I went to the store…

Really, I will tell you all about my trip. Eventually.

The most important thing is that in our 20-million-hour car ride home, Marvin and I played "I went to the store" and here are the ludicrous things we got.

(Did you ever play this in the car? You list something you got at the store that starts with "a," then the next person has to remember what you got that starts with "a" and says what they got that starts with "b," then it's your turn again and you have to remember the "a" thing and the "b" thing and pick something that starts with "c" and so forth until you want to kill yourself.)

I went to the store and I got:

An ailment

Barry Gibb

Cough

Dick cream

Erection

Fiddle Faddle

Gonorrhea

Hooch

Iodine

Jerky

Krups coffee maker

Loose bowels

Mongoose

Needle-nose pliers

Orgasm

Penicillin

Quagmire (how is that even a thing you can get at the store?)

Rik

Sarsaparilla

Tetly Tea

Uvula

Vagisil

Windex

Xenophobia

Yasmine Bleeth

Zoology degree

What we are? Mature. But if you had spent FORTY-SEVEN YEARS in the car in what was supposed to be a three hour tour or whatever, you'd play "I went to the store" too. And do you know we even got off ONE congested freeway and went on another, going 20 miles out of our way and adding an hour to the trip, and then THAT freeway was totally backed up.

What I needed at the store was a good shot of heroin. Was what I needed.

Anyway, here's one photo from our trip and then I have to go.

Migraine 
It's an ad for some anti-migraine med from, you know, 1702 or whenever. I'm sure it worked beautifully. Also? I have NEVER.BEEN.THIS.FAT. in my life. I'm sure that brie sandwich I had just finished before this photo was taken did a lot to help that sitceeashun.

How much do you like me for saying siteeashun?

Okay, going to work. I promise I will tell you all about my trip, and what more could you want than to hear about someone else's vacation?

Advertisements

Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

89 thoughts on “I went to the store…”

  1. It’s sad that you had to get gonorrheah before you could get an orgasm. Next time remember that seeing Barry Gibb should prompt you to get condoms, not just cough πŸ™‚

    Like

  2. Dick cream? What an image.
    Once, in third grade, I was supposed to use my vocabulary words in sentences. Instead I used them to write a whole STORY! Brilliant, no? NO! I got a bad grade cuz they weren’t in the right order. Anyway, I was reminded of that stiltifying life experience when I read this list… It would make a great story! Perhaps it really is a story? The story of “June and Marvin tour Savannah”!

    Like

  3. I went to the store yesterday and really did buy Tetley Tea. British Blend. My favorite.

    Like

  4. Love the photo. I’m sure you’re not as fat as you think. It’s all about the angle and those 10 wicked pounds cameras add to the body. I’m intrigued how many going to the store entries were about sex. That either means there wasn’t enough on vacay or so much that this could be the only topic. Or. They were all Marvin’s entries because we all know that men always have it on their mind. Ha

    Like

  5. We play the same game but we call it the Picnic Game…I brought Apples to the picnic…once while my mother was in the car our young daughter brought a Prostitute to da Picnic….mortified twas I. Glad your home: missed reading your fonts.

    Like

  6. If I ever come to our house, I am totally going to snoop in your medicine cabinet. Xenophobia? Yasmine Bleeth? DYING.
    You look fabulous in that picture. Seriously? You don’t appear fat. If you are at your heaviest, you must have been a waif. Love your skirt. Is that a flower on you shirt? Most importantly, did you wear shiny silver shoes with that ensemble?
    Hey, how was the drive home?

    Like

  7. If I ever come to our house, I am totally going to snoop in your medicine cabinet. Xenophobia? Yasmine Bleeth? DYING.
    You look fabulous in that picture. Seriously? You don’t appear fat. If you are at your heaviest, you must have been a waif. Love your skirt. Is that a flower on you shirt? Most importantly, did you wear shiny silver shoes with that ensemble?
    Hey, how was the drive home?

    Like

  8. If I ever come to our house, I am totally going to snoop in your medicine cabinet. Xenophobia? Yasmine Bleeth? DYING.
    You look fabulous in that picture. Seriously? You don’t appear fat. If you are at your heaviest, you must have been a waif. Love your skirt. Is that a flower on you shirt? Most importantly, did you wear shiny silver shoes with that ensemble?
    Hey, how was the drive home?

    Like

  9. Hulk (Who needed a vacation after hosting a sleepover for three 9-year-old girls...THEY WERE FRIENDS OF HULKETTE'S, YA PERVS...) says:

    Atta girl, Jill Munroe. It’s like you’ve been taking comment lessons from the “Hulk Book Of Inappropriate Commenting”…
    Awesome!

    Like

  10. Hulk ~ I’m all about inappropriate commenting!
    Furry ~ meat tenderizer ~ BAH! Dying
    here’s another:
    When you’ve got a surprise
    between your thighs…
    VAGISIL!

    Like

  11. Hulk & Jill started it.
    One particular graveyard shift in the ER the staff was snacking on a most welcome treat of Cinnabon’s. Of course as we talked healthy life style to patients, those buns would receive the extra dosing of the ever so buttery icing (this was before they started to charge for those extra little cups of icing)…Mmmm. Well, we had this towering barn door sized male nurse who loved himself some icing. He came out to the Core with a good amount of that icing smeared all over his mustache and in a most concerned voice said “Hey, doc, do you think my girfriend has a yeast infection?!?” Still dying!

    Like

  12. Hulk & Jill started it.
    One particular graveyard shift in the ER the staff was snacking on a most welcome treat of Cinnabon’s. Of course as we talked healthy life style to patients, those buns would receive the extra dosing of the ever so buttery icing (this was before they started to charge for those extra little cups of icing)…Mmmm. Well, we had this towering barn door sized male nurse who loved himself some icing. He came out to the Core with a good amount of that icing smeared all over his mustache and in a most concerned voice said “Hey, doc, do you think my girfriend has a yeast infection?!?” Still dying!

    Like

  13. Hulk & Jill started it.
    One particular graveyard shift in the ER the staff was snacking on a most welcome treat of Cinnabon’s. Of course as we talked healthy life style to patients, those buns would receive the extra dosing of the ever so buttery icing (this was before they started to charge for those extra little cups of icing)…Mmmm. Well, we had this towering barn door sized male nurse who loved himself some icing. He came out to the Core with a good amount of that icing smeared all over his mustache and in a most concerned voice said “Hey, doc, do you think my girfriend has a yeast infection?!?” Still dying!

    Like

  14. Laurie, you are KILLING me! Hate to break the stimulating vag speak, so to speak. June, you are NOT that fat. Go back 2 days and look at the pic of you holding Edsel; I was thinking how thin you looked. Now that I’m Marvin’s #1 fan for letting you get Edsel, he has immunity. I can’t blame him.
    Carin took that photo.

    Like

  15. ding, ding, ding…pal from MA! You are the winner!! My two daughters just love entertaining their friends with this stuff.
    Wanna talk hemorroids?

    Like

  16. Phew. I’m glad you’re not mad that I outed your vagisil jokes!
    The other one they did with the gyne-lotrimin vaginal cream classic curling competition is also VERY funny!


    Sorry for hijacking the bloggy today, June!

    Like

  17. June, we drove back from Florida yesterday up I-26 and I-40. Sounds like we were on the same route! Why do people rubberneck to look at a stalled car on the side of the road?? Road Construction on I-40?? Saw lots of road cones but NO FREAKING ROAD CONSTRUCTION! So irritated after a 13 hour ride home!

    Like

  18. Hulk (Who doubts you'd even be able to SEE a grizzly bear in the southeast unless you were in a zoo, let alone driving recklessly on the highway...) says:

    Dick Cream would be my porn name…

    Like

  19. Hulk (Grizzly bears are more indiginous to the northwest, and west. Plus they are usually very good drivers...) says:

    That would be the name of my first feature film…

    Like

  20. Hulk (Grizzly bears are more indiginous to the northwest, and west. Plus they are usually very good drivers...) says:

    That would be the name of my first feature film…

    Like

  21. Hulk (Grizzly bears are more indiginous to the northwest, and west. Plus they are usually very good drivers...) says:

    That would be the name of my first feature film…

    Like

  22. Hulk, I thought your films were “shorts”…
    and Dick Cream is much better than Dick Cheese….

    Like

  23. Hulk, I thought your films were “shorts”…
    and Dick Cream is much better than Dick Cheese….

    Like

  24. Hulk, I thought your films were “shorts”…
    and Dick Cream is much better than Dick Cheese….

    Like

  25. Maybe so…but Cosmo’s Mom seemed to…
    Nope. Not gonna go there.

    Like

  26. “You see, parents, females instinctively desire to seek out a quality mate and tempt him to have children with her. We cannot fully fault college girls for being a victim of their feeble, near-sighted minds. It is innate to the XX gene-set.”
    Whaaaaat?! Cosmo’s dad, I was hoping for trashy trends, not something that makes me so angry.
    Although thumbs up to the first Christian boy who got some in college and managed to pull off the “she’s a tempting whore,” excuse.

    Like

  27. Oh wait, now that I’ve read how the Commie miner rescue was a hoax and pretty much all their moral alerts and evolution lies, I’ve FINALLY figured out it’s a joke. Pardon my tantrum.

    Like

  28. All right, so we’re talking Vag’s today?
    Here’s my story, but first, I was in the car, too, this weekend. 7 hours up to my husband’s class reunion, where I stood around making small talk with strangers for 2 days. They didn’t even have good food. Who serves chicken nuggets at a high school reunion? Were they trying to recreate the lunch menu? And then 7 hours back home. I hate those people and their class reunion and their chicken damn nuggets. But, I hope you had a good time, June.
    And here’s my story: I have always taught my girls the proper names for body parts since they’ve been old enough to ask. One day, we were at their little, ultra Christian, private school’s Fall Festival. My girls were small at the time. My middle girl was 3. There were a few hundred folks there, most of them pretty Duggarish. Needless to say, we didn’t have many friends at this school. They were holding a live Mad Libs game for a group of children. My middle girl was sitting up on stage, a part of the game. She, unfortunately, got the question, “Name a body part.” And, yes, my girl, said right into the microphone, “A VAGINA!”
    We weren’t long for that school.

    Like

  29. Hulk (Whose daughter blurted out in the middle of a conversation between Dad and the doctor concerning the date of her birth, "That was the day you started going bald, Dad.") says:

    Oh, that is AWESOME, Joann!
    Now, imagine that happening and Hulk being there. The dead silence would have been quickly followed by:
    VAGINA! F@#* YEAH!

    Like

  30. Geeze, Hulk. You’re doin’ EVERYBODY’S mom? I’mma gonna’ have to call mine right now. She’s got a thing for green.
    Too bad you didn’t come to my high school reunion, Joann. It was a blast. Terra had such a great time, he made a date with one of my friend’s husbands to go back and spend the week with them. Everybody’s been FBing me all day to tell me how fantastic my husband is. I think if he had gone to school there, he would have been so popular, I wouldn’t have had a chance.

    Like

  31. Hey Regular Joann,
    I’ve got you beat…I walk down the stairs and wonder what I went there for.
    Juney, sorry you had such a bad travel day. FWIW, when you said the trip was 350 miles, I assumed you flew, because, doesn’t everything take forever to get anywhere on the East coast? Isn’t the speed limit 55 in most states back there?

    Like

  32. Erm excuse me Cosmo’s Dad but my grandma (dad’s mum) genuinely believes I shouldn’t be in uni since the Bible describes women as a husband’s help meet and I’m ruining the order of the cosmos by trying to make a living for myself. And, I KID YOU NOT my mum’s wedding gift (they had an arranged marriage) had this quote: “For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry…” -1st Samuel 15:23. So, you know, touchy subject.
    Sadly she did not do enough homework, my sweet-at-church mum was a DOCTOR! *gasp* and convinced my dad to run away to England where my sister and I could persue vocational degrees with the critisism only being endured for Christmas.
    The end.

    Like

  33. Actually, speaking of both degrees and vaginas, I’m on an Obs & Gynae placement at the moment. Every single woman has been cool with having a medical student be there while they have smears/colposcopies/give BIRTH. Am I the only one who’d want to minimise the audience?

    Like

  34. I didn’t mind the crowds while I gave birth. I’m pretty sure even the hospital janitor was in the throng of folks checking on things. For some reason, it just doesn’t seem to matter.
    Oh and Furry, my reunion a few months ago, was fabulous and my hubs was the same, the life of the party.
    His, though, was just a bunch of folks who still acted like they were in high school and their class rings were better than everyone else’s. Please. Get over your small town self.

    Like

  35. I’m not sure about that siteaassheun, its giving me a headache. Idolatry and witchcraft…geez, thats what happened to Carin.

    Like

  36. I’m not sure about that siteaassheun, its giving me a headache. Idolatry and witchcraft…geez, thats what happened to Carin.

    Like

  37. I’m not sure about that siteaassheun, its giving me a headache. Idolatry and witchcraft…geez, thats what happened to Carin.

    Like

  38. June, would a “grizzly accident” be one involving a bear? And a very bad accident involving a bear would be a “grisly grizzly accident”?
    Glad you’re back – I missed my morning doses of humor from your blog!

    Like

  39. And, yes, finishing reading the comments before commenting would have been a more optimal choice for me today. Sorry about the revisiting of old comments!

    Like

  40. oh, I too had some puney little med student guy watch me have a c-section. Why? I have no idea. I think I was like, WHATEVER JUST LETS HAVE THIS BABY!
    If they had said that Big Bird wanted to attend, I would have said, “Fine. Just Get The Baby Out Thank You.”
    However, it did annoy me that the Dr.’s were talking football while they sawed me open. Rude. I was right there, you know, being traumatized. Men.

    Like

  41. I have played that game too, only it was In My Grandmother’s Attic. Then sometimes we would switch it so the next thing had to begin with the last letter of the last thing. So:
    An ailmenT
    Tetley TeA
    Oh. Well you get the idea, obv we couldn’t get stuck in a loop like that. So:
    An ailmenT
    Tetley TeA
    Anal lubE
    Egg SalaD
    Dim SuM
    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and so on.

    Like

  42. I have played that game too, only it was In My Grandmother’s Attic. Then sometimes we would switch it so the next thing had to begin with the last letter of the last thing. So:
    An ailmenT
    Tetley TeA
    Oh. Well you get the idea, obv we couldn’t get stuck in a loop like that. So:
    An ailmenT
    Tetley TeA
    Anal lubE
    Egg SalaD
    Dim SuM
    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and so on.

    Like

  43. I have played that game too, only it was In My Grandmother’s Attic. Then sometimes we would switch it so the next thing had to begin with the last letter of the last thing. So:
    An ailmenT
    Tetley TeA
    Oh. Well you get the idea, obv we couldn’t get stuck in a loop like that. So:
    An ailmenT
    Tetley TeA
    Anal lubE
    Egg SalaD
    Dim SuM
    Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm and so on.

    Like

  44. Speaking of medical students in attendance at awkward times:
    When I had my first appointment with my midwife, she had a medical student sit in to listen and take notes and stuff. It just so happens that my husband was also at that appointment, and he knew the medical student from high school.
    And then the midwife and I had to have a nice candid discussion about which dates hubby and I had unprotected sex, how long sperm can live, and approximately when I conceived. And all my poor hubby could think is, “I went to high school with her. And now she’s hearing this conversation. I went to HIGH SCHOOL with her!”

    Like

  45. Jan... Sure, sure, I don't mind, tell all the students to come in. What's that? You have a new receptionist? Sure! The more, the merrier. The mailman's here? Well, I'm sure this will be a first for him. Tell him to come on in, too! says:

    My gyn ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS has a medical student with him. ALWAYS. I never refuse to let them come into the exam room. Why? Because I’m afraid that if I say no, the med student will think I have some horrible, deformed Lady Land or a STD or something. So, even when I don’t want the extra audience, I smile and invite them in. Hey… I think that’s how my little surprise was conceived. πŸ˜‰

    Like

  46. Jan... Sure, sure, I don't mind, tell all the students to come in. What's that? You have a new receptionist? Sure! The more, the merrier. The mailman's here? Well, I'm sure this will be a first for him. Tell him to come on in, too! says:

    My gyn ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS has a medical student with him. ALWAYS. I never refuse to let them come into the exam room. Why? Because I’m afraid that if I say no, the med student will think I have some horrible, deformed Lady Land or a STD or something. So, even when I don’t want the extra audience, I smile and invite them in. Hey… I think that’s how my little surprise was conceived. πŸ˜‰

    Like

  47. Jan... Sure, sure, I don't mind, tell all the students to come in. What's that? You have a new receptionist? Sure! The more, the merrier. The mailman's here? Well, I'm sure this will be a first for him. Tell him to come on in, too! says:

    My gyn ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS has a medical student with him. ALWAYS. I never refuse to let them come into the exam room. Why? Because I’m afraid that if I say no, the med student will think I have some horrible, deformed Lady Land or a STD or something. So, even when I don’t want the extra audience, I smile and invite them in. Hey… I think that’s how my little surprise was conceived. πŸ˜‰

    Like

  48. Jan and I have the same gyn. I also never refuse. A couple months ago I had a procedure done in his office. While walking to the procedure room with the med student we passed a fellow looking sort of bummed sitting in the hall.He has on the same shirt my med student did. I asked why he was bummed and she explained that many women don’t want male students in the room. I had been given “something to relax me” which was strong enough to take an elephant down. Right before the doctor got started I thrust out my hands and slurred…WAIT. STOP. GO invite that little guy in. No one knew what the hell I was talking about but after a few failed attempts at explaining, they finally understood and went to get him.
    On the way home, I called Jan. She immediately asked if I was ok and did I know results yet. Of course, this is what she TELLS me, I have no recollection of the call. Apparently I shushed her and said THATS NOT IMPORTANT NOW, where is the little Italian restaurant in New Lenox that has the good bread? I,in my drug induced state was able to strong arm my husband into taking me to lunch where I ordered something I would never order and have no memory of eating it.

    Like

  49. Jan and I have the same gyn. I also never refuse. A couple months ago I had a procedure done in his office. While walking to the procedure room with the med student we passed a fellow looking sort of bummed sitting in the hall.He has on the same shirt my med student did. I asked why he was bummed and she explained that many women don’t want male students in the room. I had been given “something to relax me” which was strong enough to take an elephant down. Right before the doctor got started I thrust out my hands and slurred…WAIT. STOP. GO invite that little guy in. No one knew what the hell I was talking about but after a few failed attempts at explaining, they finally understood and went to get him.
    On the way home, I called Jan. She immediately asked if I was ok and did I know results yet. Of course, this is what she TELLS me, I have no recollection of the call. Apparently I shushed her and said THATS NOT IMPORTANT NOW, where is the little Italian restaurant in New Lenox that has the good bread? I,in my drug induced state was able to strong arm my husband into taking me to lunch where I ordered something I would never order and have no memory of eating it.

    Like

  50. Jan and I have the same gyn. I also never refuse. A couple months ago I had a procedure done in his office. While walking to the procedure room with the med student we passed a fellow looking sort of bummed sitting in the hall.He has on the same shirt my med student did. I asked why he was bummed and she explained that many women don’t want male students in the room. I had been given “something to relax me” which was strong enough to take an elephant down. Right before the doctor got started I thrust out my hands and slurred…WAIT. STOP. GO invite that little guy in. No one knew what the hell I was talking about but after a few failed attempts at explaining, they finally understood and went to get him.
    On the way home, I called Jan. She immediately asked if I was ok and did I know results yet. Of course, this is what she TELLS me, I have no recollection of the call. Apparently I shushed her and said THATS NOT IMPORTANT NOW, where is the little Italian restaurant in New Lenox that has the good bread? I,in my drug induced state was able to strong arm my husband into taking me to lunch where I ordered something I would never order and have no memory of eating it.

    Like

Comments are closed.