Chicken

If you want to hear the whole story on what Ima tell you, click here. But I'm just saying. I hope you're on Christmas vacation this week, because I just looked at that post and it is seventy years long.

If you do not wish to go to that link, today I am going to talk about Rik, and when I was searching for that link above, I noticed every time I talk about Rik in this blog, the word "idiot" follows soon after. Or just before. Basically you cannot say his name without "idiot" coming up somewhere nearby.

In a nutshell–and I'd like to PUT Rik in a nutshell, and then get one of those soldier nutcracker things and clamp its mouth shut, hard–Rik was this Italian homeless "actor" and "detective" who never worked a day in his life, who scammed his way into my landlord's apartment above mine when my landlord got old and feeble, and he basically cut my sweet old landlord off from all his friends, took all his money, neglected my landlord till he died, then squatted in my landlord's million-dollar reversed-mortgage duplex until he was kicked out on the street.

Oh, and did I mention by the time they kicked him out he was housing pigeons INSIDE the house? The whole thing had to be gutted, basically.

Obviously, this is a large nutshell. It is hard for me to not go on about Rik. He is a ridiculous member of society.

The point is, no one in my old neighborhood knows where stupid Rik actually lives anymore, but he still hangs around, with his shopping cart full of birdseed, and he still leaves his ludicrous flyers everywhere.

He always left these flyers all over the place: telephone poles, on top of newspaper dispensers, on bulletin boards at landrymats, you name it. I cannot imagine that anyone actually ever called him as a result of these, because as you will see all they do is advertise, "I am a crazy person."

One of my old neighbors was kind enough to send me some of Rik's idiotic flyers along with her Christmas card, and I thought I'd share them with you, the viewing public.

Officerrik

Do you know what Rik certainly is? A licensed U.S. security officer. Also, I can tell he's fluent in English, with his "care taker" two words self. And I love how he is advertising that he is a conservator. How about "I will scam your old relatives, then tell elder abuse that I am your relative's gay lover" which is what he did when we dragged his useless arse into court. AND THEY BELIEVED HIM.

Also, do you know what I am? Good at scanning straightedly.

  Stalkrik
However, it's okay to stalk yourself. Just don't stalk other people.

I don't know about you, but I feel so enlightened by his little words of wisdom at the bottom. Forget drugs! I'm gonna "do what I want do" with myself!

  Cowardidiotrik
Yes, "Coward," call him. I can see how you'd feel compelled to stampede to the phone. Also, I did show you this guy's YouTube video before, but I refuse to promote it further. Plus, do you really want to see him chew a hot dog then feed it to a pigeon? No. You do not. "Don't be shy!"

Chickenrik
Oh no! A chicken is on the "lose." Did he mention he's fluent in English?

Do you have any idea how much I wanted to NOT erase his phone number, so people from all over, all 950 million of my readers, could call this idiot and say, "I have seen the chicken!" Oh, I live to torment this guy. Because he is dreadful.

Apparently there is a new flyer my friend is gonna send me, where Rik offers "romantic massages." Call me, "cowards," if you want his number to set that up.

"Understanding."

June

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

84 thoughts on “Chicken”

  1. Oh, June. Laughing out loud. And how I wish you had put his number out here. I am nothing if not a 12 year old boy at heart and I would slay myself calling him. What a whack job.
    Side note to the readers…we know what to get June for Christmas. A romantic massage from ric.
    Side note

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  2. Haha. Ha. AND. Ha. I suppose everyone should have been aware of his predisposition for crazy when he decided RIK was an acceptable way to spell his name!
    Sincerely,
    The Cowardly Chicken

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  3. I forgot to mention, Tori, that Rik, with a k, is one of his 87 aliases. It is not even his real name. He also has flyers where you should call Bruno, Romeo, The Italian Stallion, Martino…Have I mentioned he is an idiot?

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  4. Holy mother of whackadoodles. Wowweee! The crazy ass penmanship sort of says it all, doesn’t it?
    What a loathsome character he is, and I’m being kids by calling him a character.
    I can’t believe he’s still haunting your old neighborhood! Probably squatting in the sheds with the pigeons! Yucko!

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  5. Am cracking up at Jan’s whack job comment. Very appropriate. I think it’s supposed to be wack though. Am I correct here, June? However, for Rik, whack would be the better term. Someone needs to whack him over the head. On second thought, someone probably already did which is why he’s a lunatic. And I agree, I would definitely be dialing that number if you had given it out. ‘Cause I don’t have nuttin’ better to do today. I’m off for two weeks!!!

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  6. Twelvedays, *I* got a ding-dang pigeon infection when I lived there, but that idiot has built an immunity or something. I had to take two rounds of antibiotics to clear up this fungal thing in my THROAT because there were FOUR DEAD PIGEONS in the chimney. And Barry Gibb was in LA and I was TOTALLY PLANNING to go to the studio and stalk him, but not so I would get arrested, because by stalking people you can be arrested, and I was sick EVERY DAY that he was in town. Stupid Rik.

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  7. What a FREAK.
    On a completely unrelated note, M, I did my random act of kindness! I purchased gift cards from our local grocery store and sent them to two families I know who are struggling right now. Of course I didn’t sign my name or anything ’cause I thought that would take away from it. But I guess bragging about it here kind of negates that…

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  8. It ain’t bragging, Juice…we’re all celebrating good deeds. That’s the point. Good for you and your RAoK!
    “Don’t we have a deal with the pigeons??”
    “Of course. We have a deal. They get out of the way of our cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation.”

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  9. It ain’t bragging, Juice…we’re all celebrating good deeds. That’s the point. Good for you and your RAoK!
    “Don’t we have a deal with the pigeons??”
    “Of course. We have a deal. They get out of the way of our cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation.”

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  10. It ain’t bragging, Juice…we’re all celebrating good deeds. That’s the point. Good for you and your RAoK!
    “Don’t we have a deal with the pigeons??”
    “Of course. We have a deal. They get out of the way of our cars, we look the other way on the statue defecation.”

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  11. I vote for “Wak Job”, to go with Rik’s bad-spelling and random quotation mark usage.
    Also, being a born, bred, and raised Californian, I am less surprised that the judge believed nutball Rik’s gay-lover story than I am that he didn’t decide to make you and Marvin pay Rik restitution for the pain and suffering you caused him by taking him to court. I love my state but its court system makes me crazed.

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  12. Good grief! Sadly, Rik alias Bruno alias Too.Bad.He’s.Still.Alive is obviously actively squatting and taking advantage of the elderly and the naive. Hope your friend is the “lose chicken”.
    Too bad Marvin already got your present or he could have scheduled a romantic massage for you with Romeo. Doesn’t the thought of that just make your skin crawl?

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  13. Hulk, I would love to follow you on the facebooks,but since we don’t know each other that would be stalking and I could be arrested.
    As a single girl, I would also love to sign up for Rik’s romantic messages. Just think how relaxing it would be to curl up and listen to those each night before bed.

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  14. Hulk, I DID follow you on facebook and got unfriended. Probably because you don’t know me. So no hard feelings! I don’t even comment much, so I understand.
    Rik makes me so mad! I don’t understand how he can get away with his behavior. The house had to be gutted because he had the stupid birds INSIDE the house! Oh, I just want to spit, what a shame.
    Back to RAok, I tried to do one today for you Pal from Ma. I was at the post office, the line was horribly long but all I had to do was check the PO Box. I noticed a young mom with a little boy in line, he was just throwing a fit, crying, whining because I am sure they had had to wait for a long time already. So I went to my car to get a toy for him from the collection of Happy Meal toys in the backseat that belong to my little one. By the time I made it back she was already done and on the way to her car. With her son now happy to be out of the stupid post office. So I did not get to do a good deed, but almost, and I think it is the thought that counts, right?

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  15. Dark humor is necessary for self care in the domestic violence field. My co-workers and I would brainstorm ways abusers could die, causing the least amount of damage. The best we could come up with for many years was for the a**hole to randomly get hit by a bus, the only drawback being that the bus driver might be a bit traumatized. Oh, there were many other scenarios batted around too, but the bus scenario seemed the least offensive to everybody. There’s buses in LA, right? What a puke.

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  16. Sandra~I have never unfriended anyone on purpose. Not even my “WHACK”-job sister who LIVES on fb…Re-friend request me and I’ll put you on the payroll.

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  17. Sandra~I have never unfriended anyone on purpose. Not even my “WHACK”-job sister who LIVES on fb…Re-friend request me and I’ll put you on the payroll.

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  18. Sandra~I have never unfriended anyone on purpose. Not even my “WHACK”-job sister who LIVES on fb…Re-friend request me and I’ll put you on the payroll.

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  19. Hulk (Plus I get to write goofy things on their pages and make all their local friends go, "Who the HELL is THAT??"...) says:

    Jessica~Jan and Lee stalked me. They turned out to be good people…

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  20. Okay, I read the whole deal, as I was unenlightened in ’08 and missed it. That is one sad but fascinating story, June, and due to the fascination factor I forgive the pissing on the Christmas buzz today. It must have been hard for you to feel that pain for Mr.K, and it’s hard to think of what he must have gone through. On a happier note, your apartment was wonderful, and based on your aura here on Typepad, you and Marvin were the most appropriate of occupants. Blik to Rik.

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  21. Okay, I read the whole deal, as I was unenlightened in ’08 and missed it. That is one sad but fascinating story, June, and due to the fascination factor I forgive the pissing on the Christmas buzz today. It must have been hard for you to feel that pain for Mr.K, and it’s hard to think of what he must have gone through. On a happier note, your apartment was wonderful, and based on your aura here on Typepad, you and Marvin were the most appropriate of occupants. Blik to Rik.

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  22. Okay, I read the whole deal, as I was unenlightened in ’08 and missed it. That is one sad but fascinating story, June, and due to the fascination factor I forgive the pissing on the Christmas buzz today. It must have been hard for you to feel that pain for Mr.K, and it’s hard to think of what he must have gone through. On a happier note, your apartment was wonderful, and based on your aura here on Typepad, you and Marvin were the most appropriate of occupants. Blik to Rik.

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  23. Rik is a freak of nature! I had nightmares after watching that video with the hot dog. Bless his heart. That’s what we say in the south when people are idiots.

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  24. A. I think it would be a lovely act of random karma kindness if we all called Rik.
    2. Kelly, love the Koo Koo Choo Choo. I’m using that at my earliest opportunity.
    i. Also to Kelly, I did a couple RAoKs (technically, I guess it should be RAsoK) this weekend (last minute? Who, me?) I bought the Simply Give food pantry donation card at Meijer and at the fast food drive through I paid for the car behind me. And I put everything I had into the Salvation Army kettle. Sadly, it wasn’t much. And I’ve been trying to hold my catty tongue. Must. Do. More.

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  25. Hulk (Anyone remember that skit on SNL when Will Ferrell played The Unabomber going back to his class reunion? Hilarious...) says:

    I thought they caught The Unabomber…

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  26. Hulk (Anyone remember that skit on SNL when Will Ferrell played The Unabomber going back to his class reunion? Hilarious...) says:

    I thought they caught The Unabomber…

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  27. Hulk (Anyone remember that skit on SNL when Will Ferrell played The Unabomber going back to his class reunion? Hilarious...) says:

    I thought they caught The Unabomber…

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  28. You Know Who I Am – RAoK alerts: Paid for the coffee of the girl behind me today. Have been letting EVERY car waiting to get into traffic get in ahead of me. Have purchased food bags for the homeless every time I go to Whole Foods. (That last one is kind of for me, it makes me feel better about their ridiculous prices.)

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  29. You Know Who I Am – RAoK alerts: Paid for the coffee of the girl behind me today. Have been letting EVERY car waiting to get into traffic get in ahead of me. Have purchased food bags for the homeless every time I go to Whole Foods. (That last one is kind of for me, it makes me feel better about their ridiculous prices.)

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  30. You Know Who I Am – RAoK alerts: Paid for the coffee of the girl behind me today. Have been letting EVERY car waiting to get into traffic get in ahead of me. Have purchased food bags for the homeless every time I go to Whole Foods. (That last one is kind of for me, it makes me feel better about their ridiculous prices.)

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  31. Just stopping in briefly, because I forgot how much time and attention and Fox News watching my in laws require. My husband has blessedly taken them out for lunch, so I could have some me time. And what a fabulous way to spend me time than reading June’s fascinating story. I’d seen the youtube videos, but I’d never read the original post. What a cretin! It’s amazing people like that get away with their craziness.
    And just a word of advice, if you do get that romantic massage, you might want to make sure Rik washes his hands thoroughly first. A U.S. security officer/detective/pigeon kisser/romantic masseuse probably has some dirty ass hands. Just a tip. You are welcome.

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  32. Rik The Kippers Dik. I think Rik may live part time in the building my mother used to live in. All I can picture is the crazy ass pigeon man from a Gilligan’s Island episode. Remember? A pigeon kept flying to Gilligan with messages so Gilligan sent one back explaining they were shipwrecked after 3 hour tour in which Thurston & Lovey packed for a month and had suitcases full of 100 dollar bills?
    Hulk ~ You never write on my page. Hmph.
    The funniest flyer I have ever seen was posted all over every gas pump in the station I frequent. It was a picture of a man with the title “THIS MAN IS A CHEATER” The flyer goes on to say he has small penis syndrome, cheats on his wife, gives his cell & home number, says he can only last 3 minutes, and waxes his back. Says he is bankrupt, can’t hold a job and is lousy at pool. Hilarious.

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  33. I can’t believe Rik is around, but that crazytown inhabitant and evil doer will get his some day. Please keep us updated even though I feel like I need a bath after reading about him.

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  34. The other day I was watching Home Alone 2 with my husband. They showed the homeless pigeon lady who helped Kevin McAlister get around NYC.
    I told my husband that the lady reminded me of the pigeon man who made June and Marvin move our of their LA apartment. He agreed with me.
    And that is how much your blog affects our life.
    Thanks for sharing the Rik stories!

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  35. In no particular order: “Rik”, conversations with the girls who live with Snowflake, your diary entries, Talu’s escapades off leash, and Marvin’s posts. Although 2 and 4 are very closely related and should probably just be one.

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  36. I love how some people misread the “romantic massage” as “romantic message”. Imagine their surprise!
    Crazy people exist to make me feel better about myself. After reading this, I am feeling mighty fine!
    How exactly does one go about finding someone who calls himself “Hulk” on fb? I know I am a dullard, but that one escapes me.
    Pigeons. Rats on the wing.

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  37. Tammi V.V. ohmygosh girl. you rock. I tried to post my RAK the other day but I didn’t see it come up in comments. So you know, I paid for the person behind me at Starbucks. I have a pile of ones in my car cubby but for some reason I haven’t seen ONE homeless person on the corner yet. Usually they are out a lot this time of the year. Anyway. I’ll keep trying. Oh, and my bartenders are both starving kids (one with kids) and I’ve been tipping them extra these days to help out with the holidays. ho ho ho…and a white russian.

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  38. Hulk, loved your Seinfeld references. And Rik the chicken coward is seriously strange. The people in the South are eccentric but for the most part aren’t lethal.

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  39. PJ who is going to get up out of bed EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold a says:

    Call me if you see the chicken. Priceless.

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  40. PJ who is going to get up out of bed EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold a says:

    Call me if you see the chicken. Priceless.

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  41. PJ who is going to get up out of bed EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold a says:

    Call me if you see the chicken. Priceless.

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  42. THE PHONE # IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE YOUTUBE VIDEO! And I just totally called it but neglected to leave a message. My apologies if someone already discovered this, I didn’t read all 55 comments before I posted.

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  43. You Know Who I Am – Donate those ones to the animal shelter and you’ll be my hero forever! 🙂

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  44. Lisa – Random Act of Kindness update: gave up my Saturday morning to help a student complete some community service hours, made a second batch of my salted nut roll bars for some folks at work who didn’t get any the first time becasue a certain someone hoarded them all, helped three families get Christmas gifts for their children.

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  45. PJ who is going to get up EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold and early a says:

    Ha ha, Furry Godmother. You are my first laugh of the day. Well, second. I love love love the idea of coffee mugs that say “Call me if you see the chicken.”

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  46. PJ who is going to get up EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold and early a says:

    Ha ha, Furry Godmother. You are my first laugh of the day. Well, second. I love love love the idea of coffee mugs that say “Call me if you see the chicken.”

    Like

  47. PJ who is going to get up EARLY on Wednesday so she can catch the garbage men, recycling men and brush men and tip them. This is a huge sacrifice, people. Not the tip as much as the getting up and actually going OUTSIDE where it is all cold and early a says:

    Ha ha, Furry Godmother. You are my first laugh of the day. Well, second. I love love love the idea of coffee mugs that say “Call me if you see the chicken.”

    Like

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