Okay, we gave thanks. Hello CHRISTMAS!

I hope you all enjoyed gathering with your familieses for the Thanksgiving holiday. If you are Americans and not, you know, European communists.

Popov 
I like to call this photo Family. With vodka.

We really aren't that drinky of a group. Which explains why the vodka is Popoff or however you spell it, and not, you know, Grey Goose. Look who has had maybe two vodka drinks in her life but knows from Grey Goose. Only the best for this drunk.

Also, it was nice of us to include Kenny from South Park in our festivities.

But now Thanksgiving is over and Edsel has had his debut

Edselnjack 
in which he managed to bug all the elderly dogs as much as possible. Now we are home and headed for that next great holiday, which for me is Christmas. For Marvin it is…also Christmas, because who was willing to turn his Jewish back on his religion once he got a taste of Santa?

Gayporn 
So to speak.

And in the spirit of the giving season, I thought I'd show you all the things I want for Christmas and will not get, because I am not a trophy wife and we cannot afford any of these things. Why did it never occur to me to look for a rich man? Yiydle diydle diydle diydle diydle diydle diydle diyyy?

I never once dated anyone with money. Thanks to my hippie upbringing, I always felt attracted to musicians and poets and the clinically depressed.

Without further ado, in no particular order, are a bunch of things I ain't gettin':

Diamond 
A pink diamond from Tiffany's. A steal at $770,000.

Readingglasses 
Expensive reading glasses from Anthropologie. How sad am I that I WANT reading glasses? But look how cool they are!

RobeA cashmere robe. Because Edsel wants something nice to chew when he herds me down the hall. Also, I'd like this committee of headless people just hanging around, holding slippers judgmentally.

UggAnd speaking of slippers, Ugg makes a nice indoor/outdoor slipper for a mere $100 that I'd like. Guess which color.

Hello 
For just $1,400, Helloooo Kitty! All of a sudden, Henry's medical bills don't seem that bad, do they, Marvin?

I also want Red Envelope's Year of Seeds, which is not a fertility treatment, rather they send you seeds to plant indoors all year. Stupid Red Envelope won't let me copy their pictures, to which I say, I am SO SURE. Whatever with you and your intellectual property or what have you.

But since we are on the topic of wants, which is what Christmas is all about, let's discuss the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Pagan/Hey, it's December good deeds thing that we did last year and apparently y'all want to do this year, too.

Okay, here's how it goes. I pair you up with another faithful reader, which makes you accountable. You and that reader exchange good deeds before December 25. So all you have to do is write "I'm in" in the comments section of this post before December 1 at midnight my time (Eastern standard), and then I can match you all up.

The good deed can be anything, from opening the door for someone whose arms are full of packages to visiting a lonely person in an assisted living facility to volunteering at a soup kitchen to putting quarters in all the meters on one street to whatever.

It does not have to cost, it does not have to be big. It just has to be selfless.

You can wait till the moment presents itself or plan something. Just report your good deed here on any of my posts, and sometime around December 25 I will post all your good deeds. (It's up to you to find your paired person in the comments and see what they did for you.)

This was a big hit last year and it was a giant pain in my arse to set up. But I was glad to do it. To make things a little easier on me, try not to post multiple times today and if you are in, start your comment with "I'm in" and then go on to say whatever ludicrous thing you wanted to say, such as "Hey, June, I'd like to buy you that pink diamond!"

Is anyone gonna say that? Anyone…?

Oh, and Maggie is comment of the week. Because her gramma will always get up to kiss Dick.

130 thoughts on “Okay, we gave thanks. Hello CHRISTMAS!

  1. I’m in. And because I’m a little anal, I need to ask if are you going to refresh us on the protocol. Because I don’t want to do this wrong! Thanks.

    Like

  2. oops – I thought it was before midnight but forgot about the eastern/pacific difference…PLEASE can I still be included????

    Like

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