Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday: Humiliate Hulk Edition

I think this might be our most popular Pieces of [Wardrobe] Wisdom yet. Yesterday I put poor Faithful Reader Hulk on my blog so you all could pick apart his wardrobe. Wisdomly-y. As I type this, there are way over 100 comments telling him to do this and that. I have no idea how Ima condense all this fashion info.

Let's start with another look at Hulk, shall we?

Hulkworshipsgodgiggles
Here is Hulk.

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Here is Hulk in high school, when I met him. Heeeeeee…

If you want to see all the wardrobial action Hulk showed us, look at yesterday's post.

Most important, a lot of the womens said Hulk was cute, which I am sure delighted him to no end. And probably prompted not a few, "How YOU doin'?" emails from the Hulkster himself to said womens.

Also, we pretty much univerally took issue with his choice of jeans. We told him he needs to get dark jeans, not fadey ones, a tip Marvin could also use, and which I have told him 204840 times.

Levi's Men's 505 Straight Fit Jean

I Googled Levi's men's dark jeans and got this image off Amazon. They also had men's skinny jeans, and the thought of Hulk parading around in men's skinny jeans set me off on a giggle fest the likes of which the world has never seen. Anyway, this is the shade we are talking, Hulk. If you are all up in the skinny jeans, have at it. I also think you left your tu-tu here last week.

While we are concentrating on Hulk's lower half (how YOU doin'?), we all seemed to take issue with his shoes. I should offer the caveat that a few "deep" women commented with the whole, "Let Hulk just be himself. There is nothing wrong with the way he dresses. He is who he is."

We are ignoring y'all all. Did you say something, deep womens? Because I think you're late for your Emo-Skills-Building class.

Anyway, back to his dreadful shoes.

He showed us many gym shoes, and then when we poked fun at him for that, he also let us know he had "semi-formal Sketchers" for work, a term not just one commentor said was an oxymoron. One faithful reader sent a photo of these shoes as a suggestion:

Hulkshoe 

Another sent these:

Clarks Un.seal

And Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life (I need a shorter title for this. FR&FIRL. Furinfurl. That makes sense.) Carpool Queen suggested these:

1196123-p-DETAILED
But then another reader emailed me anonymously and said, "Why is everyone suggesting all those mental patient shoes for Hulk?" which liked to kill me.

Now as for me, I like men in shoes like these:

JudeLawWENN_468x921
I like the whole scruffy boot thing. Also, this happens to be my personal boyfriend Jude Law in this picture and I note he is pulling off the skinny jeans. So to speak.

Another definite note to Hulk was NO HORIZONTAL STRIPES and NO HAWAIIAN SHIRTS. He had both going on and there was hardly one person who said hells yeah to that. Because who says, "Hells yeah" in real life?

There was some argument over Hulk's manymanymanymany sports-related clothes and hats. Some said ditch them altogether and some said you may keep them, but ONLY wear them to a sports bar. For a sports event. With other sporty people about you. Then, sadly, Hulk told us that one of his winter jackets was also a (sit down) (shut the front door) SPORTS-THEMED jacket, and everyone said, "Oh, hell no."

Everyone agreed he needs a pea coat.

Fruit
See what I did? I inserted the fruitiest-looking picture of a man wearing a pea coat that I could find. This looks like a guy Hulk and I went to school with. A guy who was in swing choir and who wore sweaters tied around his neck. I am all for loving the gay man, but Hulk wants him some ladies.

Pea coat_ 3 jpg Okay, now this man is hot. In a "Where's my leader dog?" kind of a way. This is what we mean when we say pea coat, Hulk. Only I think all of us meant a navy blue or otherwise dark one.

Finally, we had a lot of people telling Hulk to shave his head completely. And some people wanted him in new glasses. There was no stone left unturned on poor Hulk Tuesday. Someone even hoped he was wearing boxer briefs.

All in all, we agreed that Hulk was an excellent sport to let us nag him and pick him apart and criticize him and poke fun at his jaunty wreath on his fireplace and basically remind him why he is single after all.

Hulk, to thank you for participating in this ridiculous endeavor, I am sending you a lovely gift (as if all this fashion advice weren't gift enough):

Yes! A pair of emergency underpants! Because if you take our advice, you may never make it home again, so pulling-you-into-their-homes will women be, and you can just slip these on and go back to work the next morning!

You're welcome.

P.S. I almost forgot. My Furnful or whatever I said I was gonna call real-life friends/readers Laurie made these pictures of Hulk, cleverly improving his look through the miracle of photoshop.

Hulkdressx1
Hulkhulkdressx3
Hulkhulkbkgx5xxxx
I am digging the Cosby sweater. With the clothes and the shoes and the Jello Pudding. How YOU doin', Jello Pudding?

50 thoughts on “Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday: Humiliate Hulk Edition

  1. I think that the Pea Coat idea is fine – but I do agree with TFG – no double buttons. There are ‘similar’ type styles that only have one row of buttons. Something similar to this: http://www.overstock.com/Clothing-Shoes/Larry-Levine-Mens-Classic-Mackintosh-Water-repellent-Raincoat/5170838/product.html (Yes – I am aware it’s a raincoat, but I’m looking @ the cut/style!)
    Mental Patient Shoes… HeHe… As EVERYONE (& I do mean everyone) in Europe wears these types of shoes, that explains a LOT! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I think scruffy boots are okay – provided they are nice leather ones & don’t have lug soles.
    Good Luck Hulk! (I think June may need to come back to MI to visit to help you go shopping… Or I could – I really want some Parshallville cider doughnuts right now!)

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  2. Oh June, those boots make me melt.
    Even though I love an elegant black dress shoe, (none of those mental shoes), I agree with you on the boots.
    And NO skinny jeans, Hulk. No one wants to see that on a man.
    June, you need to run, RUN over to Mrs. Oh’s blog. I told her to email you. I guess she doesn’t listen when I order her around. Hmmph. Anyway, she has a photoshopped picture of you and Hulk that will just make you wet your pants. Mrs. Oh–Go.

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  3. Skinny jeans…yeah.
    Because “Anaconda That Just Swallowed A Water Buffalo Whole” is the look I am going for…

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  4. Mrs. Oh, I had to do a double take, thought you PS’d your hubby as Hulk. LOVE that last piece of work. Wonder if it’ll make it onto Hulk’s wall? Damn, that’s mighty fine!

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  5. Photoshopped? That last was wasn’t our “Hottest Class Couple” photo from the yearbook?

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  6. June, I love your blog and commenters. Only problem is that I laugh so hard I cry and then I can’t finish reading without removing my glasses and wiping my eyes. Thanks for the daily laughter.
    Mrs. Oh has to be today’s winner. Her blog was hilarious.
    http://mrsohtobe.blogspot.com/

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  7. I almost died when I saw the first photo of the guy wearing the pea coat. I thought, “That pea coat on Hulk? Nooooo!” then I read your comment and the world was right again.
    Thanks, Laurie, for the new looks for Hulk. I think he looks better in darker colors for shirts because of his build. He can always add color in the sweaters he ties around his neck. Kidding! And, definitely yes to the boots even though I don’t think they need to be scruffy.

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  8. Ohmygoodlordinheaven!
    I read about half of the comments yesterday and saw that you all were leading our Hulkie down the correct clothing pathway. Well done!
    And Mrs. Oh? Ohmy. OHMY! Those are THE funniest pictures EVER! Hasidic Hulk? Dali Hulk? DYING over here!
    Junie, you have the best commenters on the planet. Hands down. End of story. ‘Nuff said. Done. The end. Fini.
    You are the best all-a-yous!
    Lastly, Hulk? You are so sweet to let everyone clobber your wardrobe, haircut, glasses! You are a good soul, man!

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  9. Hulk, I’m making a prediction. After my guy friends (ok, I only have 2) had ‘makeovers’ they magically met the loves of their lives a few months later. Trust us womenses, except Jo because we all know how much she liked the sweaters-over-the-shoulders look. We’ll have you happily paired in no time.

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  10. OK, I don’t think Hulk islooking for MORE wardrobe advice, but after perusing the photoshopped pictures (Cosby sweater- ha!) I think Hulk should wear dark pants always for the rest of his life. YES YES YES!!! (I’ll have what she’s having)

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  11. am i the only one that noticed that in the first photshopped picture it looks like he has red tipped nails…or is it just my computer screen? either way….it was funny in my head!

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  12. I love the selections they all have chosen for you Hulk but I understand your need for the team inspired shirt (my husband is a ND and Lions fan…and Pistons…and maybe an occasional Red Wings….) just be sure to wear said items to the right occasions, not to pick up chicks.
    And by all means, keep those emergency panties handy – because nothing ruins a wardrobe like reworn underoos.

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  13. YES! This was an excellent post. We should totally ruin the lives of a faithful reader every week.
    Loved the shoes June mentioned. I think those mental patient shoes are a little boring for our sweet Hulk. There are more types of shoes than that! Just don’t get gross ones is all.
    And, please no Cosby sweaters, unless it’s an ugly sweater party.
    I think Hulk should also roll up the sleeves on his long sleeved buttoned-up shirts. Just a couple, three rolls, bringing it to about the elbows. Come to momma. I find that totally sexy. And I realize now that my dad does that. Brb, must throw up.

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  14. Hulk (Who, contrary to these two posts and my almost painfully-incessant commenting, is NOT an attention-whore, Junie!) says:

    “…totally ruin the life of a faithful reader every week…” That is funny.
    I’ll have Hulkette take pictures of me in my new duds tonight and send them to June.

    Like

  15. I’m with twelvedaysold. I just spent an inordinate amount of time going over all of yesterday’s comments. MAN! You are some funny peeps. I loved that Furry was describing a Corgi and I immediately thought she was referring to Hulkie’s picture and I got all defensive for him thinking, MAN that wasn’t a nice thing to say!! Of course she was talking about Edsel! Duhhhhh!
    There is a bit of obsession factor about this blog, isn’t there? Do any of you do this and comment repeatedly and read ALL of the ding and also DANG comments on other blogs? I do not. It’s a problem! My husband thinks I’m mental for going on here every day! I read June’s everyday blog every day.

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  16. I like Hulk’s look. I honestly do. I like his clothing. I like his build. I like his cool wreath.
    I also say, “Hell’s yeah”…often..
    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  17. I like Hulk’s look. I honestly do. I like his clothing. I like his build. I like his cool wreath.
    I also say, “Hell’s yeah”…often..
    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  18. I like Hulk’s look. I honestly do. I like his clothing. I like his build. I like his cool wreath.
    I also say, “Hell’s yeah”…often..
    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  19. Your Pal from MA ~ I was just thinking back to the days when the Faithful Readers didn’t really acknowledge one another. It makes me wonder when the shift happened. I love June, she makes me laugh out loud every day. Almost as much as I love June, I love the commenters. Reading this blog is the highlight of my day.
    No, I don’t read comments on other blogs or critique wardrobes for that matter. This is the ONLY blog I faithfully read every day. Or is it everyday?

    Like

  20. Your Pal from MA ~ I was just thinking back to the days when the Faithful Readers didn’t really acknowledge one another. It makes me wonder when the shift happened. I love June, she makes me laugh out loud every day. Almost as much as I love June, I love the commenters. Reading this blog is the highlight of my day.
    No, I don’t read comments on other blogs or critique wardrobes for that matter. This is the ONLY blog I faithfully read every day. Or is it everyday?

    Like

  21. Your Pal from MA ~ I was just thinking back to the days when the Faithful Readers didn’t really acknowledge one another. It makes me wonder when the shift happened. I love June, she makes me laugh out loud every day. Almost as much as I love June, I love the commenters. Reading this blog is the highlight of my day.
    No, I don’t read comments on other blogs or critique wardrobes for that matter. This is the ONLY blog I faithfully read every day. Or is it everyday?

    Like

  22. “Anaconda that swallowed a water buffalo”
    Dying. Comment of the week!
    LOVE those boots. I would buy my husband boots but he doesn’t wear anything that he has to tie. Mental patient shoes, here we come.

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  23. Lee (who thinks Hulkie could be a hand model), that’s true. We didn’t use to acknowledge one another and then something happened!
    June. I think you should spend an inordinate amount of time researching this since, you know, we all spend an INORDINATE amount of time on this here bloggy!
    Maybe it was Carin. When we all ganged up on her and kicked her *ss to the curb. It was a bonding moment when we all decided to bully Carin out of here!! hee!

    Like

  24. Ha, Furry!!
    I have to admit there is something about banged up scruffy workboots, not tied, with the jeans kind of shcrumpled up on top, like someone had to put their shoes on real fast … gets my heart racin’. And yeah, the sleeves sort of rolled up but not so much … whew.

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  25. Ha, Furry!!
    I have to admit there is something about banged up scruffy workboots, not tied, with the jeans kind of shcrumpled up on top, like someone had to put their shoes on real fast … gets my heart racin’. And yeah, the sleeves sort of rolled up but not so much … whew.

    Like

  26. Ha, Furry!!
    I have to admit there is something about banged up scruffy workboots, not tied, with the jeans kind of shcrumpled up on top, like someone had to put their shoes on real fast … gets my heart racin’. And yeah, the sleeves sort of rolled up but not so much … whew.

    Like

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