Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday. Will you relax?

I spent all night dreaming about whether you capitalize "use" in a headline. These are the sorts of nerdy things I dream about. I said yes, you should cap it, because it is a verb and not a conjunction, and the rule is conjunctions that are less than four letters get lowercased, not verbs.

Everyone around me said no, you don't cap the word "use."

The rest of you dream about being able to fly, or being multicolored Jello, or rolling around with Colin Farrell, and I dream about whether "use" should be capitalized.

Anyway, it's Wednesday, and that means I wake up to the fact that I am boring, and also it's Pieces of Wisdom day. And Prince Spaghetti day. Does anyone remember that commercial?

Yesterday's question was not about Prince Spaghetti day, thank God, but rather about what you do to relax. Six million four hundred thousand and ten of you answered.

Here are some of the more popular answers. (When I got home last night, Marvin was trying to put something on the Kindle, and I hate to tell you this but sometimes Marvin can be awfully grouchy. I mean, it's not like he was at the computer because he was coming up with a homework assignment for his fifth-graders, or writing a heartfelt email to a long-lost friend. He was trying to put his old blog, from 2006, which four people read, all of whom he was related to, on Kindle.

"Can you help me take pictures for Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday?" I asked.

"CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DOING THIS VERY IMPORTANT TASK!" steamed Marvin, and no. No, I could NOT see that he was doing a VERY IMPORTANT task.

Anyway, my point is, he would not get up from the computer, so you will notice all our photos are from the vantage point of a giant crab apple who was sitting at the computer. Which I guess you wouldn't have noticed because you have never been here. Also, he would only take one photo apiece for each theme.

Won't you all stampede to your Kindles and IGNORE MARVIN'S 2006 blog?)

Run

See. This would have been a more effective shot outside. N'est pas? I have no idea what n'est pas means, I just wanted to sound intellectual. Instead I sounded like kind of a tool. Anyway, a lot of you said you exercise to relax, a thing I have never understood. Exercise TIRES ME OUT, but it has never relaxed me. Not once. Usually it makes me nauseated.

Phramwcat

I was surprised at how many people take the pharmaceuticals. Here I am with my pharmaceuticals, which do not relax me but get rid of migraine, which I suppose is relaxing in its own way. As you can see, I was lying on the floor, thinking if I looked passed out with my pills in a Valley of the Dolls way, it'd be funny, but Winston assumed I wanted him to crawl right on me, which negated a passed-out kind of a shot. Also, maybe I'd relax more if that floor were EVER CLEAN. Have you noticed it is NEVER CLEAN? And I clean it! Like, once a week!

It's never clean. Who decided to paint it green? Also? Nice chins. Not on the floor. On me.

Sex

Many of you have sex to relax, and I crack myself up. And yes, I know my shoes totally rock.

Do you enjoy my sexy dog fur on my pants? Nothing entices a man like dog fur. Believe it or not, that is yellow Lab fur, not Talu fur, for I was cheating on Talu last night with a yellow Lab. Not in this shot. Please do not call the police.

Read

I finally got crabby Marvin to join me in the bathroom, because there was no other way for me to show you that many of you get in the bathtub and/or read.

You can imagine how often I am cracking open that Joy of Cooking in real life. You can imagine how often I bathe in real life.

There were many other answers, if you are interested, and if you are, go look at yesterday's comments. And relax.

In the meantime, I have to go look up whether "use" gets capitalized or not. Am getting tense about it. BAH!

29 thoughts on “Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday. Will you relax?

  1. Funny, last night after I got home from a wake, I sat down and was reading some recipes. While I was doing that, it occurred to me that I read recipes to relax. Spooky.

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  2. ~My ex would not give you a guest post if you offered her a million dollars. True statement. Plus she has the sense of humor of a rock.
    ~Here is what her guest post would read: “He watched too much sports, he played too many sports, he had no patience, he was always mad, we had nothing in common.”
    And she would be correct, for the most part. But she wouldn’t tell you why…
    ~Whoever commented as ex-wife Carin, that was damn funny. That made me giggle this morning. But Junie, did they mean they know YOU, or me?? Hmmm…
    ~That was so NOT the picture I was hoping to see when you were describing sex as a stress reliever…
    ~I thought you would show a picture of you in the tub with a Playboy or something. Now THAT would have been funny…

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  3. Love the sexy shoe sex to relax shot – cracked me up this morning. Although I don’t get the whole sex to relax thing. Yes I go to sleep after but I can’t really say that’s cause I’m so darn relaxed! And besides, if that’s what you need to relax does that work any time during the day when you’re stressed? Just find someone near by to help you out? I don’t get it. TV is much easier and accessible. And not so demanding.
    I need to go re-evaluate my life.
    OO and tell us about the lab you were cheating with (my dog is a yellow lab but you weren’t here so it wasn’t Leia you were cheating with).

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  4. Sex shoe shot – say that five times! Anyway, I couldn’t wait to see how you depicted that one in a photograph and you didn’t disappoint, other than the fact that you didn’t show the BOOZE part. What, no empty bottle of tequila? Just for me?
    LOVE THE SHOES.

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  5. You and grumpy Marvin did a great job of illustrating the stress relieving techniques.
    I especially love Winston’s improv and just appearing. If you had planned that shot to include him . . . no doubt he would never be found.
    Silly kitties.

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  6. You know, I wasn’t thinking yesterday, but my little dog Zali was actually prescribed for me by my therapist. I get panic attacks in large crowds. She wanted me off the Klonopin because it is highly addictive and my eyes didn’t blink at the same time. I carry him in a back pack to trade shows and other crowded events like plane trips. He has a service dog vest and a doctor’s note to come with me. No. More. Panic attacks.
    You need a prescription for a dog from your doc, Junie.

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  7. At first glance, I thought the first photo was you running a) to the bathroom or IV) to a shoe sale. Am I projecting again?

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  8. At first glance, I thought the first photo was you running a) to the bathroom or IV) to a shoe sale. Am I projecting again?

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  9. At first glance, I thought the first photo was you running a) to the bathroom or IV) to a shoe sale. Am I projecting again?

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  10. I dream about boring things like capitalization too (but I am also an editor). The most exciting work dream I ever had was when I worked at a company that dealt with a lot of reports on real estate fraud, and I dreamed that someone in on eof the documents I was reading had been murdered, and I was the prime suspect because I had most recently read about their troubles with a scammy loan officer. After that, I was glad to go back to dreaming about semicolons.

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  11. I enjoy the pictures every wednesday. And those shoes…I relax just looking at them. My favorite picture is the one of you with Winston, you look so happy and relaxed.

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  12. I can’t believe you didn’t include a picture of baton twirling as a stress reducer. Because doesn’t everyone has their own baton to twirl?
    Anyway. Last night I dreamed/dreamt about a shirtless Jason Statham. Huh-huh-HOT. I woke up smiling. Always a good way to start the day.
    Are you going to link to Marvin’s blog and help him up his readership to 5?
    Love the red shoes. Love. Them.

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  13. Oh yeah, and when I first learned to process payroll, I had dreams that I entered people’s time in the computer. And I dreamed I made mistakes, and went back in the system to fix them and reprint checks.
    I’m boring myself typing this.

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  14. I was reading this at work this morning, on my wee phone, and as I scrolled down I saw the picture of your feet in the air come into view. I said, “oh no she didn’t,” but of course, you did!! Heeeeeeee!

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  15. I was reading this at work this morning, on my wee phone, and as I scrolled down I saw the picture of your feet in the air come into view. I said, “oh no she didn’t,” but of course, you did!! Heeeeeeee!

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  16. I was reading this at work this morning, on my wee phone, and as I scrolled down I saw the picture of your feet in the air come into view. I said, “oh no she didn’t,” but of course, you did!! Heeeeeeee!

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  17. Well, I dreamed about you and Marvin. No offense, but how boring is my life when I dream about people I have never met??? You were both way skinny.

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  18. I got nothing to say about dreams or razors or hamburger whistles. But do you remember the Nair commercial? Who wears short shorts?
    Sorry.
    See how I’ve made my name long and descriptive because you’re so popular with the Lisas? Yeah well once you type that in it STAYS there. So if I comment at another blog that maybe just has readers named Louise or Sarah that long, descriptive, dare-I-say-unigue name STAYS there. Not that I’m -blaming you- of course. I’ve spent many a year lookin’ like a fool long before I met you and Talu. Just sayin’.

    Like

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