Pieces of wisdom: Why be normal?

Hateantlers 
Geez, NOBODY will let me put the reindeer antlers on them. What is the point of OWNING the humiliating antlers if everyone is just going to object to them? You should have seen how quickly Edsel got out of them. He was like Houdini.

Anyway. It's Tuesday, one week since I got laid off and by the way it feels like 750 years, and it's time for the pieces of the wisdom. Let's be wise, shall we?

I was reading Vanity Fair, because I love that magazine, and this month on the cover was Johnny Depp, and why doesn't he call me? I mean, I am just as cute as his girlfriend.

Gf 
IMG000270 
I slay me. I took this during one of the worst migraines of my life, so I look even sexier than normal.

The POINT of my story is that Johnny Depp, who really should call me but who is intimidated by my beauty, said something riveting. He said the people who fascinate him the most are people who seem totally normal. That totally normal people seem the weirdest of all to him.

Ohmygod, that is completely how I feel. I didn't even realize that I felt that way until he said that, but it's true.

I briefly dated this guy who wasn't that normal, but he had me come to Chicago where his family lived, and he had this big middle-class house, and really straight vanilla parents, and he shook his dad's hand and called him "sir," and all of his friends were really friendly and J.-Crew-ad-looking and heavenly days in the morning, they were all so normal. And I could not have felt more uncomfortable.

No one got drunk and cried, no one told a poop joke, no one had their credit card declined. ALL WEEKEND. It was so ODD to me. This guy's whole crowd was mature and happy and good-looking and healthy.

One of the friends said to me, "Your boyfriend is a good guy."

And I waited. And waited. For the disparaging comment. For the big joke at the end. AND THERE WAS NONE. He was being sincere. And earnest.

We broke up soon after.

So this is my pieces of wisdom question. Do you feel the way I do? I know I was just Peter Frampton there. Let me get my sound-making-talking machine. But do you feel normal, is I guess what I am asking you? Or do normal people make you feel all funny inside, like they do me?

I may be appealing to the wrong demographic, here, because if you read this blog you must not be all THAT normal. But maybe what you like about it is you are totally sitting over there in your J. Crew life and my oddness is fascinating.

Also, does anyone actually know Johnny Depp? If so, could you slide him my digits, along with the photo above? Thanks.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

142 thoughts on “Pieces of wisdom: Why be normal?”

  1. In my everyday life, I am the standard-bearer for normal. In this group, I guess I’m weird. So it’s all about context.

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  2. OMG, I can’t wait to read all the comments after I take my son to jail. (community service hours for his school, but I love saying it)
    My dh and I discuss this ALL the time. We are sooo not normal, yet not abnormal enough to be weird. We are in the no-man’s-land of normalcy.
    Is it normal that I think you are better looking than Johnny Depp’s gal – at least that picture of her! She looks old and waaaay too thin. Not pretty at all.

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  3. Okay, I have to comment on the comment by Joy, whose friend scored highly normal on her premarital test.
    My dh and I were told we were the most compatible couple ever scored at that church. We still laugh about it. My dh bitched under his breathe during every class (non-Catholic, did not appreciate the pre-Cana thang). We are so not compatible. We even divorced once, but it didn’t take.
    Don’t trust the test.

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  4. I did my RAoK Elizabeth. But I will tell you all about it tomorrow.

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  5. JAYSUS HORATIO HORNBLOWER KEEE-RYST!!!!! I didn’t ever think normal v. not normal but now that I’ve read these comments, I’m just going to sit on the floor and rock. And maybe hum and twirl my hair.
    I think I’m mostly normal with a soupcon of inappropriateness, a heaping spoonful of dirty gutter talk and a dash of downright silliness. Or maybe that IS my normal. I think June’s Earnest Stepford Family is creepy.
    Texas Kari, today I dumped all the change in my pocket into the Toys for Tots can at the convenience store.

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  6. JAYSUS HORATIO HORNBLOWER KEEE-RYST!!!!! I didn’t ever think normal v. not normal but now that I’ve read these comments, I’m just going to sit on the floor and rock. And maybe hum and twirl my hair.
    I think I’m mostly normal with a soupcon of inappropriateness, a heaping spoonful of dirty gutter talk and a dash of downright silliness. Or maybe that IS my normal. I think June’s Earnest Stepford Family is creepy.
    Texas Kari, today I dumped all the change in my pocket into the Toys for Tots can at the convenience store.

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  7. JAYSUS HORATIO HORNBLOWER KEEE-RYST!!!!! I didn’t ever think normal v. not normal but now that I’ve read these comments, I’m just going to sit on the floor and rock. And maybe hum and twirl my hair.
    I think I’m mostly normal with a soupcon of inappropriateness, a heaping spoonful of dirty gutter talk and a dash of downright silliness. Or maybe that IS my normal. I think June’s Earnest Stepford Family is creepy.
    Texas Kari, today I dumped all the change in my pocket into the Toys for Tots can at the convenience store.

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  8. Wow, you lot have some pretty colourful backgrounds! With some people who claim to be boring. Yet here we all are, united by our love of dog pictures.
    And also Hulk is here.
    Texas Kari, loved your comment. You need to speak up more often!

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  9. Paula H&B – Thank you so much! I puffy pink heart the good deeds for kiddos. Today I made a huge pan of yummy yummy fudge for some teachers. Believe me, those ladies NEED chocolate this time of year!
    Thanks, Nithya. In my mind I read your comments with a British accent. Is that normal?? Ha!
    Hulk – I’ll cheer for the Buckeyes if you cheer for the Frogs. Deal?

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  10. “But maybe what you like about it is you are totally sitting over there in your J. Crew life and my oddness is fascinating.” I really am! That’s what is so REFRESHING about your blog. You are just, so, you! In the best way, so thanks for that!! xo

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  11. Many of the people that I’ve met who seemed really “normal” at first turned out to be all sorts of crazy. Lots of neuroses or insecurities that made them try really hard to portray themselves as “together” and “normal.” I prefer people who are pretty up-front about their issues. I don’t like to go on a scavenger hunt to figure out that you’re nuts. 🙂

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  12. I would consider myself normal. And not “normal”, as in I’m trying to suppress my weirdness, or trying to hide some crazy crap from my past. I’m just normal.
    I guess most people here would equate that with boring, but that doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy life. I just enjoy it differently than those who would consider themselves not normal.
    I’m happy with my life, and I’m happy being me. And that’s the truth! 🙂

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  13. Okay, I have read the comments. Though I don’t think I am ‘normal’, I think I am pretty boring. When I am in a group, I often cannot relate to the movies/t.v. shows being discussed, the Disney World fascination, and other things that others have in common that are not a big part of my life. I don’t listen to the music most people around me listen to, spend my money the way they do, etc. So it is a challenge when I go on business trips with my dh. We are the oddballs. But we make an effort to blend.

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  14. Aw, I wanted to hear more about the nudist dad/cult mom stuff! That totally counts as freaky. How do you come out of that without being completely confused about what the rules of everyday society are?
    It’s true none of my adults were normal, but the paranoid hoarder actually didn’t do too bad. She let me know right from the start that I was the most awesome, precious thing in the universe, which I think is one of the most important truths anyone can give a child. And now I have this amazingly wonderful life, which only came about because someone normal recognized that spark in me.
    I joke about how educational this blog is (Had I ever even dreamed there was such a thing as anal bleaching?), but for real, I’m having little epiphanies all over the place today. All of you — normal and not — are pretty cool.
    Ew, I’m all sappy and sentimental now. I take it back. You guys suck.

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  15. No poop jokes! I’m dying over that! In our family there are hardly any family stories that do not involve gut pains. For us, that is normal. If you can’t tell us a story without mentioning your gut pains…don’t even bother.
    I agree with Lee…people who appear normal are probably not being themselves.

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  16. I forgot to explain in my sister story above. Florida = Home for Unwed Mothers. That’s how they rolled in the ’60s.
    Geesh. That was a big part of the story to leave out. Ugh.

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  17. Unless you are talking about some statistical mean or something, normal is so much in the eye of the beholder as to have almost no definition at all.
    Certain groups of people see me as very normal, in a kind of plain white bread way(well, except with Lefty McLefterson of Leftopolis politics). Other groups would see me as a sexual and gender deviant weirdo. And all of it is true, really. I am a plain white bread transgressive deviant. In hiking boots.

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  18. You Know who I Am – got another RAoK for you. The guy in front of me at the coffee stand today paid by credit card, but the stand doesn’t have a place on their cc slips for tips, and he didn’t have any money, so I tipped for both of us.

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  19. I don’t know how normal I am, but this is such a timely question because JUST YESTERDAY someone commented on my blog to say, “Your blog always makes my day! Love to hear about your adventures and ridiculously normal life!” So perhaps I take normal to an entirely different level. 😉 I couldn’t tell if it was a compliment or not. I’m choosing to believe that it was. But I love so many abnormal things that I can’t believe people think I’m just a regular, normal person!

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  20. Wow, Katherine, that is kind of a weird comment for someone to leave. You’re much more tolerant and diplomatic than I am. I’d be all puffed up and defensive and commenting back: “Yay! I love it when people come here every day and read about my ridiculously normal life instead of actually living one of their own!”

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  21. Why are we still up? Oh, that’s right, I normally stall about going to bed. My mom wouldn’t let me get away with it so now that I’m an adult, I exercise my right to be sleep-deprived. Actually I just finished painting a Christmas present and am still high on the paint fumes (oil paints).
    Love this group. Love. Love. Love. Don’t always comment cause y’all are way more creative than I, but I gotta read June and the gang every blessed day. That is normal for me.

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  22. Why are we still up? Oh, that’s right, I normally stall about going to bed. My mom wouldn’t let me get away with it so now that I’m an adult, I exercise my right to be sleep-deprived. Actually I just finished painting a Christmas present and am still high on the paint fumes (oil paints).
    Love this group. Love. Love. Love. Don’t always comment cause y’all are way more creative than I, but I gotta read June and the gang every blessed day. That is normal for me.

    Like

  23. Why are we still up? Oh, that’s right, I normally stall about going to bed. My mom wouldn’t let me get away with it so now that I’m an adult, I exercise my right to be sleep-deprived. Actually I just finished painting a Christmas present and am still high on the paint fumes (oil paints).
    Love this group. Love. Love. Love. Don’t always comment cause y’all are way more creative than I, but I gotta read June and the gang every blessed day. That is normal for me.

    Like

  24. I wrote a story in 7th grade describing my neighbors and such… it started out that they were strange but the jest of the story was that we were the weird ones. My teacher submitted for some contest – didn’t win but I was PUBLISHED in our middle school “arts” booklet!! Normal is boring.

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  25. I used to think I was normal but had an epiphany a few years ago that I and all the people I work with are completely bizarre people who believe they’re totally straight and narrow. It’s the only way we can be effective at our jobs

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  26. SO… VERY late to the party yesterday…
    I GOT ALL YOU BEAT!
    A few years ago, my female cousin, who is my age, called me to tell me she had been to the emergency room the night before. She had something embarrassing going on and only went after she showed her mother and her mother agreed with my cousin about was she was thinking was the problem. She arrived at the ER and announced to the young man doctor, “I think I’ve grown a testicle.”
    It was a cyst. But she (and her mother) truly believed she had grown a testicle.

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  27. I agree with The Chief. Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

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  28. I agree with The Chief. Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

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  29. I agree with The Chief. Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

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  30. Thank you, Mrs. Oh. For being the voice of the BBP generation. I have been wondering the same thing all ding and dang morning.

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  31. DuffyLou – I guess I did a RAoK on my walk today but I kinda do this every walk – I pick up trash around our neighborhood so it looks a bit better.
    And who knew that FL was for Unwed Mothers?? Thought we were the Sunshine State.

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  32. Not normal but but yeah, HOW I wish I was normal, J Crew and all. I am so over, so weary of not being normal, ya know?

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