In which June shows you her shakers

The dead woman across the street changed her flag to a pointsettia. Which leads me to wonder, is she reading my blog from the grave?

(When my friend Paula was having chemo this year, she had to sit in a room with a bunch of people who were similarly receiving chemo. I asked if she'd get on her iPhone with my blog and announce to everyone, "When I get MY chemo, I just love to read that Bye Bye, Pie blog!"

And you know she never did? Some people are just awful friends.)

Someone not only changed my poor deceased neighbor's little flag, they blew her leaves to the curb, while ours remain unattractively strewn across our lawn, dry and brown. Who do I have to kill to get our leaves blown around here?

We do not own a leaf blower. I am morally opposed to them. Except for now, when we have 20485023 hours of raking to do and I think, I wish I had one of those loud, gassy, global-warming-inducing leaf blowers. I mean, what's the spotted owl ever done for me? Why doesn't he come over here and rake my leaves?

Would it be weird of me to walk through her house when they sell it? The neighbor's, not the spotted owl's. I always wanted to see inside. It has a cute little screened-in porch.

Do you think I was a vulture in my last life?

In other news, we are putting up the giant, white, sparkly, Liberace's garage sale Christmas tree today. I have been slowly replacing our normal things, such as our 1950s cat salt-and-pepper shakers, with our ridiculous Christmas salt-and-pepper shakers, and I would get up to take a picture but I don't want to.

Okay, FINE. GOD.

Catsinplastic 
Here are our cat salt-and-pepper shakers, encased in bubble wrap, because you don't want something this nice to get broken. Actually, I love these ludicrous cat salt-and-pepper shakers. Because I am a gramma in 1950.

Ridiculousshakers 
Here are our equally tasteful Christmas salt-and-pepper shakers. I know you are saying, "How can I be elegant and sophisticated like June?" You can't. You have to be born with style like this.

I remember my grandmother had this phoenix bird, with jewels all on it, and you opened its wings and looked inside, and instead of seeing its guts and ribs and things, inexplicably there were Native Americans getting married in there. You know, naturally. I loved that effing phoenix with the jewels.

Oh! But also too? While I was up with the camera?

Slippers 
My very best most wonderful Pal From MA sent me these slippers!!! I switched our welcome mat to a (wait for it) Christmas mat today, and these kept me so WARM out there. Yes, I went outside in my pajamas. It's not like the across-the-street neighbor is gonna judge me. She's dead.

Am I going STRAIGHT to hell, or will they debate it in limbo for awhile, because of all the animals I have rescued?

Oh, and AnnNanandAmy is comment of the week with her ice cream. Ice milk. Whatever.

 

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

47 thoughts on “In which June shows you her shakers”

  1. I love your little Christmas salt and pepper shakers! Vintage decor is my favorite!
    I have some kitschy ceramic NOEL letters that look like the little holly skirts on your angels. My grandmother had some similar ones and I love, love, love them.
    Heart me the Grandma chic design!

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  2. I am a vulture too when it comes to the inside of people’s houses. I love when people have their curtains open at night and I can go by and see how it’s decorated and if it’s clean or a mess.
    I love that you use your gramma salt and pepper shakers and the special ones at Christmas. Most people put them away just for looking at. Use them!

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  3. June, you have the bestest friend! New slippers AND the poinsettia flag, what a way to start the day. Now if the wind could just blow your leaves into the street…

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  4. Hulk (Has half his Christmas stuff out. Waiting for next weekend when Hulkette is here and we go kill and innocent spruce to put up the rest.) says:

    Uh, June? Three words.
    Electric. Leaf. Blower.

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  5. Hulk (Has half his Christmas stuff out. Waiting for next weekend when Hulkette is here and we go kill and innocent spruce to put up the rest.) says:

    Uh, June? Three words.
    Electric. Leaf. Blower.

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  6. Hulk (Has half his Christmas stuff out. Waiting for next weekend when Hulkette is here and we go kill and innocent spruce to put up the rest.) says:

    Uh, June? Three words.
    Electric. Leaf. Blower.

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  7. I must say, those slippers look mighty cozy! I have the LL Bean snuggly slippers that I bought for myself a month or so ago and there’s just nothing so nice as a warm, cozy pair of feet at this time of year!!
    Also, have you spoken to your dead neighbor’s family? To see what happened to her? I’m snoopy like that. I’d bring over a pan of lasagna or something just to try to get the low down on it!
    See you in hell!

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  8. I love the slippers but was blinded by the plate of the month club plate in the background. Is that Elvis? James Dean? I have inherited my Mom’s Star Trek plate of the month club collection. All 9 million of them. What does one do with them? It isn’t like I can display them because I have no room and I really don’t want to fly my nerd flag for everyone who walks in my house to see. Or whom walks into my house…Is it the former or the latter and is who the former or the latter?
    Oh and dang you June and your Juney wit. I have this no read blogs on the weekend policy and lookie at me reading da Pie and it is the weekend and all.

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  9. Apparently half of my effing neighbors traipsed through my house before we bought it. Then they all told me about it and wanted to know what I had done with the garish colors the ninny before me had painted all over the house. So… go ahead.. walk through the house. On a side note, my next door neighbor, one of those who tramped through my fine home, was foreclosed. (Long story short, widowed at a young age, deep depression followed, unable to work, unable to pay for things, foreclosure.) ANYWAY… the very day she moved out, two of my other neighbors totally went in and were poking around the house. And I totally joined them. Yes, yes, I did. Those three neighbors have all lived here for 20 or more years. I found it justifiable. And they asked me to join them. And I did. Stop judging me.
    I’m going to hell in a very nice, expensive handbag.

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  10. Oh, that must be Marvin in the phono photo.
    Love the little girlie S and P shakers.
    You could go BUY chicken/tater salad for the lady’s family to see what you can see and hear. Wait, no, you have no extra money. You could go offer to cat sit for her cat you know she doesn’t have.
    What a pal, Pal is!
    I wanna go with Mrs. Oh to Hobby Lobby…just how fun would that be. Hilarity abounds.
    Hulk, the tree killing is a ritual killing, right?

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  11. “Going thru…dead people’s houses
    Wonderful things they have collected
    Open the doors and trunks and closets
    Don’t leave a corner uninspected.”
    Cheryl Wheeler “Estate Sale”
    Definitely try to check out the house before it gets to the estate sale stage. Maybe you’ll find that stash of 100 salt and pepper shakers like my mom had, because that’s all us kids got her for Christmas and birthdays for years (along with Emeraude).
    And why don’t you try mulching your leaves? Take the bag off the mower and mow away (well, tell Marvin to do that) – they turn into tiny brown pieces that biodegrade quickly and the lawn looks great.

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  12. June, you can rationalize the leaf blower this way:
    Most people have children so they have someone to do crap like rake the leaves and shovel the snow and mow the lawn. Children consume WAY more resources than a leaf blower. So you could be all smug out there with your blower while your neighbors send out their resource-hogging children.
    Though, like Hulk said, go with an electric.

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  13. Two words. Stouffer’s Lasagna. It is delicious. Please, June. FOR US! We need to know what happened to The Dead Neighbor. And we are all dying to know what the inside of her house looks like. What kind of fast food bags did she carry in? Maybe she was a crazy kids meals toy collector. (no, wait, that’s you. Hello Kitty Watch)
    Jan’s Foreclosed Neighbor was also a hoarder. Fascinating. I only wish I had gotten to take a gander too.
    When our Mom passed, Jan and I had a “Give Away” at her apartment. Oh. My. Gah. People were showing up days before wanting to get a sneak preview. Mind you, it was all free for the taking. One woman came in and had us by the heartstrings with her story of homelessness till she was finally approved for this building. She and her husband had been sleeping on an air mattress for months. So we said, we’ll hold the bed, mattress, and box springs for you. She picked out a few other things and off she went. The morning of the give away she was waiting (along with 67293 residents) in the hall outside mom’s door. The rushed in the moment we “opened” and began to fight over the free things. The homeless lady came rushing up to Jan and in a whiny voice exclaimed, “I wanted the sheets or the bed and SHE (pointing at another resident) took them. TELL HER THEY WERE SAVED FOR ME!” Hello? Didn’t we just GIVE you an entire bed?? Oh the gnashing of teeth that went on for the 4 minutes 6 seconds it took the residents to strip Mom’s apartment bare. Including used soap and lotion. Jan and I had some sweet tea in the fridge from McDonalds….someone tried to take it. I mean everything…they took every.thing. We had a sign on the bathroom door that stated very clearly, DO NOT ENTER. So every .5 seconds someone would ask us if they could go into the bathroom to see what was in there. Wow…didn’t mean to go on that tangent.
    Oh June. Please, as a Christmas Good Deed for all your faithful readers here at BBP, won’t you please go snoop??

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  14. I love both set of your S&Ps. I have between 50 and 75 sets left in my collection sitting in the attic in boxes. When I lived in my own home they were all proudly displayed and yes, I used a pair of vintage shakers as they were intended to be used. Now that I live in HIS house, the salt shaker on the table is the Morton salt dispenser, straight of the shelf of your nearest grocery store. Even the girl under the umbrella is embarrassed for me.

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  15. Now you can forget about the leaves and think snow blower. Don’t ya love this first dusting of snow?
    I too suggest you take a treat over to the neighbor family and get the details. Any respectable detective would, June…come on….just do it.

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  16. There is a funeral home in our town that has a display of 3,300 S&P Shakers which were collected by the matriarch of the family, who is now deceased. It’s odd to walk in to pay respects to a loved one but be completely mesmerized by the collection. “Uncle Harold really looked peaceful….oooh, Betty, look at the Precious Moments S&P set!”
    http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1N1-0EFF00E8D903A86B.html

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  17. I agree with whoever up there suggested mowing over the leaves to feed your lawn! Best of both worlds! Same reason I tell my clients to leave the leaves in their garden beds for the winter. Free mulch! Yippee!
    Make some cookies from that tube you can buy at the grocery store and get over to your Dead Neighbor’s house PRONTO!! I will send you $5 to get the damn cookies so we can find out what the hell happened to her!

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  18. Unless the relatives are at the house, you may have to conduct a seance to find out what happened.

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  19. Mulch, schmulch. You gotta really know what to do with it. I’m with Hulk. I have an electric leaf blower and a 100′ cord.

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  20. My great-aunt had those exact cat salt and pepper shakers when I was little. I LOVED them! I saw the same ones at an antique fair for 25.00. I was tempted, but I passed. Apparently you CAN put a price on memories.

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  21. Go through the house. I’m betting that lots of the neighbors on our street have been through our house; it’s what people do.
    I love weird salt shakers. I have one lonely shaker that’s a bluebird, and the set I have in the kitchen (missing their plugs so I can’t use them) are these weird ceramic kissing…children? Teens? I don’t know. The male half is wearing a turban and their legs are bent like they’re sitting down, which means I can’t find anywhere to put them that they won’t fall down and break. DH claims not to like them; he sometimes switches them around so they’re fighting instead of kissing. I think he likes playing with them.

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  22. I so want to know where those slippers come from cause I needs a pair! What’s the source Pal?
    And June, you definitely have to get the dead neighbor scoop – I can barely sleep at night from the curiosity.

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  23. Hell or Limbo? I think you’ll be hanging in the waiting room a while. (We have front row seats in hell. Please join us.)
    As for the neighber herself, have you seen an obit for your former neighbor? Any clues in the “Memorials may be made to” section?
    I say tour the house. You can always say you’re interested in it for your mother. Then no one will suspect an ulterior motive.
    I love your grandma style. Please tell me you have some aprons lying around!

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  24. Slippers, yeah, great, whatevs… I want to know who the hell is depicted on the limited-edition collector’s plate in the background. Ricky Nelson? And if so, why? Is that a SMOKING JACKET he’s wearing? No matter who he is, he’s too young for that shit.

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