.

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  14. My husband is like you June, in that if he hears me (or anyone, really) say that they have xyz illness, within a few hours he has it worse than any other human being on the face of the earth has ever had or ever will have xyz illness. Sometimes it is funny and cute, and others? Well, let’s just say we don’t have a great patient/nurse relationship.

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  15. I feel your pain with the early morning. I am NOT a morning person, in fact I don’t get going really good until way over in the afternoon and I’m good to the very early hours of the next day.
    Oh no, not a nursing book. That just cracked me up. Absolutely go or the rate increase.
    I thought of an activity for you and Marvin–ballroom dancing, then you two could appear on Dancing With the Stars.

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  16. By 6:30 Hulk has been working for half an hour. I go in early so I can get out early and spend an hour or so with Hulkette after school. So it sucks, but it is worth it to me.
    Okay, okay. He hasn’t been “working” as much as he has been getting coffee, chatting with people, etc. But it is still early.

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  17. By 6:30 Hulk has been working for half an hour. I go in early so I can get out early and spend an hour or so with Hulkette after school. So it sucks, but it is worth it to me.
    Okay, okay. He hasn’t been “working” as much as he has been getting coffee, chatting with people, etc. But it is still early.

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  18. By 6:30 Hulk has been working for half an hour. I go in early so I can get out early and spend an hour or so with Hulkette after school. So it sucks, but it is worth it to me.
    Okay, okay. He hasn’t been “working” as much as he has been getting coffee, chatting with people, etc. But it is still early.

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  19. Paula, redshirts are previously-unknown characters who appear in the plot just to die in the first few minutes. The reference is from Star Trek: security officers wore red uniforms.
    Redshirts go into a dangerous situation first and the aliens kill them off, which proves to the audience how ferocious the aliens are so they’ll be suitably impressed when the beloved indispensable members of the crew swoop in and do something gallant to save the day and/or the universe.
    Yes, this is how I attempt to contribute to conversations in real life, too.
    *slinks away*

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  20. Sorry, I went off on a tangent about the hypochondria stuff and forgot to comment on the early morning rising hours.
    I am a night person. I am a night owl. I don’t do well in the morning hours. I agree completely that the day should start much later. I am thrown completely off track when I have to speak to people before 9 a.m. That is just inhumane.

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  21. I could not agree more about the ridiculousness of our societal “norms” when it comes to working and what time is deemed acceptable.
    They really have it down in Spain, man. Let me tell you! They get up about 9-ish, 10-ish. Work for a few hours. Close down about 1-ish in the afternoon. Eat, sleep, rejuvenate. Open shop again about 3-ish, 4-ish. Close for the night about 8-ish, 9-ish. Dinner at 10pm. No joke. These people rocked my world! “THIS is how to live!”, we would all exclaim! Why don’t we do this? WHYYYY! It’s fun, it’s healthy, it’s relaxed! Everyone in Spain is happy. It’s just the best!
    Not to mention, the food? Delicious. The coffee? Unbelieveable! The terrain? Gorgeous. The people? Everyone is good-looking and skinny. Incredible!

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  22. So, what time do you get up? I have been getting up at 6:30 because the men in this house are so dang noisy getting out the door. School starts at 7am here. Nutso, brains can’t function right at that hour, especially for teenagers. No wonder our country sucks at education. We get up too early.
    A nursing book will be such fun for you. Speaking of ailments…can someone tell me why I can’t find mylanta gas at the store anymore?
    Hulk, you are a good dad. Oh yes, Other Kim, I see Ohno too

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  23. OH June, you always seem to find things to talk about that make me angry! How do you do it? I HATE mornings. Look! I’m so ANGRY about MORNINGS!
    Who did this to us? Why do the early birds trump the night owls? Wouldn’t you think that night owls would be capable of eating the early birds, or at least maiming them into submission?
    I refuse to do anything productive before 10. It’s my own personal act of rebellion. I raise my fist against you worm eaters! BOOO!
    It helped too, that I used to work for the government. I promise you that over there, no one starts doing actual work until Tuesday. It’s why I turned into a Republican.
    And….now no one is my friend.

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  24. I’m thinking maybe you should pay them for proofreading the nursing book. Look how many years worth of diseases you get!
    Speaking of barfing, I cannot eat breakfast right away in the morning…no matter how early I have to get up (5:30 AM) I have to be up for no less than 2 hours before I can even think of eating. Does anyone else have that problem?

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  25. Ah, yes… you have contracted the “I have an awesome camera and app on my phone so therefore I must photograph everything” trap. I also have this disease. The only cure is going sans camera and like that is ever going to happen.
    Sorry about the early hours. I prefer the early mornings myself.

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  26. Tracy, I too can’t even think of eating until I’ve been up for a few hours. After a morning snack I’m in starving mode just about every two hours until bedtime. Such a baby.
    Love the picture of you in your office, June. You look so dolled up. Hey, is that painters tape securing the picture in the background? Nice touch.

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  27. I think you’re lucky Marvin actually reads the magazines over again! Most people just keep them to get dusty on a shelf. Not that I did that. Until my husband made me get rid of them. He just didn’t understand. What if I needed to go through them and pull out pictures of all the hot guys and tape them to the wall in our bedroom?

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  28. Also, because I can’t fit things into one comment, a friend of mine who I talk to every day via email told me she was sick yesterday. I actually sat there and swallowed, noting some soreness, and thought “I’ve been talking to her a lot lately…” And realized it’s EMAIL. She lives two states away.

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  29. So, one more thing you and I have in common: not morning people. Although when you were giving the example of the contractions at 2 ridiculous whatever a.m., well, I would really hate to experience childbirth, having avoided it so far (at age 45), but I’m often still up at 2 or 3 a.m. by choice.

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  30. P.S. I just read someone’s above comment about Spain. I have also lived in Spain, and frankly, getting up at around 9 am, which they do every morning after going to bed around 3 or 4 am, just doesn’t seem to work in my opinion. Spaniards apparently are genetically engineered to need only about 5 hours’ sleep a night. Furthermore, they are NOT all happy people there. In fact, in the big cities they are downright rude and surly all the time. Skinny and good-looking, check. The other weird thing that didn’t work for me was that the eating schedule is: coffee and a piece of dry toast when you get up; NO FOOD ’till 2 or 3 pm; coffee at 5; NO FOOD ’till 10pm. Spaniards’ stomachs and hunger triggers are also genetically modified.

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  31. I hate getting up in the morning and now that I am OLD I can’t sleep in anymore like I used to. Hate it. I have to be at the new job at 6ridiculous45am and I HATE it. Daily. I also hate my boss so coupled together I am a big glob of unhappiness.
    Anyhoo- Who is the chick all dressed up at work while the others are all comfy, cozy in their flip flops?

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  32. Also not an a.m. person but I work at a school, first period starts at 7:30. For middle school. Ridiculous. And my son requires transportation to school (no bus, private school). His school starts later but I have to drop him off first, so we leave the house at 6:30 a.m. I have a hard time going to bed before midnight. Something’s gotta give.
    Cute shoes!

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  33. So I was reading through your post, quite enjoying it as usual, and feeling sorry for Charlie and you for feeling sick by suggestion, and then I page down to the photos…what? I know that guy! And yeah, he is a very fun guy! 🙂
    I know Charlie from dancing, which brings to mind a thought: you should ask him about contra dancing. Perhaps it could be the new hobby you and Marvin take up?

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  34. YES, FAWN AMBER! I came in here today to specifically add that last night, while at work, I yelled out “DAVE NAVARRO!!!” Because that is who Curious George Charlie reminded me of yesterday.

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