I had a dream last night that I found the best mascara ever. My eyelashes looked like I had slaughtered a mink and slapped its poor pelt up there. Oh, my lashes looked good. In my dream, I kept admiring them in the mirror and batting them at everyone.
Am I the shallowest person you ever met in your life?
In other deep news, Kate, the future queen of England, emailed me. She reads my blog. She is one of the 950 million. You may have seen her comments–her comment name is camillasnevergettingherwrinkledbuttinthatthrone? Anyway, she said because I am so into the royal wedding, and was such a Diana fan, that she wanted to send me a little token of her appreciation.
I wore it out last night with some friends, and was I obsessed? Did I have to bring it up at every turn? "My Princess Diana ring and I will have coffee." "Oooo! My Princess Diana ring and I found it quite chilly out tonight!"
I am delighted to tell you that toward the end of the night, some guy I don't know very well took my hand and said, "Woah! Bling-bling!"
Okay. 2002 called. Wants its phrase back. But still. At least someone finally noticed my large extremely real sapphire without me bringing it up.
Which brings me to today's Pieces of Wisdom question. It's Christmastime, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. I mean, December 25 is Christmas, I'm just telling you, even if you are a pagan. And what I really enjoy about Christmas is sitting by the tree when it's quiet, and really contemplating all the things Ima get.
So that's today's question. If you could have anything you wanted for Christmas, the sky's the limit, money is no object, what would you want? And if you don't celebrate Christmas, pretend you do. Or at least pretend you could have whatever gift you wanted.
Me? I'd want plastic surgery to rid myself of this bulbous nose. Maybe a little eye lift, so I could always look like I was saying, "You stuck my Lady Diana ring WHERE?"
I mean, it's just the same as wanting peace on earth, because if I had a better nose, I'd feel so peaceful. Oh, and filler. For that Panama Canal wrinkle between my eyebrows. It's like my eyebrows are always trying to say, "We're number one!" Like, OKAY, we get it. Please be number blank again.
So what say you? Be greedy. Go!