So it was Christmas last week. Did you notice? I keep saying Ima tell you about mine, so here I go.
It was too long to leave him in his crate, so we HAD to bring him, and then he got all excited by the people, plus he loves rum balls, and anyway he just did the excited pee blips, not like a giant puddle. Still.
Naturally our hostess, who is not featured in the above photo because she was probably on the phone with 1-800-HardwoodFloorEmergencyResponders, was quite gracious about it and we will never be asked back again.
We did not get home until about 3:00, because I am telling you, those Episcopalians rock out with their Books of Common Prayer out. But we had to get up early Christmas morning because we went to brunch at our alive neighbor's house.
We told Peg, our alive neighbor, that we were coming over in our pajamas, and so she wore hers.
Oh, the food was good. I ate an entire pig, so crispy was her bacon. Also, I like how people think I stuck with the vegetarian thing. Have you met me and my stick-with-my-plans self?
Anyway, just when we left Peg's and tried to roll home, the snow was starting.
Somehow we managed to open our gifts before we went to Peg's. We did a lot of living between Christmas Eve and Christmas afternoon.
Marvin had his annual Christmas cold, which I think is his body's way of saying, "Hey, Jew, don't let me down. You aren't supposed to be celebrating Christmas." Also, will someone tell him to ix-nay the at-hay from the truck op-stay? He is Tough Guy Levi, over there, with his Jewish cowboy self.
Marvin put Giant Krabby Patties in my stocking, and I cannot imagine what that means, and also Eclipse trading cards. I know! I have one card with one of the werewolves that reads, "What up, Bella?" I am the coolest Krabby Patty ever.
From the year I was 12 until I was 25, I visited my father in Dallas and then Atlanta. I would lie lie lie by the pool, slathered in zero sunscreen, and hello, 80-year-old-person's withered freckled chest. Anyway, here is the bird necklace I asked for. Love it!
I gave the dogs big bones to chew, which Tallulah immediately ripped from poor Edsel's mouf so then she'd have TWO bones to chew. This was as much as I could show you, because every time I tried to get near her stupid bone collection, she'd turn away. Because I was DYING to chew that bone my own self.
I am sorry to tell you that I ripped all the decorations down the day after Christmas, because it may shock you to hear a large galumpy five-month-old puppy and Christmas decorations really do not mix. The POINT is that I opened the front door to take down the wreath, and Edsel and Tallulah SHOT out the door. I did not think they would, as they usually don't, but apparently the snow was too exciting.
Edsel came back as soon as I called him. Because he is a good dog. I am sorry to tell you that Talu SMILED at me, I am not kidding, this horrid bitchy wriggly grin, and shot off the way she does, reminding us she has the Beagle in her. She is lucky she did not have the lead in her. OH, I was IRRITATED.
I had to go outside IN MY PAJAMAS and try to lure her, which was impossible because when she gets on one of those "I'M FREE!" tears, I am helpless. Fortunately no one was out driving, and after about a half hour she had turned to butter and came home. You don't know how bad I want to beat her when she does this, which if we think about it, it's been a long time, hasn't it? But anyway you have to be all NICE, so they come HOME and don't fear the reaper and all.
I don't know why you'd want to run around in the ice and snow when you are naked, anyway. Oh, and she really was naked. I had taken off her Christmas collar and her normal collar was in the wash. So then I thought, Someone is gonna think she's a stray and I'll never see her again.
No such luck.
But speaking of my bad pets, please note rolly sexy Hen, and also Marvin's SHOE that Edsel has clearly put on the angry chair, which is beside the point but cracks me up. Also, "Hank" of "corner house" is the number I am to call re the dead neighbor. And if this is the first time you are reading this blog you are all, Now, what now?
ANYWAY, Henry decided to get up on the fridge and roll around and be all alluring, except you know what?
There used to be a spice rack up there. He rolled and rolled and KNOCKED IT DOWN.
And that night? Christmas night? It was all cold and snowy and blowy and icy? Kipper's Dick Melba Dreamsicle came back! He mowed at the door and I could not believe it! He had snow on his little fur and I dried him off, but as usual he just wanted a few pets then left again. Who would leave him out in a SNOWSTORM?
Finally, I want you to know that the storm did not stop me from going with The Other June to buy just what I needed–more ornaments! at 75% off.
I got lots of pretty ones, although there are these bird nest ornaments I got that in retrospect look like ovaries in a hamburger patty. Can you sort of see one of them, on the right, there? With the silver egg/ovary and the gold hamburger? Nothing says Christmas like ovaries on beef. I mean, other than an Indian marketplace.
That about wraps it up. I hope your Christmas was equally eventful. And ovary-y.