I'm in D.C. and I'm having a capitol time! Bah!

World
The train ride was kind of fun. I got to sit and watch the world go by. The only part about the train is, why do other people have to exist?

The old lady next to me was just fine. I had no issue with her. Well, every once in awhile she would kind of suck her dentures in this disgusting way, but what are you gonna do? It was the least of my worries.

All around me I had people speaking on their cell phones at the tops of their lungs ("NOW, THIS IS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION! BE SURE TO MARK IT CONFIDENTIAL!"). Then the woman behind me made friends with the people across from her, and she was one of those people who only talks about herself. Says the woman with a blog about herself.

But really, she would tell something about herself ("I have horses! My stallion, he likes to show off! He sure does. I walk up and he goes, 'Neeeiiighhhh!' He sure does. Umm-hmmm.") and her neighbors would politely say, "Really! Wow!" and then there'd be a pause. "My husband, he likes my hair long. He says, 'Don't never cut it, Sheila!' Nope!" (He is NIXON any plans for her to cut her hair.)

You know, not, hey, do you guys like horses, or how do you guys feel about stallions, or do you like the Italian Stallion? It's called CONVERSATION. It's not just running commentary about YOU.

Says the woman who is providing running commentary about her.

My HipstaPrint 0(3)
The Greensboro train station was pretty, as was the one in D.C., although as you can imagine, dramatically different in the busyness factor. What people here? Good gravy. Last night Sleeping Beauty and I walked down to CVS and I had to wedge through nine hundred million people to get an eyebrow pencil, and wait in line seven weeks.

My fake Chilean miner mustache is annoying, so tonight when we go to Halloween parties I am drawing one on. In case you were worried sick about why I went to CVS. (I don't have enough HARRISON to sport my own mustache. BAH!)

Sleeping lives in a cute neighborhood across the street from a store called "Convenient Store." She knew I would be pleased about that. And not so convenient, as they did not have eyebrow pencils. And they never offer to CARTER bags home. Woo!

Also too, look what she has!

My HipstaPrint 0
Does she have a pooky bear puppy noodleyhead? Is he big big big? Do I love him so bad? His name is Puck. He is wearing a jaunty Halloween court jester collar. He is BUSHed.

Last night he slept on me. Splayed all across me. All 70 pounds of him. I was so HAPPY he picked me. I love him so bad. Did I mention that?

I had better go get ready so we can rally and take lewd pictures with the Washington monument and so forth. Sleeping Beauty and Puck are out having their morning CONSTITUTIONal. Get it?

Oh, with the Washington humor. I should BILL you for it.

37 thoughts on “Don’t get Madison, but I don’t Lincoln to anything in this one. Quit Reagan on me!

  1. B who avoids crowds like the plague says:

    How many folks do you think were there?

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  2. Sorry I didn’t see you. I was the short woman standing on a rock in front of the National Gallery of Art East Building, wondering why I had taken the day to stare at a line of portapotties.
    I was next to the 2 teen boys holding up the sign, “We’re just here to pick up da ho’s.”
    But it was fun, anyway.

    Like

  3. dcrmom says:

    Your hilarity never ceases to amuse me. I totally wish I was hanging out with you and Sleeping Beauty in DC! Have a blast, taking lewd pictures and all that jazz.

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  4. I am not good with the puns and the quips, so I’ll make this easy. My maiden name is CLEVELAND and one time we convinced our little sister that Grover had a twin brother named Drover. And that Grover was kind of a doofus and so Drover ran the presidency behind the scenes. I know, that NEVER happens in real life. Anyway, we told her Drover was our several greats grandfather. She bought it and filled her teacher in on our little history lesson. That was one of our nicer pranks on her.

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  5. Duffylou - presidential puns, never a dull moment says:

    I saw Jack Nicholson in a movie last night. His famous line was, “Buchanan-dle the truth!
    Remember, do exactly what your dad taught you to do in the John-son, ok?

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  6. Paula H&B says:

    I was going to visit my family, but MCKINLEYs a lot to be desired.

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  7. Paula H&B says:

    I was going to visit my family, but MCKINLEYs a lot to be desired.

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  8. Paula H&B says:

    I was going to visit my family, but MCKINLEYs a lot to be desired.

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  9. The dogs cuss, “PUCK you. Noodleyhead for President!”

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  10. Paula H&B says:

    Here’s a nightmare pun from 2012: Your puns all PALIN comparison.

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  11. Paula H&B says:

    Here’s a nightmare pun from 2012: Your puns all PALIN comparison.

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  12. Paula H&B says:

    Here’s a nightmare pun from 2012: Your puns all PALIN comparison.

    Like

  13. Summer says:

    All I took away from this post was, blahPresidentsblahtrainsblah, “pooky bear puppy noodleyhead.” Aw, how sweet!

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  14. Cosmo's Dad stuck in Maryland or up the Potomac says:

    Obviously someone gives ADAMn and are you going to the DWIGHThouse?

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  15. EISENHOWER’d Stern and he’s not cute like Jon Stewart

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  16. EISENHOWER away from the rally and can’t get there!

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  17. Nice to see you have ROOSEVELT to the occasion.
    So appropriate that Sleeping Beauty’s dog would be a beauty and also sleeping.

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  18. I think the first one who successfully uses Eisenhower in a sentence should win a prize. : )

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  19. Hulk, you are hogging all the presidents!!
    June, lay one on Jon Stewart for me too. Nice long wet one. It’s TRUMAN, I have the hots for him. Hope you get lots of good treats and not get stuck with that TAFTy crap.

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  20. Tammi V.V. - off to friend Puck on FB! (Say THAT three times fast and keep it G-rated!) says:

    Puck is adorable! Your next dog ARTHUR be a Lab.GRANTed, Marvin would probably do you in if you brought home another dog.

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  21. Cat says:

    With the Nixon and Carter jokes, I thought you were just making fun of Southern speak, but I finally got it at Bill. I’m kind of slow this morning.
    If you see a tall, handsome, middle-aged guy with a beautiful curly-haired teenaged girl, it’s Yankee and Hippie. I told them to be on the look out for Mrs. Gardens. I’m sure you’ll run into each other, since hardly anyone is going to this event.

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  22. By the time June gets done kissing Jon Stewart for all the rest of us, that poor man will not have any lip parts left.

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  23. Shelley says:

    You’re going? To the rally? So. Jealous. So many people are going. Why couldn’t it be closer to Colorado? Will you kiss Jon Stewart for me? Please?

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  24. june, you KILL me!! seriously, you are a fantastic writer, and this is why i read you religiously 🙂 if i were witty, i would insert presidential last name pun [HERE].

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  25. Well, it’s Halloween over here in Halloween Central (Salem, MA, that is) and – OBAMA – look at all the people in town! I don’t know if we could FILLMORE people in here!
    Tonight we’re having our big party (Hulk asked to be invited yesterday, so I’m inviting all of you, too!), so tomorrow I’ll be breaking out the HOOVER so I can get my clean house BARACK!!
    hee!
    Have fun at the rally, June! Say hi to Jon for me! LOVE me some Jon Stewart!

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  26. you know who i am says:

    Quite the humorist. Even if we don’t agree politically. Ha!

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  27. Hulk (Who is a history major, but still had to google presidential names...) says:

    GRANTed, that was kind of funny. Wonder if Jill MONROE liked it. Right now I have to go get some more KENNEDY so I can FILLMORE kids’ bags tomorrow night. Good KENNEDY too; I don’t want to be accused of giving away a pig in a POLK. Some mom might hit me with her PIERCE. Plus my friend JACK’SON and WIL’SON really like Snickers. I don’t want to disappoint them ARTHUR.
    Anyway, my tip of the weekend is bet CLEVELAND–believe me, you want to get a PIERCE of THAT action! When you win, your weekend will be TAYLOR-made. I’m tellin’ ya TRUMAN…

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  28. I don’t have a comment. I’m just here for the signature line.

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  29. Also too, don’t Polk Puck when he’s sleeping with you, it’s rude.

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  30. mother says:

    You were last in D.C. 35 years ago. Maybe you have visited with friends since then. I guess I do remember a vulgar Washington Monument photo. Anyway, remember being there as a kid? It was fun. Has it
    changed much? I’m glad you made it safely. Keep in touch. Don’t try to Ford the Potomac.

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  31. Heart Puck!!
    I have to giggle with the thought of Puck belonging to me and hearing my husband, as he often does, calling out when the dog is naughty (which they often are), “Damn you f***ing Puck!”
    Have fun at the rally! Now I’m wishing I had gone along, instead of wanting to spend the weekend in peaceful aloneness.

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  32. Sleeping Beauty says:

    He so did not “pick” you last night! Only for a little while, just to make you feel welcome because he’s a good dog host.

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  33. Puck Wonderdog says:

    Puck wanna take dis opportunitee t’tell you he had Facebuk page bee-4 stoopid Tallulah, who copeed him when she make facebuk page. Bee Puck’s friend like you Lula the Friend Hore’s friend – I’m Puck Wonderdog. I look forward to bein yer friend soon.

    Like

  34. Karla says:

    Sounds like you are having a great time! More pics, and I want to see every president show up as a pun. It can’t be that HARDING!

    Like

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