In which June remembers she forgot

I just remembered that I forgot to ever tell you about our trip to Savannah, which I realize we took 11 hundred weeks ago. I also remembered that I told this woman at work that I'd help her write a mission statement and then I never remembered it again. You know what I am? Good at keeping track of stuff.

Also, when were we gonna do our next book club? Because I have not even PURCHASED March yet. I have been working on a freelance assignment and also reading the very important Keith Richards autobiography, so there you go. That's what I've been doing with MY time.

Anyway, so yeah. Last month Marvin and I went to Savannah. Where everything is historic. Because somehow they forgot to burn everything down there during the Civil War. Perhaps one of my ancestors was in charge of that particular city or something.

The canines and the felines got to stay home, as my Tea Partier dog-sitter cared for them. No. Wait. See, it was so long ago I have already forgotten. My actual friend in real life Laurie, one of the 87 Lauries who comments here, watched them, and then when we got stuck in traffic on the way home, the Tea Partier helped out. It's all coming back to me now, and I know you all look like Tallulah does here, reading this so-far scintillating post.

Don't you hate it when someone is telling you a story and they sit there going, "Wait, was it last month or in May? Wait, was it Bob or Joe?" and you're all WHO CARES? Just TELL THE STORY.

Do you know what I need, is a dust ruffle or something on that bed.

Anyway. Here was our hotel in Savannah. It was  pretty. It had many floors. Are you jamming out to my exciting writing style right now?

Here was our room. It had a bed. It had a wall. It had a dresser. What if all my posts were like this? How soon would you come over and bang me up the head with concrete?

We had a little balcony and a view of the water and this boardwalky thing, which seemed like it would be nice but in fact we could hear people partayying all night, which got annoying. Here I am before I knew that dreadful fact.

Marvin realized he could stand there and look down women's shirts, so his vacation was all set.

I kept trying to look down men's pants, to no avail.

One thing you do not want to do in Savannah is sport your stilettos, and you know how I am always traipsing around in my spike heels like Carrie Bradshaw. Not only were the roads, you know, cobblestoney, there were 8 million hundred narrow teeny "hello I'm from 1812 and malnourished and my feet are size two" steps everywhere.

We did not actually visit Sylvia, nor Sylvia's mother. Which is a Dr. Hook song. And I am as old as Savannah, with the knowing there is a Dr. Hook song called Sylvia's Mother.


Dr. Hook also sang my 9th grade prom song, Sharing the Night together. Which fortunately for us all I will not share with you tonight together.

But speaking of songs no one should ever have to hear again, Marvin got up before me, as he is wont to do, and FOUND A SALE ON CDs in Savannah. It's like the man can sniff these things out. He has CD-dar. He brought back this disgusting bag of CDs that–guess what!–were $10 because no one on earth wants them!

Oooo! I am thinking giveaway!

For instance, who doesn't want to sign up to win the original soundtrack to Sex, A Lifelong Pleasure? It is SO much better than those bootleg versions.

Marvin immediately popped in, so to speak, the Ally McBeal soundtrack. Because do you know who I've missed? Is Vonda Shepard. Do you remember how ridiculous Vonda "never heard of her before or since" Shepard was on every episode of Ally McBeal, singing at the bar they managed to get to EVERY DAY despite their busy legal careers?

Sadly, I must YouTube the Ally McBeal theme song starring Vonda  Shepard now, because you have completely wiped it from your memory and you must relive it as I did.


"I believe I am ready for love hasanskafjkld." What does she say there? WHAT?


And what $10-per-disgusting-bag collection of useless CDs would be complete without a Mev Griffin CD? Yes, it IS like a dream, Merv! And look! This originally went for $14.99! So we got a deal with this CD alone! I mean, except for the part where the WHOLE WORLD went, "pffft!" at that price.

At any rate, thank heavens the rest of the trip involved walking around and eating things and shopping and eating things and stopping for things to eat and touring old stuff and maybe getting a bite to eat, maybe.

Once, Marvin was trying to make a serious point and I looked over and his teeth were all red from his cherry shave ice, which by the way, Marvin will ALWAYS stop for a shave ice if it is there. Anyway he looked like when we were kids and they gave you those red tablets you swished in your mouth that checked for plaque. Do you know what I'm talking about? Or did I dream that with Merv Griffin?

At one point we were, oh look!, eating something, and I realized Marvin had never tried coffee. He always says he HATES coffee, and yet has never tried it. So I made him try mine.

That went well.

So then I made a list of all the foods Marvin hates. You know, he really is a picky eater. You'll note I crossed out Spatz bread. That is this Saginaw bread that he hates, but he said he WOULD eat it if there were no other bread. I hardly think that counts and it should stay on the list, but what are you gonna do?

We went walking one night and passed a band playing in a bar. The guy on drums had a fake butt on. Loved him.

On our last day, we went to one of the islands off of Georgia, and the best best best thing happened.

For ten years, I lived in LA. And I have been to Mexico. And I was in Wales, too. NONE of those times did I ever see a freaking dolphin. I ran TWENTY-THREE MILES along the Pacific Ocean once, and all my running mates kept saying, "Oh! Did you see that dolphin?" and NO! No I did NOT!

I was beginning to think dolphins were this huge joke the whole world was playing on me. Once my father and I went to Cancun, and as SOON as we got there, I went to the bathroom and he said, "Dolphins were swimming in the ocean while you were gone!" and do you think I saw any the whole trip?

Last summer when I went to the beach with Sleeping Beauty, I was famous at my motel for wanting to see dolphins. People would pass me and say, "We saw some over yonder!" and me? No.

Well. On this day, I was watching a pelican, that's all I was doing, when this BIG OLD FIN jumped out of the water!

"OH!" I said. Then I saw it again! "OH OH OH!" I said, evidently becoming Dick and Jane.

Two little girls were playing nearby and I said, "Did you guys just see those dolphins?" "Where?" they asked, and right then, we saw them again.

"Look! Oh look! See see see!" I said, grabbing Puff and Spot.

I saw eleventy dolphins that day and I do not know why I got so lucky.

Marvin didn't see any.

Anyway, that was our trip. I bought a lovely ring at a museum, too, by the way.

Okay, now really. That was our trip. The end.

You totally have the Ally McBeal theme song in your head, don't you? HAH!

94 thoughts on “In which June remembers she forgot

  1. You people seriously crack me right up with your commentary (no pun intended…Get it? Crack? Oh, forget it!)
    And, just for the record, I also remember the anal dental lady that would scold us if too much red appeared on our teeth…
    Do you remember the terror of the day we got screened for scoliosis? One of my poor classmates had to wear one of those huge back braces for like a year. Horrid!
    Anita – “…like and old man trying to send soup back in a deli!”
    I’ve heard that a few gajillion times whenever I tell people I was a marine biologist for 20 years!! : ) Never ceases to be funny to me!


  2. Oh. Two more things. I also need to be invited to the Stalk Barry Gibb trip. I’ve been in love with him since the first Bee Gees album.
    Second, June & Hulk – my grandma who lives in Saginaw ALWAYS has a loaf of Spatz’ bread in her bread bin. Never fails. Last time I was visiting, I had a piece of Spatz’ bread with limburger cheese and mustard on it. Doesn’t get much more German than that, does it?


  3. Wait, what? I go away for few minutes and find out Hulk is using donuts as his choice of sex toys when he has millions to spend on classy hookers?? Good golly Miss Molly I hope he doesn’t eat them afterward.


  4. ~If I won $128 mil I’d brag about it even if I bought the ticket from a gay porn shop…
    ~Gotta eat Spatz’s in a few days, though…after that it gets harder than looking at pet pics
    ~”…from where I was standing, I could directly into the eye of the great fish…”


  5. If I won the lottery I wouldn’t tell another living soul. Okay I would tell my parents, but I would not tell my kids, my siblings the guy I live with who’s supposed to be my BF, no one but my folks.


  6. I don’t like mushrooms or raisins either. Most of my food choices are based on texture. I hate squishy.
    My husband doesn’t like ice cream. He says it’s too cold. More for me.


  7. Nope…just spent 45 minutes watching Seinfeld bloopers on YT…wiping the tears from my eyes.


  8. First order of business; Pal I have already laid first dibs on Edsel! 🙂
    Love the ring!! You know what else I love? Your o’s.
    My Christmas wish is that Tea Partier and I (or is it me) never cross paths again.
    I could have swore Marvin was giving a Vulcan salute in the Aura Shop picture. Guess I was reading too much into the image.


  9. My mother used to listen to her Dr. Hook and The Statler Brothers albums on our RCA turntable when she would clean the house. Now whenever I hear either one, I want to break out the vacuum and find me a patch of avocado shag carpet.
    And, also? No wonder I never win the lottery, I hang out in the wrong kind of stores. And, can I just say – talk about a happy ending! Oh, wait, I guess that would be a massage parlor, not a porn store.


  10. I loved the first few seasons of Allie McBeal (oh, that Fish) but unfortunately quit watching it before Ironman joined the cast. I’d love to go back and watch that last season just to oogle him. It’d be interesting to see, I seem to remember he was just out of rehab and trying to resurrect his career.
    And personally, I think Sylvia’s mother is a b*tch.
    Thanks for the Savannah shots. It looks like the non-driving part of your vaca was fun.
    Aren’t we due another Edsel growth-chart picture?


  11. I have a “peeing” off the balcony story from a spring break that will kill you guys. Maybe someday…


  12. Dear June – I have subscribed for years and now the RSS feed is not working. I have all of my other feeds from nester, etc. and they are fine, so I just wanted to let you know since I could not find your email here. If it’s me, I can’t seem to fix it – last update feed that came through was Thurs. thanks! love the ring too.


  13. Anita and Hulk – let’s do this for every post that June has – since Seinfeld has a relatable episode for every situation in life! It’ll drive our June crazy just like the sports talk!
    “Gotta support the team!” Loved Putty and the facepainting episode!


  14. 1. June- come here to Fl! Dolphins everywhere! you can stay with me! No dogs but two cats!
    2. I’m w/ Marvin, I love “slushy type items”. My favorite is the now elusive Slush Puppy.
    3. Great ring!


  15. Wondered if you’d fallen off the face of the planet, but it was just broken feed. How does that happen?
    Yes to the red plaque revealers. Yuk.
    Yes to the Ally McBeal soundtrack. Had it and not too long ago. Why?
    We are big fans of the Dolphin Show. They perform regularly at St. Simons. Love them.
    My new fun fact: Shel Silverstein wrote that song about Sylvia’s mother. Shel had quite the varied CV.
    Where does one buy a fake butt?
    Last but not least: why are Talu and Edsel sleeping on sheets that match my pajamas?


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