June's stupid life, My pets

In which June returns, with no childhood trauma to tell you about

I hope you got some rest last night, after hearing that terrible story from Marvin's childhood. I really did not know he was gonna get on here and do that. Who loves himself? But, you know, after that awful story, we have to be nice to Marv.

In other news, guess who came back? Like a cute cold penny?

Hellokitty
We heard the mowing in the night, and I said, "GET THE CAMERA!" so naturally Marvin grabbed my cell phone. I do not want to hear anyone make fun of my photographs ever again. It's like we all have cataracts.

Cataracts. Bah! Get it?

Anyway, Melba/Kipper's Dick came in this time, just to the entryway, but still.

Fuzzymelba
If we weren't all looking through cotton, isn't he/she the cutest thing? Not that he's transitioning. I just don't know what he is. He (or she) let me pet him for awhile then he looked at his kitty watch and had to go.

Obviously, he is well-fed. But why is he always out at night in the cold? He is like Stella Dallas, looking through the window at the party.

Marvin did not pet the kitty. He sat on the couch saying, "We are full up, here. Try your luck somewhere else. No room at this inn" and so forth. Marvin is a giant grump who has safety patrol issues. Probably the fact that this kitty is ORANGE is not helping.

But speaking of people who have the Christmas spirit, I got a Christmas good deed done to me yesterday! Apparently Faithful Readers Letha and Target Steve are matched up, and Letha sent me some delicious applesauce bread along with treats for my pets via Target Steve! TS knows my address because he has sent me, you know, Target things before.

Notefrom letha
Here is her note, which was quite popular with the cats, for some reason. Doesn't she have good penmanship?

Giftfercatz
I put the cat and dog treats in their stockings for Christmas morning. They will think Santa brought them. Yes, they do think there is a Santa. What anthropomorphism?

Anyway, THANKS, Letha and Target Steve! And probably Beth, who may or may not have mailed said package.

And since we're on the topic of my pets, not that Target Steve is my pet, I wanted to show you how Edsel is just a scootch taller than Tallulah as of this week, and you know what's easy? Getting the two dogs to stand right next to each other.

Goodpicfinally
This was the best I could do, and you can't even tell that Edsel is taller, can you? Also, I KNOW that floor is horrendous. It is raining and snowing here, and these dogs go in and out 248 times a day, and even though I wipe their ridiculous paws, what mud? I need one of those expensive entryway rugs from LL Bean or wherever that captures mud. Have you seen those? Why do I always think of what I actually need for Christmas eight minutes before Christmas?

What would be a fun job would be being an animal photographer. Because animals are a joy, is what they are. And not a pain in the arse at all.

Edselmove
I was dangling a treat at them, and that is my robe in the center, there, and not a giant Ding Dong. Would that it were. Anyway, Edsel would NOT stop moving and looking as though he were beaming up. Note Talu's unmoving concentration in every picture. Once she spots a treat, a tornado accompanied by a tsunami chased by a herd of Loch Ness monsters would not budge that dog. And you know how those herds of Loch Ness monsters can be.

Edselneedarett
Tallulah: Go 'round me, Nessies.

Edsel: Ya want hash browns wid dat?

Treetbitch
Tallulah: Keep blowin', 'nado. Lu spot a treet.

Edsul: Hand over treet, bitz.

Every once in awhile you can tell Edsel came from wayyyy out in the mountains of North Carolina. Is all I'm saying.

Lumove
Tallulah: Lu not able to stand antisepatshun. Give Lu treet now. I bein' good.

Edsel: Edsel smart shepherd. Not have to wait for mom. There whole treet bag behind her. Edsel build javelin to leap behind mom. Let me get geometreecs right, here…

I have no idea if geometrics are even involved in leaping with a javelin. I mean, I guess they would be. Angles, right? You may be surprised to hear that math is not my strong suit. You know, the way athletics are.

Okay, I have to go proofread. As I am wont to do. Y'all all have a good weekend and be sure to ignore me on Saturday, like you always do. I will be on here COMPLETELY NUDE, but you will miss it. I say "you will miss it" like that's a bad thing. Go Google California Raisins and you will get the gist.

Okay, bye.

83 thoughts on “In which June returns, with no childhood trauma to tell you about”

  1. Siren, I just checked out the snowflakes on your blog. Unbelievable! You definitely have a special artistic talent. Thanks for sharing the photos.

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  2. Siren, I just checked out the snowflakes on your blog. Unbelievable! You definitely have a special artistic talent. Thanks for sharing the photos.

    Like

  3. Siren, I just checked out the snowflakes on your blog. Unbelievable! You definitely have a special artistic talent. Thanks for sharing the photos.

    Like

  4. Good morning, June. I’ve been thinking about raisins this morning which brought to mine that Maxine cartoon where she says something like, “Yeah, raisins are all wrinkled, too, but that doesn’t stop you from enjoying oatmeal cookies.”

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  5. Good morning, June. I’ve been thinking about raisins this morning which brought to mine that Maxine cartoon where she says something like, “Yeah, raisins are all wrinkled, too, but that doesn’t stop you from enjoying oatmeal cookies.”

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  6. Good morning, June. I’ve been thinking about raisins this morning which brought to mine that Maxine cartoon where she says something like, “Yeah, raisins are all wrinkled, too, but that doesn’t stop you from enjoying oatmeal cookies.”

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  7. Oh, and as for people who don’t like pets? They should shut up or get out. I wish my MIL had the Internet. I’d send her a link to this comment with the subject line “Hope you can take a hint!”

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  8. I am here for naked June. Although naked Marvin would be more to my liking. Not Marvin personally – Marvin corporately. But, alas and alak, disappointed on all counts.
    And PJ – totally got it. Totally HA’d!
    Lu and Edsel. Too cute. Orange kitty. Too elusive. You might even say “blurry”. Marvin. Still nursing old wounds?
    And best of all things to those with sad news. Cancer can suck the kipper’s dick for all I care.

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  9. There was an orange & white kitty similar to your kitty visitor under a car in the parking lot at Target on Thursday night. He was meowing, and ran when I called to him. I told the customer service people and asked if they had security or could call an animal place, but they said “Nothing we can do”. I felt so bad for kitty, I didn’t see him on my way back to my car, otherwise I would have tried to get him again (my RAoK).
    But a Target parking lot in the middle of a super busy mall? How’d he get there? It was cold, too. 😦

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  10. Heeee PJ I think you might be overestimating us. Physical comedy beats witty every time as far as I’m concerned 😀

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  11. I just googled “california raisins and you will get the gist” and your blog was the first hit to come up. So…Yep.
    Merry Christmas!

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  12. What? Nobody got my joke about expecting another chapter of MARVIN’s ASHES? As in Angela’s Ashes? You guys are dark and warped enough to get that.

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  13. Joann, on a much more serious note, I truly am sorry for your MIL’s cancer. That yanks you right out of the holiday revelry and into what really matters. I’ll keep her in my prayers.

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  14. PJ, I seriously think we were separated at birth. I am SO SORRY that happened to you. Good for you for laughing at yourself. What else are you going to do?!

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  15. PJ, just think of that as your RAoK to the employees of the store. I’m sure they needed that laughter after dealing with the shoppers all day.

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  16. Carp. My selfish drunk ass just went back to read comments. Joann? I AM SO SORRY bout your mil. Truly. Breast caner survivors just live for that 5 year clear mark and to get diagnosed again after 4 years realllllly sucks. My best to yo and your family!

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  17. I have nothing to say. Mostly because I am sauced. Spent the majority of the morning/afternoon/evening having ‘lunch’ with a friend at Bar Louie. The Jack Frost martinis? They be nippin’ at my nose.

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  18. Sadie, OMG, OMG I truly hadn’t thought about the security cameras. I’m sure they captured the whole thing. OMG I’ll bet they replayed it and laughed all afternoon and into the evening.

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  19. Texas Kari, I am so sorry about your friend’s loss.
    And Joann, I will keep your MIL in my prayers.
    June, thank you for the underbitey and pigeon toesies.
    Earlier this week I dropped off towels and baby blankets at the animal shelter and then today I dropped off books for the assisted livers. Wait. That sounds like I dropped off books for the animals on assisted living the second time. No. They were definitely humans.

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  20. Texas Kari, I am so sorry about your friend’s loss.
    And Joann, I will keep your MIL in my prayers.
    June, thank you for the underbitey and pigeon toesies.
    Earlier this week I dropped off towels and baby blankets at the animal shelter and then today I dropped off books for the assisted livers. Wait. That sounds like I dropped off books for the animals on assisted living the second time. No. They were definitely humans.

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  21. Texas Kari, I am so sorry about your friend’s loss.
    And Joann, I will keep your MIL in my prayers.
    June, thank you for the underbitey and pigeon toesies.
    Earlier this week I dropped off towels and baby blankets at the animal shelter and then today I dropped off books for the assisted livers. Wait. That sounds like I dropped off books for the animals on assisted living the second time. No. They were definitely humans.

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  22. PJ,I.AM.DYING! You are so funny. Please ask the store if they captured it on their security camera and, if so, ask them to post it on YouTube for us! That will be your RAoK to all of us. I’ve already got tears of laughter streaming down my face from your description!

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  23. PJ who tried to do a RAoK in the grocery store today but every single person in there was better off emotionally than she was. says:

    RAoK today: Did NOT laugh at the woman standing, STANDING mind you, at the grocery store check-out who tried to take a teensy weensy little half step to the right and her right foot didn’t leave the floor and her left foot did and she began to pitch to the right and grabbed the little credit card machine-thingy to restore her balance and the darn thing swung around in a full circle like that girl’s head in The Exorcist and this only served to propel her even faster at the 45 degree angle she was at–toward the customer service counter.
    Oh wait, that was me.

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  24. Mary – I did another RAoK today and it was so much fun! I went to the bank and as I was leaving saw the young woman who helped me set up my business accounts. She complimented my Santa Claus earrings and said she had always wanted some holiday earrings. We talked for a minute and I left. And walked right into Belk and bought her some pretty wreath earrings, had them wrapped, and brought them to her! She was flustered until I told her it was a RAoK for Mary. Wheehoo!
    I also have vowed not to pass a red kettle without putting in at least a dollar. More if I’m out shopping for something indulgent (or alcoholic).
    Love this. Thanks, June.

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  25. I have had spotty internets lately and did not sign up for RAOK. While standing in one of the TWO f*ucking open lines at Sam’s Club last week, the fellow behind me commenced to humming. Tunelessly and incessantly humming. His girlfriend talked with him and he would answer and then immediately commence with the f*ucking humming!!! MY RAOK was that I did not turn around, tear his arm from his body and beat him senseless with it. Whoever wants to take credit for this is welcome.

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  26. Duffylou – letssaythanks.com is a great site. I sent a message also – thanks for the link. I didn’t know about it either. Good RAoKing.
    BBP should be designated the NEXT social network – I read more on here than FB!

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  27. I think Henry is reading the letter to Francis and they are both planning their attack on the applesauce bread. Either that or their attack on the dogs.

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  28. Pal in Ma, I finally can report my RAoK. I donated to the Hospice Charity today. I have been doing a lot of little nice things, gave money to the bell ringers and tried to be a happy person at work, where the mood has been crazy lately. Once I get paid next week I am planning on making another donation to an Angel Tree type charity, but right now I am pretty much flat broke.

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  29. We don’t know. I am worried that they got her in this fast. Her doctor said time is of the essence. Honestly, she is so freaked out about this, I don’t think she’s processed all the information the doctor gave her. She gave me a lot of “I don’t know’s” over the questions I asked.
    She is an incredibly healthy Italian woman. She’s got more energy than me. She’s probably fitter than me. And she feels great, so this is a stunner to all of us. My husband will go with them on Tuesday to their appointment so he can find more info. Supposedly, our cancer center is on the forefront of surgery to remove just part of a kidney. So, we’ll see.
    Enough of that, now.
    One of my teens just asked me, “Do we have one or two kidneys?” Florida school system at its best!

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  30. Yay Angie! Brave woman you are!
    Well, not to be all Debbie Downer, but my next random act of kindness is a huge one. We found out today that my feisty, 3-mile-a-day-walker, gourmet Italian cook mother-in-law, who has been a cancer survivor for 4 years now, had the dreaded cancer return in her one remaining kidney.
    Luckily we live near one of the best cancer centers in the country and she already has a consultation for Tuesday. They will be taking out just a portion of her remaining kidney. We’ve insisted that they come stay with us until after she’s recovered from her surgery. I have a feelings it’s going to be a long month.

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  31. Sadie,
    That’s exactly what my mom said. “These things always happen at the holidays. So what are you cooking?” cheerfully said my mother, another southern woman.

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  32. Hulk (It still isn't the Christmas season to me until I hear "Santa And His Old Lady" from Cheech and Chong on the radio...) says:

    Vicki-RAok Report:
    Today, purchased the baby doll, men’s winter hat, pokemon toys, and family games/puzzles. They will be turned in Monday. Lest you thought I just took the snowflakes, misted up, and walked away.
    More little RAoKs: Let everyone go in front of me when standing in lines, said Merry Christmas to all the workers when I left, donated to all the pots I passed.
    I even bought myself a little gift so Santa leaves me a present. H
    The idea here is to buy as many “Santa Years” with Hulkette as possible.

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  33. Texas Kari, so sorry for your friend’s loss. Why are there so many deaths at this time of year or does it just seem that way because it is even sadder during the holidays?

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  34. PJ who tried to do a RAoK in the grocery store today but every single person in there was better off emotionally than she was. says:

    I thought we were going to get another chapter of MARVIN’s ASHES today.

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  35. Pal, last year when I was out late Christmas shopping, a man and a boy asked me for anything I could give to help them. Actually, it was the boy who asked while the man stood back. I can’t remember their story, but it was 10pm for goodness sakes. I gave them some $ and wished them a Merry Christmas although scam crossed my mind. Maybe, a young Oliver in training. But, just on the chance that they were down on their luck, I tried to help.

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  36. Paula H&B
    My close friend’s father died suddenly yesterday, which of course makes for a nice Christmas for them. So, I made a huge pot of minestrone for her family. I realize a pot of soup can’t make a dent in that sadness, but I’m a southern woman. We’ve been cooking our way through grief for hundreds of years.

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  37. Edsel’s underbitey never ceases to make me smile! He’s one cute dude!
    RAoK – sort of scruffy looking young men in the parking lot of Walgreen’s today, asking people for anything – spare change, whatever so they could take the train back to Boston. It’s pricey – $7.50 each, I think. Most people wouldn’t even stop and listen, they approached me very nicely, respectfully and asked if I could spare anything to help them get home. They both really looked sincere and really had a pleading look in their eyes. So I gave them a fiver and wished them luck. They both said “God bless you” as they thanked me profusely and walked away to ask another stranger for help.
    I know they may have been scamming me, but it’s a nice thing to do if, indeed, they really needed help. That’s my RAoK for today.

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  38. I never ignore you on Saturdays! Well, unless I’m in some weirdo obscure place in the world where there isn’t any internet access. There are fewer and fewer of those now, though, thank goodness!
    I am thoroughly impressed that you didnt shut the door behind that kitty and hold him hostage until Marvin caved and let you keep him. Not that I’ve ever, you know, done that myself before. After all, he may be well-fed but what kind of kitty parent let’s their kitty wander around at night in the cold? Obviously, they are undeserving of his adorableness.
    Oh, and completely off-topic — I finally bought the Smashbox foundation primer and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it! My face looks so smooth and shimmery now. I had a girlfriend visiting me last week and ended up giving her my bottle because she loved it so much.

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  39. Every post you write is hilarious!! I don’t comment often but I have to say please please please never stop writing this blog because I NEED it. It makes me smiley and happy. So-I sound like I think the world is about me. Which I promise I really don’t, and to prove it…here is my recent RAoK for Original Joann–
    I babysat all the kids in my neighborhood (7 of them plus my 3) so their parents could Christmas shop without them. And I told them to call me Joann for the day.

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  40. June, I am utterly reeling with glee that you received your package, and have made me effing famous by the mention of it to the 950 million. And as for my penmanship…based on how great the cataramera made it look, would you please come over here and take a picture of my FACE too? With the cataramera?
    Looking through cotton, priceless.

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  41. June, I am utterly reeling with glee that you received your package, and have made me effing famous by the mention of it to the 950 million. And as for my penmanship…based on how great the cataramera made it look, would you please come over here and take a picture of my FACE too? With the cataramera?
    Looking through cotton, priceless.

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  42. June, I am utterly reeling with glee that you received your package, and have made me effing famous by the mention of it to the 950 million. And as for my penmanship…based on how great the cataramera made it look, would you please come over here and take a picture of my FACE too? With the cataramera?
    Looking through cotton, priceless.

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  43. Question? Did anyone make the bourbon slushies? The review said they were too sweet. I wanted to get the opinion that really mattered. The BBP opinion.

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  44. Duffylou, thanks for the heads upon the cards for our troops. I just sent one.
    People that don’t like animals are… I can’t think of good word to describe them. Can someone help me?

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  45. My brother in law just left and he hates my dogs. At one point, I caught him kicking my Delilah out of the way and she has fear issues with men, as it is. I don’t have much tolerance for people who don’t like the animals.
    “Ya want hash browns wid dat” Hilarious!
    And what a sweet surprise from Letha and Target Steve. But don’t be expecting anything from me. As much as I’d love to be all, “I love June, too, and here’s some brownies for June and treats for the pets and a patrol belt for Marv” I cannot do it. Because it is Christmas and at Christmas you tell the truth and I am OVERWHELMED and pissed off at all the Christmas crap I still have left to do. So sorry for no treats from me. Merry Freakin’ Ho-Ho-Ho.

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  46. Yay on Melba Julius coming in from the cold! Must have been something in the air as RayCharles also came in from the cold here too sortof.
    And what the heck kind of cell phone do you have that takes such um wonderful pics? Is it the tin can kind with the string?
    And my RAoK is for tonight: I bought my boys new blankets – at 17 I thought they were a little past their Yu-Gi-Oh blankie phase. So I am washing all of our old blankets and once they get out of the dryer I am taking them to the park where all the homeless folks hang out and I will pass out warm blankies. It will be dark so hopefully they won’t turn their nose up at the Yu-Gi-Ohs…..
    And finally is Edsel taller than Lu because of the ear height? Because that just wouldn’t be fair – it would be like saying that Snooki person is 5’6 because of her bumpit when she is really 2’1 without it.

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  47. Say no more, Lisa Pie. I cannot bring myself to like very many people who do not like pets. My Uncle Leo does not like pets, and he is lucky he has a winning personality, is what I am saying to you. Why doesnt she shut up and help you make tamales? Which are a pain in the ass to make, BTW.

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  48. What a brave orange peachy Melba kitty! I think he is shopping for a new home and checking out his options. Maybe Henry put out an ad for a fellow redhead to join the ranks?
    I love that Letha and Target Steve included you in the RAoK. So sweet!
    Speaking of RAoK, I wanted Joy to know that it was thinking of her that kept me from using my hands and throttling my f-i-l’s wife last night. Keep wishing me strength because they will be staying here till Tuesday. And it will be a really loooooooonnnnggg FIVE DAYS. Here at the holidays. With lots to do. Cards to write. And mail. Gifts to wrap. And ship. Tamales to make. And eat. Cookies to bake. And exchange. All while she whines and complains in that lovely voice that makes me wish for nails on a chalkboard.
    And in case the rest of you want to dislike her, get this . . .
    She doesn’t like my cats and dogs.
    Hmmmmpphh.

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  49. What a brave orange peachy Melba kitty! I think he is shopping for a new home and checking out his options. Maybe Henry put out an ad for a fellow redhead to join the ranks?
    I love that Letha and Target Steve included you in the RAoK. So sweet!
    Speaking of RAoK, I wanted Joy to know that it was thinking of her that kept me from using my hands and throttling my f-i-l’s wife last night. Keep wishing me strength because they will be staying here till Tuesday. And it will be a really loooooooonnnnggg FIVE DAYS. Here at the holidays. With lots to do. Cards to write. And mail. Gifts to wrap. And ship. Tamales to make. And eat. Cookies to bake. And exchange. All while she whines and complains in that lovely voice that makes me wish for nails on a chalkboard.
    And in case the rest of you want to dislike her, get this . . .
    She doesn’t like my cats and dogs.
    Hmmmmpphh.

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  50. What a brave orange peachy Melba kitty! I think he is shopping for a new home and checking out his options. Maybe Henry put out an ad for a fellow redhead to join the ranks?
    I love that Letha and Target Steve included you in the RAoK. So sweet!
    Speaking of RAoK, I wanted Joy to know that it was thinking of her that kept me from using my hands and throttling my f-i-l’s wife last night. Keep wishing me strength because they will be staying here till Tuesday. And it will be a really loooooooonnnnggg FIVE DAYS. Here at the holidays. With lots to do. Cards to write. And mail. Gifts to wrap. And ship. Tamales to make. And eat. Cookies to bake. And exchange. All while she whines and complains in that lovely voice that makes me wish for nails on a chalkboard.
    And in case the rest of you want to dislike her, get this . . .
    She doesn’t like my cats and dogs.
    Hmmmmpphh.

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  51. Elizabeth, I have another RAoK to report. Evidently this website has been around since 2006, but I was not aware it existed. My sister told me about it yesterday. http://www.LetsSayThanks.com is run by Xerox. You can log on and choose a post card design, all made by children, to send to a soldier overseas. They choose the soldier but, you can pick from a few phrases already written or write your own.
    The designs are not holiday oriented they are patriotic but I think all that matters is the soldiers receive something from home at this time of year.
    As I said, this may be old news to a lot of you but I had not heard of it before.

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  52. Aren’t orange cats usually boys?
    Although I guess it wouldn’t be all that surprising if the genetic mutant decided to show up at your house. Er, not to suggest you have a house full of genetic mutants or anything. Okay never mind.

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  53. Sadie who hates the thought that there may only be printing in the future and not "real writing" as we called it in grade school. says:

    Letha, you have beautiful writing. I’m saddened to learn they aren’t teaching cursive it in some of the schools here.

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  54. A photo says a thousand words. I think that is how the old saying goes. I loved them all. Go figure that an orange and white kitty would be so friendly to come to the door and walk right in. Love him/her already. He might be searching for a better home and saw the light on.

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  55. Good morning, June. Glad to see Peach Melba Marmalade came for a visit. And, just like the Christmas story, there was no room in the inn per Marvin. I thought Marvin is Jewish. How did he know there was no room in the inn?
    Your dogs are just too cute. Obviously, Tallulah has learned patience waiting for her treat.
    What a wonderful surprise from Letha and Target Steve. A slice of the applesauce bread would go nicely with my cup of coffee. Can you divide it into 950 million slices and share? Try to figure out that math!

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  56. I just love Lu’s little pigeon toed feets in all the pictures.

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  57. Cataracts is a great name for your new visitor! Or maybe baby Jesus…as he/she is obviously searching for his/her ghost manger.
    More Lu & Edsel photos please!!!

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  58. You slay me. And I, for one, will never make fun of your photography skills again (not that I EVER did)

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