I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold

Chichichilelele
Who can't get enough of herself? I am going as a Chilean miner for Halloween. Would somebody get me out of this hole? What do you mean this is my regular life?

Do you know what the Chilean miners probably wore a lot of? Earrings. Remind me not to wear those tomorrow.

We are having our Halloween party at work tomorrow instead of Friday, I have no idea why, and children are coming, so you can imagine how busy I have been shoving the razor blades in the Baby Ruths and so forth. Also, we are having a cubicle-decorating contest.

Rip
I am decorating my cubicle with a sparkly pink skull, naturally; bright green cobweb material; and "funny" tombstones such as the one above. I think I am the only one who will like them. It's kind of editor humor.

Which is a contradiction in terms. We make jokes about leading and kerning and bad apostrophes. I know! You need to stitch up your sides.

When I was a kid, all I dressed up as was some form of fairy princess. I think I was a bride one year, which is, you know, princessy. And one year I was Tinkerbell. And one year I said eff it and was a fairy princess. I stopped beating around the bush.

My friend Pal From MA and I had these matching sandals that we had grown out of, and her mom spraypainted them silver for us so we had princess shoes. I remember us lifting our skirts to show every neighbor our shoes that went with our matching costumes. We were beside ourselves and have been lifting our skirts for the neighbors ever since.

Hi, Pal from MA. Hi, Pal from MA's mom.

So, what are you gonna be for Halloween? Or are you being a GROWNUP and not DOING anything for Halloween? To which I say whatEVER.

I have to go. My wife and mistress are calling. Chi-chi-chi! Le-le-le!

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

67 thoughts on “I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold”

  1. It’s Terra’s thirtieth college reunion, so I’ll be going as a mature adult. I’m going to string crime scene tap across the front porch to keep the sixteen year old TorTer’s from screwing with our house while we’re gone.

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  2. Please tell me you can come up with better sunglasses than those.
    For your work party I am going to dress up as a Chilean miner’s wife. ‘Cause I won’t be there. Get it?

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  3. If you have some gold nugget earrings you could wear those. Or wad up some aluminum foil to look like gold nuggets and spray paint them gold…or wear hooker earrings and go as the mistress of a coal miner.
    Oh, I may go as a pixie….tights , long shirt over top with pointie little hat. Only to my brother’s, mom’s and brother in law’s. Everyone else would throw me to the curb.

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  4. Hulk, I went to my eye doctor and made her give me those sunglasses. They are the kind they give you when they dialate your pupils. It looked to me like what those poor miners wore. 

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  5. My 16 year old son is having a Halloween party. He plans to wear one of his little sister’s outgrown princess dresses (the hoop skirt comes to his knees, and the sleeves end at his elbows) and a wig. Why? I have no earthly idea except that he thinks it is funny. (teenage boy humor) My daughter is wearing an old flapper costume that I USED to fit into back when I was cute, and young, and hot. That’s depressing. I think I’ll be a witch. It seems apropos.
    LOVE your Chilean miner costume! And the tombstone!

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  6. As soon as I opened your page, I near about fell off my chair from your picture. FABULOUS! And the tombstone is utter genius.
    We live in the country and do not get trick or treaters, so we go over to our best friends house. They live in a giant, Halloween happening neighborhood.
    I am boring and going as nothing but the lady in the lawn chair with the candy bowl in one hand and the wine glass in the other.
    My one daughter is dressing up like Bat Girl, a store bought outfit that cost me one trillion ridiculous dollars. My other daughter is going as Katy Perry in her California Girls video. She’s made this candy dress that is awesome. Even my college girl is dressing up as Barbie because she pretty much is Barbie in real life. Her friend is going as Ken with the toupee looking hair and an ascot.
    And the miners sunglasses are Oakleys. I like yours better. They make more of a statement.

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  7. My children’s elementary school had a Pumpkin Patch every year for the young ones. Snow White, Cinderella, Belle all the pretty princesses. The moms in the PTA would dress up and hand out the candy. The costumes were pretty size specific so you only had a range that went so far. The year I did the pumpkin patch they didn’t have a mom to fit in one of the costumes so I was asked to give it a try. I said sure I’d love to. Boy did my nose grow. I didn’t want that costume. But it fit and Duffylou became Pinocchio.

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  8. Yep, one of those who don’t “do” Halloween but if I did you darn bet tootin’ I’d be the most beautiful princess out there. Sparkly shoes and all. I need to put “go to a ball” on my bucket list.
    You’re too funny June with your chilllleean grammar combo.

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  9. That costume is awesome! I love those fake mustaches. I like the nugget idea, maybe spilling out of your pockets. 🙂 The tombstones idea is awesome. Puh-lease take pics of your cubicle!!
    I am going to dress up as a cat burglar. I really want a cat the way you wanted a puppy. Maybe dressing up as a cat will make my husband say yes. I am sure you did not dress up as a puppy to get your way, but I do have Halloween as an excuse. Hubby doesn’t know what he wants to be yet.
    One year for a Pirate-themed party he went as a treasure chest and I went as a treasure map. I made a strapless-looking wrap dress out of muslin material and drew mappy-looking designs on it, and he decorated a box with mardi gras beads and coins and tied rope to wear it like a sandwich board. Really easy costume for those still looking for ideas!!

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  10. Love your miner costume. Since I noticed your earrings right away, I figured that was why they sent the first rescuer down before any of the miners surfaced…To make sure the miners removed their earrings before entering the tube.
    Hulk, great costume idea for June’s work party.

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  11. I do not dress up for Halloween – after making the kids’ costumes I am burned out. My kids are going as Luke Skywalker (actually “Wuke Skywawkuh”), Princess Leia and my cutest little dainty daughter is going as Yoda.

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  12. I like it that your mustache is close to your hair color. You look cute. Don’t forget your TV or robot costume when you were little. That was cute too.

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  13. okay, I think we are going to need to see the pictures of little June in the TV and robot costumes!

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  14. Now that I know what an Oakley is I looked up the sunglasses at Oakley dot com. The ones that look to me like the miners’ costs $260.
    I know nothing of these price ranges.

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  15. I normally love Halloween, but NOBODY up here is doing ANYTHING for it. And I don’t really feel like coming up with a costume to do nothing in. I’m 5.5 months pregnant so I thought about making a jester costume and being the Court Gestator, but see above RE: nowhere to go and nothing to do, thus no motivation to make said costume. I’ll probably jsut pass out candy in my PJs and tell people I’m a teleworker.

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  16. Hi Junie! I have pictures of us in our fairy princess outfits. We looked smashing!
    This year we are having a huge Halloween party and I am going to be Snooki! People – I have the best costume! Orange makeup, fake lashes, Snooki-poof wig, sequined leggings (not kidding), a tunic that is black/blue/white leopard print AND big bunny slippers! Hilarious! Just putting the wig on sends me into fits of laughter!
    I will take photos on Halloween night and send them to our dear June! If she want to post it, that’d be fine by me! In fact, I think all of us who dress up should send our photos to June for another lineup like our childhood photos! Yes?
    Love the mustache, Junie!

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  17. I’m going as nothing. I got nowhere to go but my front porch to hand out candy to about 50 kids so why bother. I did decorate the house more this year -that was fun. And I baked up some Halloween goodies. For us, not the kids. And put together as awesome family JibJab video. If you want to check it out, it’s on my blog.

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  18. Not sure if I’m dressing up this year. Last weekend I dressed up as a zombie and actually kept grossing my husband out. He totally didn’t want to make out with me! Douchebag.
    Lisa Pie, I must be on the same level as your son, because that sounds hi-larious.
    I think June’s sunglasses are great!

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  19. I’m going with my boyfriend to the Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert rally thing in Washington on Saturday cause it sounds like it’s going to be ridiculous and we don’t live that far away.. They say costumes are encouraged, but we are totally lost, and have about two days to come up with something.. Any ideas? We want to be complementary, like the VJ day kiss (great idea, btw) but we’re on the heavier side and I think it’d just be weird. There are going to be thousands of people there, we’ve gotta be awesome to stand out. Oh, the pressure! (oh, and we love word play, so clever costumes that are puns or other odd clever things would be ideal)
    PS, sorry for hijacking your blog for ideas, June…

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  20. Yay for halloween! I’m going clubbing with my boyfriend and a group of friends. I’m slowly sewing strips of tea stained bedsheets across a cheap dress for a mummy costume since I get bored easily and it’s time consuming. I’m sure that’s the real reason why girls dress as slutty animals: £1 fake ears and you’re good to go.
    Having fun making a robot costume for my mate. Seeing a grown man wear tin-foil covered cardboard boxes has been the highlight of this year.

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  21. I’ve wanted to dress up as a Freudian slip for years. Just trying to collect enough parapraxes (yes I had to look that up) to make it interesting.
    June, you could change your costume slightly, carrying an ID card that shows your age as 16 and go as a Chilean minor.
    Pregnant Katie, when I was about 5 mo. pregnant I dressed as a nun and my husband dressed as the Pope.

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  22. White pants/top/sneakers/face mask, cotton balls glued to hat and around ankles feet. Give up? Yup… a Q-Tip! And no, I will not call them cotton swabs because Q-Tip is so much more fun to say, sort of like they say “HOOOOOO-VERING the carpet” in England. We editors ponder… why Q? Really?

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  23. You need to carry some rocks to give as gifts.
    I remember you being a TV or robot one year–some type of box thing.

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  24. Love your costume, June!
    When I was a kid, my parents would have never actually bought us a costume. That is why were we either a ghost (wear a bedsheet and carry a chain) or a hobo every single ding-dang year.
    I actually now wish it wasn’t so easy to just go to the store and buy a packaged costume. I would rather see everyone be a little more creative with their homemade costumes!
    We are going to a Halloween party tomorrow and I am actually going to attempt to be Marilyn Monroe this year. This could be disasterous!

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  25. Lisa Pie!!! Love the Hershey Bars idea.
    Sissy Jan and her family will be here at my home for the festivities. Both of us are all about tradition and most of our holiday traditions include each other. Our kids will never let us deviate. We make lots of mexican food, take the kids trick or treating, come back to invade their candy and get grossly full on all the food we made.
    We used to rent a popcorn machine, cheesy carnival games and set up a mini fun fair in the yard. We gave out popcorn, candy, hot chocolate and cider, and the neighborhood kids played the games. The economy stole that from us.
    Jan’s little guy stole the show last year. He is absolutely freakin adorable anyway, but her mil made a white Elvis jumpsuit for him. Shut the front door was he cute! Oh how he worked it at 13 months old. Oh, Jan…send a picture to June. Please?

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  26. To the pregnant halloween party-goers.
    You both could wear tight white t shirts, his with baby bump written on it (with a pillow stuffed in if need be) and yours with beer bump written on it with arrows pointing to each others bellies.

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  27. To the pregnant halloween party-goers.
    You both could wear tight white t shirts, his with baby bump written on it (with a pillow stuffed in if need be) and yours with beer bump written on it with arrows pointing to each others bellies.

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  28. To the pregnant halloween party-goers.
    You both could wear tight white t shirts, his with baby bump written on it (with a pillow stuffed in if need be) and yours with beer bump written on it with arrows pointing to each others bellies.

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  29. I told the pregnant girl in our office that she can be Farrah from Teen Mom, and any time anyone asks her what she is she can bend down her lower lip and cry hideously.

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  30. Long time reader, first time commenter (i’m so nervous)…
    First, June, LOVE the costume. Dying over here!
    c.) I don’t believe this has been discussed this week, but look what our buddy Antoine Dodson is up to now…
    http://www.popeater.com/2010/10/25/antoine-dodson-sex-offender-app/
    III.) Katie, not sure how you could make this a duo costume, but I saw one in college that was a great play on words…lampshade on your head, circle cutout (cardboard) around your waist…a one nightstand! Never forgot that one!

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  31. Dawn, when I run into him I wil wish him luck. Also, GO ANTON! I am so proud of him! Take your moment of fame and run with it. (Can we all stop calling it someones 15 minutes? That stopped being witty 87,00389485,20484 mentions ago.)

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  32. If I were gonna dress up for Halloween I’d totally dress up as Flo from the Progressive commercials.
    Also, I like the one nightstand costume idea. I think it could work as part of a duo costume. If the girl’s a one nightstand, the guy should totally be a used condom.

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  33. Last year I put on an ankle length denim skirt, a frumpy blouse, black stockings and black men’s loafers, added a long wig and stuffed a pillow under my blouse and was Michelle Duggar.
    This year I’m going as a Gypsy. I’ve got everything except a Gypsy wagon. Anyone have a gypsy wagon I can borrow? Oh, and a horse. I’ll need a horse to pull it.

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  34. Wearing glittery, sparkly, devil horns on a head band, white sweatshirt, yellow circle on the front…..a deviled egg

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  35. SIREN OMG THAT KILLED ME. Flo. Flo here.
    I had a friend who looked just like Flo on her wedding day with that hair bump thing. Actually, even though it was her wedding day and she was all slutted out, she still wasn’t wearing as much makeup as Flo.

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  36. Oh June, loved your comment about Farrah from Teen Mom! I want to feel sympathetic for her but when I see that mouth become a square shape..I ALMOST have to turn it.

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  37. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and I’m dressing up as a Hooters girl with my big bare belly out. Sexy time. My one year old son is going as Dennis the Menace.

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  38. I hate, hate, hate, and also HATE Farrah! Every. Time. She’s. On. The. Screen, I yell “I want to knock her out!” She irritates me. So do Gary and Amber. Now theres a great costume; Gary and Amber from teen mom. The girl could have too tight clothes, talon-like fingernails and mascara streaming down her face. The guy could have on baggy clothes, horrible facial hair and constantly be hunched over. Add some bruises from being beaten by Amber and a fake baby who they can just leave unattended and it would win any contest!

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  39. Oh, the Farrah comments … right on. She cries over everything yet somehow just pulls it together less than 5 seconds later. I don’t know anyone that can do that when they are truly crying.
    The Gary and Amber costumes would be great!! There was a blind item awhile back about one of the moms being heavily into drugs. It could only be Amber since she has been acting totally cracked out. Now supposedly she’s bi-polar and it’s the medication or non-medication that is making her act nutso? Who knows. Just get that baby away from BOTH of them.

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  40. I don’t know this Farrah but BUT Kim Kardashian is in W Magazine, stark naked and spray painted silver. I am going to have nightmares over her nipples alone. Good God Almighty.

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  41. I don’t know this Farrah but BUT Kim Kardashian is in W Magazine, stark naked and spray painted silver. I am going to have nightmares over her nipples alone. Good God Almighty.

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  42. I don’t know this Farrah but BUT Kim Kardashian is in W Magazine, stark naked and spray painted silver. I am going to have nightmares over her nipples alone. Good God Almighty.

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  43. You know the first thing I noticed when I looked at the photo of your costume? How thin you look! I’d be thrilled to have my photo look like that – then maybe I could quit giving all my money to stupid Jenny Craig.

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  44. I can’t dress up for Halloween. I have this terrible fear that no one else will be dressed up wherever I’m going and I’ll be embarrassed. That actually happened to when I was a kid so I feel totally justified. DH loves to dress up and has spent years trying to convince me to go to a Halloween party with him. I don’t know if he’ll ever succeed.

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  45. Halloween was tonight in my town in MA – perhaps your Pal from MA saw it on the news – selectmen moved it to tonight for safety reasons (NFL game in our town on the 31st) – whee early Halloween. Three of us moms dressed up like Flo from the Progressive Ins. commercials (which supplies downloads of her pins/nametags) and we had scanners, headbands and shouted “discount” all night to anything people said (“want some wine? discount!”). Ialso saw 2 adults dressed as Chilean miners. Ha! Fake moustaches are awesome so I wore one throughout the day just for fun.

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