Chicken

If you want to hear the whole story on what Ima tell you, click here. But I'm just saying. I hope you're on Christmas vacation this week, because I just looked at that post and it is seventy years long.

If you do not wish to go to that link, today I am going to talk about Rik, and when I was searching for that link above, I noticed every time I talk about Rik in this blog, the word "idiot" follows soon after. Or just before. Basically you cannot say his name without "idiot" coming up somewhere nearby.

In a nutshell–and I'd like to PUT Rik in a nutshell, and then get one of those soldier nutcracker things and clamp its mouth shut, hard–Rik was this Italian homeless "actor" and "detective" who never worked a day in his life, who scammed his way into my landlord's apartment above mine when my landlord got old and feeble, and he basically cut my sweet old landlord off from all his friends, took all his money, neglected my landlord till he died, then squatted in my landlord's million-dollar reversed-mortgage duplex until he was kicked out on the street.

Oh, and did I mention by the time they kicked him out he was housing pigeons INSIDE the house? The whole thing had to be gutted, basically.

Obviously, this is a large nutshell. It is hard for me to not go on about Rik. He is a ridiculous member of society.

The point is, no one in my old neighborhood knows where stupid Rik actually lives anymore, but he still hangs around, with his shopping cart full of birdseed, and he still leaves his ludicrous flyers everywhere.

He always left these flyers all over the place: telephone poles, on top of newspaper dispensers, on bulletin boards at landrymats, you name it. I cannot imagine that anyone actually ever called him as a result of these, because as you will see all they do is advertise, "I am a crazy person."

One of my old neighbors was kind enough to send me some of Rik's idiotic flyers along with her Christmas card, and I thought I'd share them with you, the viewing public.

Officerrik

Do you know what Rik certainly is? A licensed U.S. security officer. Also, I can tell he's fluent in English, with his "care taker" two words self. And I love how he is advertising that he is a conservator. How about "I will scam your old relatives, then tell elder abuse that I am your relative's gay lover" which is what he did when we dragged his useless arse into court. AND THEY BELIEVED HIM.

Also, do you know what I am? Good at scanning straightedly.

  Stalkrik
However, it's okay to stalk yourself. Just don't stalk other people.

I don't know about you, but I feel so enlightened by his little words of wisdom at the bottom. Forget drugs! I'm gonna "do what I want do" with myself!

  Cowardidiotrik
Yes, "Coward," call him. I can see how you'd feel compelled to stampede to the phone. Also, I did show you this guy's YouTube video before, but I refuse to promote it further. Plus, do you really want to see him chew a hot dog then feed it to a pigeon? No. You do not. "Don't be shy!"

Chickenrik
Oh no! A chicken is on the "lose." Did he mention he's fluent in English?

Do you have any idea how much I wanted to NOT erase his phone number, so people from all over, all 950 million of my readers, could call this idiot and say, "I have seen the chicken!" Oh, I live to torment this guy. Because he is dreadful.

Apparently there is a new flyer my friend is gonna send me, where Rik offers "romantic massages." Call me, "cowards," if you want his number to set that up.

"Understanding."

June

YouTube.com

84 thoughts on “Chicken

  1. The other day I was watching Home Alone 2 with my husband. They showed the homeless pigeon lady who helped Kevin McAlister get around NYC.
    I told my husband that the lady reminded me of the pigeon man who made June and Marvin move our of their LA apartment. He agreed with me.
    And that is how much your blog affects our life.
    Thanks for sharing the Rik stories!

    Like

  2. In no particular order: “Rik”, conversations with the girls who live with Snowflake, your diary entries, Talu’s escapades off leash, and Marvin’s posts. Although 2 and 4 are very closely related and should probably just be one.

    Like

  3. I love how some people misread the “romantic massage” as “romantic message”. Imagine their surprise!
    Crazy people exist to make me feel better about myself. After reading this, I am feeling mighty fine!
    How exactly does one go about finding someone who calls himself “Hulk” on fb? I know I am a dullard, but that one escapes me.
    Pigeons. Rats on the wing.

    Like

  4. Tammi V.V. ohmygosh girl. you rock. I tried to post my RAK the other day but I didn’t see it come up in comments. So you know, I paid for the person behind me at Starbucks. I have a pile of ones in my car cubby but for some reason I haven’t seen ONE homeless person on the corner yet. Usually they are out a lot this time of the year. Anyway. I’ll keep trying. Oh, and my bartenders are both starving kids (one with kids) and I’ve been tipping them extra these days to help out with the holidays. ho ho ho…and a white russian.

    Like

  5. Hulk, loved your Seinfeld references. And Rik the chicken coward is seriously strange. The people in the South are eccentric but for the most part aren’t lethal.

    Like

  6. PJ who is going to get up out of bed EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold a says:

    Call me if you see the chicken. Priceless.

    Like

  7. PJ who is going to get up out of bed EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold a says:

    Call me if you see the chicken. Priceless.

    Like

  8. PJ who is going to get up out of bed EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold a says:

    Call me if you see the chicken. Priceless.

    Like

  9. THE PHONE # IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE YOUTUBE VIDEO! And I just totally called it but neglected to leave a message. My apologies if someone already discovered this, I didn’t read all 55 comments before I posted.

    Like

  10. You Know Who I Am – Donate those ones to the animal shelter and you’ll be my hero forever! 🙂

    Like

  11. Lisa – Random Act of Kindness update: gave up my Saturday morning to help a student complete some community service hours, made a second batch of my salted nut roll bars for some folks at work who didn’t get any the first time becasue a certain someone hoarded them all, helped three families get Christmas gifts for their children.

    Like

  12. PJ who is going to get up EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold and early a says:

    Ha ha, Furry Godmother. You are my first laugh of the day. Well, second. I love love love the idea of coffee mugs that say “Call me if you see the chicken.”

    Like

  13. PJ who is going to get up EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold and early a says:

    Ha ha, Furry Godmother. You are my first laugh of the day. Well, second. I love love love the idea of coffee mugs that say “Call me if you see the chicken.”

    Like

  14. PJ who is going to get up EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold and early a says:

    Ha ha, Furry Godmother. You are my first laugh of the day. Well, second. I love love love the idea of coffee mugs that say “Call me if you see the chicken.”

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s