June's stupid life, Times I Amused My Own Self

ONE TWO THREE FOUR!

by June

Yesterday I was at a red light and Sex Machine came on. Now, when Sex Machine comes on, how can you not dance?

I dare you to listen to this and not dance a little.

Sadly for me, for the 2585038638th time in my life, I amuuuuuuuused the family next to me at the red light.

Can I help it I'm white? And from the Midwest?

GET UP-a! Get on up.

Speaking of sex machines, I finished Little Womenses yesterday. I realize none of them were exactly sex machines. Well, maybe the parents, with the four kids and all. Anyway, don't forget we have book club in October. When did I say? October 10? Click on Mince Words with June, get on up-a, to see. Because I can't remember my ass.

Sadly, my ass remembers me and follows right along.

In another sad note, even sadder than my ass, I talked to Snowflake's dad and GUESS WHAT. (get on the scene! get on up) His sister gave away the last puppy on Friday. I hate everything. The good news is that group of dogs is forever mating (and yes, Juice, I too want to go give all the girl dogs Depo shots or something), so he promises to call me when a new litter is available.

And I like how I say "I talked to Snowflake's dad" like it was all casual. I walked and drove past there seven million times yesterday while doing my errands. Don't forget that I have to show you my new bulbs, speaking of my errands. And if that doesn't make you stampede back here tomorrow, I don't know what will.

"Zzzzzz–oh! Good morning! Get out my way!  I have to see June's bulbs!"

GET UP! Get on up.

Okay, must get over that song. How much will you pay me to sing and dance to Sex Machine and put it on YouTube?

ANYWAY, one time yesterday in my stalky obsessedness I just HAPPENED to have my iPone with me, and I just HAPPENED to get a picture of Snowflake and her little brother.

IMG000292
Okay, totally selected the wrong photo. I am Snowflake. Talu as a puppy is playing the part of the little brother.  Let's try again.

Puppeeeeee
LOOK HOW CUTE! Look at the puppyyyyyy! "i nowflake brother! i little. i gonna be big, tho! maybee you should steel me, aunt joon!"

"Snooflake say do not steel my brutha! I declare!"

Do you know anyone with more annoying dog voices than me? And they all have different tones, too. You should hang at our house someday. You will think I am Sybil, with all my pet voices.

Heh! Take it to the bridge!

See? Right there was a James Brown voice. OHMYGOD! JAMES BROWN! If I get a Snowflake relative who is brown, like our puppy above, I am so naming him James Brown.

Okay, my arse, Jo March the sex machine, my dog voices and James Brown and I are gonna go shake our money makers. GET UP!

52 thoughts on “ONE TWO THREE FOUR!”

  1. Right now, I am watching the phillies game and the only other person in the room is my daughter’s boyfriend so I have made a well thought out decision that it is best not to turn up the volume on “Sex Machine”.
    Darn…I could realy dance right now too.

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  2. June, I would have to help Pal because she was going home and you were already at home, so you had no need to put boots on. It was Michigan. Remember the winter? I remember Pal’s house too. It had the cute fireplace in the living room and the grand piano in the family room. How did they manage all that in a little house? We both had little houses, but they were so cute.

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  3. I agree with whoever said to hold out for a white one. Noflake is the perfect color…err, I just thought of all that white dog fur on your black slacks. Maybe not.
    And once again I am surprised by a dog’s size – I had Noflake as Shepherd sized, and he is much smaller than I visualized. Still unbelievably cute, though.

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  4. Awwww…..thanks for posting the pic of ‘Noflake’s brother. He is toooo cute!!! I would have a hard time not stealing that little thing right out of their yard. Does he stay outside all the time?? Isn’t he too little to be out all alone even with his big brother around? Oh, and I love your doggie voices. Keep ’em coming.

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  8. A friend of mine had a sheperd named Murphy Brown. (And a bunch of cats: Harley (lynx point Siamese), Wiley (Abyssinian), Dudley (let me think, something huge and half feral … nope, can’t remember), Measley (small Siamese) and I forget the others.)
    BENGAL! Dudley was a Bengal. (And their last name was Moore but it only worked with Dudley really.)

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  9. A friend of mine had a sheperd named Murphy Brown. (And a bunch of cats: Harley (lynx point Siamese), Wiley (Abyssinian), Dudley (let me think, something huge and half feral … nope, can’t remember), Measley (small Siamese) and I forget the others.)
    BENGAL! Dudley was a Bengal. (And their last name was Moore but it only worked with Dudley really.)

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  10. A friend of mine had a sheperd named Murphy Brown. (And a bunch of cats: Harley (lynx point Siamese), Wiley (Abyssinian), Dudley (let me think, something huge and half feral … nope, can’t remember), Measley (small Siamese) and I forget the others.)
    BENGAL! Dudley was a Bengal. (And their last name was Moore but it only worked with Dudley really.)

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  12. Hi Mother!! I just was giggling because I was imagining your daughter doing African dance!
    I do appreciate you helping me with my boots! And, if I remember correctly, the first time I ever tied my shoes by myself was when I was sitting on your living floor! I remember June’s childhood house perfectly. As well as I remember my own!
    Love ya, Mother! hee hee!
    June, I’m sure your mom helped you out – of course AFTER she helped me! Because I’m older and therefore far more important!
    Hee hee!

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  15. P.S. I have read all your posts, but never saw the one about Meadow. Why did you have those precious ears for only one day? I must know!

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  16. PUPPPYYYY!!!! Name it Dude. I don’t know why, but I heart that notion. MUST post many, many pics of new puppy. And I agree, introduce Talu on neutral territory and give her treats when she is calm around Dude – as if to say “good things happen to Talu when new puppy exists!” Heart you too.. this may be my first comment, but I’ve lurked for ages!

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  24. I was also giggling at moms spelling of YouTube. Poor mom. Now she is gonna ask us all who the Secretary of State is, which is what she does when I poke fun at her for not knowing something.

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  25. Utube! That sounds like a tribe in Africa if you say it like it’s spelled!!
    I’d like to see June do an African Utube dance! hee hee
    Giggling over here!
    The baby puppysnickerdoodle is TOO much to bear. MAN is that one ball of cuteness!

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  30. We had neighbors, the Browns, who named their dogs Charlie and Buster.
    Bribe the girls. They love you. I’m sure candy or ice cream or Barbies or something sparkly would work.

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  34. Hulk (Who isn't denying the talent, but wonders just how far that song would have gotten on that ridiculous "American Idol" show... says:

    You dog Rush and listen to THAT??
    I wonder how much thought went into THOSE lyrics…
    A bird flew into my window yesterday and broke his neck. I have always wondered…I guess I can see them getting confused about seein the reflection in the window and thinking it was more sky, but wouldn’t you think they would at least try to avoid the other bird???

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  36. Okay, so I’m playing the song as I’m reading the post and just when I get to your part where you said “get on the scene! get on up”, so did James Brown. You have such great timing June! You are truly gifted.
    Sorry about the shortage of puppies. The brother is cute but I can’t get over Noflakes sweet little face. Get a blondie.

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  42. If you don’t have James Brown 20 All Time Greatest Hits you should get it. When my grown son was a toddler, he used to sing get up-a, get on up-a! And as they grew we got into spirited debates as to whether I had soul and I was super bad (I do and I am). Bridge! Hit meh!
    Say it loud, June, we’re black and we’re proud!

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  51. Oh, boo! That sucks.
    Also, what am I doing here? I can’t believe I came here before I had breakfast, before I got dressed, before I even had my MORNING PEE, to find out whether you’d heard about the stupid dog. I don’t even like dogs.
    I totally need to get a life.

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  52. Some more unsolicited advice.
    Make sure you introduce Talu to new puppy (when you get him) on neutral territory, not HER territory. I , too, recommend getting a male. We have raised German Shepherds for 30 yrs.
    Take them for a walk together on leashes so you have semi-control over them.
    James Brown , of course, you ARE June Gardens after all.
    James Brown’s brother there is double cute.
    OH, OH, I heard on the radio this morning that there is a faulty gene that causes migraines. So now you have someone to blame.

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