I did not post this morning because Edsel and I had to go to the vet for his puppy shots. Not that we did shots. We had a little hair of the dog. BAH.
Anyway. Edsel has gained 15 pounds in a month. I mean, so did I, at my FORMER job, but on him it's cute. He got his final round of puppy shots today, and don't tell him, but next month he gets his…you know. He'll be singing soprano, if you know what I'm saying to you. He won't be taking Cinderella to the BALL. He'll be painting his doghouse a NEUTRAL color.
If you're catching on to what I'm throwing down.
Also, he got his rabies shot, and what a relief. I was so tired of him foaming at the mouth and getting hysterical when the phone rang. He got a tag to wear, so that babies and old people needn't fear that he will rip them to shreds with his rabidy rabies.
Then we had to go to the post office, Edsel and me. He had some packages he wanted to get out, to Bob Barker. And Dog the Bounty Hunter. And Charles Barkley.
Okay, I'll stop.
He also mailed a card to Cybil Shepherd. And Brad Pitt.
Okay, really done now.
But finally, let me tell you, this being home? Gives me ample time to get annoyed with Marvin.
Do you see this? Marvin does this every.day. He cannot be bothered to place the lid BACK ON THE APOTHECARY JAR. I understand that he is a busy executive. Also, do we have 78 pairs of ears apiece? Why all the QTips?
Oh, and one final thing, even though didn't I say "finally" about the QTip thing? Whatever with me. June's blog. Making the word "finally" completely meaningless.
Remember how I talked about the woman across the street, and how she was obviously some kind of nurse working the night shift, and I knew this because I Gladys Kravitz'd her when she'd come home in the morning in her scrubs with her bag of fast food? And remember how I wanted to go across the street and tell her I had noticed how she was gaining weight and walking more slowly, and that she should really cut it out with the fast food like that, and you all told me in no uncertain terms that I should NOT do that?
Dead. She is dead. Isn't that awful? I saw some of her relatives helping her into her house the other day–I mean, I assume they were her relatives, and then last night Marvin was coming home so he could rip the lid off the apothecary jar, and some guy came out of her house and told Marvin the Ripper that our neighbor was dead.
She still has her little Thanksgiving flag out on her porch, I mean, she didn't look DIE-Y, just slow and heavy, you know? Have I mentioned how festive I am?
How long until I can complain to the neighborhood association about the out-of-date flag, by the way? Okay, KIDDING.
She wasn't even old, you guys. She was maybe in her late 40s/early 50s.
June's blog. Where you come for morbid details about the neighbors.
Okay, that is all. Finally.