Wild Kingdom

Happymail
This just came for me in the mail. Has Mutual of Omaha met me? I am not the person you should send this stuff to. Now I am convinced they know something I don't.

Cancer insurance. For the love of God.

In other news, today manly Marvin and our friend Ray, who is engaged to my friend The Other June, finally cleaned up the tree that fell down in our back yard after the Christmas storm.

Oops
The were very masculine out there, Ray and Marvin. I am certain they may have even spitted. And cursed. And elbowed each other and made lewd gestures. I stayed inside and worried about my cancer insurance.

Henryoveryou
Henry stayed inside with me and looked cynical, as he is wont to do. As soon as I get the camera, he looks right at it. He is such a Linda Evangelista.

1990 called. Wants its model reference back.

Do you know what irks me? We can never just say "model" anymore. People always have to say "supermodel." Which, hi, not everyone is a supermodel. Some people are just models. It has taken that term and made it meaningless, along with "genius" and "unique."

Did I tell y'all I heard Barry Gibb say "quite unique" in an interview recently? I am chosing to forgive him for this transgression. He is a supermodel. And a genius.

Anyway, I guess that is all I have to tell you, except I got a new book to proofread yesterday and it is the elusive nursing book I have been dying to proof for the last nine years of working for this company. They have me edit their catalog, and they talk about the nursing book in that catalog, and I always think, How come I never get to proof a new edition of that thing?

So yesterday my dreams came true. I cannot wait to get all new diseases, along with my Mutual of Omaha cancer.

Oh, and Paula H&B is comment of the week. Although it was hard to chose from all of the crude comments we left yesterday. We were on fire yesterday in those comments. Fire. I'm-drivin'-in-your-car-you-turn-on-the-radio fire.

You know it's a good song when they have to emphasize the wrong syllable to make the word fit. Ra-di-O.

Okay, I'm glad we had this talk. Bye.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

25 thoughts on “Wild Kingdom”

  1. Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was on Sunday nights. Was it before or after Walt Disney? Oh that Marlin Perkins was a crafty old goat. You know he stayed in the truck and made that cute young whipper snapper get down and dirty with all the dangerous animals. Old Merlin would hold the cute little lemurs.
    Henry looks quiet handsome today. Is that a new charm on his collar? It’s very fashionable.

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  2. Henry is getting a fax from the Save the Mice organization, as he left yet another de-brained mouse on our porch yesterday. He kills them, dismembers them, and leaves them. What a treat.

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  3. You’re quite unique in your genius, June! Hee!
    Cancer insurance? Good lordy doo. That’s just downright depressing.
    Our dog, Koty, has a penchant for hunting the little natures. So far he has killed and/or dismembered several mice, large wharf rats (disGUSTing), a skunk, and a fisher cat (found it D.E.A.D. in our back yard). He also caught opossum INSIDE our house. It wandered in the back door which we keep open in the summer (we have a fenced-in yard) and Koty found it INSIDE our bar. OHMYGOD! I made him “leave it” which he miraculously did and, of course, the opossum was playing dead. I scooped it up in a box and put it outside our yard, and luckily the thing wandered away.

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  4. How quick did you sign up for every kind of insurance Mutual of Omaha has to offer? I would think you are insured to the hilt, given your um… ah… anxiety about your health.

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  5. Shouldn’t that be “how quickly” not “how quick”? You can take the girl out of the white trash, but can’t always take the white trash out of the girl’s vocabulary.

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  6. Oh, June! Wait until you’re about to turn fifty. That’s when AARP starts bombarding your mailbox with all sorts of lovelies like burial policies and coffin choices. It’s a joy!
    Fortunately, we have no killers other than cereal killers in the house now. Yes, we have had to block giant Zoe from the pantry because she stole an entire Costco box of Kashi Go Lean from it and ate both bags.
    And once when Carmen was a year old, we were having our house re-roofed. Carmen caught a baby mouse who wandered in from the attic. We found her licking it like a lolly pop. The rabbit and the cat were watching intently. I think they both wanted her to do them next.

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  7. I remember it just like Duffylou did, that darn Marlin was always telling poor Jim to get over there and wrestle that crocodile or angry hippo or smelly warthog.
    My insurance company has had a machine call me and then after confirming I really was who I said I was, it asked me if I knew it was time for my colonoscopy. Seriously? My insurance co. has programmed a computer to know when my colon needs to be checked? This was just too invasive for me. (Heh!) And it was not Mutual of Omaha.
    I love Henry. We don’t get enough of him now that he is a teenager and bored with the whole being a blog star.

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  8. I’m feeling all southern today:
    My Momma had one of them there cancer policies while she worked. Paid on that thing for twenty years and no cancer. Then she goes and retires and a year and a half later she dies of the cancer. And her without a cancer policy cuz she done did retireded.
    So me thinks ifin you get that fancy shmancy cancer policy thing it actually keeps the cancer away! At least it did fer my Momma.
    The ended.

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  9. B., who really does not mock the cancer...but mocks mutual of omaha, I guess part of premiums used to go to ol' Marlin Perkins trips , didn't they? says:

    Hon ree is just THE most beautiful cat specimen.
    I hear you may be getting a monsoon of a snow storm with ice. Do you have all your provisions provised?
    So, I see February 18 is the drop dead date on the insurance policy reply.
    If you have your application in on the 18th and find out you have cancer on say the 19th will it cover said cancer?
    Why would anyone want to insure they have cancer? Or even insure the cancer. I think cancer has a mind of it’s own and can insure itself and does in many cases.

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  10. June, are you certain you really want to proofread the nursing book? I’m afraid of all of the new diseases you will positively have. We in BBPland don’t want to lose our Junie.

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  11. Isn’t MoO’s Jim the same Jim who was on The Tonight Show all the time? Bringing marmosets and lemurs and whatall to poop on Johnny? And always wearing that damn safari suit looking like a Ken doll had come to life. Weirdo.

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  12. Isn’t MoO’s Jim the same Jim who was on The Tonight Show all the time? Bringing marmosets and lemurs and whatall to poop on Johnny? And always wearing that damn safari suit looking like a Ken doll had come to life. Weirdo.

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  13. Isn’t MoO’s Jim the same Jim who was on The Tonight Show all the time? Bringing marmosets and lemurs and whatall to poop on Johnny? And always wearing that damn safari suit looking like a Ken doll had come to life. Weirdo.

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  14. So, do you actually have to DIE of cancer for the insurance to kick in, or does it pay out if you just get cancer? And can you get this insurance if you’ve had cancer in the past? Inquiring minds want to know.
    I’m in love with Henry. (Once in love with Henry, always in love with Henry. Ever and ever, fascinated by him, sets your heart afire to stay…) That gender change really messed with the rhyme scheme there. I learned that song in 5th grade, over 40 years ago. And still I can’t remember why I walked down the stairs. Fickle memory.

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  15. I constantly crack up when those girls on America’s Next Top Model talk about how haaaard modeling is. Really? Tell that to a nuclear physicist or a Chilean miner. Strike a pose, dimwit. That’s it.
    My dogs don’t bring anything home unless it’s poop or decapitated birds. I wish they would kill some of the wildlife around here. But they’re giant scaredy cats. They’re even afraid of lizards.

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  16. Since Jan just HAD to go ahead and bring up WHITE TRASH and all it fit in with what I was just thinkin right afore I looked at the comments. See. Cause I had to Google that drivin in the car turnin on the radio song because, Honeys, I don’t know nuthin ’bout nuthin when it comes to BBP topics. I mean, I’ve darn near wore out that Google button checkin out all yous dirty little references. And talk. Just trashy is what it is. Lovin it is what I’m doin. And gettin edjukated. Whoooo-eeeee!

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  17. PJ who learned the above protocol from watching men get out of their cars at thruway rest stops. Always that order. Always. says:

    I hope the boys had the order right. It is 1. Hoist your pants, 2 Check your package, 3. Spit. Must be done in this order.

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  18. PJ who learned the above protocol from watching men get out of their cars at thruway rest stops. Always that order. Always. says:

    I hope the boys had the order right. It is 1. Hoist your pants, 2 Check your package, 3. Spit. Must be done in this order.

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  19. PJ who learned the above protocol from watching men get out of their cars at thruway rest stops. Always that order. Always. says:

    I hope the boys had the order right. It is 1. Hoist your pants, 2 Check your package, 3. Spit. Must be done in this order.

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  20. Now, lookie here, June. If that there snowstorm hits your all’s house and knocks down anuder tree, your manly men will have to hoist their pants, check their packages, spit and cut up that there tree. That’s all well and gud, but if you lose that there connection to that bloggy thing, we alls is gunna be downright sad.

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  21. Mutual of Omaha was must see TV on Sunday nights in the 70’s. It summed up a weekend that began with Friday night’s “Midnight Special” with Wolfman Jack and Saturday night’s “Acri Creature Feature” with, well, creature feature flicks.
    Yes, Barry Gibb must be a supermodel or something. My partner, who has been with me since we were 15 YEARS OLD!!! said the other night to his sister who was in a crappy midwest 80’s glam band, “Yeah, we’re listening again to to that one band, you know, the one that Barry Gibb was the singer.” Uh, excuuuuse me, but Maurice sang too. Backup. But still. Whatev.
    Henry is a supermodel for sure; his sweetness and energy far exceed any “ordinary” models. Look at his tail wrapped so sweetly around his body.

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  22. We have Aflak at work and if you get their cancer policy and you get cancer they cut you a check for $5k. Because that like so makes up for gettin’ the cancer.

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