Books · Gardening · June's stupid life

It’s here! Wake the kids! The day June talks about her bulbs!

I worked until 11:00 last night. And what I am today? Attractive. Also? Perky. Plus? Attractive.

Also incidentally, could it be raining any harder? I know some people say the rain helps them sleep, but I just splayed there in the bed, pinned by animals, so I wasn't all that splayed really, wondering when it was going to STOP WITH THE RAIN NOISE.

One time Marvin and I stayed at a hotel right on the ocean, and after day one I was all, "Can we get that crashing waves sound effect turned off?" Irritating.

I noticed, while I lay there last night, that every time I move in the slightest, Tallulah sidles up to me in her sleep, and once she is sufficiently pressed against me again, she sighs, "Hmmmmmmmm." It's so cute. You'd never know she was this cute when someone has the nerve to walk by with a baby stroller. (strollers dive her bats. she sounds less like a cute doggie and more like a 200-pound Rottweiler. who hasn't had its rabies shots. )

Oh! And I know you are all breathless with anticipation and this is like when they keep talking at the end of Miss America without announcing the winner, and you JUST WISH I'D TALK ABOUT MY BULBS, but I did want to mention book club. Before I forget. Because have you met me?

Officially, book club is this weekend. Click on Mince Words with June for details. Which is something Faithful Reader Paula H&B REFUSED to do, and just because I said I THOUGHT book club was NEXT weekend, she has not stampeded her way through Little Womenses like she ought.

Did the rest of you do this? Were you all silly enough to think I knew for sure when book club was when I said I THOUGHT it was the 10th and not the 3rd? What I'm saying is, we can have it next weekend if we need to. Your thoughts, please.

Okay. It's finally here. Strap yourselves in.

So, in the spring, I get daffodils in droves, as does anyone who remotely plants one daffodil in the South, as it must be the ultimate place for daffodils or something. So that's good, but I wanted a little, you know, variety in my garden come spring.

So this past weekend (not the one coming up that may or may not have book club), I went shopping for bulbs. And I had NO IDEA they came packaged like this.

See. Here is where I thought it'd be pretty to hold up my packages of bulbs against the rising sun (there is. a house. in New Orleans.) (they CALLLLL the RISING SUN!) (what an irksome song that is), and yet when I got up this morning?

Rainforget
Rain.

It rain. Forget.

That is one of my favorite of Tallulah's Facebook status updates, which yes, I know I write her status updates so once again I am amused by my own self, but in her status update, she keeps asking to go out ("Lu go out now? How 'bout now? Lu stare at you while you watch Real Housewifes. Out now?") and then she finally goes to the door and says, "Oh. It rain. Forget."

(Tallulah is listed as Tallulah Gardens on Facebook and would love to be your pal.)

Today Marvin had to literally pick her up and put her outside so she'd pee. It rain. Forget.

At any rate, did you know they make packages of bulbs that tell you when to plant them and in which order they'll bloom? So you can have hyacinths and peonies and tulips and other bulby plants all spring?

Okay, well I didn't know, Smuggie.

First
Here is a really good picture of my bulbs. Apparently my bulbs are ghosts.

Second
Do you like my robe? It's Marvin's cowboy-pictures robe.

Third

I cropped this one. It's from the agrant collection.

Blubs
Obviously I am into the idea of hyacinths. And I think these might be guaranteed to bloom. I am unsure.

Anyway, I will plant them this weekend and am beside self. Now I just have to wait six months and whoo! Reward. Almost as rewarding as this post.

Okay, let me know when you want to have book club. And no matter when I happens, I look forward to the people who comment and say, "Now I wish I'd have read the book!" JUST READ THE BOOK.

Your cheerful pal,

June

62 thoughts on “It’s here! Wake the kids! The day June talks about her bulbs!

  1. “Jane! Tracey! Get over here it’s BULB DAY!”
    No I don’t have real children to call over so I borrowed some from Enid Blyton.
    Luckily my mum took charge of my garden on year and planted, I kid you not, 425 bulbs. They’re the kind that come back every year so now I get to chill and watch all these tulips, daffodils and gladeoli rock out every spring like I’ve put some effort in. She has a lot of trouble dealing with her empty nest so if any of you want to borrow some of her mothering energy for a weekend, let me know.
    She’s also a fantastic cook.

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  2. Regarding my previous comment; please disregard my horrible wording. The part about the laughing and the tears. It should say that “I wind up with tears.” But hey, it is really late at night and I should be asleep. So please disregard any misspellings, too.
    Yep, you being a proofreader, you will have fun with the red pen with MY comments 🙂
    Robin

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  3. Geez, don’t know if you will ever see this comment, since it is so faarrr down the page, but just wanted to say that I have been visiting (stalking) your blog for a while and thought I should comment.
    Wanted to let you know that I can’t read your posts without laughing and that I laugh so hard that I usually wind of with tears. Yeah, a good kind of laugh!
    Loved your trip down memory lane with all the toys. I was born in 1968 and recognized a lot of those toys. My husband and I were just talking the other day about all those toys that would surely not be allowed on the shelves today. Like chemistry sets and wood burning kits (my older brother had both!).
    And I enjoyed my lemon twisty thing and my glass balls of death on the end of strings.
    And I also had Romper Stompers and the Mrs. Beasley doll.
    Thanks for the laughs and memories,
    Robin

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  4. I want to have book club on the 10th because I’m not finished reading yet.
    And also too, I love the sound of waves or rain or anything similar. I sleep with a big ugly box fan on in my room. Can’t sleep without it. I would prefer to sleep to the sound of rain though.
    I’ll have to start digging now for a really great school pic.

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  5. I like the bad school pic idea, but it would be better if you included a good pic too.. just for reference. I’ve got some pretty bad ones.

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  6. Jan, you do have some doozies, I believe. Of course, recent ones shouldn’t count (hospital, gown, swelling, lovely hunter green skidless socks and white compression hose ring bell?)
    Jan’s chopped up hair girl picture makes her look like a special needs boy. We didn’t have any bitterness to resolve before my mother’s passing.The long luxurious hair you possessed in your senior picture is a little reminiscent of Sammy Hagar’s hair.
    I can’t imagine, June, that any of your school pictures were hideous. You were such a cute little girl!

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  7. HEY with the SPOILERS on Little Women! I didn’t FINISH it yet! Geeeeeez.
    I CAN finish it by Sunday, or not, just let me know.
    I THOUGHT I had read it when I was a child, because I had read, I THOUGHT, everything. But when June suggested kid’s books, I also hadn’t read Charlotte’s Web or that Hey God, Whazzup, Imma Talk to You, or any of the other suggested titles.
    I DID read Gone With the Wind 787543689076 times (and can quote entire passages). And I read Valley of the Dolls and other wholly inappropriate books, but, apparently I had never read Little Women.
    As for Pieces of Humiliation Wednesday? I went to Catholic school. Enough said about those school pictures.

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  8. HEY with the SPOILERS on Little Women! I didn’t FINISH it yet! Geeeeeez.
    I CAN finish it by Sunday, or not, just let me know.
    I THOUGHT I had read it when I was a child, because I had read, I THOUGHT, everything. But when June suggested kid’s books, I also hadn’t read Charlotte’s Web or that Hey God, Whazzup, Imma Talk to You, or any of the other suggested titles.
    I DID read Gone With the Wind 787543689076 times (and can quote entire passages). And I read Valley of the Dolls and other wholly inappropriate books, but, apparently I had never read Little Women.
    As for Pieces of Humiliation Wednesday? I went to Catholic school. Enough said about those school pictures.

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  9. HEY with the SPOILERS on Little Women! I didn’t FINISH it yet! Geeeeeez.
    I CAN finish it by Sunday, or not, just let me know.
    I THOUGHT I had read it when I was a child, because I had read, I THOUGHT, everything. But when June suggested kid’s books, I also hadn’t read Charlotte’s Web or that Hey God, Whazzup, Imma Talk to You, or any of the other suggested titles.
    I DID read Gone With the Wind 787543689076 times (and can quote entire passages). And I read Valley of the Dolls and other wholly inappropriate books, but, apparently I had never read Little Women.
    As for Pieces of Humiliation Wednesday? I went to Catholic school. Enough said about those school pictures.

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  10. Give me one more week on book club – please. Also your nail polish looks purdy. It looks kinda gray/purple. Is it?

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  11. You know the worse thing about that picture? That is one of my BETTER school pictures.
    Don’t you feel really sorry for me Miss Golden haired little girl everyone thinks is so cute?

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  12. *hangs head in shame* The picture is sent. Even my new printer protested. I have to take it back and get a new one. So suffice it to say I took a picture of a picture. But make no mistake you can make out my rubber flower like thingy pinned to my blouse.

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  13. Well, it’s a good thing I’ve already read the book. Less effort, more time to wonder why Beth had to die rather than that stuck-up May or that annoying Amy.

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  14. Puck mom got more important thing t’do than write stupid blog…like take Puck for long runs ever’day fer hours at time. Jelly yet?

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  15. The bulbs are fun…until you start to plant them. You will curse yourself for buying so many, but you will be overjoyed in the spring. Can’t wait to see them.

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  16. OMG, YES to the glamour shot! Yes yes yes! Also too, it is an OPI color. It is gray. And you know how I get annoyed at what OPI names their colors. Would Dark Gray have been such a bad name? So this one is called You want bacon? or maybe its called Get That Thing Out the Dryer or maybe Crap, its Uncle Mortys birthday and We Forgot to Send a Card. Or maybe it was called Did You Change Your Hair? Okay, am done with the nonsensical OPI names.

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  17. Oh thank God you FINALLY posted about your bulbs. I was about ready to explode if you continued to tease us one more day.
    Heck, I haven’t read “Little Women” since Hector was a pup. When I was younger, we had an abridged edition that pretty much ended when Laurie and Amy got married and when I finally read the unabridged version I was all, “Who is this German Professor dude?”
    I don’t have any of my school pictures but I can submit my 90’s Glamour Shot portraits for Pieces of Humiliation. I cringe whenever I look at them, they’re THAT bad.

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  18. Also, I had a photo or two that I would contribute to Pieces of Humiliation. And also-also, I am a sloth about yard stuff. I mean, we’ve only been in house five years. Why on earth would I have planted a single bulb or gotten rid of the cursed English ivy that covers the “Snakey Woods” out back? (Well, *I* would have gotten rid of it but someone won’t let me get a goat…) It is an annual event that as we put Halloween yard decorations away (’cause we are just that tacky)(it’s Halloween, after all) we debate planting what bulbs and where. Still, we don’t actually, you know, DO it.

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  19. Oh Anita. I share your pain. I, too, had beautiful, long, glorious hair until my mother didn’t want to deal with brushing out the tangles (and listening to me scream about the tangles) every morning. I didn’t get a pixie cut. I got what my sisters and I refer to as a “chopped up hair girl” cut. It was short, with heavy bangs parted waaaayyyy to the side. All chopped up and yucky. In that photo my nephew looks EXACTLY like me, only he has much better hair.

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  20. I buy bulbs every Fall, then end up leaving them in the garage where they rot. Just think, if I wasn’t so lazy I would have a virtual paradise in my back yard instead of my present landfill of cracked earth and cat poop.
    And on the subject of glasses, I just wrote a blog about all that… You are welcome to check it out if you want to laugh and point at me… I don’t mind… I wouldn’t know anyway.

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  21. Here’s a little hint before you plant the hyacinths.
    The bulbs are treated with something that makes most humans itch like crazy…for days after you touch them.
    So wear gloves unless you like itching…

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  22. First, this Sunday won’t work for me for the book club (we’re off to a corn maze, maybe to be lost forever), so I hope you move it to the 10th. Then I’ll have time to reread it.
    B. I have an 8th grade picture I would contribute to the cause…I had one of those closed-mouthed smiles because I was embarrased about my gappy teeth and those attractibe cat-eye glasses. No wonder I had no friends.
    3. I have a place I would love to plant some bulbs but nothing but weeds ever grows there for some reason and I’d hate to waste even more money there. I think the dirt is too acidic or something. If we ever move I’d love to try the bulb thing.

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  23. What if we have more than one bad school picture? Unlike Hulk, I think I may have one that is actually good, all the rest are crap.
    Somewhere in my basement is a container of tulip bulbs I dug up because I didn’t like where they were. This was about four years ago. I’m not much for landscaping.

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  24. I meant hyacinth when I said hydrangea…I was confused. But I can always count on my gals here to set me straight – and THANK GOD for that!
    I have bad school pictures, but they are NOTHING compared to the ones taken when my kids were little and I couldn’t be bothered to run a brush through my hair most days, and wore hideous glasses and dressed like a complete schlub. Because I was one. I’m happy to share those for Pieces of Humiliation Wednesday though. The things I do to entertain. Oy.

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  25. First off, thanks for the bulb talk. By this time of year, I am cutting things back, weeding things out and splitting things. Ecery spring I think I need to add bulbs but by fall I forget. So, I will be buying some bulbs this weekend. Thanks, June!
    As much as I want Hideous Childhood Picture Wednesday, I would not send one of myself in. Self-preservation. However, my sister has some DOOZIES of me that I am SURE she would move mountains to get to you. I do not have any doozies of her. It’s not fair. She delights in whipping them out and sharing them with my 17 year old niece and her friends. Oh, how they laugh and point.

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  26. One time my father got set up on a blind date. When I asked how it went, he said, She had the kind of eyeglasses where the frame starts on the bottom. Really, that was all we needed to say on the matter.

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  27. Laurie in TX, cat-eye glasses sound cool. I had the really ugly ’80s style where the arms connect to the bottom of the frame and then swooped up to go over the ears. I think sometimes they were called “drop temple.”

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  28. And to think that I bought — and USE — a sound machine. And I want a new metal roof just so I can hear the rain. That’s gonna be thousands of $$ so I’ll just keep using my cheapo sound machine. And the ocean!! Love, love, love to fall asleep listening to the ocean.

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  29. I read Little Women but I don’t remember it very well. What I DO remember, is when Joey and Rachel each read each other’s favorite book and Joey had to put Little Women in the freezer because he was afraid of the inevitable.

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  30. Oh, I definitely have a horrid school picture, with a short flip ‘do and cat-eye glasses. Why, Mother…whyyyyyyy??? Did no one LOOK at me before I left the house?

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  31. June…I’ve got my fair share of atrocious school pictures. I’d be glad to share!
    Also, too? I have packages of blubs in my back hall waiting to be planted. And, just to do some shameless self-promotion, my little bloggy over there is all about fleurs and blubs and such. And my dogs and food my fair city and cooking and food. And dogs.
    Can’t wait to see D-lou’s picture!

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  32. I see Laurie beat me to the hydrangeas are not a bulb fact. I too love hydrangeas. I wish I had more spots for them. Damn sun. Oh and my azaleas are blooming. Someone should tell them its Fall.
    Oh I can’t wait to see your hideous picture Duffy. I too had bad grade school shots with my pixie haircut. Hideous might have been too strong of a word. Appalling, horrendous, dreadful, horrible perhaps but I’m sure not hideous.

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  33. I missed out on all the comments yesterday.
    Duffylou, all I can say is I’ve probably got a school picture that beats yours. Bad ’80s glasses, sweater vest, some sort of purple plastic brooch, bad haircut, and gum showing through all the gaps in my huge teeth. AND, I think I was in the 7th grade…old enough to know better.
    FawnAmber – Hydrangeas are not bulbs, gotta by the actual plant and keep it alive year round. Totally worth it, though. So beautiful. I had blue ones in my bridal bouquet (many years ago).

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  34. Totally off topic: I found my third grade picture. The one in which I am wearing the Thingmaker flower with the smiley face pin.
    It is a thumbnail pic that is very faded. I will try my best to give you the best quality I can June when I email it to you.
    The lengths I went to to get this picture. Just to go through the embarrassment. What I won’t do for you. Ugh!

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  35. Better agrant bulbs than vagrant bulbs which just wander aimlessly through your yard and end up hanging idly around where you do not want them.
    Oh, I LOVE hyacinths, they are so fragrant!
    And I love hydrangeas too, but I have to play Furry here and point out to Fawn Amber that they do not come from bulbs of any variety.

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  36. Confession: I haven’t made it through chapter one of Little Women. Next weekend would be better for book club. Like Juice, maybe I’ll actually participate.
    We have a walky dog for our beasts. It’s a fabulous thing you attach to a bike and your dog runs beside you. I’m not a runner, so I could never run my dogs, but on a bike I can! Anyway, Zoey likes to lunge at small children on their bikes when we are using the walky dog. I think she is scared of little people in helmets because she normally loves children. Something about the helmets sends her over the edge.

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  37. Oct 10th would be better for me for book club. Of course I say that, but have yet to actually participate in said book club. But I do read most of the books.
    Anyway, my real-life book club is Oct 4 and I haven’t finished that book yet. Mostly because it sucks. But after Oct 4 I can chuck that baby and start in on Little Women. Which I have already checked out from the library.
    Maybe this time I’ll actually participate. Dare to dream.

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  38. As I was reading and scrolling, I quickly glanced at the first bulb picture and thought for a moment it said “flagrant” instead of “fragrant”. It made me giggle thinking of those conspicuously offensive bulbs doing unspeakable things when they pop up this spring.
    Thanks for the ever-humorous morning work break!

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  39. I had no idea that you were supposed to plant bulbs in the fall. I think I am inspired! Hydrangeas are my FAVORITES.
    I just checked out Little Women from the library this week, but I haven’t had a chance to read it yet. And yes, I’ve read it before – twice even – but I wanted to read it once more before BC. I say all of this to say that the 10th is better for me, but whatever. I can try to zip through it on Saturday, if all you Type As are prepared and stuff.

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  40. You have officially spurred me to plant bulbs this year. Like Anita, I always say I’m going to, but never do. Good thing you brought it up while there is still time.
    It would have been quite rude if you had waited till December and said, “Oh, back in October I planted these great bulbs that are guaranteed to bloom come spring, which is in three months.” Making us all wish we had planted OUR bulbs in the fall.

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  41. You know those big puffy flowers that Bill Murray whacks in “Caddyshack”? I have some of those that come up every year in my backyard. What are those called?

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  42. I can’t believe there is someone else in the world who gets annoyed by the sound of the waves at the beach. My husband gets annoyed with me. I can’t help it – I like absolute quiet and absolute darkness when I sleep. We live on the water, and in the summer the stupid bullfrogs start ribit, ribit, ribitting all night long and it drives me completely crazy. And I drive my hubby completely crazy.
    What can I say? Type A.
    Pretty bulbs – wish I could grow them here in Florida.

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