I am berserk, June's stupid life

Greensboro Barbie

You know the part where I have a puppy?

Edsel
And yes, half this picture IS some kind of odd color, and dude, I do not know what to tell you about this camera battery other than it is bad all the time. Yes, I did just call you dude.

Anyway, I have a puppy with an underbite, which I have been asking for for so very long, and all of a sudden I have one. Not an underbite. A pup. Did you wonder why?

Marvcar
Here is why. Yes, we brought Faithful Reader Laurie into our relationship.

No! Marvin and I compromised. I got to have a puppy, such as Edsel, if he could have a ridiculous old car. Today was the day Marvin got his car.

Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life Laurie and I were at the movies, and we were yak yak yaking at the same time, until we pulled into my driveway just now and we both stopped everything and just said, "Ohhhh!"

I had no idea Marvin's ridiculous car would be pink! I actually LIKE the car! Who knew? And he likes Edsel. The whole thing was a win/win.

I wonder if Marvin would let me drive the pink car. You know, like as my permanent car. Because I think a pink car suits me. I could be like Malibu Barbie, except I'd be Greensboro Middle-Aged Barbie. There's an undepressing-sounding doll. Merry Christmas, honey! Mom got you Greensboro Middle-Aged Barbie! I even got you the little Ex-Lax box for when she's stopped up!

In other news, I had to exchange my cool boyfriend-style cordoroys that I bought at Banana Republic for…the next larger size today. Pretty much these are boyfriend cords if my boyfriend is John Candy.

Did someone say candy?

At any rate, I went to this sprawling outdoor mall near my house, where I-ate-too-many-Banana-muffins Republic is located, thinking I'd just pop in there really quickly before Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life Laurie came over for our movie.

Yeah.

There were people DIRECTING TRAFFIC there. People were beating each other over the head for parking spots. Merchandise was flying out the window, folks were screaming, it was kind of like the scene in Do the Right Thing after Mookie throws the trash can through the window.

The good news is my new Junior Sample-sized boyfriend-who-looks-like-Amber's-boyfriend-on-Teen-Moms cords were ON SALE, so I got half off the price. Which is excellent considering I bought eight yards more material.

Did someone say sample? Are there Hickory Farms samples somewhere?

Anyway, that is all I have to tell you. Mrs. Oh is comment of the week, and I know she just won two weeks ago, but come on. She made up an anal bleaching song to Send in the Clowns. How can she NOT win.

Did someone say clowns? Is there ice cream cake?

 

33 thoughts on “Greensboro Barbie”

  1. Love the car! Is there room for locked-up-knee-replacement Barbie? Or maybe no one here is old enough to remember how hard it was to maneuver straight legged Barbies into their car seats.
    Junior Sample. Dying, really. Do you think Junior ever had himself a girlfriend?

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  2. Sounds like a fun weekend at the Gardens. Nothing like a win-win compromise.
    Furry, so sorry that your family gathering sounded like one of those Chevy Chase/Randy Quaid movies. Only, yours was much worse because it was real life.
    I am completely thankful that my family is the complete opposite and a joy to be with.

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  3. Muffin must really love you if he got a PINK car so he can think of you every time he drives it. Just don’t leave one of those white samsonite makeup cases on the front seat because nothing screams please kick my ass like a pink car and a Middle Aged Barbie makeup case.

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  4. Love the pink car and the cute Edsel, even with the underbite. If that a convertible? How how cool is that Greensboro middle-age Barbie riding around town in the pink convertible.
    Furry, you had that same party? God give us our family so we will know how to pick our friends.

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  5. I’M SO JEALOUS that Laurie gets to see Edsel in real life!
    AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
    The car is absolutely faboo!!
    You must take photos of the interior!
    LOVE Edsel’s underbitey. MAN, is he cute or WHAT?

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  6. Who needs to lose weight, that’d be me big time!! Geeze, I almost think the straight on picture would have been better. Behind the camera is where I belong. June doesn’t appear to have gained even an ounce! I’m thinking the pants were sized wrong.
    The car is fabulous!!! You should see the interior. Pristine. How could the Garden family be complete without the addition of Edsel and the pink car! A gorgeous shade of pink!
    Morning Glory was the movie. Is it wierd that for me the best part of the movie was Harrison Ford’s hand while holding a cigar? June thinks it might be partly real life alcoholic tremors. I don’t want to hear that about MY Harrison Ford.
    It was the snacks I ate prior to the movie that put me over the edge. Cinnamon roll slathered in maple icing.
    Edsel I bet is 1-2 inches taller than when I last saw him. Timid can no longer be used when describing Mr. Edsel. You should have seen him grab Talu’s hind leg and attempt to drag her. They’re both such loves!

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  7. Pink car! Heeeee!
    Oh, Paula. I learned a long time ago to eschew family dinners. People have teeth and claws.
    One time my father in law trapped me in the garden and told me VERY inappropriate dirty jokes. He then proceeded to drop shrimp on my oriental carpet and sweep it under the couch with his foot. My aunt broke $200 worth of antique crystal pushing a plate out of her way to set her drink down. My mother broke the guest bathroom sink and my nephew rolled my hamsters in their fun ball down the hallway. When I told him he couldn’t play with them any more, my brother yelled at me.
    I don’t do holidays with family anymore. I have battle scars.
    And then there was the Christmas we had my father committed. Don’t get me started.

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  8. I invited globs of family to dinner today and am having a f*cking meltdown of epic proportions. WHY did I do this? I want to play on Bye Bye Pie, not make nice with these idiots. BAH.

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  9. I invited globs of family to dinner today and am having a f*cking meltdown of epic proportions. WHY did I do this? I want to play on Bye Bye Pie, not make nice with these idiots. BAH.

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  10. I invited globs of family to dinner today and am having a f*cking meltdown of epic proportions. WHY did I do this? I want to play on Bye Bye Pie, not make nice with these idiots. BAH.

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  11. I am late to the party and this comment belongs on another post, but I’m going to put it here.
    I have a favorite dick joke.
    Why did the pervert cross the road?
    wait for it………
    His dick was stuck in the chicken.

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  12. Oh my gosh I LOVE the car! I’m so in love with the car I’ll have to come back later and comment on all the other things you said because I just sorta heard Charlie Brown’s teacher waaah wahh waaaa after PINK CAR!

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  13. LOVE the pink car. Want to marry a muffin so I can tool around town in a sweet pink car. If I won the lottery I would totally blow a buttload of money on having an old car painted pink and the interior redone in green with monogrammed seats. And then I would drive that bitch all over town.

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  14. Your signature color, how cool is that?
    Do they make pink VW’s? Glad you both like each other’s compromise gifts.
    Snacks….another ask everyone Wed poll…favorite snack.

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  15. I’m playing blog catch up here and reading multiple posts. I love Hyperbole and a Half, but Greensboro Middle Age Barbie has me busting a gut. And no, it’s not the wine talking.

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  16. I know you’re not a Pixar person and won’t get the reference, but seeing FR Laurie standing in front of that pink car reminds me so much of the Barbies in Toy Story. Love the car.
    And I’m sorry to hear about your shopping experience. The merchants have been pushing the Xmas sales to before Black Friday, and it’s already crazy out there. My husband went to a local electronics company’s 8-hour sale on Thursday to pick up some $8 Recent-release BluRay movies, and there were 40 people in line in front of him (in the middle of the day) before the store even opened. He was so stressed he said he would rather wait and spend more money. Ah, the joys of holiday shopping.

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  17. The picture of Edsel reminds me of the movie Pleasantville, when parts of the screen were in color and the rest was all grey scale.

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  18. Congrats to Mrs. Oh on Comment of the Week! I laughed until I cried at her song.
    Is that a Fury III? That model of car (in white) holds many fond memories for me as my first real bf had one. He even let me drive with him when I only had a permit, even though his dad would have killed him if he had caught me behind the wheel. Good times.

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  19. I am like the other Lisa (Hi, other Lisa!!)
    1. I would love to know about the movie and snack selection
    2. I love Marvin’s car. Can you find out the details on it?
    3. Edsel is so precious! I can’t help thinking of doing origami with his ears. So cute it hurts!
    Oh, and hilarious thinking of Junior Samples as your boyfriend. Ha! I will laugh about this for some hours over here.

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  20. You neglected to mention which movie. And if there were snacks!
    Love the car! Pink! Yes!
    But, secretly? You got the best end of that bargain. Edsel is Just. Too. Much. Love love love Edsel.

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