June’s Tour of Homes. Home. Whatever.

First and most important, and for the record there is never any reason to say "most importantly," just in case you were going to use that phrase for any reason, it is Tallulah's birthday today.

BirfdayFaithful Reader and Overachieving Friend in Real Life Laurie made this photo. She is having us over for dinner? Not that she is a cannibal. And she sent me a list of like 27 different entrees we could chose from that were all fabulous. Not, you know, grilled cheese or mini hot dogs, which would be the selections if you were to dine in my fine home.

At any rate, Talu is three today and she is the best doggie you could ever ask for. If you aimed fairly low. If you asked for a stubborn dog who won't listen and who raises her hackles when baby carriages go by and who topples over small dogs with her snout. Nevertheless, I love her so bad.

I love how she tilts her big Pitty head when I talk to her, and how she presses up on me when we sleep, and how she tolerates and even enjoys Edsel, and how she protected Henry when he was a bitty kitten.

I love how she plays dead when I make a gun out of my finger and say "Bang!" and how she will always DROP IT when I say so, unless it's an actual dead squirrel, and come on. Who could drop that?

And that is why I did this to her:

Lulahate 
Look, it's not MY fault she was born at Christmastime. Who even ever heard of puppies being born in the winter, anyway? What kind of screwed-up mom did she have? Was her mom Australian?

But speaking of Christmas, I decked the halls with balls of fake holly yesterday, then proceded to take the world's worst photographs of them. Won't you join me in a home tour of my dreadful taste?

Haus 
I asked Marvin to go outside and photograph our ball lights, which he hung yesterday before our big snow. For the South, this is a big snow. Anyway, do you see that tiny red light and tiny green light in the tree on the right? Squint. That is Marvin's attempt at photographing the balls, as it were. Also, do you enjoy my subtle use of Paint to remove our address?

Ball 
Here's Marvin's art shot of a ball. Sighhhhh.

Tree 
What's more exciting than a tree in the middle of the day with its lights off? And yes, I see those bare spots where I have to fluff more. Crap.

Bookshelf 
I took all the knickknacks off the top shelf and replaced them with Christmas knickknacks. I am not even that into Christmas, but you know who is? My mother. She is practically Mrs. Kringle. This is why I have 1204853032 Christmas decorations.

Stockings 
I would actually like for all of us to have matching stockings, because I am Martha Stewart-y that way. That flowery one was given to me in probably 1992 by my Seattle housemates.

One year we got Marvin's stocking out of the garage in LA where we lived, and there was a spider in it. EWWWWWW!

Frantable 
This tablecloth was my grandmother's and I love it. She is rolling in her grave that a cat is sitting on it. I am sorry to tell you that that matchbook reads "Merry fu****g Christmas." We found it in our old apartment in LA and kept it, because we're ludicrous that way.

Piano 
This part of our house is blurry. We call it the impressionist area.

Hutch 
I guess I wanted you to appreciate the Eastern Star things that faithful readers sent me. The satanic Eastern Star is duking it out with the Christmas stuff.

Hall 
Ah, we're back at the impressionist part of the house.

Nod 
Oh, hey, did you know half the humans who live here are Jewish? Do you like my nod to Hanukkah?

Only Francis is Jewish, out of our four-legged residents. Marvin is the one who told me that. He has Jewdar.

Franhateyounowandallholiday 
"Get Fran off Christmiss table. Fran Chosen Cat."

Globes 
I even replaced our kitchen knickknacks with the Twelve Days of Christmas snow globes. Yes, mom DID send me Twelve Days of Christmas snow globes. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to display them, and have to sing the song in your head?

I guess that's all I have to show you. Thank you for joining my tour of Christmas. Won't you go to Laurie's house for tasty Christmas treats?

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

36 thoughts on “June’s Tour of Homes. Home. Whatever.”

  1. Happy Birthday to Lu! Happy Birthday to Lu! Happy Birthday dear Tallula, Happy Birthday to you! (sung in a howling doggy voice).
    May your day be filled with romps with Edsel, walks with Bighair, dead squirrels, a swat from Francis, and a sweet kiss from Henreee.

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  2. If my cat even THINKS about getting on my table I throw a hacky-sack at him.

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  3. You guys with your all-out holiday decorating EXHAUST me! Though I do admire you, too. I ordered a wreath for the front door. The tree is up and lit but hasn’t been balled yet (story of my life). There’s a Santa on the dining room table and two more on the table in the living room and I am DONE!! I can’t put out my mother’s nativity scene (gorgeous, white porcelain) because of one of my cats. I went through the rest of my mother’s stuff and found poinsettia curtains!! CURTAINS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! The kids (who are 19 and 22, btw) are bugging me for lights on the house!! Bah! Humbug!

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  4. You guys with your all-out holiday decorating EXHAUST me! Though I do admire you, too. I ordered a wreath for the front door. The tree is up and lit but hasn’t been balled yet (story of my life). There’s a Santa on the dining room table and two more on the table in the living room and I am DONE!! I can’t put out my mother’s nativity scene (gorgeous, white porcelain) because of one of my cats. I went through the rest of my mother’s stuff and found poinsettia curtains!! CURTAINS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! The kids (who are 19 and 22, btw) are bugging me for lights on the house!! Bah! Humbug!

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  5. You guys with your all-out holiday decorating EXHAUST me! Though I do admire you, too. I ordered a wreath for the front door. The tree is up and lit but hasn’t been balled yet (story of my life). There’s a Santa on the dining room table and two more on the table in the living room and I am DONE!! I can’t put out my mother’s nativity scene (gorgeous, white porcelain) because of one of my cats. I went through the rest of my mother’s stuff and found poinsettia curtains!! CURTAINS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! The kids (who are 19 and 22, btw) are bugging me for lights on the house!! Bah! Humbug!

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  6. Happy Birfday, Tallulah! Hope you like to play in the snow since it arrived just in time for the celebration.
    Your house looks so festive. Will you invite us all over for grilled cheese and mini hot dogs? We won’t even make Fran get off the table, as though we could. We will gather around the tree and sing 12 Days of Christmas…if we can remember all twelve verses. I tend to mix them up.

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  7. Hulk, I use that canned air stuff, compressed air, whatever, not an air horn (although that would work, too) for discouraging my cats’ behavior. There’s less collateral damage and it’s pretty funny watching them run now when I just reach for the can.

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  8. Hulk, I use that canned air stuff, compressed air, whatever, not an air horn (although that would work, too) for discouraging my cats’ behavior. There’s less collateral damage and it’s pretty funny watching them run now when I just reach for the can.

    Like

  9. Hulk, I use that canned air stuff, compressed air, whatever, not an air horn (although that would work, too) for discouraging my cats’ behavior. There’s less collateral damage and it’s pretty funny watching them run now when I just reach for the can.

    Like

  10. Happy Birthday Beautiful Lu!
    And your decorations are fabulous, June. I so love that white Christmas tree. I want me one so bad, but my family would probably have a mutiny if I set up a white Christmas tree because they’re boring traditionalists like that. I love the balls, too.
    I also love grilled cheese. It’s my ultimate comfort food.

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  11. My neighbor decorated her front door with a Christmas knocker. I announced to the whole neighborhood, quite loudly I may add, that she has the best knockers. I said it 4 to 5 times and giggled a bunch.

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  12. Happy Birthday, Talu!
    You stepped in some poo!
    You look kinda’ funky,
    Now you smell like it, too!
    I use a water gun filled with water and white vinegar. They HATE it. Fran will slit your throat as you sleep. Vinegar doesn’t harm furniture or fabrics. Cats have a thing against smelling like Easter eggs.

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  13. I love, love, love the thought of the 12 days of Christmas snow globes! Your mom has taste, and it fab that you can remember the words of the song in order to place them in the right order. I’m lost after 5 go–l–den ringsssss, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree!!! Okay, couldn’t help myself. Happy Birthday to you Lulu my girl.

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  14. Happy Birthday Lu! Lurve the antler pic.
    June your house looks beautiful. Seeing that you have done such a great job, I will skip decorating this year.

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  15. The chosen cat. Cracked me up.
    Hulk, Paula is right that canned air works great, all I had to do was pick up the can and shake it and I had complete control over my cats.
    Look at all that snow, yes I’m a true southerner, three snowflakes and it’s a snow day, schools close, businesses close and no one get out on the roads.

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  16. Jewdar. DYING.
    Happy Birthday Talu! You’re drinking age now. You don’t look a day over 2 and a half.

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  17. Tiffaney who's been working her ass off this week (65 hrs thankyouveryfrigginmuch) and MISSED playing in the Garden's comment sand box all week says:

    Ball-less Paula, we still love you.

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  18. I had those 12 Days of Christmas snowglobes! But got rid of them years ago. But they are cute in your kitchen.
    And a very Happy Birthday to Christmasy girl Tallulah! Hope mom gives you a big treat (not just reindeer antlers).

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  19. I love your house, June, and I am so jealous that you have snow already!! And I heart your white Christmas tree. I think it looks nice next to the Nester’s coffee table of which I am also jealous.
    And Happy Birthday, Tallulah!! Does it stink being a Christmas baby?? I hope June didn’t wrap your birthday present in Christmas wrapping paper. That’s what we always did to my poor nephew who has a December 22nd bday until he finally told us he would like his birthday to be special and distinct from Christmas.

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  20. We put our tree up today and I wish that was the end of it, but no, there’s still more to do. Amazed to see that you have snow – we are still green here in Ottawa. It’s surprising because I think that Ottawa is the same lattitude as Moscow. On a separate note, our little puppy is being neutered on Tuesday, and will also have four of his eight canine teeth removed at the same time! Poor little boy. I guess Edsel has all that to look forward to!

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  21. Sweet, Talu! Hope she’s been spoiled on her b-day!!!!
    We plugged in our tree this evening and 900 of the 1200 lights are out. AWESOME. I think my husband was serious when he suggested buying a new tree. :o)

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  22. Happy Birthday to Tallulah! In her antler picture, she seems to be wearing an “angry Frances” look. Not lovin’ the reindeer gear. Love the birthday pic, though – great shot of your sweet doggy!

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