In which June loses her skin

Marvin just emerged from the bathroom and said, "I can't stop releasing the hounds."

Pretty.

Anyway, I'm tired. I stayed up late to watch that depressing movie where Meryl Streep has the cancer and her daughter is Renee Zellwegger. The worst part of that scenario would be having Renee Zellwegger as a daughter.

I took pictures of everything I did yesterday, except I did not photograph the part where I watched that depressing movie and made myself tired.

Clean
I took the sisal rug out from under the dining room table, as it seemed to be a local favorite for someone to pee on while he was learning the ropes, over here. What the hell does "sisal" mean, anyway?

Sisal
I took it outside and squirted dish soap on it and hosed it down, and it dried in like 17 seconds, which was great. Also I sharked the floor. I was certain Edsel would march right in and pee on the rug after, but in fact he didn't. He is getting good at the going outside thing, thankfully.

Crateboy
He has been coming inside and hanging in his crate, which is excellent. Now I don't feel so guilty that he is locked in there till the Tea Partier lets him out each day while I'm at work. Apparently he likes it. Or he's a masochist. Whichever.

Tones
Then I went and got me a pedicure, which was necessary because my feet looked homeless. Whenever I show you any nail photos you always want to know what color I got, and who remembers what color they picked, especially when it's those loopy OPI color names? It's, you know, plum-ish.

Oh, and I had them do my eyebrows, forgetting that I was using that Roc night cream with Retinol. They ripped off half my eyelids and I look like that woman who was eaten by the chimp.

Then I minced over to the Old Navy, and I have to tell you I am very good at not smudging my wet nail polish. I should really get some kind of award. When I lived in LA, my mother and I would always get mani/pedis at my neighborhood place, which was called Nail…something, because all manicure places have the name "nail" in them in LA. The one near my work was called Red Nail and that didn't bother me in the slightest. Were they only going to work on ONE of your nails?

Anyway, the point is, there was a cute boutique next door and my mother would handle some item and smudge her nails every.single.time. Always. Without fail.

Fortunately I did not handle any clothes with my feet at Old Navy yesterday so my toes remained pristine.

Whiteshirts
You can never have too many white shirts for layering, I always say. Well, I don't ALWAYS say that, or this blog would be awfully redundant. And yes, that is a size large because I am Pudgy Obesenstein. Hate self. Lot of me to hate.

Cargo
I also purchased cargo pants because you never know when I will be needed to join the war.

Black sweater
And I have become one of those people who thinks, "Oh, I'll wear this giant black sweater to hide my fat arse" when in reality what it will do is cling to said arse. What is that THREAD on the chair, there? Irking me.

Makeup
Oh! Best part! I used the "please forgive us for being butts" gift card sent to me by the CERTAIN COSMETICS STORE and got my foundation and this cool eye shadow set! I mean, my eyes are literally naked right now, as you can see my corpuscles after that waxing error, but once I recover they will look exactly like the woman's eye on the box.

Day
It comes with cards to show you how to apply the shadow. You know, once you have skin on your eyelids again.

Colors
Look at the pretty colors! And they have dirty names, so your eyes will look smutty! Wooo! Cannot wait to grow eyelids again so I can use these!

So that was my day. It was over in the blink of an eye. Get it? Yeah.

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

76 thoughts on “In which June loses her skin”

  1. The Large at the Old Navy is like a small every where else. Just sayin’. My girls where xs from most places and need a medium from Old Navy.
    Looking like the woman who was eaten by the chimp. DYING.

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  2. The Large at the Old Navy is like a small every where else. Just sayin’. My girls where xs from most places and need a medium from Old Navy.
    Looking like the woman who was eaten by the chimp. DYING.

    Like

  3. The Large at the Old Navy is like a small every where else. Just sayin’. My girls where xs from most places and need a medium from Old Navy.
    Looking like the woman who was eaten by the chimp. DYING.

    Like

  4. Yeah. Except they always put a blazer on Blair’s fat ass on Facts of Life, and were any of us fooled? Also too, someone here at work just said, I made some Halloween Owl treats if anyone wants some and who beat a path to the owls? Whoooooo?

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  5. What would your reaction be if I wrote something like, “Man! I can’t believe the Browns beat the Saints yesterday. And I wonder if Auburn will be the fourth #1 team to lose in a row?”
    That is kind of what this post did for me.
    But if I don’t comment, everyone will think I killed myself.

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  6. That would help…
    It’s just discombobulating when we aren’t talking about me…

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  7. You are too funny.
    If you take a large at Old Navy and I take an extra large, then I am fatter than you. I didn’t think I was too fat, until now.
    Thanks for that.

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  8. No, Dawn, but I could stick a camera down my gullet if it is important to you.
    It was a graham cracker with marshmallow eyes, then chocolate chips for pupils and a candy corn nose. Totally cute.

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  9. Old Navy sizes suck. Just saying. And, I could never own enough white shirts. My family is amazed when I buy something that is not white. Also, who was over joyed when the fashion industry finally threw out the old rule of only wearing white from memorial day to labor day? ME! Now I can wear white every day of my life if I want. Fourth, my basic neutral is gray and I have been the happiest camper that both the spring line , fall and winter lines this year have been chock o’ block full of gray. Heaven I tell you.
    By the way, the wood floor in your dinning room is gorgeous.
    Hulk. Denver got it’s arse whooped yesterday. Not happy ’bout that. Does that help?

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  10. Oh, yeah, no they are not those candles but I have some of those at my desk at work. They are 1960s drinking glasses from various tourist spots–Seattle, Northern Michigan, etc.

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  11. So who went out and bought the Smashbox foundation this weekend per June’s suggestion? ME! Cause who doesn’t want to look flawless??

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  12. Dawn in Austin, loved your Meathead skull on your blog. I’m sure he was the life of the party.
    June, the owl treats are (were) too cute.

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  13. I was on Accutane for a while and it had the same effect on my eyelids as the ROC stuff had on yours. I tried getting my eyebrows threaded instead of waxed and it worked wonders. With threading they don’t rip your skin off your face, which is nice. I always get my eyebrows threaded now and I love it. You should try it for Make June Do It!

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  14. All I can say about your eyelids is ouch!
    I’ve never gotten my eyebrows waxed because I’m cheap and a masochist. I enoy tearing out each one of those little hairs that tries to get out of line!
    Love the color names in that eyeshadow. I would love to be one of the people who gets paid to name them. I would definitely find ways to put the dirty in everyday things.
    Clothes shopping and I are on the outs right now until I lose the 20 pounds I packed on during a brief (or technicaly uncommonly long) “period” of ailment.

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  15. I went to Nordstrom over the weekend to pick up the fabulous foundation you all recommended, but got confused and went to the MAC counter instead of the Smashbox counter. MAC has about thirteen different types of foundation which confused me even more, so I gave up and bought two pairs of shoes instead. What can I say? I stick with what I know!
    Anyway, I’m going to try again and this time attempt to actually go to the right brand counter, but before I do I wanted to ask… does Smashbox also have 8 billion different types of foundation, and if they do, which one is it that is so fabulous?

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  16. Okay, Tammi, what is important is that you must combine the Photo Finish serum WITH the foundation, and for me I use the compact that is a cream-to-powder foundation. I have no idea how good their other foundations are. But it is the COMBO that makes you look good. Somehow.
    What kind of shoes did you get?

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  17. Make June Do It!! I want to see you use that tutorial card thingy to re-create the nude smoky eye…Smoky? Smokey? Anyhow. I covet that eyeshadow set but I want to see it used to create fabulous eyes before I plunk down the cash….
    Are we still making June do stuff?

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  18. Not only did the Browns win, they spanked the Super Bowl Champions on their home turf. Booya!
    Last time I was in an Old Navy was about 30# ago. Don’t think I’ll be seeing it for awhile. Are those cargo pants or capris? They look a little on the shortish side.
    I am guessing you didn’t get the Naked palette from Urban Decay. The pretty colors in the Too Faced card mimic the colors in the Urban Decay collection.
    Love cutie pie Edsel!

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  19. June has a Shark floor steam cleaner so using it is sharking the floor.
    I really like that palette! Most trios look rubbish on me since I have brown skin and light creams or whites make me look clown-like but I’m coveting the Birthday Suit trio.

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  20. Kelly ~ Isn’t the threading torture?? it looks like it hurts like the dickens.
    Original Joann ~ Are you in Chicago much? We could meet and have coffee! Faithful Reader Jan and I live just outside Chicago in the burbs.
    Tammi V.V. (which always makes me think vajaja, so I apologize for thinking vajaja when typing your name) The Nordstrom Shoe Department is THE BEST. Could spend an entire day in there. Do tell us about our shoe purchases so we can further insult Hulk.
    Fawn Amber ~ I would like June to do the smokey/smoky eye as well. I’ve attempted it and just look like I was in the ring with Rocky. AAADDRRIIIEEENNNNNN

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  21. Kelly ~ Isn’t the threading torture?? it looks like it hurts like the dickens.
    Original Joann ~ Are you in Chicago much? We could meet and have coffee! Faithful Reader Jan and I live just outside Chicago in the burbs.
    Tammi V.V. (which always makes me think vajaja, so I apologize for thinking vajaja when typing your name) The Nordstrom Shoe Department is THE BEST. Could spend an entire day in there. Do tell us about our shoe purchases so we can further insult Hulk.
    Fawn Amber ~ I would like June to do the smokey/smoky eye as well. I’ve attempted it and just look like I was in the ring with Rocky. AAADDRRIIIEEENNNNNN

    Like

  22. Kelly ~ Isn’t the threading torture?? it looks like it hurts like the dickens.
    Original Joann ~ Are you in Chicago much? We could meet and have coffee! Faithful Reader Jan and I live just outside Chicago in the burbs.
    Tammi V.V. (which always makes me think vajaja, so I apologize for thinking vajaja when typing your name) The Nordstrom Shoe Department is THE BEST. Could spend an entire day in there. Do tell us about our shoe purchases so we can further insult Hulk.
    Fawn Amber ~ I would like June to do the smokey/smoky eye as well. I’ve attempted it and just look like I was in the ring with Rocky. AAADDRRIIIEEENNNNNN

    Like

  23. True that, Dawn…I wasn’t even on this site. Just sitting at my desk working on a spreadsheet when, BAM!

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  24. Original Joann!!! Chicago proper is your old hometown or a suburb? Are you a SOUTHSIDER??? Oh the fun we could have. Yes indeedy. My husband was living on the north side when I met him. Way north. So it would not come as a surprise to you that I automatically assumed he was gay.
    I love that your hometown is Chi-town.
    June ~ I have hardwood floors in my dining room and living room. They WERE beautiful like yours once upon a time. Now they are covered in doggy nail scratches. How do you keep your floor so scratch free? It is beautiful!!!

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  25. Original Joann!!! Chicago proper is your old hometown or a suburb? Are you a SOUTHSIDER??? Oh the fun we could have. Yes indeedy. My husband was living on the north side when I met him. Way north. So it would not come as a surprise to you that I automatically assumed he was gay.
    I love that your hometown is Chi-town.
    June ~ I have hardwood floors in my dining room and living room. They WERE beautiful like yours once upon a time. Now they are covered in doggy nail scratches. How do you keep your floor so scratch free? It is beautiful!!!

    Like

  26. Original Joann!!! Chicago proper is your old hometown or a suburb? Are you a SOUTHSIDER??? Oh the fun we could have. Yes indeedy. My husband was living on the north side when I met him. Way north. So it would not come as a surprise to you that I automatically assumed he was gay.
    I love that your hometown is Chi-town.
    June ~ I have hardwood floors in my dining room and living room. They WERE beautiful like yours once upon a time. Now they are covered in doggy nail scratches. How do you keep your floor so scratch free? It is beautiful!!!

    Like

  27. The nice sweet young girl who made the Halloween owls here at work said to tell you all that you have tainted her Halloween treats, with your thinking her treats look like man parts. Of course once she said tainted I had to get all Beavis and Butthead on her.

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  28. June, it is my absolute pleasure not to add erroneous esses to the ends of words. It makes me crazy when people do that! It is equally annoying when they leave them off.
    Lee – hmmm, don’t quite know what to say about my initials bringing to mind lady parts. My last name is Dutch, two words, quite long, and is constantly mispronounced in myriad odd ways. I am happy to say, though, that “vajayjay” was not one of them. Well, up until now, anyway. 🙂
    I’m afraid my shoe purchases weren’t terribly exciting, just two pairs of Merrells. They look like this… http://www.merrell.com/US/en-US/Product.mvc.aspx/18206W/0/Womens/Arabesque-Leather?dimensions=0 . I got them in black and chocolate brown.
    I did, however, have waaay too much fun in the purse section. I bought an orange Celine, a black Marc Jacobs, and a black Badgley Mischka. I loved the orange one so much I switched to using it right there in the store! Here’s the links to those –
    Got this in black… http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3125113?origin=category&resultback=378
    Got this in black…
    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3126861?origin=category&resultback=1114
    Got this in orange (bottom row, with chain)…
    http://www.celine.com/en/index.asp#/winter-acc-2010/5
    Oh, and 12 long-sleeved Caslon tees. What can I say? I was on a roll. I was going to ease my husband into the knowledge of my shopping indiscretions, but stupid American Express called and squealed on me (under the guise of checking to see if my card had been stolen and taken on a shopping spree) before I could break it to him. Fortunately for me, he has a Cole Haan addiction, so he couldn’t say much!
    Oh, and now, I must again run the gauntlet so I can get my Smashbox Photo Finishing Serum and Cream-to-Powder Foundation. Sigh! Life is hard.

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  29. I have to draw my eyebrows on, so no waxing for me. Also you reminded me, I am desperate for a pedicure. My feet are like Ghandi’s.
    And is sisal pronouned siss-el or seyes-el? Or with a z sound? (I would end up just calling it that effin rug.)

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  30. I have to draw my eyebrows on, so no waxing for me. Also you reminded me, I am desperate for a pedicure. My feet are like Ghandi’s.
    And is sisal pronouned siss-el or seyes-el? Or with a z sound? (I would end up just calling it that effin rug.)

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  31. I have to draw my eyebrows on, so no waxing for me. Also you reminded me, I am desperate for a pedicure. My feet are like Ghandi’s.
    And is sisal pronouned siss-el or seyes-el? Or with a z sound? (I would end up just calling it that effin rug.)

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  32. Lee, the threading does hurt the first time you go. I definitely had the tears rolling down my face the first time. Now, I can go and it’s ok. I think it’s better than waxing. I will NEVER wax again. In my opinion, waxing hurts worse even though the pain is over quicker. I also think with threading your eyebrows look more better, more precise.

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  33. I just saw that one of the Facts of Life chicks is gonna be on what Not To Wear this Friday night. I’m sure its not Jo as she and Jo from Little Womenses had a mutual love of the plaid shirt. I hope its not Mrs. Garrett, because her red beehive was a true feat of gravity.

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  34. Yes, Lisa Pie, I DID do some serious shopping. I think it’s because I’m on Jenny Craig and so I don’t get my creative outlet cooking anymore, and I don’t get my shopping fix going to the grocery store anymore, so it all built up and exploded in one big Nordstrom spree. I DO feel better now, I have to say! 🙂

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  35. Okay, I need to start reading slower. I totally read that color as “In The Butt.” It does actually kind of fit in with the theme though. 😛
    Lisa from Arizona, what part of Arizona are you from? I grew up in Tucson.

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